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Maybe just tell your husband joking like that makes you uncomfortable. I think you are overreacting.
You need to work out the religious differences before you let the relationship become serious. Nobody has to convert, but you need to come up with an arrangement that you can both live! with regarding the (theoretical) kids' religion and expectations for participation in religious events by the non-religious person.
Do this before moving in together, getting married, or making a new person, please.
I'm 33 and felt weird seeing my 11 yr old nephew visiting the strip club in GTA. I thought it was my brother and the next day I made a joke that he was in the strip club for so long but he was confused, turns out it was nephew on Xbox. I couldn't fathom sharing porn with a child. No normal person would EVER think this was okay and there has to be a purpose or reason behind this and none of it is good. It's one thing for a young boy to find a porno magazine or search live themselves but for a grown adult to be sharing this directly is frightening. Forget he is related to you and handle this with authorities. This might just be the tip of an iceberg and needs to be looked into by authorities.
The comments here are absolutely comical. If one is to take this post as seriously legit than the husband got exactly what he deserved. He KNEW his wife was not into swinging. He knew she needed some sort of emotional connection to have sex with someone else and he pursued it anyway. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Think you may have misunderstood the person you're replying to. Their wife formed an emotional affair with someone and it led to a divorce, no mention of physical intimacy from the wife.
Yes but i need sex still a virgin lol at 20
From what I wrote or from how she acted?
Give her space you ain't going nowhere.. breath n frickn give her some space..both of you.relax Having kids aint the end of the world it's a blessing.
I think this is her way of still talking to you. I can’t lie, I’ve “accidentally” messaged someone on Facebook before. I did it and unsent the message to get their attention. She probably regrets breaking up, remember she’s pregnant so her hormones are talking. I would just take things day by day. Good luck.
“She stormed out crying saying I embarrassed her”….now that’s rich. Just guessing, after realizing what she did she became humiliated with her own action’s blaming you.
First it sounds like you’re boyfriend was doing his best to remove himself from her actions.
You have known her for about 10-12 years, has she ever done anything like this previously? Not at all making any excuses for her, however has something happened to her in the past six or so months, relationship, her drinking increasingly becoming an issue (other than this party) or maybe she’s experiencing other personal issues.
Of course you can end your friendship and maybe it should. Just a thought, because of your long friendship you might give her a chance, talk to her, find out what she was thinking. Make your finale decision afterwards.
Why are men like this
No. Statistically the only ways I could get HIV are via blood transfusion, my partner cheating or if I were raped. I have had more than one that full STD panel in my life just for peace of mind. Thankfully for me they came back negative on everything, so I don't have any of those things.
But those statistics are downright scary, and I have zero doubt they are accurate. I've also seen recent articles about the rise in the so called curable STD's. I don't want one of those either. No potential reward is worth the risk of getting any of those diseases, curable or not.
If I had a cold I'd be wary around others so not to give them what I had, and that's “just” a cold. It should be common decency to warn others if they knowingly have anything potentially contagious. I don't see why there is a issue with doing just that before any sexual activity begins. We kept friends and loved ones at bay for years due to the risk of COVID if we caught it. But warning someone about an STI we have is too much to ask?
????
“How do I convince her?” You're being a doormat and theres nothing to be done besides leaving her. Like yesterday.
Thank you, waiting seems to be the smartest idea- like you said he'll just change course and I'll never catch him otherwise.
It was a great job but if you looked in the car from the outside you wouldn't see it. Maybe he thought that was enough? And he knows I can see the account but I hardly ever check it unless I have a good reason. He's the one that handles all our finances.
Hell no. Don't go back into her life like this, leave her the f alone
okay thankyou for the advice I’ve been sexually assaulted by multiple girls but I’m always able to simply move them off of me. I can’t even begin to imagine how she felt. Honestly I’m dealing with a lot of anger even though I know it doesn’t solve anything. She told her college friends though and she has a couple of big guy friends who I asked her to make sure she stays near so this doesn’t happen again.
Hahaha dude you should do it. Gives her fella a chance to prove his place in her life and cement her decision in marriage.
I'd break up with someone who broke my boundaries like that. He's not a 4 year old, but he sure is acting like one.
How much IRL time do you spend with her each month?
Thank you for your advice!!
Hmm. You went to great lengths to deliver that information, which really isn’t up to you to disclose. Personally, I don’t think your motive was “noble”. I think you were jealous of your sister finding the “real deal” as you put it. I also think you thought her unworthy of this guy based on your perception of her.
I mean, are you really surprised that you sister cut off contact with you?
What did you expect out of this?
