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She's not expecting you to support her in this luxury lifestyle though – you've forced her into it and she's going along with it for your sake. No one who earned 125k a year would be raked over the coals for being lazy – male or female.
I was told that I couldn’t have children due to my medical issues, im 28 with my first pregnancy and im already high risk
Sorry that you are both in this situation, it doesn't sound ideal. The fact that you fight a lot and it gets intense is obviously not a good sign. What do you fight about, for these fights to escalate to that level?
It's really not okay for him to have raised his hands to you. Even in the heat of the moment, if he's unhappy about something, he shouldn't be getting physical with his wife. He should know that you are (most likely) smaller and physically weaker than him so you can't defend yourself. And him kicking you while on the ground sounds sickening! Take it from a man that's your husband's age. I've never raised my hands to any of my past partners or my current gf – even though I have had plenty of fights with them, and dated some really emotionally abusive women in the past.
Speaking of which, if abuse takes place in a relationship it's mostly physical from the man to the woman and emotional from the woman to the man. Thankfully you have only ever had the one physical fight but I'd say that's one too many anyway. He does emotionally abuse you as well, when you fight, and those instances have really drove you apart it seems.
Again, a big question has to be asked about why you two are arguing and what could be done about getting that better. Him being so explosive and quick to lose it makes him sound like a bad person in general, people like that always put you on edge – even if they are complete strangers to you.
I was not surprised to read that you had cheated on him in the past. Some people say that women cheating is a more of an emotional betrayal than if a man does it and maybe there is some truth to that. You felt, and are still feeling unloved, by the sounds of it – and sought that attention elsewhere.
To summarise:
You argue a lot
Individual and couples therapy didn't work
He has beaten you up before, and is the one person that should be protecting you the most
You have cheated on him in the past
You have no kids
You should get divorced, in my opinion. You two are not right for each other and can you imagine bringing kids into this mess? Hopefully things work out better with a different partner
Thank you for your kindness- a lot of people have been pretty judgmental. That’s part of why I lost friends in addition to me having some weird life stuff/dropping out a while. He told me not to tell my friends about our issues so that was kind of on me though. I’m so sorry about your mom too. I hope she’s fighting nude i know that’s so scary and stressful:(
Well you have one seriously immature ex girlfriend. Be thankful.
I read it on reddit all the time about people getting their knickers twisted over rather innocuous jokes, and frankly anyone that gets upset of a stupid little comment isnt worth the stress or heartburn they cause.
If that hurt her poor little feelings, move on.
I think she's also internalizing your own stress which is making her more reactive. You need to talk with your neighbors and if it doesn't work then you need to contact the building. I hope you can get the help you need to be happy and improve your marriage. Your wife's happiness is a priority remember to not let stress from your life outside of the home ruin your relationship.
She could also have surgery to change her reproductive system for the rest of her life. As a man who has had a vasectomy, it’s not exactly the same after. Enjoy your sexuality, wear a condom.
I think there's a 30 day period before you can get rid of someone's stuff, isn't there?
She is not the one she cares more about her “crushes” reaction than yours. You are little more than a placeholder if the crush shows any real interest she will be gone!!!!
Not really, he didn't want to talk to you and you went out of your way to try and make him talk to you, of course the new gf overreacted by macing you, but there is no convincing him of anything, he doesn't want your help, so let him go, don't give him more ammo to get that RO. You wanted an open relationship, he didn't, you're not compatible and that is all the closureb you need.
Yes it's the incompatibility. Some couples just have different needs and it's way better to be honest with yourselves than to push through a marriage that probably won't work out.
He needs to, for his own sake, get away from the porn, anime, etc. The problem is not him as a person but the fact that he has completely removed any reality from his sex fantasies. Actual sex does not excite him at all, actual sex with you does not satisfy him and that is a him problem. He needs to detox from porn and see a therapist, possibly a sex therapist. But I would say that there is not much you can do for him.
She never said she doesn't want him at the games, OP doesn't want to go.
I just don't understand what our mom's have to do with anything
Just cancel the date with the other girl for now. You don't have to make rash decisions but shouldn't rope someone else into your drama before you've figured your current relationship out. Whether that's ending it or whatever.
Beat way you cand help her is sendig her to therapy, she has unresolved issues and as an adult shes responsible for herself, blaming things on you at this stage of life its lame, cruel and manipulative.
Yes she does hate it quite alot.
There's either something she's not telling you about the kissing, or she's super immature
None of these habits are that bizarre. If he wants to break up with you over them, let him. Find someone else who's not an uptight wimp.
I was just trying to make a point for if she did stay as that's what she specifically asked for in the post. Was trying to make it clear there weren't any options. My wording could've 100% been better. You make an excellent point.
Updateme!
To me sex is penetration. Mouth on genitals I would’ve specified as oral sex. And I don’t consider hands touching genitalia sex, no.
Trust me, the formerly perceived “weird” kid with adhd, bullies already exist at 8. Wasn’t that bad for me, but they definitely exist. If you don’t know you were probably part of them, either in the middle of the bullying gang or at least on the sidelines (like medium popular in highschool if that makes sense). Think back at the annoying kid, were they really annoying? Possible, we had a kid in school that thought it was a great idea to force everyone to kiss. That was a really annoying one. But maybe the annoying kid was just a weird one that was being bullied. And mean kids at 8 have friends, they are popular; you said it yourself, your son is a bully and has tons if friends.
Adhd makes you impulsive but not cruel.
