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No she doesn't have any therapy but she is overweight. We aren't talking morbidly obeist but hasn't lost the weight from having children 8 years ago. She would feel better if she lost weight (I call it being “healthier” when we discuss it) and I imagine once she started it would become addictive and would change her lifestyle. She does work very hot and the kids take up a lot of time so she doesn't have much time to dedicate to losing weight hence why I bought the peloton as I don't think the gym would work.
If you tell him, it might not be a big deal now but it could become down the line.
If he sees the 2 of you talking. Or if you act close. Or if you go out with friends without your boyfriend. He might become jealous and think that you are doing with his best friend what you used to.
See the 2 of you together will be a constant reminder to your BF of what you used to do.
If you want a long term relationghip with your BF, you and his best friend should keep it a secret forever.
If you can't, than good luck.
But you should speak with his best friend first and see what he thinks. You might even decide to tell him together. And what about his best friend girfriend. Would she be ok hanging out with her boyfriend “Ex”? She would have to know as well…
Broke boyss
Yeah, it's possible she took some pictures and then thought better of sending them. I know I've done it. Sometimes I just take very hot pics to hype myself up.
Address what you guys bump heads on and why and find a solution you both can work with. Therapy also helps learn how to communicate better.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t trust you or believe you?
No point in trying to prove yourself to someone you’re about to break up with anyway. Move on.
When you mean slept together, did you just sleep together in the same bed or did the peepee go in the woowoo?
You're being kinda weird about this. Not being able to on-line your life like that doesn't mean you have to divorce. Lol. You're the one who came to that conclusion tbh I didn't get that vibe at all. It came off as a warning to me, if you don't want this negativity to last forever, it is time to address it now. Maybe this hits close to home for you.
It sounds like the girl you're talking about may be going through some personal issues that are making it difficult for her to be as social and communicative as she used to be. While it's important to be understanding and supportive, it's also important to respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs. If she has said that she isn't in the mood to talk, it might be best to give her some time and wait until she is ready to communicate before reaching out again.
But in this instance I think it's worth spending a little (read: a lot) on a lawyer now to save a comparatively much larger amount of money in the future. Sometimes both sides of scale suck and you just go with the least crappy
Who is the close friend you want to take instead? Is it a girl? If so the that’s probably why she’s insisting so you’re not spending time with another girl but someone she trusts. Or maybe she genuinely wants her sister to have a nice experience and then you get to know her in the process. What is the intimate experience?
His reaction to your drunk ramblings is way out of proportion. This is abusive, immature and mean. Also, you only have his word for what happened. Is it possible someone spiked your drink?
He sounds awful. You did not make a big mistake other than possibly drinking too much.
A nice, kind, and caring boyfriend would put the situation in the past and never mention it again. That is what you deserve. I would run from this guy.
If you want to stay, you need to stand up to him and stake some boundaries: it was a drunken night in the past. Forget it. Stop talking about it.
Somehow I thought it will come naturally that she will drive on her own, but i guess you're right. I will do something like that.
You need to read the post through and not just pick stuff out of context to attack OP.
I think it depends. My partner and I do gifts, but not all couples do! I would ask, even if it’s kinda awkward.
“Hey just gotta know…we doing gifts for our anniversary? It’s fine either way I just want to know.”
I would suggest to seek couples therapy, either way that would be the best option for both of you.
I don't know your backstory or if there ever was a connection between the two of you. But there may be a chance that you don't have a problem with her as a person, but that the relationship is missing passion and positive energy. It is important to invest in a relationship with heart and truly trying, before seeking fulfillment somewhere else, otherwise you may find yourself in the same position again soon.
If you two can't show the same level of love and passion for eachother, then the best option would be to disband the relationship. Also just imagine when finding the love of your life, and showing love, interest and always watching her back, only to find out later, that she finds you boring and ugly and is only waiting for someone better to come around. That nobody deserves. So if you truly find out that you don't love her, find her attractive, or whatever, just leave her to give her the chance to find someone that deserves her love.
Try to be the right person, instead of (focusing on solely) finding the right person, is what I'm trying to say. Be honest, while showing respect, because like you said, she's been kind to you and is someone you can lean on. That alone deserves respect and recognition.
