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The trash took itself.
I exhibit very similar issues, myself. More often I will compare myself to women I see on social media to the point I rip myself to shreds. It’s constant, all day every day. And I am also bisexual, so it’s a confusing find them attractive AND feel jealous of them kind of thing. I just nitpick myself consistently and feel like I will never be good enough to satisfy my partner, and he would rather be fucking anyone but me, and he just settles for me (silly, yes, but it feels very real to me in the moment). I have conveyed concerns to him, without placing blame for my personal feelings on him (he knows these thoughts and feelings are on me, nothing he’s done directly). Opening up and communicating helps to a degree, so he can have a better grasp on what’s going on with you mentally, however you need to get to the core of these issues and work on them. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and know this is a major reason for my confidence issues, and need to get back into therapy. I see a psychiatrist now, but the RIGHT therapist can help you sort out these issues and figure out a proper way to work on them within yourself. I agree with others that it sounds like you may have BPD or even Bipolar, depending on any other symptoms you may have. I went undiagnosed for many years, then was misdiagnosed with BPD and finally properly diagnosed with Bipolar and medicated. The two are often confused, due to some similar symptoms. I’m sorry you struggle with these horrible feelings, it feels impossible to overcome sometimes, and you don’t want to eventually resent your partner for something that is out of their control and isn’t their fault to begin with, but these feelings can be very overwhelming I know. I hope you get help that you need and are able to work on and manage these feelings and feel more at ease with your confidence, and no longer feel the need to compare yourself to others so much.
She told him to literally not ask other people about what happened that night, so basically she doesn t want him to find the truth, rape or not, this is fishy as hell.
Well they do now know where I on-line specifically, they know the city but not much more, I think that we can probably be pretty safe there, and we could be extra cautious. Moving to a completely 3rd country isn't ruled out tho, just not in the budget right now.
Did she at least share?? Nah but fr get out man
It sounds like this guy likes the thrill of the chase and having “backups”. It's easy when one hasn't had felt special in awhile to get caught up in it. But this guy isn't the only guy out there. There will be others with finer qualities.
Reading posts like this really helps me understand why so many people hate on polyam people.
I'm 40. My wife and I have been together for 12 years and married for 8, and we've been ethically non-monogamous the entire time.
What you did is not ethical non-monogamy.
He was initially opposed due to concerns about stds and not liking the idea of me being with other people; but after some convincing, he agreed, and we began our arrangement.
If you have to convince the other person to try it out, you're already off to a bad start. How exactly did you go about “convincing” your husband to be OK with it when he explicitly said he doesn't like the idea of you being with other people?
I actively want my wife to have other partners, and she actively wants me to do the same. If you do not have that mindset, it cannot work.
Elsewhere, in replies, you have said that you “didn't want to set too many do's and don'ts” and boy howdy have you learned why that's a stupid-ass plan. You clearly had a rule – “don't form deep emotional connections” – that you did not convey or communicate. Now you're all mad that – surprise surprise – your husband who didn't want to do this in the first place has grown attached to someone else.
What was your goal here? Did you want to just fuck around with other guys and have your husband be OK with it? If you're not good, giving, and game in your non-monogamy, then you're just a cheater who wants a clear conscience.
Finally, also in other replies, you ask possibly the most asinine comment I have ever read:
And your acting like he is not a grown adult that can make decision, How can I force/pressure a grown ass man?
You fucking already did when you “convinced” him to try this ill-conceived open marriage idea, so I call bullshit. You know exactly how to force someone to do what you want – except now you're mad that you've lost control of your toy.
When someone is emotionally attached to you, and you effectively tell them “if you want me to be happy you will do this thing,” you are manipulating them. Not all manipulations are nefarious, but in your case, you had a selfish motive that grated against your husband's wishes and you forced the issue.
As an ENM guy, you are literally the problem that everyone points to when they trash open relationships. You barely sound mature enough to handle one relationship – trying to juggle more than one is a recipe for failure. Learn that and grow up before you go about ruining anything else.
Why would she use her full legal name on an OF account if she’s at all concerned about privacy?
Thank you, you made some good points
Lol, luckily your girlfriend thinks you're full of shit, so throwing ad hominems at a stranger is all you have. You're the needy one here mate, you'd better get used to not being the priority.
This relationship is over. Most of those things you described your boyfriend reacting about would strike most people as highly unusual.
Are you seeing a therapist?
So you found out she mocked you and her response is “you violated my privacy and it was a long time ago?
I guess you can add disrespect to the list of unlikeable traits in your wife. I mean, what the hell kind of response is that? “Yeah, I mocked your dick size to my friends but you weren't supposed to know and it was long ago.”
That's some straight up bullshit.
Your relationship with him is over. I would leave him behind. When a monogamous relationship opens up to threesome, somebody wants to cheat or get off on something. Mary couples break up when it’s suggested because the other person realize they can’t trust them anymore so my suggestion is that you leave them behind and find somebody who loves you. Clearly he does not or he wouldn’t of demanded that you have a threesome when you clearly did not want to.
Exactly. You need someone who accepts your flaws. This girl is already looking down on you for something that’s not even a flaw. This false balance of power will only cause her to eventually resent you and hate you whenever the truly challenging things come along:
Also this girl is delusional. My wife is a doctor and she acknowledges just how lucky her profession is that she’s able to make that much money. we recognize just how lucky we are. Your girlfriend seems to have none of that. She is a mess in the making and that type of personality fosters all sorts of issues.
If he says no will you break up with him?
Echochamber!
Yeah, but at that age, she isn't there yet, and may never be. Especially knowing what I know in my 40s, I would advise my kid to nope out in a situation like that.
Well, I want to add that today i was mad and i was fighting. I told him he was insensitive,rude and he doesn’t understand what’s going on, he jumps to conclusions and stuff like that. When he was acting passive aggressive, i told him that this exactly was I expected, and he never disappoints in disappointing. Was that disrespectful? I mean think i’m just stating the obvious but he felt so disrespected i was shocked ( he told me that i treat him like an animal and he wants me to treat him like a human and not talk to him) i understand i can be harsh maybe or I might’ve overwhelmed him, but disrespect? I just wanted to give a fuller picture of what went down
Acts speak WAY louder than words. Anyways therapy ( saw you are actively looking for it. AND for her ).
To be honest, at your age, you might thinks she's your entire world. Pr0 tip: she's not. You are young, inexperienced and naive. You'll learn.
Pr0 tip number 2: I'd just dump her and avoid all that drama. Drama is NEVER worth it. You'll find it when you grow. And still Ill go to therapy if I were you.
You will never be happy if she can’t make your dick happy. Old guy who married a virgin and regretted it