From your comments I gather that your husband has an empathy problem. He has a very tight circle of people that he cares about and the rest can go to hell for all he cares. That’s problematic and if he is truly lacking empathy on a basic level you’ll not get through to him with moral arguments. And you don’t have the time to tackle the issue at this point so I suggest for the time being just go with rational arguments: tell him your son will be punished by teachers educationally for bad behavior and by students socially. It will be bad for his future. Hopefully you can get him on board.
For your son I’d suggest to talk to a therapist. Maybe your son has also an issue with empathy? Either taught or genetic? I don’t know. And get your daughters also checked.
Careful, now we are entered the realm of pure speculation: there are disorders like Antisocial Personality Disorders. As far as I know they are genetic, so if your husband has it, your kids can inherit it (or the traits of it can be learned from a role model like parents). The lack of understanding why this behavior is bad and the lack if caring about others would fit. If you decide for a therapist and think even remotely that this might fit to your husband please mention it.
If she can't trust you enough to have a therapist of your choosing then what are you doing in a relationship? Unless you gave her a reason to not trust you (i.e) you cheated, then again, why are you in a relationship? Relationships that rely on control and emotional manipulation due to a lack of trust are dogshit and could be a huge contributing factor for both of y'all's mental health decline. You don't need to cling to them, there are way better matches out there.
I've came to see I'm actually not not ok with female therapist. I've actually found many good, competent ones, with good reviews, good feedback to users' questions,.. So it wasn't anymore a matter of female, but that exact one. Seeing her made me hurt to stomach.
She hates the one you picked because you picked her. She has developed irrational anger and hatred towards this person because you picked her. You can't let your SO bully you into letting her control your life because that's just not what good couples do.
She has shown you who she really is. Believe her actions not her words
It's having a conversation about your needs and wants.
It's having a conversation about setting boundaries with your partner.
It's realizing your partner and you are not compatible because you feel the need to cheat on her, by her definition.
It's not doing the one thing you agreed not to do.
She asked you not to watch porn. She didn't ask that you stop masterbating by your own words.
But his help isn’t her concern. Hopefully he has an epiphany, or his sister rallies some family to help him. OP needs to distance herself immediately and never look back. And I agree, enter therapy. Not just just for the trauma of the assaults, but to figure out how on earth she didn’t leave earlier.
I would have said “You never met my dad. He died on March 1 and I needed space to grieve. You lying about meeting my dad to accuse me of cheating is atrocious.”
I knew a girl who got bullied so bad that they had to move towns because her mom had done some porn in the past
I was in a relationship EXACTLY like this. Like reading this hurts because I’ve been through some version of this soooooo many times. Breaking up was a turning point in my life – everything got better. There is nothing worth holding on to.
This comment is fucking nuts
Sounds like you got love bombed by a narcissist. Never underestimate why a man has been married 4 times.
Seriously. The aunties in my neighborhood could take down an elephant.
He hasn’t out right said that, but that’s definitely something I’m scared of.
I don’t want to kick him out of his home. I have family/friends that I can stay with locally while he does not. I’m just scared he can’t pay for it and that this will ruin his life. He has a history of alcoholism and I’m terrified he’ll relapse too. I want this to be as easy a transition for him as possible
I also said this. God been with my husband for more than a decade. And we've had phases of comfort where it felt like we were just sort of living past each other with life getting super busy.
But you pull back and speak and reconnect! Because you care! Because you made a vow to not just bow out at the slightest inconvenience.
If OP is so willing to be thinking of fucking some other woman he should leave his wife before he does.
Cheating is for absolutely trashy cowards who dont have the balls to actually have a nude conversation with the person they choose to screw over. Instead think its better to just lie and betray them.
Realistically, you are going to teach your children your views and he is going to teach them his. Will the kids go to church? That will also impact them. But also, he is telling you that everyone in the LGBT community is super F’d up and that includes YOU! So he thinks YOU are super f’d up and that would definitely impact your children
Stop apologizing. She is overreacting, and you're acting like she is right to. If she brings it up, just ignore her. Stop offering to make it right with her, or she will dominate you forever after.
You did nothing wrong sightseeing and having dinner with this gal in Paris. If your GF tells you she will never visit Paris with you, say “Good thing I kept (other girl's) contact information, I'll go with her.”
Distance is the best way to get over feelings for someone. Don't hang around him and keep yourself busy with other things. You might even meet someone else while busying yourself with those other things.
They are not yellow flags universally or things that make me think she would cheat or anything, just yellow flags on what I would expect/want from a partner in order to not feel uncomfortable dating them. Some of them are about the way she expresses her sexuality or the level of intimacy she feels comfortable having with other people, and others are about how she treats others in a not warm/agreeable way. Nothing intrinsically wrong, just compatibility issues
I am sorry that you are going through all of these difficulties, especially at the same time.
When my mother was dwindling down in her last days and her time in hospice care, I, personally, could not have dealt with anything else. For that reason, I think that you should postpone confronting your SO until you are in a better emotional state; however, I don't know how strong you are, nor how angry and hurt you are. Trust yourself and your judgement about how to handle this situation.
There is a lot of truth in the old saw, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” I think that, when you are ready to do it, you should confront your SO with the evidence of his infidelity and break things off with him. If you do this while your mother is still living, you will have to decide whether to keep the truth from her. Mothers are intuitive, and she may know that something is wrong and press you for the details. If she does, tell her the truth.
Break up with the guy. Holding out hope for him to change is an exercise in futility ?