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Sounds like you both need to rally and look into causes and ways to overcome.
It’s starts with having mature conversations.
No reason either of you have to just accept.
Leave while you still can!
This is just awful on his part. These weren’t just annoyed comments of his. To speak about someone like this and attribute things to their race is just disgusting. Him and his sister are trash
Please know none of this is true. I’m sorry your bf lied and I truly have no idea why he dated you when he was a racist
All I can say is talk to family and friends about what you should do. Can you go with anyone else you trust at least during your recovery? If I were you I would get a plan on how I am leaving. Screenshot his messages and send them to myself incase I need to revert back to them. Then when the time comes to leave calmly leave. You don’t owe him anything when it comes to respect as he clearly didn’t give you his. The comments are inexcusable. I get we all complain about our SOs but to make up lies and insult someones race? That is just deep seated hate. I wish you well. I feel terrible you spent so much time with an asshat
The character of someone comes out when they’re denied what they want. He has been coercing you into sex for years when you’re not in the mood. I would suggest some therapy later next year to dig into any trauma related to his behavior around that. Because if really may have impacted your relationship with sex and you don’t even realize it right now.
His behavior during your grieving process is emotionally terrifying to read and I’m sure to go through. I can’t imagine you can even heal right now. Please pack up important documents and sentimental items and go stay with a safe family member. Trust me, you will feel relief and safety and grief finally. Just give it a few days to kick in. He should be consoling you as you sob, and validating your feelings of loss. His behavior is DISGUSTING. This is not a human worth knowing.