You deserve a better best friend… Religious or not, that’s not fair of him. I’m Christian, but I don’t see being gay as a sin. It’s old outdated shit. Love is love… & if he sees it as a sin, a real Christian doesn’t judge people for their “sins”… He’s uneducated with his own religion. I can’t stand people like that that use it as a shield from their personal fucked up views.
I’m sorry & I hope you find a better best friend. A real one would never do that. They would love you for who you are, no matter what.
yes they are still friends!!! his friend is a very nice guy. he's really kind and caring and gave my bf what anyone could dream of from a friend. the fact that this guy literally has no family or relatives to take care of him and my bf isn't caring at all really makes me so sad
No
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Updateme!
I've never met her husband and her daughter is just a year younger than me and i've only said hey over the phone. I know she says that her only friends are the wives of her husbands friends that she considers me her only true friend. I have shared a few dating stories of mine
You’re still not answering the question.
Was it with someone you were dating or between people who were dating?
Does he need to go to the doctor?
Totally agree with you. Most people who do that are fully aware of how wrong something is, they just don't want to be prevented and bank on the done facts to get away with it. “What's done is done”.
I probably wouldn’t care that much, boobs are just boobs. It’s the “sensual dancing” lead up that makes it bad imo
I guess I move with a different demographic. I'm not saying it
couldn't happen, but I can't think of a faster way to catch a long-neck
beer bottle up the side of the head. Just saying…..
It's not a matter of being built different, it's fucking nature. A 14 year old doesn't look like they're in their 20s, let alone their fucking 30s. You've got some bigger issues, my guy. Stop drinking, grow the fuck up, and get your life together.
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I don't know if this will change your opinion, but my current partner says I'm quite affectionate and when we spent the night together (just sleeping) for the first time, he said I/we were clingy, but in a good way. We had a lot of cute moments like him falling asleep in my arms and me telling him how cute he was and smiling in his sleep. He hugged me throughout the night and then didn't remember any of it and was happy to know how happy his subconscious was. I'm fully aware of how nice this is and how I never had a single night like that with my ex. I think I'm doing a great job at not showing my partner this fear at all. He knows that the relationship hurt me because my ex slowly pulled away and was not honest about what he wanted. I've been considerate of the fact that my fears are not his responsibility and I want to enjoy him and celebrate him and deal with my fears privately.
Did he introduce you as his girlfriend to his mom and sister?
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Mismatches when it comes to sexual desire usually don't work.
Thank you, I’m planning to talk to him about it and see what he says, just ask why he wants to go and how he feels about it. Also what he would want from me if I went out like this.
Unfortunately I do have crippling anxiety in general so I can make up problems in my head that are not real and make them feel like they are ?
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Sorry friend date people who you can actually date, long distance is rough and she is 21. She is gonna experience a lot, and will have a lot of male attention. Like a lot. The saying a 4 on base is a 10 rings true. My advice let it be permanent drop contact, don't let yourself be an option. Date around you'll find a girl into you I'm sure, try to go a little older 25+ you'll have a more realistic chance at something more long term.
He's not “forgetting” anything. He's repeatedly violating your boundaries thinking he can and will just wear you down and that's not ok.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?
Yes. Dump him and find someone who respects your boundaries. If this guy can't stop after seven months then it's not going to change, there's no “magic word” here that's going to make it all better.
Regardless is she did or didn't: She did not respect you or your feelings.
This is odd. It's very hot to say why, but it's okay for you to walk away if this isn't working for you.
No idea how long it was since she stopped texting you or how much you like her. You need to make that decision. She might also think its some kind of dating vodoo to go no contact for a while and that this makes the man more interested. I would just resume my life and after 2-4 messages from me if she does not respond I would not write her anymore and if she does I would tell her that I do not like it if she goes no contact without telling me before that she will be busy or something.
I understand the health risks. I smoke both myself as does my husband. That’s what works for us. Marijuana dependence is a thing but she is an adult. You can’t just decide for her. You can beg and plead but if that’s what she wants then that’s just it. I’m not trying to be mean. Just real about it I guess
That is always so very hot and I totally get wanting a neutral opinion on it. But of all the perfectness, if you cannot trust your partner 100% there’s always going to be that seed of doubt/suspicion that is going to erode any good foundation that has been set.
Everyone is different and has different priorities, but if I were in another relationship and anything happened that questioned if I could trust my partner or not it’s game over.