There's definitely a lot of missing info here that you aren't letting on. Get therapy for y'all and don't be selective with your information. Kids don't just grow to hate their parents for some superficial reasoning like “She's pretty and I'm not”
Figure out why she actually has so much disdain for you and get therapy together.
I think the only reason Rose is putting pressure on you is because Mitch has told her and has been planning with her. It’s got her oolahs all in a twist.
If you’re going to do it on this trip, it’d be most clever to dupe both sisters into planning the same proposal event. Shoot, you could even get them each to hold a camera and record it even.
I’m not gonna lie. If I wasn’t going to propose, and Mitch isn’t going to save the proposal for the last day, this vacation looks to be a disaster in the making. Your GF is going to have so much unmitigated disappointment. Every time she has to see her sisters excitement and ring, she’ll be jealous and resentful.
As much as I hate to say it, you could start recording things. “You want to say you're not scream-fucking all night? Here's how it sounds in my bedroom with the door closed. Here's how it sounds downstairs with the TV off, and one more with it on to be thorough.” Ngl, one of the reasons I moved out was because of parental noise, only for me it was arguing with occasional screaming.
No one is holding a gun to your head to date him. Stop acting powerless and make choices for yourself
You have to say something.
First, this is a health issue. It needs to be addressed. Something is causing this sudden change.
Second, ignoring all the people who will call me shallow for this, you can't date somebody you're not attracted to. It's a recipe for disaster. So if you don't say something, the only option is to break up. It would be a shame to jump straight to that.
Try to broach the subject gently. She clearly knows it's happening, but maybe she is in denial and needs to confront it.
Good chance she flips out and calls you shallow, and the relationship blows up. Such is the risk we run when doing the right thing.
Good luck.
Any time that consent is not given, and by consent meaning absolutely no coercion in any way occurred, it is at minimum sexual assault and possibly rape. What you described is rape.
The simple explanation. You got a nice smelly pod, it's make you want to eat the pod. You don't eat the pod because it's disgusting in taste and also toxic.
That's the same for your girlfriend. You are in love with your girlfriend, it's make you want to stay with her. You don't stay with her because your view of relation don't match making a disgusting combinaison that will not work and will be toxic for you.
I have addressed the issue numerous times and he says that he needs to do better at being more affectionate in a non-sexual manner. However, it never changes. And I'm just stuck feeling like a broken record or being the one to initiate anything in that sense. On the other hand, he has no problem trying to have sex with me, but otherwise, it's like I'm like his live-in maid/roommate.
I have!!! But I have yet to buy the kit lol
Time for a divorce bro
I think I already said that bit in my own post ?
Sorry OP but your husband is a real piece of shit, and his friends who laughed along with him are just as nasty cruel pieces of shit as he is. You deserve a husband who respects you, and makes sure you feel welcomed among his friends, who wont continue with friends who do not show you warm welcomes and respect you as a couple. I am disgusted and horrified on your behalf. Wanting to divorce this clown shoe for the way he treated you is not an overreaction. He broke the vows of love, honor and respect for you.
Absolutely
bro she's an adult you don't need to baby her you were with her all day took care of her and she couldn't spend an hour or two alone. Forgive me but she's being a spoiled brat and manipulative. She tells you to go play and then gets Pikachu face when you do as she says.
Question how does she treat you when your sick?
It’s the same thing.
This sounds like an emotional affair. You shouldn't come second to another woman. He disrespects you and breaks all his promises when it comes to her. No feelings, only friends? Hah. Please consider valuing yourself higher than this. If you will not divorce him, I'd suggest a long break from gaming with them. I know that finding new friends is difficult as an adult, but is this really worth all your suffering to him?
Sounds like a mid life crisis. You are close to the point where bio kids become problematic.
It's totally cool to have different plans for the future, but it's important to have a convo about it so you're on the same page. From the sounds of it, it seems like he's ready for marriage and you're not. You've gotta be honest with yourself and him about where you're at.
It's not fair to either of you if you're not on the same page. If you're not ready for marriage, that's totally okay, but you need to be honest with him about that. And he needs to be understanding of where you're at. He's right that a lot can change in a year, but at the same time, you can't just put your life on hold for him. You gotta think about yourself and what you want too.
It sounds like you're feeling guilty and like you're wasting his time, but that's not fair to you. You're allowed to have your own plans and goals. If you're not ready for marriage, that's not something you should feel guilty about. You have to make decisions that are right for you.
It's important to have open communication about all this. You guys need to talk it through and see if you can find a compromise or a way to move forward that works for both of you. But if you're not ready for marriage and you don't think you will be in the near future, then it's important to be honest with him about that. Don't lead him on if you're not sure about your feelings.
It's not easy but you have to think what's best for you and your happiness.
