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Yeah the sick thing was weird, but I didn’t put too much stock into it since OP said that these instances never actually resulted in him ditching his friends. He stayed with her in the morning, then went to send off his friend in the evening. She got carsick during their first trip, but he convinced her to still go to his friend’s house to rest it off.
Oh also when she was sick from his birthday party, she never asked him to not go, and she had final exams that day anyway (she probably just didn’t want to go). I agree with you otherwise though.
Don’t move in together or get engaged.
I think I don’t understand. He’s sleeping 15 hours/day? If this is what you’re saying, why aren’t you concerned about him and his welfare? If my SO we’re able to do nothing other than go to an 8 hour job & sleep, I would be profoundly concerned about their mental and/or physical health. Why aren’t you worried?
You say you don't want to weaponize your children, and I respect that.
But your kids will grow up learning that it's OK to exclude their dad, and he doesn't deserve respect, since their grandparents show little to none towards him and their mom is ok with it. And that treating people like your parents treat your dad is normal and ok.
It is not, but that's what you are teaching your kids – not by words, but by actions, and that lasts longer.
They are your kids. You can decide what is the best for them. But right now it seems like you are highly biased towards favoring your dad than your husband. Your dad treated your husband with decency only when he realized you would not on-line with him if he didn't. That's not right. You can't pretend to forgive someone just to get what you want then exclude them completely afterwards. You are telling your dad that it is ok to treat your husband like that, to the point you are even considering spending Christmas away from your husband and bring his kids too.
Your kids will spend Christmas away from their father because your dad is throwing a tantrum.
If you aren't able to defend the man you decided to marry and have kids with, at least make an effort to defend your kids.
Also, no, kids do not grow up happier having their grandparents around, unless they are good grandparents. They may treat your kids ok, but them treating your husband like this is not being good grandparents and it will have lasting consequences on your kids.
I forgive you.
Because they can’t be I just want other advice not on that
Would have been ideal if you had discussed this prior to marriage and getting pregnant. But here we are.
Ask your wife what's her plan when her parents (not if but WHEN) say something disparaging about you and/or your child(ren).
I think your concerns are valid but marriage is a drastic measure. You both chose your careers knowing that you’ll be away from loved ones. Long distance is hot, but it can be manageable if you put in the work to communicate and grow together. If you can not manage that you will break up, that’s fine especially since you’re both so young and you, OP, are about to go into a new environment.
Thank you. I am SO very proud of her as well!
Because they want the best for their daughter and his own parents are doing nothing about it
The person who has been harmed is the one who gets to set the terms for how and if they process it and move past it. I'm entirely willing to believe that there are issues where you are the one who has been harmed – but for this specific thing, where he is the one who has felt talked down to, then if he needs to process individual instances, you have to let him do that. You as the one who has done harm can't just decide that your general apology wipes it all away and it's time to start fresh.
If you would prefer to take that tactic where you feel harm has been done – if you're prepared to offer blanket forgiveness and move forward on the things you're feeling badly about – then that's fine. But you can't make that decision for both of you for eleven years' worth of hurt.
If you're not willing to work through the processing he needs, and he isn't willing to wipe the slate clean, then I think you should turn your counseling toward figuring out how to divorce as calmly and amicably as possible.
I’d say well I know where I stand in our relationship. Leave it at that. Contact a lawyer if you want full custody and tell them he’s abandoning his child, giving you no details, and for all you know he’s cheating. Ask if they have a PI they use. Give the PI information needed. When your part we gets back, Game set Match. The lawyer has the information. The lawyer prepares custody/divorce paperwork. You have him served and say that’s where he set stands in the relationship.
I don’t know the why, but I can tell you that it is very unlikely to get better with time. If after four months you’re only having sex once a month, a long term relationship with her will likely be mostly sexless. If frequent sex is important to you, she may not be a good partner for you.
Question: would you have the same response, the same feelings, if she was a man?
He has depression and anxiety. Which he won't get treated for.
So it’s up to you what you do with gifts. You can keep them if you want, give them to someone else, sell them, or return them.
So regardless of what happens in the future with them, if you like and enjoy the gifts, and can separate the relationship value from them, then keep them.