Because you can find someone just as perfect that you can trust.
It’s people putting human emotions into their pets.
In my head I am like really you are telling me this. I don't wanna know
Say the quite part out loud as many times as needed.
Reddit can get really devoid of human emotion REALLY fast lol
You don't have to make a baby with this man.
Her response to you not accepting her apology immediately was narcissistic.
Good luck
Why break anything off? Nothing has happened yet.
Kinda weird that she needs parental advice on dating safety at 24 though.
yea well I've been ostracized (on Reddit) in the past that grabbing your boyfriend's dick when your horny is considered sexual assault and they should ask for permission first before initiating any physical contact.
Absurd, I know.
Oh sweet summer child
We’re going in circles and you are reiterating your same points. I think it’s safe to say we agree to disagree.
Indeed,I need therapy for others aspects in my life lol
sucks that I don’t have money for a private one, and for a public one you gotta wait half a year
Fellow insomniac here coming to to say the same thing. I do absolutely everything in my power to make sure people get the best nights sleep they can because I know just how detrimental it is to not get a healthy amount of sleep. Most insomniacs I know are a lot the same. We don't sleep well, but that doesn't mean we want people to suffer from lack of sleep. This is abusive behavior by someone who needs medical help not support from her boyfriend. The way I see it Op either leaves and gets back to healthy or they stay with her and support her so long as she's putting in the work to get better not just alleviate her pains. Let me point out the obvious. People who love each other do NOT torture their significant others or family/friends. Sadists do.
Which is exactly what I brought up. They (the BIL and her sister) don't even have to know why she's asking or what happened. If this is a regular occurrence like she claims, what is the problem with confirming what you've been already doing?
As some one who recently lost her little sister to a drug OD, I suggest listening to your bf. By him telling you his experiences, and giving advice does not make him controlling. It makes him a great person.
Drugs are harmful to your body, and mind. They can screw you up, and kill you. A great bf, and friend would not encourage you to try drugs, even in a controlled environment.
do me a favor and log out for the year
Wouldn’t her “job” be taking care of the child? Let’s assume she took up a “job”, wouldn’t that only cover the child care necessary while she’s working? “Babysitting” is expensive, but that doesn’t include the early education given from early interaction with mom. You also have to consider time lost while coordinating around that schedule, then commute, etc. So, if you want to cover what “Mom” would, you need to double/triple to hire an educator that will give baby what mom would.
Mom at home with baby makes the most of the situation.
It wouldn’t be a problem in a secure relationship where desire is alive for each other. It is a problem in a relationship where one person is using their partner to get themselves off vs having a shared experience. And it definitely is a problem when it happens routinely. Your comments don’t are so generalized and don’t reflect the context of the situation or the nuances of OP’s relationship.
So if the wife isn't in the mood op isn't allowed to self pleasure?
All of this and make sure you have a camera in the inside entrance to your place. You are not over reacting, guys that do this ahit as scary AF.
If he would of rated you 10 out of 10 it would be no fun…but instead he was honest…and that's really cool…he thinks the world of you…And that is awesome
You have known each other for a long time, but it sounds like the actual friendship ran its course a long time ago and that what you are left with is simply the neediness of your supposed friend who can't make a good decision for the life of here.
Is this person an actual friend or do you just stay in touch with her because you used to be close? Do you actually like having her around or do you just keep her around because you still remember who she once was and what she meant to you then?
I think you already know the answers to your own questions. If you ask yourself what friendship actually means to you or what kind of people you want in your life, I think you already know that she doesn't fit the bill anymore.
OMG, this comment of ‘two become one’ made me throw up in my mouth a little.
so your gf got abusive and destructive and you handed her over to the lesbian with a crush on her while she was drunk? And you want to stay with her?
Ashley told everyone a story they believed, you clearly didn't leave her alone if she was there… The truth will come out eventually. I'm assuming your gf thought the bartender was attractive and you comparing her to your mother made Vanessa mad because she assumed you must find the bartender attractive too. She was drunk and irrational.
She wanted Ashley so you should just let Ashley have her, that's what it sounds like. There's still a lot of this story that's kinda 'had to be there'.
