Because you wrote a previous post where you state that your partner is still attracted to his ex wife, then I totally agree that he shouldn’t spend the night sleeping on her settee. He lives close enough that he can be at her house within a few minutes when the children wake up. Him sleeping at the house overnight will confuse his children and make them possibly think that their parents are getting back together. Once his children have gone to bed he needs to either go home to his own house or visit you.
Listen, here's the thing about therapy. You gotta want it, work it, or it will be an exercise in futility.
Let's say you are able to articulate why you think she needs to attend individual therapy. If SHE doesn't also believe that, then the whole thing will fall apart. She has to want to want help. You cannot want it for her and expect that to transfer over.
I would be curious to hear what these “coming to a head” episodes look like to you. You are having panic attacks – what is she doing?
At any rate, unless SHE thinks she wants or needs therapy, you providing a reason won't matter.
The therapist is trying to get you to articulate why you believe that, in a clear way, because she is trying to understand YOUR perspective. The question reveals more about you than her, to be quite honest.
“I'm not a professional” is an excuse and hedging. Give an example of these “coming to a head” episodes to your therapist. Explain yourself. No one is asking for a dx, they're asking you to explain your rationale.
Maybe try writing it down first. Sometimes it's easier to write it and just read it.
I see what you mean. Again, think from their perspective. He loves you for you. Have you ever owned or expressed a liking to frogs prior to meeting him? I don’t think it’s wrong for you to ask questions like this and it’s fine to bring it up in a conversation. However, I think your bf is giving you a honest answer without overthinking it. He didn’t date you because you own frogs, so for him to think of a situation where all of a sudden you just have 100 frogs seems wild. But for him to stay with you regardless if you were a frog is possible because they may appreciate your company.
Once uploaded, it never gets deleted – that's just how the internet works, and that sucks. You can however make people stop teasing you. Now, those girls are absolute jerks who hopefully will cringe for the rest of their lives from what they did. They are at fault and responsible. Sadly, you can't control them or their actions, only your own. One of the most common reason for someone to be “chosen” as a bullying victim is that they are perceptible to it. If you can make it seem like they aren't hurting you, it won't be fun for them anymore, and theyll stop. Laugh along if someone shows you the video, try to shrug it off. It's unfair that this is a solution. It's unfair that it's you and not them who would be taking steps. But telling them to stop and delete it will only encourage a stronger response.
I’m betting, you’re absolutely exaggerating, the babies probably sleeping closer to four hours which isn’t all that abnormal for a 10 month old. I’m thinking you should probably just let your wife raise her baby the way she wants, your baby will get on its own schedule without any sleep training. Sleep training can be extremely damaging, leaving infants, crying for hours, so they learn not to cry for their parents… That’s what you’re asking your wife to do…
Because the conversation ended after nearly saying Hi and he’s happy for her… I don’t think there’s much to bring up. I understand you believe he had certain intentions but you can’t prove it now
Your husband isn’t right here. You can give him the non-apology apology until he cools off. It’s none of your family’s business what happens in your marriage assuming there’s no abuse. Have a discussion with him once his temper tantrum has calmed down.
And don’t sleep in the same bed with your brother any more. Not because you’re wrong. But because your spouse is clearly uncomfortable with it.
Good god. Do you know that most couples these days communicate about what they want for their future? You haven't brought it up in SEVEN years and you think he's magically supposed to know that you'd say yes?
I am sorry, I know this is harsh, but this is a you problem and one you have to fix. I 100% understand the difficulty of self body issues but it is not his job to manage them in this way. You are right that the fact you have held out for him, means you are allowed to expect the same from him, but it is not going to make anyone happy.
Instead of asking him not to go, go with him. I know it is difficult but I promise you gym people don't care. I was terribly afraid of going to the gym but my friends pressured me to join them. My friends were 6ft+ military men who all were ripped, so I felt even worse standing next to them. The coach was just as tall and if possible, in even better shape. However, every single one of them were so encouraging. Their message to me was, it doesn't matter how well you do in the gym, it matters you tried and you went.
I have found the same kind of people in all 3 gyms I have ever been to. It is okay to be afraid, but do it anyway. Don't be to harsh to yourself, don't be to harsh to yourself for your own thoughts. It is okay to struggle with these things.
I certainly don't want this to turn into the sunk cost fallacy. The way I see it is: maybe things were okay enough once, but maybe I have changed, or he has, or both. Whatever the case, we ended up in a situation where we have created this great divide. For me, a lot of that has to do with some harrowing work experiences, but sure, there were cracks in things even before that. For him, he became even more withdrawn and more intent on indirectly punishing me (which is a childish-rooted behavior) for making him feel like he wasn't higher on my priority list.
