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To be blunt:
Your sister needs intensive, inpatient psychiatric and psychological care. Not to crash at you and your husband’s house repetitively. You help your sister by helping her to get hospitalized… and then finding longer term treatment. If she’s suicidal, then she needs to be evaluated.
You’re not responsible for her.
She isn’t your child. Bipolar and suicidality are not things to fuck around with. Dealing with someone who is severely mentally ill can be very taxing. You may be cool with that, but it ain’t just you — doesn’t your husband’s [valid] concerns have any meaning?
You can’t just be bringing her into your house without your husband’s okay, especially when you’re ultimately not helping her. This isn’t one or two times, this has been three times she’s ostensibly done this. I get you wanna be there for your sister, and I hope she’s appreciative of your willingness to help her. But be prepared to potentially lose your marriage if you keep up with this. This seems to a red line for your husband that you seem to be willing to keep crossing. Consider your options here…
In her comments.
Don't contact him ever again. Be a bother, contact his family and get your shit replaced.
An 18 year old is barely starting out in life, and brains aren’t completely developed until the age of 25. You guys are on complete different tracks of life right now. Whether or not he’s going to school or has a job, he has a lot to experience, learning and growing to do.
I honestly don’t see why you’re turning to reddit to ask if you have no intentions of taking what anyone says into consideration.
Not your business, stay away from the drama.
Use lube and foreplay. And when you're done, ICE yourself to help with the healing. Its going to stretch you, you are going to be sore but eventually your body will get used to it. But definitely put an ice pack down there.
I used to deliver T-Shirts to a strip club back in the day. Nothing about it was entertaining. Could never get out of the place fast enough.
On friday we were on a date and she got all ready for it she got dressed up did her makeup and i ended up letting my friend tag along who was near where we were and he spoiled the whole day for her bc id missed the memo that it was supposed to be just us. This was even worse and im so confused as to how i fucked it up becsuse shed had a really bad weekend prior, and i told her to just look forward to monday because i would take her out and stuff but i didnt check my phone that morning and missed a bunch of stuff she asked about confirming time and location etc. Which had her really worried because of how much she likes to plan stuff. We ended up just going to her place and i spent the night there but we were supposed to make up for that on friday. I missed a bunch of texts about friday the night before too and then the rest happened.
I felt really terrible friday night when we were at my place after going out which is when she told me she was upset about my friend being with us. We seemed to like make up and talk through it and we moved into some intimacy but afterward she seemed upset again and i felt almost as if id pushed her into it or maybe that we werent reconciled and i took her home and it was left really awkward. Afterwards i messaged her to make sure things were all good, and she said she would be a bit quieter with me for a few days but otherwise she was totally fine. Shes been trying to talk to me a bit today but im just so upset with myself over last week that i kind of pushed her away even when she asked if anything was up.
We're seeing each other in a few days and i want to hash things out there but throughout our relationship ive felt this really strong build up of one sidedness in me always being the one who apologises and her always being the one who forgives. And im so grateful for how forgiving she is but i think its starting to make me hate myself no matter how like insignificant so much of it is in the bigger picture.
Because Angel may not have told him everything either, but that doesn't mean her fears and wishes should be discarded. I'm still unpacking all of my family's abuse after 15 years apart and with a good therapist – not everyone is even able to verbalize or recognize parental abuse beyond not wanting to be exposed to them. Some bio families are emotionally, sexually, and/or physically abusive. If Angel said she didn't want her kid exposed to her family they should respect it.
We don't hide anything and love each other's company. It was more of a shock that not only had she read all the posts but when I got home from work, the first thing she did was to ask me about one. No context or forewarning that she read them. I just wasn't expecting it which made me feel weird about the whole situation.
I can perfectly understand why blackfishing bothers people but I see nothing to suggest that this is a case of blackfishing. Lana is an Asian woman that tans and has decided to cosplay as a character with dark skin. The character in question is not even black. The whole argument is frankly ridiculous and clearly rooted in Kates own insecurities and biases. It honestly sounds to me like Kate is jealous of Lana for some reason and is making shit up to get at her.
You can't control other people. You have to choose to trust your partner. End of story. She can't walk through a door he doesn't open.
They compartmentalism and hide it, but it creeps into and effects their entire lives. Not “2 drinks a knight”, that’s not what a functional alcoholic is, and being a functional alcoholic just means you keep control of certain parts of your life while others are chaotic AF.
