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I’m sweating in my panties) help me take
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I’m sweating in my panties) help me take
“Behaviours being: messy, unsupportive, not helping with bills, reluctant to have sex (maybe 1x a month), also just having different goals and priorities.”
As someone who ignored some of these behaviors in my younger years… Don't. These things, especially the messiness and being un-supportive will effing eat at you, make you miserable.
You can tell yourself she will change and step up, but my reality was that it just got worse through the years. You are staring a bunch of red flags right in the face.
Is opening the relationship an option?
I thought I was infertile for a whileeeee, turn out I am not, but it is harder for me to get pregnant than most women, it sucks, but a lot of women don't even realize how often women who've been told they can't get pregnant…do. To any woman reading these comments, no matter if you got your tubes tied, no matter if he has a vasectomy, no matter if he's wearing condoms, or if you've been told you're infertile, and even no matter if you're using birth control, there is still ALWAYS going to be a chance. You should always vocalize to your s/o the chance of you becoming pregnant (though if you're a dude reading this, it all goes for you too, no matter the situation she could still get pregnant, doesn't make if you got a vasectomy, wear a condom, and shes on birth control, it can STILL happen.) it's a good idea to get together with your s/o at least once or twice a year to speak about the what ifs so you have a back up plan and can make sure you're still seeing eye to eye, if you don't see eye to eye on how it should work out then LEAVE THEM, before the situation actually happens and you end up with a kid you never wanted or without a kid you did want.
I thought I was infertile for a whileeeee, turn out I am not, but it is harder for me to get pregnant than most women, it sucks, but a lot of women don't even realize how often women who've been told they can't get pregnant…do. To any woman reading these comments, no matter if you got your tubes tied, no matter if he has a vasectomy, no matter if he's wearing condoms, or if you've been told you're infertile, and even no matter if you're using birth control, there is still ALWAYS going to be a chance. You should always vocalize to your s/o the chance of you becoming pregnant (though if you're a dude reading this, it all goes for you too, no matter the situation she could still get pregnant, doesn't make if you got a vasectomy, wear a condom, and shes on birth control, it can STILL happen.) it's a good idea to get together with your s/o at least once or twice a year to speak about the what ifs so you have a back up plan and can make sure you're still seeing eye to eye, if you don't see eye to eye on how it should work out then LEAVE THEM, before the situation actually happens and you end up with a kid you never wanted or without a kid you did want.
I… Am not going back and forth with someone who lacks reading comprehension and the ability to digest new information.
Good day!
Thank you amazing advice
OP, i’m a college Prof and my advice is to ask a Prof that you’re on good terms with the best way to report. They will have that info and can point you in the right direction (In my experience reporting is always a bit different in every university)
That's not really gaslighting, as he didn't try to make you believe in some alternate reality or question your sanity.
The main aspect of gaslighting is when they make you believe it's all in your head and there's nothing realistic about your beliefs.
Kinda like if he'd said “Those weren't condoms, it was a gag gift box from a party” after you'd handed them over to him and he disposed of them. You know for a fact you found a box of condoms, but he'd try to make you think you'd seen something else. That's gaslighting you.
Yes ? I just want to trust my partner and be happy and so far I’ve been burned
?
Words mean things your friend is a fucking idiot. I mean I personally wouldn't be friends with someone that watered down the gravity of that word, but I'm a childhood sexual assault survivor so there's that.
thank you! i read the lesbian master doc and that was kinda the eye opener for me, especially considering as soon as we got in a relationship it felt like a chore, and i felt like rushing things would make me happier/enjoy the relationship but it didn’t. i just know things aren’t going well in his family right now and he’s going to be absolutely shattered if i tell him.
I would never say never go back but this is way too soon. You have not had a chance to try other relationships yet and she is probably just rebounding after getting her first rejection. Tell her you are not ready and will meet her in another three months when you have both had a chance to get some distance.
After 6 months you'll both be better placed to know if your are compitible or just lonely.
She has not had time to appreciate what you had and genuinely miss you imo. She has not had time to date properly and move on so its not an active genuine choice at this point its a fear response. She will run again unless she is sure it you above ALL others she wants.
Try things with Eva and you'll at least get some perspective on your previous relationship.
What did you do wrong? You didn’t plan. Even if she is not pulling her share of the weight, you have children to feed, she clearly isn’t going to step up, so next time you arbitrarily quit your job, have a better one lined up.
I don't know if you're repulsive. Post a picture and I'll let you know.
Right. The first thing i thought was, he's projecting
But this doesn't sound like a case of her being evasive, it sounds like she's traumatized by what happened. Freezing isn't a normal response to being questioned about an awkward situation.
I like most of the way you phrased your suggested statement, except for that last bit. Asking her to be honest with him might be the wrong approach. It makes it sound like she's been actively lying about what happened, and could make her feel even more defensive.
(Yes, you could consider her behavior as lying by omission, but it sounds to me more like she hasn't been able to bring herself to talk about it, which has a different nuance to it. And more importantly, if he wants her to open up about it, he needs to take the gentle approach.)
OP, I think you should talk to her family, in person or over the phone. Ask them exactly what happened, because it seems to have upset your wife and you don't know how to help her since you don't know what's wrong. Do NOT involve your wife in this conversation as it's happening, because that could expose her to teasing or hurtful behavior from her family.
DO tell her that you're going to have this conversation, though. Tell her that you need to know what happened, so that you can help her. Reassure her that you're not going to be upset with her about whatever happened (unless of course that isn't true, but I sure hope that's not the case).
Then find a good couples therapist. You may want to find one who's experienced in dealing with purity culture and religious trauma, if that's what's going on. Avoid religious counselors. You also may want to find someone who helps couples with intimacy issues.
He seems like someone who really can’t handle discomfort. Like, he’s not excited to encounter anything new because he’s not 100% certain how to deal, and he can’t handle environments where he’s not 100% certain of every possible factor.
His parents’ house, his sleepy hometown, his surf spot — familiar and unchallenging, just how he likes it.
Some people just do not want or relish new experiences or new settings.
Stop seeking his approval. Honestly, you want a caring dad, but you don't have one. I'm sorry, OP. Live your life with and among the people who love you. And get therapy, your family sounds like they hurt you.
Welll…. Depending on the state they life in…. It could be legal. Just saying