Almost 25 years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy, he and I were both 22 at the time. I was his first. He wasn't mine. We eventually broke up, and it wasn't pretty. However, around 10 years later when FB gaining popularity, he added me as a friend and sent me a message saying that I will always hold a special place in his heart for me as his first love, and he was glad he waited so I could be his first.
I was shocked, I didn't think he ever thought of me again after we broke up. It was incredibly kind of him to write and tell me that. It was heartwarming to hear his feelings.
People remember how you made them feel. It's nice to hear you were kind and patient. He will remember you forever, whatever the future holds for you both!
Point blank, has your girlfriend RSVP’d that yes you will be at BFFs wedding? If she has, etiquette says you go to that wedding. If not, separate and go to different weddings. The world won’t fall apart.
Yeah a cream pie isn’t BDSM, but it is degrading. You have no concept of sex if you don’t believe that. We clearly view sex very differently, and yes being around by sexual assault fantasies is in the realm of BDSM.
Sorry mate but she’s already broken up with you. It’s not necessarily a you thing, it’s just not working out for her – doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or did something wrong. Just take it with grace for yourself. Text her something like ‘ok so this isn’t working out, I wish you well best of luck’ and delete her contacts & de-friend & un-follow on sm. If she doesn’t contact after a week, block her on everything so you can go on with your awesome life with a clean slate not moping & mooning around watching her from a distance. Sometimes we don’t always get closure, best just read the writing on the wall & carry on with our lives which don’t have to include everybody. good luck!
Thanks for the feedback. I think I just wanted some reassurance I wasn’t being insensitive. I know there’s a lot of threads with unhealthy families driving people nuts, and toxic people prioritizing their family over their partner, I just really don’t think that’s the case here.
OP, like others are saying: go full no contact and retain a lawyer to get a cease & desist order. Have the lawyer's PI figure out where they got your address and cut that person/people out of your life. If they stalked you live or otherwise, see if you can get a restraining order or protective order for you and your family. I would get a PO box for your mail, security cameras, upgraded home security system, etc. Contact the hospital/your doctors/banks/etc to ensure your dad & his wife are unable to get access to your personal information. Make sure your neighbors know they are not to share any information about you and your family to them. Lock up social media accounts to highest privacy settings, change profile pics to be less identifiable, and keep your baby offline at all costs.
If you can afford to move, I would recommend that option.
I know this sounds extreme, but they choose to sell their house in this economy and move 5 minutes down the road from you. You must also respond in kind. They sound obsessed with the idea of a nuclear family and won't stop to listen to reason, your reasons. Protect yourself at all costs and do not feel guilty for a second.
I’m scared she will never be independent in that area.
And I think you should be. By 23, I think approaches to finances are pretty well set. Some people that are frugal out of necessity (because they don't have much money) might change their approach if they inherit a lot of money or win the lottery but someone that's established a pattern of being financially dependent on others isn't likely to change much.
If you decide to continue the relationship, I think you should do it with the expectation that you will be supporting her while she does little or nothing to help financially.
If you don't want a friend to integrate into other parts of your life, are they even really a friend?
It sounds like you're putting him in a box – and you feel like you've outgrown him.
I've got groups of friends from different aspects of my life, who I know wouldn't mix well – so I know who would be best suited to whatever event I'm organising / joining. But independently – I would offer up any of them my couch for a couple of weeks. And independently, I wouldn't actively prevent someone from trying to better themselves or cut them off entirely from my social circle – even if I could reasonably predict that it was unlikely to work out.
The way you describe him as an old aquiantance who blows up everything he touches, doesn't sound like a friend to me.
100 lbs is not a normal weight gain
He doesn’t want you to do it alone. Its really that simple, you said he won’t accept any weekend except the one weekend a month you plan for yourself?
You’ve suggested multiple alternatives, he doesn’t like any of them.
Are you willing to give this up?
He feels really insecurity, like if you go secretly to an organise each month.
Make it clear he had his daughter and you have your glamping. No one has to ask the other to abandon it.