She is the asshole!! Ahh, wait, wrong sub
Nothing is being forced. He has my full love and support for his desicions about this. We are not engaged. And I told him the truth about what I want. I told him before he asked me to be his gf. And he still pursued… he has the freedom of choice here.
lol, what’s the point of being husband and wife if you’re going to date other people? On top of it, you have a kid! That kid is going to be so confused as to why other couples aren’t dating they people but you and your wife are. Listen, if you didn’t want this to happen, maybe you shouldn’t have an open relationship where your bring other guys and girls around your child. It will only confuse them like you and your wife are doing. You should have thought of this from the very beginning before allowing it to happen. I don’t get the point of “open relationships” anyway, like what’s the point of being husband and wife if you’re dating other people.
Just get out!!! Stop procrastinating.you cannot wait around and just hope she is back on medication so that you can live! normal. Please don’t wait. Just go. You will get better. Promise
Leave first. You can pay him slowly when you have the money. If you are thinking of paying lump sum, you have to take a loan or never leave him at all (this will be simplest, status quo), but you have to accept your life as it is with him. Ehatever it is, it is your choice.
Be honest. Tell him you can’t be together. He doesn’t need extreme detail.
I’m stuck on “rong”. Was that a typo?
And also. That’s how it should be spelt. Why did we add the w. Why. Why.
I Just talked to her about it. She got really mad at me and made excuses for reasons of why she couldn't give me the gift. Ultimately she said that she just didn't give me a gift because she was stressed about me giving my gift on valentines day first even though she never had one in the first place. Then told me that she wished I never gave her my gift in the first place and laughed at me.
I, personally, would teeter on the side of caution with assuming she has an eating disorder in this situation. It sounds like it could be just as likely that she holds a lot of trauma surrounding food from that last relationship. A really open conversation about how you're worried about her should help to clarify that.
As for what you should plan in terms of dates, I would recommend asking her what she would like to do in terms of dates. I can't tell you whether she would prefer to know in advance or for things to be spontaneous as people with eating disorders can fall on either side of that. Some may appreciate the time to psyche themselves up, others may panic during that time.
I definitely would just have an open conversation with her about eating, but from the perspective of being worried about her health. That should shine a light on how comfortable she is in terms of things like dates at restaurants and whether or not there's anything you could do to support that in a way that works for her.
I didn't identify it as a theocracy nor spirituality, I called it a belief. Though I admit that, now rereading what I wrote, by saying “as any other form of” I guess I did make that implication. Unintentional mistake. I agree with what you're saying.
Gonna leave the original comment unedited so these replies keep context.
The grass likely won't be greener but you should probably leave if you're fantasising about a completely different life.
Honestly, this is scary behavior and I think she needs to go ahead with a restraining order. He could follow her home from somewhere else. Op get a restraining order. Don't feel bad or guilty, this guy is fucking nuts.
So if you really love her and want to be with her, as you claim, then why are you not financially helping her to pay for a divorce lawyer?
Guess I never believed it would be this way. Guess we all learn
Please don't go back to him. If you do and you get older, you will have a hard forgiving yourself for that mistake.
You are being used. Just break up already.
Agree with the family's response. I was countering a very specific point that OPs brother would have been able to check the graduation date before booking the wedding. Its possible OP knew the graduation date before the wedding was booked, but highly unlikely in my opinion
What can I do to reduce the chances she distracts me or teases me?
I mean, nothing? You do not manage or control her actions, behaviours, choices, or decisions.
She is allowed to say she missed you, you are allowed to be sad about how things ended, that doesn't mean you have to get back together or even maintain a friendship with her.
Why am I fucked? He’s the one who was injured and didn’t want sex at first. We also didn’t have a place to do it so we ended up waiting. But I do agree he will need time. And it doesn’t help that I’m moving away in four months. But i really need advice on how I can fix this?
Move on. He is repressed and will never get over his hang-ups. He should become friends with another poster's christiab boyfriend who wants virgins.
It is reasonable, now it's up to her to decide what she wants but you might to move out if she she doesn't want.
The available context implies one of them made a move. The unsent messages scream it was your husband.
The wording of “I felt some type of way” in the second image tells me something was said to or around the other mom. Hopefully this is a non-issue situation, just for your own wellbeing! Good luck ??
Yeah, people are literally advocating for stalking a woman that doesn't want to be involved with whatever is going on between OP and her husband. It's fucking weird.