Please don’t move in with him. The best advice I ever got was that no boyfriend deserves your time or energy. You give it because you want to, and because it’s in investment in something you want. But this relationship sounds terrible. Have a conversation if you want to, but you’re allowed to ghost. Especially if someone lashes out, can’t communicate, and makes unreasonable demands on you. Just get your stuff and don’t look back.
After Uni the pool gets smaller
It was literally randomly said. We weren’t having a conversation or anything. Sorry there isn’t much context, but it is what it is. ?♀️
You need to have a real sit-down conversation on this. Tell her everything you feel, from the heart. She might not understand this is hurting you. On the flip side, make sure she opens up to you and try to understand and accept what she says. She is your wife; no matter what, look in her eyes, embrace her, tell her you love her and she means the world to you. She probably really needs it.
However, I will also say that it does seem like on paper that shes just worn out from work and its very hot to get going as a result. It feels like the two of you really need a vacation to recharge. Maybe try to each get a couple of days off and do a cheap trip or days of relaxation? It could help do a lot for her energy and sex drive.
INFO ….. what does your girlfriend do for a living?
This gives me hope! I have to reserve most of my energy and strength just to look after my kids. I can barely pick up my 30lb one year old and I can no longer keep him still if he gets wiggly during a diaper change. I've dislocated my thumb numerous times trying.
Why are you panicking? He turned someone down and respected your relationship, what more do you want from him?
You sound like a crazy person. N would have made a move, even if you didn’t, if he were interested in you. He simply wasn’t.
C took nothing from you. She can’t take someone you never had.
This is very simple actually. Leave him. These are typical signs of narcissistic. Looks like he moved from the love bombing stage to his true self
Don’t be with someone who makes you ashamed of your biological needs. Food, sex, rest, intimacy, anything. It will only make you have an unhealthy relationship with those natural urges.
Using Toys is actually a great idea to increase the satisfactory factor and enjoy the pleasure of intimacy together or even when apart! Everyone's sex life is different. We all have different needs, we all have different kinds of pleasures that we like.
It is however very important to communicate this with your husband. You have to support each other, it's a team effort! And there's nothing wrong with what you're going through. But it feels like you haven't really been talking to each other on this matter. Like really talk.
Obviously when communication gets stuck like this, your relationship suffers over it.
Therapy can help you find a way to improve communicating. But don't forget, it's a team effort. Not everything is on you.
It sounds like he’s keeping you around juuuuuuust enough. I mean, he’s treating you like complete shit, probably lying about seeing someone else, and when you ask about yourself eventually seeing someone else, his rebuttal is to manipulate you and make you out to be the bad guy by potentially moving on. And he seems to be deriving pleasure by deliberately hurting your feelings? Fuck. That. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He’s shown you who he is. Focus on yourself and your child. I know that’s easier said than done. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
Never lend someone money (or anything) that you aren’t comfortable never seeing again. Life lesson everyone learns
?
My dude, $100K is a vehicle. “Online shopping” with nothing to show for it? Nope ??♀️
If you‘re looking for permission to walk away, here it is. She’s making you work for something that she doesn’t seem willing to give. I can’t say whether or not she’s doing any of this on purpose, but intent doesn’t negate impact and right now the impact is emotional abuse.
Leaving is going to hurt, but remember that hurt won’t last forever. You might feel lost at first, but let your loved ones walk with you as you find your way.
I would ask what your end game is. He is 29. If he doesn’t want to settle down but you do, you have every right to distance yourself. Not every woman wants children, but some men don’t realize our biological clocks are a real thing. People do have kids after 35, but the chances of birth defects are higher, so given the chance, why risk it. If children aren’t a concern, you are still entitled to not waste your time with someone who doesn’t see you as his “end game.” You’re not asking for a proposal, just a commitment, right?
The age difference is not that sketchy (have the same with SO), the sketchy part is they are together for 11 months and he is paying for her and her child bills the 9 months (so almost from the get go) and SHE STILL drops hints about her financial future? What is the father of that child doing? Why isn’t she trying to get child support from him so she won’t be financially insecure? Why not looking for a better job?
Do not date this person.
Something must be wrong with you sorry. She cheated on u n u wanna stay with her? Trust bro she will do it again n this is why people should only give one chance. Understand u love her but she clearly doesn’t love you if she’s kidding another guy. Just leave u will feel so much better because the thought of her cheating will always be there if you stay with her
Thank you brotha.