He feels really insecurity, like if you go secretly to an organise each month.
Make it clear he had his daughter and you have your glamping. No one has to ask the other to abandon it.
Almost 25 years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy, he and I were both 22 at the time. I was his first. He wasn't mine. We eventually broke up, and it wasn't pretty. However, around 10 years later when FB gaining popularity, he added me as a friend and sent me a message saying that I will always hold a special place in his heart for me as his first love, and he was glad he waited so I could be his first.
I was shocked, I didn't think he ever thought of me again after we broke up. It was incredibly kind of him to write and tell me that. It was heartwarming to hear his feelings.
People remember how you made them feel. It's nice to hear you were kind and patient. He will remember you forever, whatever the future holds for you both!
Point blank, has your girlfriend RSVP’d that yes you will be at BFFs wedding? If she has, etiquette says you go to that wedding. If not, separate and go to different weddings. The world won’t fall apart.
Stop acting like kids.
You CAN on your OWN to a wedding.
Yeah a cream pie isn’t BDSM, but it is degrading. You have no concept of sex if you don’t believe that. We clearly view sex very differently, and yes being around by sexual assault fantasies is in the realm of BDSM.
Sorry mate but she’s already broken up with you. It’s not necessarily a you thing, it’s just not working out for her – doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or did something wrong. Just take it with grace for yourself. Text her something like ‘ok so this isn’t working out, I wish you well best of luck’ and delete her contacts & de-friend & un-follow on sm. If she doesn’t contact after a week, block her on everything so you can go on with your awesome life with a clean slate not moping & mooning around watching her from a distance. Sometimes we don’t always get closure, best just read the writing on the wall & carry on with our lives which don’t have to include everybody. good luck!
Mostly my friends who are guys and her friend from back home whom I’ve already met so I can’t assume she’d think I’d be going for her
Thanks for the feedback. I think I just wanted some reassurance I wasn’t being insensitive. I know there’s a lot of threads with unhealthy families driving people nuts, and toxic people prioritizing their family over their partner, I just really don’t think that’s the case here.
OP, like others are saying: go full no contact and retain a lawyer to get a cease & desist order. Have the lawyer's PI figure out where they got your address and cut that person/people out of your life. If they stalked you live or otherwise, see if you can get a restraining order or protective order for you and your family. I would get a PO box for your mail, security cameras, upgraded home security system, etc. Contact the hospital/your doctors/banks/etc to ensure your dad & his wife are unable to get access to your personal information. Make sure your neighbors know they are not to share any information about you and your family to them. Lock up social media accounts to highest privacy settings, change profile pics to be less identifiable, and keep your baby offline at all costs.
If you can afford to move, I would recommend that option.
I know this sounds extreme, but they choose to sell their house in this economy and move 5 minutes down the road from you. You must also respond in kind. They sound obsessed with the idea of a nuclear family and won't stop to listen to reason, your reasons. Protect yourself at all costs and do not feel guilty for a second.
I’m scared she will never be independent in that area.
And I think you should be. By 23, I think approaches to finances are pretty well set. Some people that are frugal out of necessity (because they don't have much money) might change their approach if they inherit a lot of money or win the lottery but someone that's established a pattern of being financially dependent on others isn't likely to change much.
If you decide to continue the relationship, I think you should do it with the expectation that you will be supporting her while she does little or nothing to help financially.
If you don't want a friend to integrate into other parts of your life, are they even really a friend?
It sounds like you're putting him in a box – and you feel like you've outgrown him.
I've got groups of friends from different aspects of my life, who I know wouldn't mix well – so I know who would be best suited to whatever event I'm organising / joining. But independently – I would offer up any of them my couch for a couple of weeks. And independently, I wouldn't actively prevent someone from trying to better themselves or cut them off entirely from my social circle – even if I could reasonably predict that it was unlikely to work out.
The way you describe him as an old aquiantance who blows up everything he touches, doesn't sound like a friend to me.