I've been hearing this term thrown around lately, I'm sure it's a great relief to a partner who's being ignored that their plight is being normalized by the other partner. “I don't have to put in efford, I have Responsive sexual desire so it's all on you.”
Typical behavior of introvrted ppl facing an emootional conflict:
The go silent: bc they dont see themselves capable of procrssing their emotions into words well enough and carrying on the convo long enough to have a chance at successful conflict resoltuion, they just go quiet for as long as they feel hurt, aka emotionally challenged.
It takes them really long to process hurt/uncomfortable feelings, feeling hurt means youll need to carry a heavy burden of sadness and indignation around with you, extroverts dont dread it as much bc they see talking through it and getting it resolved as a posdibility, but introverts dont have that option, so they avoid/delay processing/feeling for as long as they can.
They use behaviorial cues instead of discussions to convey their arguments. Bad/weak at commhnicating the complicatedness of their sentiments through words, they sray in their comfort zone, which is showing what they are feeling through behavior.
Typical behavior of master manipulators when they cant get their way:
1.silent treatment: they use psychological warfare of different kind and calibre, one of the most effective ones being silent treatment, which works pretty well, specially on an SO.
2.They drag conflict time on purpose, adding a limbo effect: knowing the average psyche gets worn down by staying in a tense/dark place, not knowing when it will come out, they avoid conflict resolution ways like duscussion, so the other party gets frazzled and gives in to what they want immediately next time.
They dont talk directly, they drop passive agressive hints: knowing in a discusdion theyll need to be reasobable and concede on some fronts, they refuse to talk, and they use passive agressive behavior to signal what they are unhapoy about, and what they want done.
Now, do you see the similarties:
Going silent cos you are too hurt to talk may really look like strategized silent treatment.
Not bejng able to confrint the hurt feelings for a long while looks like dragging the fight for too long as a manipulation tactic.
Findung behaviorial cues more comforyable to show your emotions through looks very much like being passive agressive to avoid a healthy fruitful discussion.
You probably know what im trying to ger at by now, There are two possible scenarios here, which basically are she is either doung it on purpose to punish him, or she is not making a conscuous choice to do this, she is just being a typical introvert dealing with an emotional crisis with an SO.
Problem is these two scenarios are hard to tell apart in many cases.
I want to. I tried talking but I don't think she will give me a chance
Cut your losses. Let him go.
I feel like im going to get blamed for all this and the idea of getting possibly getting married so early on makes me want to vomit. Please offer some advice and please be kind im already bricking it as it is
Why? It takes two and yall both knew the chance was there.
Yeah and how hard is it going be to forget those words. I would never forget those words and you can’t help to not feel good enough. NEVER SETTLE. It’s not you it’s him.
You’re arguing with me about something I wrote to another person, I find it hard to believe that you have the sense to know weather or not you or anyone else is being invasive.
You think that the short and succinct descriptor “invasive” is an extreme term. Again, you might not be in the best position to decide if you yourself, or anyone at all is being invasive.
I doubt you know what the word means and clearly you don’t read or heed social cues. I’ve explained to you kindly that I wasn’t addressing you and your response has been to reply as if I were. So I addressed your post in an attempt to appease and you haven’t stopped still. Everything that I’ve written was a Reddit comment posted by someone who doesn’t know you and only vaguely remembers your OP at this point in time. Thanks for the clickertainment I guess?
What choice do you have really? Are you supposed to keep up appearance with your bf until your mother passes? That’s unthinkable. I think that will take away more energy from your mother than simply quietly leaving your bf. If you need more proof, ask the mutual friend. But if you have foolproof evidence of his infidelity, I would simply leave as drama free as possible so you don’t waste any energy or time on someone as worthless as your bf. Put all that energy into your mother and the time you have left with her. I think you will regret giving your bf even a minute if it’s taken from your mother.
I agree, absolutely stupid and clueless
Where is this 6 hour gaming qoute?
It's not a quote, I said “for example”. It's just to illustrate that he's getting some hours to himself, and she's getting none, and what that looks like if it were fair division instead.
How do you know she doesn't have a hobby?
Because she details how she spends all of her time working or taking care of the kids and he is not helping lol
The one time we know of that she needs to leave to do something work related, he neglects his kids by falling asleep and letting them run amok in the house. A 2 yr old and a 5yr old, unsupervised!
Just because she's blood doesn't mean she's family.
Yes yes and yes !
If she was a friend you would cut her out of your life. Just because she's blood doesn't mean she gets a pass.
Cut them both outta your life and you'll be happier