It's totally cool to have different plans for the future, but it's important to have a convo about it so you're on the same page. From the sounds of it, it seems like he's ready for marriage and you're not. You've gotta be honest with yourself and him about where you're at.
It's not fair to either of you if you're not on the same page. If you're not ready for marriage, that's totally okay, but you need to be honest with him about that. And he needs to be understanding of where you're at. He's right that a lot can change in a year, but at the same time, you can't just put your life on hold for him. You gotta think about yourself and what you want too.
It sounds like you're feeling guilty and like you're wasting his time, but that's not fair to you. You're allowed to have your own plans and goals. If you're not ready for marriage, that's not something you should feel guilty about. You have to make decisions that are right for you.
It's important to have open communication about all this. You guys need to talk it through and see if you can find a compromise or a way to move forward that works for both of you. But if you're not ready for marriage and you don't think you will be in the near future, then it's important to be honest with him about that. Don't lead him on if you're not sure about your feelings.
It's not easy but you have to think what's best for you and your happiness.
5 months, they were videos of him touching her.
Wow. That is comprehensive and wise. You are awesome.
This is absolutly fucked. You did nothing wrong but still you have to apologise and figure out ways to help her? Seems like you're a great communicator, loving, and patient. I never was good at resolving those unlogical conflicts where i was blamed for something without any reason.
Maybe try to ask her exactly why her sex drive evaporated, and then work on that?
You could also suggest some couple'a therapy?
If someone here has solutions i'll be glad to hear them out too because i was always making things worse when those type of conflicts arrived.
Yes it is possible
I'm sorry that you had a terrible, unforgivable experience dating this guy. But I'm going to start with the answer your asking for. There's no flexibility and it really worries me you came to us looking for that.
It's like a Christian mom googling proof God exisists and printing “that one article”. The moral here being the obvious answer, and every answer you've got has been begging you to run. But your hoping that someone will have a magic bullet for you that doesn't end in a break up with your cereal cheater, serially deviat partner.
If you feel young enough that your not looking for something serious (since he's not), and you don't mind risking an std, and you don't want to be loved (Because I assume he demands monogamy from you while chasing other girls who don't respond to him?) Then here's your permission to stay in that awful relationship.
But if your ready to take a step toward respecting yourself, taking an objective look at where your at right now is a good start. Your looking for any reason to stay with this guy right now. Be honest with yourself, is the comfort and familiarity of this pain easier than whatever you fear from being single?
Yeah, that's a huge red flag. You must be upfront with her and tell her you're not going to deal with that type of immature behavior.
She attends all family events. She is family. Besides sounds like she could possibly be in a poly relationship. So she would be a SIL
This behavior didn't start until over a month in and isn't constant (we typically have a conversation where he'll ask multiple questions back to back around once a week) but yes, it has been exhausting.
I've been hoping that he'd eventually be satisfied and then calm down, but the recent development of learning that he's been testing me has me concerned. This is new to me, so I don't know know what to expect in the future.
Wait. You asked permission from your boyfriend, who doesn't even live! with you, about getting a pet? He sounds like a controlling twat. As long as you're living alone, it's none of his business. You need to grow a backbone where your boyfriend is concerned, and honestly, I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship if I were you.
that was extremely rough. heartbreaking to read.
Her parents are allowing her to live there for free. Her not OP. OP needs to pay for their accommodations. If there’s an issue, he should speak with them or not online there.
She can’t just set an arbitrary number, and OP is also not entitled to a free living situation just because that’s what her family is offering her.
You not wanting to face facts doesn't make it unbelievable. No matter how hot it is for you to accept, he's been on a dating site sometime within the last month.
Thank you for your reply. However, I know for sure that they haven't done more stuff.
In her words, whatever she did isn't counted as flirting as she looks at him like a young baby boy. I disagree with her on this. She says she looks at all guys younger than her as baby boys and there is no chance that she'll ever be with anyone younger than she is.
I think I do know what must be done. But it is hot for me to accept that fact as she has been my best friend for the last 8-9 years.
There’s a lot missing yeah but maybe I do have the wrong idea of what a “healthy” relationship is .
So you should have a conversation with her about that. Tell her that it is not fair that you should have to fund all future plans while she gets to work less and enjoy more free time.
Do you not trust him?
Can’t he go to the evening do ?
What makes you think that?
Oldest is at school and I pay for the youngest to be in daycare
Guys, look at post history. Not sure which story is true.
Because I need help with the situation. Not the smell but everyone on here seems so caught up on that and not how to overcome this as a couple
That is a dinner invitation, so in that case I would offer to pay and see how it plays out.
I think that's excellent advice.