If you can’t separate the relationship value from them, or you don’t like or enjoy the gifts, then get rid of them how you see fit.
Time to hit the eject button
You're just obsessed with putting that label on me. Relax buddy.
You can drool in your special corner all on your own thanks.
He had a work emergency, and being that you said he's a pilot that's kind of important. He tried to reschedule, and totally called you out when you purposely cancelled to what, get back at him? Do you not understand why a pilot can't just “rearrange” his schedule for you, just because you did? You're playing games and honestly acting extremely immature. If I was him I'd probably just move on, regardless of how much we had in common. You already showed you're petty, play games unnecessarily, can't handle plan changes like an adult, are self centered, and probably always need to get your way. If you're trying to be better with your princess syndrome, this isn't it.
Your brain is so used to this ridiculous drama that it is comfortable.
Not having drama feels uncomfortable because humans don’t like change. But breaking up is good for you.
You and this woman are not a healthy couple. You don’t genuinely meet each other’s needs.
The right person for you brings out your best. Can you honestly tell me that when you were with your ex that you were the BEST version of yourself that you’ve ever been?
No! Of course not!
Make a clean break. BLock her and dont talk or interact in any way. Give yourself a project to keep your mind occupied while you get used to your new reality.
What’s his solution? Does he want you ask for a pay reduction? What a fucking meatball
This isn’t real.
But why is this person playing with you like this? Honestly it could be someone that wants you and sees your gf as a threat
You’re sweet OP
I’ve definitely separated my feelings about him vs my feeling about the experience of being in a relationship with him. Our relationship wasn’t the best and i know it wasn’t good for me. Just was concerned about my personal timing with this new development. I definitely realize i have to make her feelings about it a priority too which i hadn’t completely thought about. Thank you for opening my eyes in that way.
So let her break up with you. You’re entitled to some privacy. Letting people have full access to your phone these days is like letting somebody else read your diary.
Don't have kids with someone who doesn't want them. For your own sake and your children's.
Ugh I wonder why he doesn't think people aren't allowed to change their mind it seems like a massive over reaction
Why the fuck is no one pointing out that you definitely have plenty of time to have healthy children.
Women are having plenty of healthy babies well into their thirties and even forties in some cases. This is plenty of time for you to leave this dumbass, get into a great career, buy a home, find a better man, date him, marry him have children, get divorced, find another man, get married, have another baby or two, and on-line the rest of your life healthy and happy.
It doesn't necessarily have to happen like that, but damn girl, you're 26. That's the kind of time you're working with.
I'm all for forgiveness when there are fatherless kids around…. but these kids aren't fatherless. the father is right there.
fuck that and everybody near him. I'de go nuclear on that community.
It was a while back so I feel like I've moved past it, though I do have some moments where I second guess myself. Therapy has given me a lot of tools to handle those moments though so it's not as shit.
It's awesome that you're working to be kinder to yourself. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is open.
I don't hate woman, I love woman, nothing I have said is a representation of a hatred towards woman. I am telling you men in general do view woman as sex objects, this is the truth that you are responding to negatively. I'm telling you how men think and you are refusing to accept it. Take it or leave it that is the world we on-line in.
It's woman like you who provide other woman with destructive advice.
There's a reason porn sites exist, brothels exist, onlyfans exist, sex cam sites exist, men want sex and woman have the sex, a man will sell a woman a dream in order to obtain sex from her, what is it you're having an issue with?
If sex was so easy for men to receive then there would be no porn, brothels, onlyfans and webcam girls, you truly do not udnerstand the true desire of men, believe what you believe, you do you.
The less you all understand the male mindset the worse off you will be
A lot of people are anti age gaps like you have. My husband is 12 years older than me and I met him when I was 26. Before him I refused to date anyone that much older but look who I married?
Our temperaments are well suited to each other. We stimulate each other intellectually. We have been able to support each other in times of hardship.
And to be honest, he was the first guy that even as a lover treated me as a true friend. He was a better boyfriend and a better fwb before that.
I have seen large age gap relationships where friends don’t want to be around the people but that’s when the guy is acting like a total creep and the age difference is much larger.