For those reasons, I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, trying to get him to talk through things, and take baby steps towards addressing some of the overall relationship issues. I think he thought he was making efforts before, but they were pretty shallow. I will tell you that, just from talking to him, he seems to have a pattern of this behavior towards the end of previous relationships. Basically, when life gets in the way, or when priorities have to shift, he pulls back, withdraws, and prepares for the other person to end things. I truly think he could benefit from therapy from that vantage point.
For me: yes, I know I have enabled and made excuses for things in the past. I'm not going to say I am not doing that now, but I will say I have flagged that as a concern I have in conversations with him, and pointed out that this has just allowed some of the things I find to be unacceptable to continue happening.
Is he a verbal kind of guy? My wife tells me I love you constantly, never gets old for me and she sits next to me when we watch our shows and talk. After 31 years though I admit I'm easy to please. I still get giddy when she starts at me. Best to communicate what would give him then warm and fuzzy.
Thank you so much for this. You’ve comforted me so much? Ill take your advice to not text him first since he asked for the break and I should in turn take this as a time to work on myself. It just hurts sometimes since he also hasnt given me a timeframe of when the ‘break’ would end. Thank you again for giving me so much comfort
You're adults. As long as you guys are paying for the trip there isn't exactly much they can do other than tell you they are disappointed… unless they are the kind that would kick her out over it.
Man, I'm sorry, but he sounds like a 62 year old child. I would NEVER ignore my daughter's needs while RECOVERING FROM SURGERY, to whine about what I WANTED from her.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I'd let him know how you feel explicitly: That you're dealing with your recovery, multiple feelings, and him being selfish and ignorant to you needing to rest is WAY too much.
At first I was skeptical, but you clarified certain things, do you, you seem to be on a successful path for a healthy relationship, obviously have boundaries, but at the same time do what you think is best, no everyone's experience can be applied to different relationships
Because you wrote a previous post where you state that your partner is still attracted to his ex wife, then I totally agree that he shouldn’t spend the night sleeping on her settee. He lives close enough that he can be at her house within a few minutes when the children wake up. Him sleeping at the house overnight will confuse his children and make them possibly think that their parents are getting back together. Once his children have gone to bed he needs to either go home to his own house or visit you.
She is keeping them slightly interested in case you don’t work out.
Best advice….ask your friends to answer honestly, why they don't think you can get a date.
No one here can answer that. If you're trying, and failing you need an insider who knows you, not us.
Listen, here's the thing about therapy. You gotta want it, work it, or it will be an exercise in futility.
Let's say you are able to articulate why you think she needs to attend individual therapy. If SHE doesn't also believe that, then the whole thing will fall apart. She has to want to want help. You cannot want it for her and expect that to transfer over.
I would be curious to hear what these “coming to a head” episodes look like to you. You are having panic attacks – what is she doing?
At any rate, unless SHE thinks she wants or needs therapy, you providing a reason won't matter.
The therapist is trying to get you to articulate why you believe that, in a clear way, because she is trying to understand YOUR perspective. The question reveals more about you than her, to be quite honest.
“I'm not a professional” is an excuse and hedging. Give an example of these “coming to a head” episodes to your therapist. Explain yourself. No one is asking for a dx, they're asking you to explain your rationale.
Maybe try writing it down first. Sometimes it's easier to write it and just read it.
I see what you mean. Again, think from their perspective. He loves you for you. Have you ever owned or expressed a liking to frogs prior to meeting him? I don’t think it’s wrong for you to ask questions like this and it’s fine to bring it up in a conversation. However, I think your bf is giving you a honest answer without overthinking it. He didn’t date you because you own frogs, so for him to think of a situation where all of a sudden you just have 100 frogs seems wild. But for him to stay with you regardless if you were a frog is possible because they may appreciate your company.
Once uploaded, it never gets deleted – that's just how the internet works, and that sucks. You can however make people stop teasing you. Now, those girls are absolute jerks who hopefully will cringe for the rest of their lives from what they did. They are at fault and responsible. Sadly, you can't control them or their actions, only your own. One of the most common reason for someone to be “chosen” as a bullying victim is that they are perceptible to it. If you can make it seem like they aren't hurting you, it won't be fun for them anymore, and theyll stop. Laugh along if someone shows you the video, try to shrug it off. It's unfair that this is a solution. It's unfair that it's you and not them who would be taking steps. But telling them to stop and delete it will only encourage a stronger response.
Ofc you don’t.
Would probably fall asleep halfway through ?
Get. Out.
Wow what a terrible man. He's assaulting you
“My boyfriend is loving and romantic but he screams at me when he gets in arguments and guilt trips me by saying he’s gonna kill himself”
Wtf is this relationship LOL
You need to just get out as fast as you can
I’m betting, you’re absolutely exaggerating, the babies probably sleeping closer to four hours which isn’t all that abnormal for a 10 month old. I’m thinking you should probably just let your wife raise her baby the way she wants, your baby will get on its own schedule without any sleep training. Sleep training can be extremely damaging, leaving infants, crying for hours, so they learn not to cry for their parents… That’s what you’re asking your wife to do…
“I knew this kid was a good guy when I walked in on him clapping the FUCK out of OP's cheeks.”
