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See but the mom is okay with it. The mom is a part of it. You don’t talk to the 15 yo one on one in messaging. Because that’d be inappropriate and wrong.
Personally, I'd go for a break-up. Because this is not healthy, and thus not sustainable.
Although I'm the first person to admit that I'm also very petty. And have a sharp tongue…
“I'm a bad person.” – “Yes, yes you are.” / “I'm so glad you finally noticed.” / “Self awareness is the first step to improvement.”
“I hate myself.” – “You should.” / “Don't hate yourself, better yourself.”
“I wish I slept and never woke up again.” – “Same here.” / “It would make the world a better place.”
I didn’t read any of that
Up to you. Nothing wrong with asking but some people find it awkward to step back to being friends to someone they are/were romantically involved or interested in.
Wise words, fair point. Thanks mate
Depends in what way he’s liking pictures, doesn’t always mean he’s liking it because he wants her. However, because you’re not comfortable with him liking other girls photos, he should respect you enough not to do it (we all know men will look regardless if they like it or not). But the choice is yours, leave him or continue to feel the way you do.
He was repetitively rejected over something he knew she didnt like.
Good example of why its not a good idea to stay in a relationship because you think you can change the other person.
This is a very normal part of custody agreements.
She’s also a freeloader but it’s more embarrassing for a grown man to be living under his father in laws roof because he can’t adequately provide for his family
Ahh, so he is a selfish, abusive asshole, and you know it because you are hiding important details to color our perception of the situation.
Your family is right to exclude him. You should listen to them. It has nothing to do with their conservatism, it has to do with them seeing physical evidence of his abuse to go along with the obvious indications that he is a selfish asshole.
My advice: see him for who he is. In the words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” He showed you who he is. People can change their behavior, but changing who they are is very unusual and when it does happen, it is profound and long-term, not the result of a conversation or two.
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I didn’t get past the third paragraph…but all I could think was “does this guy realize he’s in an abusive relationship?”
I'm pleased she decided to wake up, or you'd have a much bigger problem.
First off I'd be very hesitant about entertaining a friendship with someone like this. You don't need that drama and you've already done what you can with giving her a therapist contact info. I know it's easy to feel responsible to help when people are hurting, but this one is not on you.
I'd say that it sounds like he was doing what is referred to like “reactive abuse”. If she yells, throws things and slams doors and fights him constantly he will eventually break. Not to say that tackling her was nowhere near ok. Likely they are both legally guilty of assault. Her likely on multiple occasions.
Intense therapy is the only hope for anything good and she needs to deceide herself that she wants it
I am do sorry this happened to you. I would cut them both of and go no contact.
I was literally his first girlfriend and first everything so I don’t think he’d go as far to cheat but I still worry about how much he loves being around women and it may distract him from me. But I will have one last convo about this with him. If things don’t change I guess I will just have to leave somehow. I appreciate the advice !
I would rather be single than have my wife clubbing.
Most gay men maybe…not all.
What, are you telling me no gay men have a woman…ever? What about all those straight men that learn they are gay. Certainly there are gay men that want to try out the other team. Especially if they have a high connection.
Here's the thing; work isn't something you normally do for fun. It is a means of sustenance and is a life necessity. You don't work, you don't eat. Your working environment should be as comfortable and stress free as possible. If you have a coworker that is toxic, controlling, manipulative, and generally creepy that is disrupting that homeostasis, then that shit needs to be reported. In a situation like this, you always need to be looking out for yourself. Seriously, don't be afraid to report people like this in the future. Especially if you're concerned about their mental health.
To answer your main prompt, if you've already quit, then it's kinda too late to be concerned on whether or not you left on good terms because, well, you already left.
I am ready to admit that our start was not only unconventional, but also unhealthy, and that we should have taken that trauma more seriously from the start. Cutting contact is not an option for the time being due to reasons that evade our control. I don't want to just be strangers, I'd like to ask her how she's doing, how's she's feeling. I want to know if it's normal to have contact with her right now, albeit our situation has changed and I am fully aware of that.
I find it interesting that guys loveeee to do anal but when the role is reversed they are like Uh No. Sooo if it's okay for the woman, why not the man? LOL
Well done on forgiving them id still be recking my revenge but im petty af. Stay strong you dont need people like that in your life.
Full disclosure, I’m the first person to come on here and say that porn is an absolute non-issue as long as it doesn’t impact your sex life. I tell you this so that you know I’m not coming at this with an inherent bias against porn.
So as I started reading, I was assuming this was a non-issue and you were making an issue out of nothing. But then you said what’s literally the only thing that matters here; a boundary was established over this that you both agreed to, by him no less.
Fair enough. Whether or not I or anyone else disagrees with that mindset is irrelevant. It’s your relationship and what you decided. So you found it and brought it up. He apologized and said he’d fix it.
How’s he going to fix it? Did you dig deeper? How long has this been going on? Why did he save this? I honestly respect the fact that his immediate reaction wasn’t just to lie. That doesn’t make this ok.
But your focus is on the wrong place. It doesn’t matter “why?” Keep it simple. He did it because he thought he could get away with it. That’s it.
Either way, regardless of who set the boundary, it IS disrespectful, and I certainly wouldn’t blame you for ending things. The topic and event itself could easily be written off as not a big deal and a one off. The thing is, do you believe that?
Even if we sit here and tell you you’re insecure and crazy, if you can’t trust him again, nothing else matters. So you can and should certainly talk about it and don’t allow him to deflect, but ask yourself what it’ll take for you to be able to move on from this? Good luck.
Agreed. I'm from Australia where according to the internet “cunt” is an everyday acceptable word (it isn't) and I would leave the first time I was called that, and same if I was called a bitch.
I think I do need to do a better job of creating a nurturing and a protecting environment. Really I just wanted a assessment of the situation thanks for you guys input.
I don’t disagree that the dude in this situation is an idiot, but you’re comparing surgeries to improve health with cosmetic surgeries.
Just doesn’t seem like a sound position.
How about this: they want women who look unnatural naturally.
You having anxiety does not mean you have the same anxiety as her.
And I mean it makes sense that she gets like this when she doesn’t feel there’s a good resolution to the conflict….thus the anxiety….
It sounds like she probably needs to talk to her doctor about the meds she’s on and raise the issue of nausea from anxiety attacks. This is a health issue. She almost certainly isn’t doing this for attention.
How many people have you had sex with?
The fact that it got better for a week after you brought it up makes me wonder if he’s following that disgusting trend of washing in one’s own urine. I can’t remember what it’s called. But some of these people even go to such lengths as consuming it for “health” reasons. I hope this isn’t the case!
Get therapy. Maybe if you can show her that you have a therapist, she might consider giving you one more chance. Not to mention that a therapist is what you need. What the ever loving hell were you thinking??
She initiated to make the relationship monogamous. Which is why it's so surprising to be asked whether I'd be interested in swinging!
Around “them”. I would not want to be around my husband anymore if he did this. Being drunk in not a valid excuse.
each time he says no and refuses to let me end things with him
That is also abusive, and also just fucking ridiculous. There is no “they won't let me break up with them!” Break ups do not require mutual consent.
if anything i think your wife needs serious psychological evaluation
You sound 15. Sheesh
I'm almost 40 and I've met 1 person with a vagina who claimed to orgasm from PIV, and I didn't believe she was telling the truth.