Nah fuck that. Your relationship has absolutely no foundation and there is no way to fully repair your trust. He lost his chance for redemption, this relationship in my opinion had no chance for a fresh start.
She doesn’t respect you, she flat out doesn’t give a shit about you. Grow some balls and start plotting. You need to be strategic and get the fuck out of that relationship.
She gave you proof of her infidelity. Go to a lawyer. She’s clearly the breadwinner so you should be due some alimony. Cut your losses and get out while you can.
sigh…. you have no self-love, no self-respect, and no self-worth. This is why he could manipulate you into doing all the things that you don’t want to do. Please leave him. Don’t expect others to love you when you have so little love for yourself. Learn to love yourself first before going into any relationship from now on.
You’re much more likely to end up in another abusive relationship once you’ve been in one. Your mind gets addicted to the ups and downs of it and so you tend to go for it. I say this with expierence.
OP, if you go through with your marriage you’re right now seeing a glimpse of the rest of your life with him. That’s a bleak future.
Definitely make sure OP is safe from his ex. He needs stability right now. Drinking (or getting high) should be done in moderation. He needs to get outside and get his body moving. Exercise and outdoor time is one of the best regulating tools you have for emotions.
Cheating is traumatic. He’s going to lose sleep, lose his appetite — it’s part of the process, unfortunately. Anxiety and panic attacks are common, often for weeks or months. Especially with this type of cheating. He needs to find a good therapist, ASAP.
You’re the one in a relationship with him, not your family. If they like him so much they can date him.
Unless you’re into girls the only person a MFF threesome is benefiting his him.
You’re not disgusting. He is judgemental of you and do you want to carry on dealing with his views about you?
Oh yah, he left my ex wife because she got sick. Life threatening in fact. The ole cut n run.
See babe, I couldn’t deal with it emotionally. I was too young then../s
It’s crazy how similar your situation was because my bf does the same thing, he will talk about us living together, getting married, having kids, he will be planning vacations with me, spending a holiday with me, etc… and then I bring up meeting his family and he will act like it’s normal to do all these steps BEFORE meeting family ??♀️
It’s just strange. He talks about his family and his friends… he will tell me at about things going on in their lives, will show me some photos, tell me about future plans he’s making etc… but has never suggested or try to arrange that I meet any of these people, and when I suggest that I should, he gets dismissive and acts like it’s no big deal.
All the keyboard warriors can sit here and come for me as much as they want to ? if this man is hiding a marriage he’s doing a HELL of a job considering how involved he is in our relationship lmao, I mean shit I guess anything in this world is possible Lmfao but believe me when I tell ya, I think it’s more likely his issue is that there’s something wrong with the family that he is embarrassed of or something about me he thinks won’t blend well, etc.
I’m not sure that our relationship can survive the situation because his behavior about it has been eye opening and made me feel significantly unimportant… but if he would be honest about the real reason since we’ve invested a year and a half at this point, it would obviously give me some closure.
I did not say at all that she had no responsibility to manage the fallout, I specifically said he needs to talk to her so that she CAN help navigate this.
I’m aware
Not the worst thing in the world but I (M) see where you are coming from. I wouldn't tell him now, way too early in the relationship. As someone said make sure you are covered before you say anything. What are the chances that the person who knows will talk too much? What about a “customer”? No matter whether this relationship works, at some point you will be faced with the same problem. My immediate reaction is that it isn't necessary that anyone knows if there's no way you can be exposed. I'm pretty old and I have seen situations that are much worse and have been ok. I know people won't agree with my point of view and, of course I have no idea what kind of person you are but I assume you were young and you took a route that most wouldn't take for reasons that seemed expedient at the time. The people telling you to get a new job seem to be forgetting that you are going to face this with any person you end up with. Hope you make it and have a wonderful life. (As an aside…most of the posts say don't tell. I really thought the do gooders would be all over your ass. They aren't, listen to them…don't tell)
just ask, “is there any events coming up that you’d like to go attend with me?” and from there if she doesn’t bring up the trip, dial the friendship back or probably just not respond for a while. If she invites you, soblem proved!
He probably ended it because you are improving. You’re growing as a person and he isn’t. You watch – his next girlfriend will be 18 at the oldest. If she’s any older, she will be extremely immature or fragile.