You're not the first to say it is fake. Though I don't blame you. If I read this story as an outsider I would never fcking believe it either. I guess if anything. I hope it entertains you. In some weird fcked up way.. Also for your theories I have no clue what it all could mean there is so much shit it could or could not be and it is obvious I'm anxious as hell since I began posting. So you know. What fun…
Does the above not make it obvious I did that? My mom hasnt said a single thing to her since then.
Start by some minimum daily exercise – a walk a day. Limit your white carbs a bit, add salad instead of rice or bread or pasta.
I would also see your doctor for a check up – it could be a medical issue too. Hormonal / thyroid / blood sugar issues can also lead to sudden weight gain.
She needs to tiptoe on out of this mess and find a peaceful life for awhile before maybe trying for another boyfriend. This drama will go on into infinity…
You can dump him and maybe you should, but you’ll be the same unhappy person.
Therapy. Or an Eat, Pray, Love journey of self-discovery. Regardless, wherever you go, there you are.
iuds ruin women's lives
Give your daughter her mother’s jewelry. I would tell you what I think of you in the harshest terms possible but I don’t want to get banned again.
OP, do one good thing amongst your many horrendous decisions. Give your daughter the jewelry that belonged to her deceased mother. Without any conditions. If you can’t see in your blackened heart that giving your daughter the jewelry is what your dead wife would have wanted, then truly there is no hope for you. What comes to you will be what you deserve.
I have been ghosted a lot in the past so idk if I’m overreacting
Why did I not have the right to give it? Legally it was mine, not B's.
Or nail them to the front.
Have you considered telling her that it bothers you and discussing it instead of being passive aggressive?
No problem! Thinking about it we DO send a bunch of cards for silly things and it's sort of interesting to realize other countries wouldn't consider some of our card holidays as card holidays, lol.
Unless the father gives me a Nintendo switch I will keep the child.
Guys pay for it either way so the only difference is that was guaranteed.
I cant imagine judging someone for something a little weird that they did as a teenager.. 14 years ago in his case. Everyone has things in their past they aren't proud of.
Nabbing a pair of panties is a bad look, but also pretty benign.
i dont like superhero movies. i dont understand how people can. but obviously a lot of people do like them. and thats fine. we dont all have to like the same things. sometimes its just a personal preference. same with sex.
That's NOT normal relationship stuff…
The older child's mother is emotionally unstable and the youngest's mother leaves him with her mother and parties. My family says I take too much on myself and I need to let it go. It is just easier said than done.
Probably not. It’s very hot to trust someone who cannot be trusted, when the consequences of being wrong are absolutely crushing.
He's the villain for taking his bad feelings out on OP, not because he has feelings jfc
You wrote 4 long paragraphs about how he belittles you and your passion and everything about it. Would you treat his hobby or special interests like he is to you? No. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t uplift and support you. He’s an asshole and immature.
Well, he's a piece of shit. How do you think you should feel?
Don't waste her time. All you have to do is say, “no thank you.” Other than providing a courteous and unambiguous refusal, you can't do anything to manage her feelings about it. This is life. We all get rejected sometimes. It's not fun, but we survive. She'll be fine.
I understand. Definitely could’ve used better words there, but my issue is that, it’s the first thing she wants when I come to through the door. There isn’t any, how was your day? She just expects to me rant out everything that’s happened because that’s what she does.
I feel this is borderline troll post.
>She provides them,
I suggest bringing your own.
>I looked through her phone and I saw her texting her best friend telling her that she’d turned the condom inside out and put it inside of her, in hopes of getting pregnant.
And how did you get access to her phone? Most people keep their phones password protected. Especially if they are doing anything illegal.
>I don’t know what to do. Advice??
Cut contact with her.
You’re right, thanks for the advice. At the end of the day, i am so triggered because I love him. I will definitely apologie but I am very concerned that he decided to break up over such a stupid thing. Not even sure if it’s worth continuing. We just got back 2 months ago and I don’t consider that I did something so bad to deserve a break up… do you still think I should not worry about this “impulsive break up” ?
I'm thinking he may give queer vibes and some men don't like that.
Thank you for this comment, this definitely brought me the most insight. In terms of my personality, im definitely not a very patient person in many aspects so it’s been naked, especially having it gone this long. Yes there have been faint glistens of real sparks, but it’s just so spread out and it’s been so long since it was at least relatively normal. I really don’t want to lose her and she swears the same, she agrees I screwed up and have changed but understandably holds somewhat of a distrust and resentment for me. I know I just have to hold out longer, I’m not losing feelings for her at all, I love her just as much as I would if we were intimate with each other, but it just makes me sad that I can’t show her how much I love her in what used to be a love language for us both.
