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Somehow he will get in touch with you. With an excuse but you literally had nothing bad to say about him except for what he just did. His guilt won’t let him be at peace until both of you get closure, people who are genuinely nice can’t live! with guilt.
Thank you for this! I’m going to try it today over dinner. I’m trying my best not to come off as attacking him, so this is perfect.
Why dont you tell her to be the one to choose? Unless she is into something you are clearly repulsed by, since she is the pickier one it's best for her to be the one to pick to not create problems.
When she was a teenager? Don’t you think you are being a little hard on her? Personally I think the fact that she learned from youthful mistakes is pretty hot.
Don’t be that guy hoping to pin a moral superiority badge to your shirt. Not a great look.
Go get the fucking dog
Agree, I am just so confused why they resorted to any of these coping mechanisms before consulting a doctor.
Get a divorce. Get a loan and get a divorce. Far too young to be wasting your life on this person. He's selfish and you no longer love him, now you have to admit that to him. You can see yourself putting up with this until you're 50, right? Get out now.
This seems like a sweet way to go about it. Thank you
Tell her to go stay with her parents for the week and when she is ready to be nice again she can come home.
I really love this response, thank you for the thoughtful advice. You’re right, I can’t expect him to always be this attentive because we may deal with a staggering time difference in the future (as opposed to Hawaii and California’s 2-hour difference) and/or he may book a particularly demanding job. I do have a very large friend group with lots of social events, and I spend a lot of time with my family and working on my fitness when I’m not at work. It’s mostly just at night when I get home and he’s not there that I get in my head a bit. I love your idea of holding on to the times he’s made me feel special or loved and soothing my own anxieties.
Your putting him in an untenable situation. You’re no longer willing to do anything sexual, which is absolutely your right, but you expect him to continue on based on fantasies alone. I imagine you also don’t want him to fantasize about other women. The end result is he’s either going to try and make you happy while frustrating himself, or he will be honest about what he’s doing and upset you, or he’s going to lie to you, or he’s going to leave. Those are the only outcomes.
I’m not even going to ask what the sudden religious change is about, your choice, but it’s going to end this relationship. Best to just end the relationship now before you guys waste anymore time.
I have absolutely no advice, but would like to let you know you're not alone in this. I'm a bit older, but have the same problem, my username is the polar opposite of the real me, I simply don't know where, and people act like I'm some kind of fool, but legit, nobody can tell me any decent places to meet girls besides bars, which aren't my thing either, and like you, most of my hobbies are male-dominated, I'm a techy IT dude. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and just want you to know you're not a lone spaceman floating adrift.
she's 32
Its normal meet ure son, he is now a young man, step beu step every thing will fall to his place, and time heal every thing Be honest tell him the truth, what has happened, the cheating, the violence,…. Ex Meet in neutral location a cafe or a park, don't bring the twins, be just you and him for the first time And dont forget he is ure son, he always loves you no matter what, he was just lost in manipulation
It's all about willpower. Whenever those thoughts enter your head, make the effort to think about something else.
Honey, whatever works for your relationship is what works for you two. If you two are healthy all around and communicate your needs sexually, you're good. You and your partner define your relationship. Don't let your friends make you feel bad for not having sex as frequently. Hell, they could be lying about how great the sex is because alot of sex definitely doesn't equal AMAZING sex. You're doing perfectly fine! Shoot, me and my partner on average have sex about once a week like you all do and we're happy and healthy. You're doing great, love. Don't let anyone outside of your relationship tell you otherwise. ?
What does this have to do with your post
Sweet= abuser , fixed it for you
Gonna copy my comment here:
Literally never EVER had an Android smartphone “auto delete” messages because “low on storage”. What is this BS excuse he's pulling out. Maybe in 2008 with barely any storage, it “could” fly. Nowadays with the most basic piece of shit having like 32go of storage, texts messages aren't deleted. And not AUTO deleted. At most, you get warnings about storage being low and how “you should make some space”.
If he's got an Iphone, then apparently it exists. I wouldn't know about it.
But anyway, this reeks . Why tf would the father send “gifs and pictures” to young babysitter ? Huh ?
My money is on “they're seeing each others and he's introducing Ashley into the kids life”.
Good luck OP.
Most women know right off the bat if they will ever date you or not so the sooner you ask her, the sooner you will be (probably) rejected and get to move on. There rarely is “a perfect time” to ask. Don't care about looking like “you're using the situation”
CREATING HUMAN LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING TO COMPROMISE ON GET REAL! And focus on your own “major growing” because you also can’t make him have major growth… you’re just trying to find an excuse it sounds like! Time to bounce! For both ya sakes!
Jezus fucking christ. “Do not have children, you don't deserve them and would not give a stable environment.” REALLY? I've seen a lot of stupid shit on Reddit…but this is next level. Clearly you know nothing about ENM. I get it's not for everyone and it's clearly not something OP's wife is into. But saying someone who wants an open marriage could not be a good parent is just stupid beyond words.
He's just gonna give her access again. He needs to learn to tell mommy no
I think even communicating these types of things are important, even if it makes you feel more vulnerable than you want to be….
If you don't it can build and you then start fabricating scenarios and feelings which may never have developed if you just got it off your chest early….