This hurts right now. And I cannot imagine the level of frustration you must feel because you were never heard. You feel like you have so much to say and now you’ll never get a chance to say it. But if you had ever said it he would not have listened, would he? Focus on yourself like you never have before. Exercise, eat good, fresh foods. Drink a lot of water. Cleanse yourself inside and out. Sit in the sun with your eyes closed looking upward. You are 21 years old. You’re at the peak moment in your youth. you have everything ahead of you. The next several years of your life or when you find out who you are and what you care about and what you believe and what you do not believe. They are powerful years. And you will not be wasting them on someone who stifled your most basic ability to speak your mind. You will not look back when you turn 30 years old and cry because you wasted your 20s on an emotionally vacant, manipulative, uncaring piece of steaming shit. He has done you such a huge favor and he has no idea. He expects you to be crushed. Do not be crushed.
If they're separated, they def shouldn't be discussing reproduction concerns with the other, especially when they aren't close to getting on the same page. Why fight about it?
If it helps any: I had a 7.5-year relationship, and we were engaged. He broke up with me. And then he couldn't cope and cut contact completely. The thing I miss, even 20 years later, is the friendship I thought we'd shared. It's okay to miss what you had- but please do recognize that the relationship you had with him was built on lies. His lies. He is not the man you thought he was. And if you're anything like me – the man you thought he was – was at least partly your projection of who he presented to you as. The man you thought he was was an illusion. Built of his lies and your desires.
It's not your fault for being deceived – that's on him. But it is your fault if you continue to pour emergency into the illusion. No one is going to measure up to the illusion you created in your head. But that person that good guy you were so close to? Sadly, he was not real. And you deserve someone real.
Make him do therapy. If anything is going to resolve this its therapy. Other than that it's only breaking up.
Do you actually think Hebrew school is full time school? It’s once, maybe twice a week for like 2 years.
Gotta keep you insecure.
Can’t have you thinking you’re good enough for him!!
Yes, me responding to a comment that had nothing to do with OP.
Getting married at 23 is actually very different than getting married at 29. You are staring down 30 and have finished your 20s, she only just started hers and has been in a relationship with you since she was 18.
If you two have never really spent more than a week apart, she's not wrong that she should take time off. My best guess is you have been in a caretaker role for most of this relationship. She has told you she loves you but isn't in love with you, that she feels like she has missed out on parts of life–– and you are telling her you do know how she feels better than she does. If that sort of thing bleeds over into other parts of your dynamic, whether you mean to or not, you may have been controlling.
Let her go away for a month. You don't want to marry an unwilling partner and you don't want to be convincing someone they are actually willing. I can't say if it'll end it, likely it does and this is the slow ease on her end–– but if she does come back I think you both should seriously consider postponing the wedding.
Tbh I am thankful I got in this subreddit to make sure no women puts me through this I rather be alone than miserable
How is OP basically a kid when she’s supposedly the same age you were when you started dating your wife? But then again I’m 31 and can not imagine dating a 26 year old because there’s a lot of changes and growth that happens in those years as well. There is a massive difference between 18 and 26 or at least there really should be so I’m not sure how you’re comparing these places of life. An 18 year old is just barely an adult.
OP, it could be manipulation, but it could also just be a learned behavior to adapt. In the past, I had similar incredibly toxic and manipulative behaviors that required therapy for me to even know were toxic. I had no idea. It was the only way to survive in my traumatic and volatile upbringing, because I was abused heavily. It took someone loving me enough to help me get help for me to see that.
This is a person you love enough to be married to. It’s also above Reddit’s pay grade. I wouldn’t assume the worst intentions, I’d work on getting real help from a licensed professional.
dude you are being a lot right now. She was dancing having a good time, pushed him away, and didn't make a deal out of it. your drunk butt tries to start a fight, you should be hoping she doesn't dump you. sober up and talk to her.
This is going to escalate into full-on abuse. Get out now.
Thank you for this, I've been awake all night thinking about it.
He entertains other women's flirting (speculating women dont come to him when we're out together) but I know his behaviour, he doesnt really understand flirting? He knows when a women wants to sleep with him I think? But he doesn't really flirt in general so I'm not sure if his behaviour of entertaining someone's flirting something to be cautious about or not. He is super loyal but im have a difficulty making it all out
By that I mean an animal in the wild. Untouched by man.