This dude is projecting given that his history shows he’s actively trying to hook up with people.
You call her folks or the police and let them know what’s going on. They’ll get her the help she needs.
Thanks for seeing my point of view & this is exactly how I feel – there was no cheating or abuse on my end or his and in that instance I really think things are worth a second chance. I’m also not a quitter in any situation… & yes gifting is my love language
Boi the face I made when I read that part in the story.. How gross and chauvinist can you be??
He’ll do it to another woman if it isn’t you to tell her.
As a woman wouldn’t you also wanna know? I sure as hell would
Don’t you mean ex-boyfriend? You’re not really going to stay with him now that you know that he’s married and has family. And I think she would want to know if nothing else she needs to get tested for STDs because you’re probably not the only person he’s been cheating on her with.
I hate to tell you this, but it sounds like she’s using “love”, or more accurately the feeling we get when we’re newly attracted to someone, as a drug.
You’re the drug when you’re close. When you’re not, there’s another contender.
She isn’t emotionally safe. She’s reckless and living very much in the moment, and since you can’t be together anyway, I would take the good experience you’ve had and back away.
Asking an adult to act like an adult, instead of chatting up girls or scrolling Instagram is not toxic or manipulative. I understand helping someone you care about out, but you need to set a time frame for how long you are willing to put yourself out. I wish you luck.
We never had any form of penetrative sex.
no man should ever make you feel like you arent worthy of being admired. this guy is not a worthy boyfriend, and when you break up you WILL find men who are in love and interested in you, who are willing to admire you. the wandering eyes of a man are never your fault. beyonce was cheated on, you know.
He’s 27?? Wow. You’re supposed to have sympathy for him because you… masturbated after sex? Does he expect you to lay there quietly, as your duty is done?
Also you said you weren’t and it was a misunderstanding but instead he walks out. Without listening to a word you say. What a fragile ego.
I’d personally take this as a red flag and not stay with him. This could be the first of many “have sympathy for me!” events.
It goes both ways tho. I’ve seen parents bring their 2 y/o princess on 10 hour flights. no one could get any sleep because of the constant screaming
u/ok_blossom I was wondering the answer to this as well, OP. Does what he is proposing go both ways, and would be be willing to give you the same courtesy if you should ask out of the bedroom?
I remember that time. Ugh again like i said ppl like believing the shit they have in their heads.
If you love her you should leave her alone
move on and leave him alone
He was manipulating you with the false threats. Im gonna break up with you worked for him for a while so it became his go to. He had no plans to really break up.
Good on you for calling it what it was. You dodged a bullet
Go live your best life and the find the one you you
First things first….COMMUNICATE
Also the whole intimacy thing is going to be a problem especially when mixed with your insecurities.
He is actively cheating on you. It doesn't matter if it's with men or women. Just break up with him.
Yeah it’s racist even if you don’t know why. I’m mixed and every now and then I encounter someone who likes me because of my ethnicity. Usually after some time together it’s pretty clear that the person has some kind of fetish even if they think they don’t. They’ll comment on my skin tone, and other stereotypical things. Sometimes it gets even more overt than that.
It’s very odd to be on the receiving end of someone like that. Especially when they’re so vocal about it.
Thanks for your insight. Our conversation was cut short since I was on a work break. I work very long and exhausting hours so we haven't had the time to talk again after this phone call. He just randomly gave me the 7, not a reason why. I probably shouldn't ask what made me a 7. But if I did, maybe he would explain something similar as you did here. Because, well. He decided to be and stay my boyfriend for a reason??
But the thing is, this situation ties together with other incidences before. Making this particular one more worrying for me than it actually is if was only this singular problem.
What was the argument about, was your apology genuine, and why are you so convinced he's upset if he says he's fine?
I told her ages ago and we reconnected and we had a serious talk about it but we also laughed about it to lighten the serious mood.
Why are you answering him? You need to make a conscious effort not to do that. He needs to treat you like a human.
Yes there is story makers out there.
Dude since you know and are cool with it, you absolutely HAVE to find/rent/buy/stream or whatever you have to do to get a me of them to play at home! Tell her you found a great movie you two can watch together and start it! It’d be awesome! Might play into some nice foreplay too.
Unless you think she’d react badly. I suppose that is something someone could be self conscious over. I would think putting it on in a playful manner like that would show her you truly don’t mind though, hopefully setting her at ease.
I have lived with three different men and was married for eight years and none of them pissed in the floor. Or if they did I never knew about it because they cleaned it up.
Y’all are in your 30’s??!
To all reading this: she’s poly and he is monogamous minded. Terms of the marriage were changed and that’s the sexual incompatibility. Read her prior posts. To OP: please let this man have a normal life. You live! how ever you deem fit and let him find someone who wants only him.