Because the conversation ended after nearly saying Hi and he’s happy for her… I don’t think there’s much to bring up. I understand you believe he had certain intentions but you can’t prove it now
No, just bring your new date along the next time you see her.
Learn to love yourself (it’s hot) no man, no friend, no family will cure this. A therapist may help
Your husband isn’t right here. You can give him the non-apology apology until he cools off. It’s none of your family’s business what happens in your marriage assuming there’s no abuse. Have a discussion with him once his temper tantrum has calmed down.
And don’t sleep in the same bed with your brother any more. Not because you’re wrong. But because your spouse is clearly uncomfortable with it.
Why. Don't. You. Talk. To. Him.
Good god. Do you know that most couples these days communicate about what they want for their future? You haven't brought it up in SEVEN years and you think he's magically supposed to know that you'd say yes?
I am sorry, I know this is harsh, but this is a you problem and one you have to fix. I 100% understand the difficulty of self body issues but it is not his job to manage them in this way. You are right that the fact you have held out for him, means you are allowed to expect the same from him, but it is not going to make anyone happy.
Instead of asking him not to go, go with him. I know it is difficult but I promise you gym people don't care. I was terribly afraid of going to the gym but my friends pressured me to join them. My friends were 6ft+ military men who all were ripped, so I felt even worse standing next to them. The coach was just as tall and if possible, in even better shape. However, every single one of them were so encouraging. Their message to me was, it doesn't matter how well you do in the gym, it matters you tried and you went.
I have found the same kind of people in all 3 gyms I have ever been to. It is okay to be afraid, but do it anyway. Don't be to harsh to yourself, don't be to harsh to yourself for your own thoughts. It is okay to struggle with these things.
I certainly don't want this to turn into the sunk cost fallacy. The way I see it is: maybe things were okay enough once, but maybe I have changed, or he has, or both. Whatever the case, we ended up in a situation where we have created this great divide. For me, a lot of that has to do with some harrowing work experiences, but sure, there were cracks in things even before that. For him, he became even more withdrawn and more intent on indirectly punishing me (which is a childish-rooted behavior) for making him feel like he wasn't higher on my priority list.
For those reasons, I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, trying to get him to talk through things, and take baby steps towards addressing some of the overall relationship issues. I think he thought he was making efforts before, but they were pretty shallow. I will tell you that, just from talking to him, he seems to have a pattern of this behavior towards the end of previous relationships. Basically, when life gets in the way, or when priorities have to shift, he pulls back, withdraws, and prepares for the other person to end things. I truly think he could benefit from therapy from that vantage point.
For me: yes, I know I have enabled and made excuses for things in the past. I'm not going to say I am not doing that now, but I will say I have flagged that as a concern I have in conversations with him, and pointed out that this has just allowed some of the things I find to be unacceptable to continue happening.
Kind of pictures you keep when you’ve crush on someone
Is he a verbal kind of guy? My wife tells me I love you constantly, never gets old for me and she sits next to me when we watch our shows and talk. After 31 years though I admit I'm easy to please. I still get giddy when she starts at me. Best to communicate what would give him then warm and fuzzy.
Did he feel differently towards you when you were first dating?
Thank you so much for this. You’ve comforted me so much? Ill take your advice to not text him first since he asked for the break and I should in turn take this as a time to work on myself. It just hurts sometimes since he also hasnt given me a timeframe of when the ‘break’ would end. Thank you again for giving me so much comfort
Also I’m dying about the fact that he’s like “your mood has improved since you went off your medication at my insistence”
If she’s not getting any sleep how is she in a good mood
He honestly seems really controlling. Disrupting sleep is a great way to control someone
Doesn't your husband know any of this
You're adults. As long as you guys are paying for the trip there isn't exactly much they can do other than tell you they are disappointed… unless they are the kind that would kick her out over it.
So she expects your family to conform to her cultural expectations. What else is she going to demand of you and your parents?
Sounds like it's all good then! Just enjoy your time together and try not to overthink it.
Man, I'm sorry, but he sounds like a 62 year old child. I would NEVER ignore my daughter's needs while RECOVERING FROM SURGERY, to whine about what I WANTED from her.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I'd let him know how you feel explicitly: That you're dealing with your recovery, multiple feelings, and him being selfish and ignorant to you needing to rest is WAY too much.
Reading this, you’ve answered your own question. Your 16, focus on your education & settings some goals.
At first I was skeptical, but you clarified certain things, do you, you seem to be on a successful path for a healthy relationship, obviously have boundaries, but at the same time do what you think is best, no everyone's experience can be applied to different relationships