Then don’t let it happen.
Yes, but he has a dad. I never had the intention of replacing his dad. I’m filling the role that his dad should be filling if he wasn’t a horrible person but that doesn’t change I’m not his dad
Oh boy….I know this sucks but break up and go your separate ways. This is the type of person who will drag you down. She wants kids and marriage but calls off work all the time? That is not the signs of a responsible person.
He's been to my job before, one of my co-workers is his friend.
>We kept dating and saw each other basically every day for a year. I was in love. So when he asked me to marry him I didn't even hesitate.
>I found out that he had 3 kids, that he hadn't mentioned.
lazy troll is lazy.
Your poor boyfriend.
“How much furniture do you have”, “You could apply for a job at my neighbours company” and he is so excited taking me to home decor stores that I think these hints are pretty clear.
Umm this isn't subtle and to me at least feels very intense for 3 dates in…
If it was a legit note, it sounds like she saw evidence that you paid your bills on time. A good thing.
Some people have sensory issues where they just FEEL everything more.
My daughter is like this… does she have a headache or nausea or whatever then she doesn't want to do things. Yes, she is getting treatment for underlying issues but she still feels more. I deal with it because it is my daughter and try to get her to do stuff when she is feeling good.
But if my partner was not taking any steps to deal with this I don't know if I would choose them to build a life with.
I assume he acts like this with you because he feels comfortable with you…just like little kids act okay at school but fall apart at home because they feel safe.
Maybe you could say to him:
“I have noticed you have major sensory issues… be it paper cuts or babies crying…I know they affect you more than the average person. However, they are affecting our life to a great degree… I am getting burnt out picking up the slack. I need you to take charge of yourself and not melt into a puddle when something happens. I have seen you do it around your friends and family.. If you get a paper cut, then you need to put pain ointment on it and then do the dishes later, not expect me to do it. Or if you hear babies screaming you need to get out some noise canceling headphones and deal with it. Maybe there is more to your health than I know, but I know I cannot deal with all the cancellation/changing of plans. “
Some people have sensory issues where they just FEEL everything more.
My daughter is like this… does she have a headache or nausea or whatever then she doesn't want to do things. Yes, she is getting treatment for underlying issues but she still feels more. I deal with it because it is my daughter and try to get her to do stuff when she is feeling good.
But if my partner was not taking any steps to deal with this I don't know if I would choose them to build a life with.
I assume he acts like this with you because he feels comfortable with you…just like little kids act okay at school but fall apart at home because they feel safe.
Maybe you could say to him:
“I have noticed you have major sensory issues… be it paper cuts or babies crying…I know they affect you more than the average person. However, they are affecting our life to a great degree… I am getting burnt out picking up the slack. I need you to take charge of yourself and not melt into a puddle when something happens. I have seen you do it around your friends and family.. If you get a paper cut, then you need to put pain ointment on it and then do the dishes later, not expect me to do it. Or if you hear babies screaming you need to get out some noise canceling headphones and deal with it. Maybe there is more to your health than I know, but I know I cannot deal with all the cancellation/changing of plans. “
Must’ve been bad enough where she doesn’t feel like we can talk about it
Very hot pass on that. There's no problem with joints, but there's also no problem with separate savings. It's a control issue. Dave Ramsey is ok but sure wouldn't pave my life on his say so.
We teach people how to treat us. This is a sit down talk. Why is he in this relationship if he has so little trust in you? Talk about it.
I had a very small wedding and I would be very hot pressed to recall everyone who was there. Weddings are a blur. I doubt they will care that much. Just pick one. If people ask your wife about you, she can say you had another wedding to attend. It's not like you're just skipping cause you don't want to go.
Valid point. We need more detail about the timing of things. I also want to know what was happening from the ex’s point of while she was dating OP. Was she cheating on the ex with OP? If that’s the case I’d be gone fast. Hope he gives an update.
You're playing with two dudes life and it doesn't matter to you at all. Just which ones life you're gonna screw up more.