It helped me understand a lot of my failures in life. ADHD means you fail at things, and you just can't understand why.
It's because your brain doesn't work the same way, and some things are absurdly hot and stressful, that look 'easy'.
That's slowly built up negative self worth baggage. Failures that I know I have, that I couldn't explain even to myself. Little stuff that no one really noticed, and bigger stuff where I hurt people.
It's hard to move on and 'do better next time' and forgive yourself, when you don't actually know why you did the thing, and you can't trust yourself to 'do better' as a result.
So a cycle of therapy for the depression, diagnosis for the ADHD, and a relatively light medication regime for both has gone a LONG way to improving that situation.
ADHD medication is more like a nice bonus actually, because it turns out I _was_ playing on 'hard mode' the whole time.
At this state he was in definitely he can't have a family he claims he wants.
As I said I did recommend to him counselling but he didn't agree. I can't explain it I felt a chemistry between us
You could go to a therapist together… I think some people are afraid of initiating therapy, so going with someone you trust feels safer.
Clearly, she’s under a lot of stress and pressure from school. Make it about that—and less about her having a “problem”. If you approach the subject with an interest of seeking help together to better find tools so you can both manage your stress and lives better as a team, she’ll be less likely to reject the idea.
Once shes comfortable going to therapy with you, she may feel more courage to seek therapy on her own for her childhood trauma.
The main thing is getting in the door and breaking some of the stigma and fear of going. And if you propose something from the angle of “teamwork” she’ll feel less judged, less self-hatred for her struggles.
A final thought: My sister is on the high functioning autism spectrum. Sometimes suggestions she views as fair or neutral-fact in her effort to help, tread over my sensitive feelings. Sometimes her cool-headed reactions leave me feeling like a hot-mess in comparison. But I know its not her fault, or her choice. Things can be lost in translation between people on the emotionality spectrum. Which is why me and my sister have worked so naked to make sure we understand each other. She tries to leave room for people to react to stressors naturally, to ask questions and listen, and offer solutions consensually. And I remind myself that if she’s blunt, it isn’t on purpose, and to not self-loath because I’m more outwardly emotional than she is. I also need to keep in mind that though she doesn’t show it, she internalizes stress and it doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting her (it manifests physically in her case). We both apologize when we accidentally offend the other. And she knows when I’m stressed and emotionally reactive, that intense phrasing can really hurt me. We’ve come a long way.
OP, I wish you the best of luck! I hope she makes it in to therapy. We all need it sometimes.
Sweetie, you can have chemistry all you want but it’s been in plain sight that he is NOT ready for absolutely any kind of relationship.
If he doesn’t want to get help, don’t try to save him. He is not your responsibility. Specially for a grown ass man.
Best advice ever ?
You are not being unreasonable. He does not sound like he respects you at all.
i wish i could personally thank everyone who's commented. it's good to hear im not the only one who thinks this shit isn't normal! makes me fee sane.
i've screenshotted all our conversations just in case like you told me to!
within a week had arranged to meet someone. I begged him not to go ahead with it as I realised I wasn’t emotionally able for it but he did it anyway.
You're getting downvoted because your reply is completely irrelevant to this post, because you made up a fictional scenario where he didn't go ahead with the plan to sleep with someone else, and replied to that instead.
Not exactly. He’s made it clear he’s not ignoring.
Your boyfriend needs to start defending you, like yesterday. This will absolutely not work long term.
LMAO thanks SO MUCH for telling on yourself. now it’s obvious where all the vitriol is coming from, you’re trying to defend your own life choices. Your mom shouldn’t be used as your maid, chef, and personal shopper, you should be doing all that yourself. You identify with OPs boyfriend so you’re defending him with every ounce of your being to try and defend yourself. Thanks for the laugh, your admission really made my whole night. I’m saving this thread now ????
YTA – justification after the fact doesn't change it.
My then boyfriend and now husband ended up going to college together and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I loved him and he’s my best friend, so not having him around during the college years would’ve been so hot. We have been married 7 years now, together for 14.
At the end of the day, if you want to make it work, you will make it work.
Sure, bring it up, why not.
Nope the fuck out
Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. Sure, you've been together for 2 years, but do you want to waste 2 more taking care of this adult man? And then you will have wasted 4 years.
Stay away from this guy.
Or perhaps I have self-respect. And I could talk about my history with women but what’s the point. You and I obviously have different viewpoints and see the situation differently. Let’s agree to disagree. The OP can make up their own mind.
Would you want it done to you?
Say- I would love to visit you but I would like some alone time with you, rather than a group visit if that’s possible.
Will you should not do is use derogatory terms because you disagree with someone’s opinion… ??♂️ but you’re 40 years old. I’m sure you already know this.. hope your day gets better.
Yeah, it's turned into quite the shiner. I'll post a new pic of it when I post an update tomorrow, but it's pretty ugly. Work today is going to be very interesting. Hopefully I don't catch too much crap for it.
you don’t. find a new boyfriend
Ugh speak for yourself with this take. The rest of us understand that we're often the Marcies in this situation and we're sick to death of having to justify our seat at the table and prove we're not after your crusty goddamn men.
Also, you need to accept whatever your affair partner chooses regarding the child. Either way, you need to confess to your wife.
It’s a bad idea. And disrespectful of your husband to be insistent about it.
Abusive, unfaithful, narcissistic and controlling
I'm impressed by how out all women you managed to find this lady and go as far as marrying her.
Dayum!!
Abusive, unfaithful, narcissistic and controlling
I'm impressed by how out all women you managed to find this lady and go as far as marrying her.
Dayum!!
How regularly does your boyfriend get angry and insult you? Be careful as it doesn't sound like he's all that nice to you in the first place.
If you're not currently in therapy, you need to be. You're grieving yourself and still stuck on before and after.
You're not a misanthrope just because your sense of idealism got stamped out. Being idealistic is not a value, it's a mindset. And ok, maybe now you don't talk to strangers. You will still find ways to be kind and help people again, when your heart is ready!
I think your dude is a moron. I have PTSD, hypervigilant about my safety and environment. My partner grew up in an unlocked house. He still checks all the doors and windows with me every night. Your dude is judging you and telling himself he's superior. For what? Not having trauma? Yuck.
She wants u to do it all while u get no rites or reward. And expects u to pay for everything. Tell her hell no your both equals or nothing.
??????
Be glad he’s showing these red flags now. If his plan wasn’t to control you through money, he would have no problem with you having your own funds.
I agree specially this part. Role reversing always gives a clearer vision of manipulation and disrespect.
More like you haven’t realized they wanna fuck you
Change your definition of a date. Make it match the type of interaction you are looking for.
A date doesn’t have to be a meal out at a fancy restaurant.
It can be a movie, a walk in the park, having dinner with friends, coffee, getting gelato at 11pm just for the hell of it.
Ok maybe friend finally gave up on getting to OP by his own means, so instead got close enough to fiance to attempt to recruit his help. “Accidentally” left the notebooks out to break into the topic. I don't know
Are you trying creative writing? Because this didn’t happen. And it’s shit.
Your bf is weird for the way he reacted, but you’re also weird as shit for this situation. I suspect there’s more to how you told this story than you’re letting on and your bf picked up some major creep vibes from you. After all, you’re obsessing over a 14 year olds gold necklace. That’s super fucking weird.
My MIL is married to an alcoholic. We love her, but we just can't be around him. We are in low contact with her. It sucks, but distancing yourself is sometimes needed. My kids literally went from being at her house every month and even staying the night a lot to only seeing her at holidays. Some people just don't listen and stay with toxic people for reasons we'll never understand.
Proposal???
You’re an absolute fool if you stay, if she does end up doing something that’s not your fault and for her to basically hold you hostage with emotional abuse is completely unacceptable
This person needs a MASSIVE amount of professional help and you need to get out while you can
I wouldn’t say butchered. Sikhs and our Gurus had to fight to survive.
OP should try to wear a pagh one day in your life, then you know what it means to be a “Singh” and read Sikh history. Then you would know what it means to be a Sikh and why this is wrong. To convert to Islam is probably one of the most shameful things you could ever do. Your essentially giving up on your identity.
Many punjabis take pride in being Sikh, have a shared history and community. Celebrate Vaisaki, Diwali, Gurpurab instead of Ramadan. Read your history on Sikh before anything
Don’t go back to your ex, he’s now repentant because you caught him and probably because he misses the financial support you provided.
With this new guy either take it very slow or cool it off.
She's no longer comfortable talking to you about anything besides work. I don't blame her for being more careful about boundaries. Things've changed, and that's okay.
Match her energy. Don't keep pushing her to talk about stuff she doesn't want to talk about. Things are only going to be tense if you insist on making her tense.
Don't mix up lust and love…
Dump him and go get a new tattoo.
that is true. i used to imagine myself getting engaged right after college and never having to live alone. so i feel old even though logically i know that i’m not haha. thank you for your comment
How long were you together if you have been married since 20? Why did you move 6 hours away from everything you know?