I feel lime you have this urge because he manipulated you. He wants anal and uses sort if a twisted sandwich tactic to get want he wants. You know the tactic right? Criticism packed between two compliments. What he did was: compliment (you are soo great, kinkiest I ever had, wow), criticism (I need anal) + comparison (my ex did it, therefore negating the previous compliment), “compliment” aka emotional manipulation (I trust you so much and I finally open up and I am not rewarded with a sexual act you don’t want).
It’s manipulation, especially bringing up his ex that he knows is a sore spot. That’s pure evil. Also you don’t know if any of it is true. You don’t know if they frequently had anal. And you only have his word that she enjoyed it. Maybe she hated it but he pressured her and insisted. Maybe there is a reason she is an ex.
Don’t let him pressure you. Pressured consent is not consent. A good person accepts boundaries. A good person doesn’t pressure others into sexual acts. Take a good very hot look at your relationship. He seems to have you craving for his approval. Break the cycle (easy to write, hard to do, but start with small steps like this issue: no you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. If he seeks anal outside of the relationship then so be it. Then he is a cheater and anyway not the right person for you.)
If you’re looking to date a guy who has never touched his balls and sniffed his fingers after, you’ll be looking for awhile. Sorry.
The best you can hope is that he never does it in front of you.
Don't say anything. Hell don't even bother blocking her. Just never respond to her. She probably won't lose much sleep but she's probably expecting you to hit her with anger, guilt, etc to get her own twisted closure. You felt something was off, she confirmed it. Chalk it up to your gut working just fine and keep on rolling.
Just call him racist every time you're around him. Nothing else. Refer to him as racist if you address him. Only talk about him as racist. Don't even use his real name anymore. But don't do it in an angry tone.
If that doesn't work, try to avoid being around him. On that note, I'm a little concerned why your bf chooses to be around a guy who is so obviously and blatantly racist and doesn't seem to mind at all. But that's for you to figure out how to deal with.
Yes it is, I appreciate your kind wishes. We’ll see I guess.
People are not downvoting you because they don't understand the question, but rather because you're asking it to begin with. Don't worry about the next one, you need to get out of this one.
Closest thing I said that could be flirting is me inviting someone out to party in the following weekend. She showed me everything she saw and nothing was anything me complimenting or me asking to hangout one on one or anything like that
This is baffling.
You are broken up but supposedly saying 'faithful'. You tried to trick her and either alienated her completely or caught her moving on.
How is there any scenario where this relationship is not over?
He’s being controlling and verbally abusive. This is freakin weird and gross.
Please end this relationship. While I get what he did was wrong, expecting to just have him endure the fallout of it by you being needy and not actually processing and working through the cheating together and separately means you built up an unhealthy approach to the relationship post cheating.
Get into therapy to talk about the cheating and how to handle and work through something like that in the future. While he is absolutely at fault here, you also need to take charge on how you process and deal with something like this while in a relationship.
I'd keep a record of him saying this. In his mind, you aren't the only one who should defend their honour after a breakup. He could come up with crazy ideas to get revenge on you too. Buy a surveillance camera.
I think you pretty much know your options at this point. It's not an easy decisions, but if you have a dog that is that aggressive with people, you should consider just the overall risk they pose. The size of the dog absolutely matters in factoring in the decision here.
Your boyfriend has been bitten multiple times. He's aggressive with people so much so that you cannot get another roommate or even have friends over because your dog will bite them. You have tried various trainers and medication.
Seems like you're a prisoner in your own home due to the restrictions of your dog. Honestly your boyfriend is kind of awesome just for putting up with it for as long as he has. All I will say is that if you break up with your boyfriend because of your aggressive dog, it won't be the last time the dog costs you a relationship.
“Babe, thank you for showing initiative in planning my birthday, but I had told you that I didn’t want to go to the lake for my birthday. On top of that I feel like since we’re going to be with your family and not one of my friends or family that your sister’s birthday will take precedent over mine, which is fine because of course they’re all family, but I would much rather celebrate with my family and friends at a nice dinner than be added to your sister’s plans for her birthday. Can we please plan something together instead?”
idk what you did but her if I were her, I would have just thrown it in the garbage she clearly wanted to give you it back out of spite.
And women wonder why most men won’t even date single moms
You have zero ability to reprimand them (notice how it’s HER kid yet he almost certainly has a financial interest) and him not getting along with the kid is immediate grounds for divorce ever though he’s done nothing majorly wrong
Step dad is lose/lose
Burn her to the ground