You are not ready for a marriage
It’s only been 5 months. I’d just break up and move on. This sounds exhausting. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
I do want advice. I never said I didn’t. But I am not in a position to leave yet. I need advice on how to deal with the situation until I can leave, but everyone twisted my words and now they think I’m asking for money, which I’m not.
Just an observation I made: all your replies are snappy, but the only time you used the word please was when you were “sarcastically” asking for money.
Yeah, somethings going on with your husband and it's not you or your joke.
I'd be very suspect at his behavior and what's really causing it bc it sounds like a bunch of deflecting behavior.
You should love yourself and leave this man.
I'm not upset.
My initial point was that the age difference itself isn’t automatically an indicator that the older person is immature.
It very often is.
I agree with your boyfriend on this. People change so much in their 20s, he’s making a good call by wanting to wait until 30. If you guys are still together in 9 years, then it’s safe to say you will last forever. Look up the statistics of people who marry in their 20s and get divorced. I was one of them. It’s not about how you feel right now, because anything can change. Marriage is fast and cheap, divorce is long and expensive. There shouldn’t be any rush to be married if you two are already living together and living life together. Just enjoy it.
Thank you. I haven`t thought of that situation like this.
I know I can’t be with her anymore.
Unfortunately an understatement. This is long past 'anymore' and into the realm of absurdity now.
It's the same pattern: she meets and gets interested in someone, you have a convenient break where she gets to explore that, she keeps you hanging the entire time, then she trots back to you if and when those dynamics don't work out. She comes back because they don't, one day she just won't come back, and she's acknowledged she is in the process of chatting with a guy again so a break is inevitable.
I am sure in your mind you don't call it cheating as you don't use that term in your post but be clear it is and always has been. She is someone that finds it impossible to resist pursuing other guys and really all you represent for her is stability, exploitability. She is utterly toxic, more than happy to lie to your face.
But part of this is reflecting on how and why you've put up with this. It isn't your fault she is so awful, but it is kind of concerning you can see such a transparent trend and not opt to walk away. I get you are anxious about having to explain things but what… is this torture and wasting even more of your life really the better option?
I hate to be the Redditor who jumps to “well, break up,” but if your girlfriend can't respect your boundaries, then the relationship is worth keeping up in my opinion. It's up to you what to do. However, if my partner didn't respect my boundaries after I clarified them and continued to do so after reminders, they wouldn't be my partner any longer.
If you still want to go, I'd do it without her and find a friend to go with. She's welcome not to go but she doesn't have to drag you down with her.
She can plan the trip next time.
My mom is paying the treatment. She was very insistent that I do it and was concerned when the dentist told me that I was likely to lose two teeth if I didn't start treatment right away. And since I didn't have the money to pay for it, she offered to pay for everything.
Im 30 and still have relationship drama in the same vein.
No matter how juvenile the issue, there will be adults far older than you expect having to deal with it
You two need couples counseling. It sounds like resentment had already crept in before you had this conversation and I do completely understand that, but it’s a relationship-killer if you don’t deal with it. Tell him how you’re feeling and that you don’t want to get engaged until you process your feelings with the help of a professional.
Sounds like this is her way of punishing you and making you feel bad, rather than her actually hiding something from you, but you know her better than anyone here. Do you have any other reason to suspect anything other than her reaction?
dude just forget it, she seems to be extremely childish or she is just confused ether way accept how things are and that there willl probably be no relationship….
It appears she is using you as her sugar daddy. If you are not comfortable with that arrangement you should consider moving on. Sometimes it's the young gals taking advantage of older men….
Nope. Plain and simple. Move on.
She failed the wife test. Do you think her behaviour is a good example for your future children?
Let's just say he wasn't feeding you a cup off bullshit. Which it sounds entirely like he is.
At a bare minimum two things. Either you're not compatible because the way he “jokes” with everyone if he wasn't purposely downplaying it.
Or he needs to understand its not okay with you.
But either way this is your sign its probably not going to last.
What did you say when he got back? Did you apologize?
We all make mistakes. But your gf is hella harsh to come down on someone for being “average.”
Leave him
I think she needs several session of therapy before I would even consider moving in with her. I really cannot stress enough how concerned I am. Your relationship is not currently strong enough to handle the stressors of moving in and for someone whose trauma manifests like hers does, the results could be catastrophic.
I think you might have to find a boyfriend who comfortable with scars, one day you'll find someone whose able to recognize you for who you are but for now maybe journal get used to how you feel about your emotions and heal from the scaring accept your body now because one day someone is going to care for you as much as you care for yourself
Tell him, work with him to figure out the way forward. Of course, if what you want interferes with what he wants, put yourself first. But a lot of people here are suggesting that you leave him out entirely and that’s just straight up a bad idea
They definitely into each other and he’s boning her