Def not a “toxic trait” (hate that term lol) to be someone who processes things more slowly and calmly. Don’t be hard on yourself
Is this a new behavior that has developed recently? If so, that could be something that might need to be addressed by a professional. If she has always been like this, then you shouldn't be shocked. But more importantly if she has been this way consistently, you need to start figuring out your exit from this household. Seems to be more detrimental than helpful for you to stay there.
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If he doesn't understand you are not a sex toy – at 47 – he's never going to understand it. He is with you for one primary reason; try to recognize that.
Whoa sounds like you have a controlling older bf. One of the problems with huge age gaps. He shouldn't be monitoring your location, doubting you and making you feel guilty when spending time with friends. Any woman in their 30s wouldn't put up with this
It IS awkward when 34 year olds hang out with 20 year olds… that's why people in their 20s usually don't date people in their mid 30s.
Try “how” or “how come”.
“Why” does does sound accusatory in a way. It kinda demands an answer (but that could just be me and the way my native language's grammar is). And demands is sually met with resistance.
Why can't you make the soup here?
This one sound like you're accusing her of being lazy, or procrastinating. It's like asking why she didn't do it when she can cook and you have a kitchen.
If it had been “How come you cant make the soup here?”, it would sound like you're trying to help make the solution than just forcing the job on her. Or at least trying to know the reason behind it.
Again, it could just be how English translate to my language.
Nope nothing weird about this at all
What does your doctor say?
This much sexual anxiety will eventually push him away and kill the marriage.
“Your ‘friend’ wants to damage your relationship with your gf – just in case it isn’t as glaringly obvious to you as it is to the rest of us.”
Time to set that fb status to 'it's complicated'.
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You know, I work with a lot of kids who come from bad backgrounds, I see the troubles they go through.
People like you are the root cause of the problem. You keep a child through selfish needs who won’t have a stable home, and they’ll never have a good upbringing. How fucking dare you, it’s disgusting you will have a child in the fucked up situation you’re in.
FFS…
You are emotional manipulated and this has to stop. People who end theirselves are not announcing it to keep people to stay. Just go and live! your life.
What about peak demand charges. That AC he runs at 4pm, he likes it colder than she does, that computer, coffee maker, lights he runs during those peak demand times. Often 50+% of the electric bill is peak demand for residential.
Who cleans your house if all your wife has is free personal time? Who bathes your kid and who gets him ready for school? It's not free time if it's spent cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kid
TRIGGER WARNING (just in case)
Depends on which behavior you're referring to.
Physical abuse typically starts off with violence to animals, a lot of the time there will be domestic incidents with there family, a history of drug or alcohol use, violent incidents like fights in school, or past bullying behavior. Fire starting isn't uncommon, but it isn't a big one either.
Sexual predators usually have a history of voyeuristic habits: peeping Tom type stuff, a habit of exposing themselves in public, groping people (or other sexual harassment type behavior), if it's full on sexual abuse they usually start off with an addiction to cp before actually moving on to taking action against children. If their target is adults, they watch other types of videos, usually targeted toward their target age group/area of interest and to get ideas on how to act when they carry out their acts.
Then don’t fucking date. There’s absolutely no way to guard yourself otherwise. And while I’m not saying people should look for it, it’s inevitable.
Not to be flippant but what kind of a job can a 20yr old in local government have that he gets so bound up with stress? It’s an excuse. You said yourself, he gets pissed off when playing.
If he doesn’t start helping, just do things for yourself and let him figure his own shit out. If that doesn’t work then I think you’ve got bigger problems.
I'm in grad school. I did this for a few days the last week (kinda). But I love my work and I can't simply turn my brain off to something that I enjoy doing. I'm always thinking about new experiments and theories.
To add on to this, OP could block her in his phone book so she has no way to contact him except the app.
He could/should also take pictures of the gifts she gives him and start a notebook with detailed notes of things the kids have said unprompted, the date and time. Google FU Binder for further info for how to document. Then after a month of this go to court to stop the harassment.
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I honestly don't think that would work as well as it sounds. A lot of people in abusive situations don't necessarily benefit from a barrage of “Just leave” comments and nothing else. A lot of people in abusive relationships come here for empathy, personalized advice, and concrete resources, but so often what ends up happening is “Just leave!” and “Why haven't you left?” and oftentimes even commenters insulting and degrading the poster and calling them “stupid” and “dumb.”
It's obviously not anyone's job here to get someone out of an abusive situation, but people sometimes benefit a lot more from a commenter linking a DV hotline or a safety plan than just “LEAVE” and nothing else.
I had an ex who did this. It escalated to violence. I would call the cops and tell them your ex girlfriend is refusing to leave and has threatened you. Tell them you think she has drugs too!! Get rid of your weed and grinder. Have them come up and escort her out. Don't give her any indication your doing this. Tell your boss, your ex has gone crazy and is threatened to call him and tell him lies about you. Good luck!
There’s a possibility you could be robbed or worse. Meet in public first, also if “she” gave an address, drive by the place first, make sure it doesn’t look sketchy. Be smart
This is how every man feels that wants the woman to get an abortion and she doesn’t then sticks him with 18 years of child support. I’m not saying this to be an asshole it’s just so interesting to see it from the reverse I just wanted to point it out.
Do you ever ask before you do those things? My bf and I went through a rough patch, and I needed more time than him before getting intimate again, so when he wanted to kiss, hug, cuddle and so on he would always ask first. It made me feel like my boundaries were being respected and the choice was mine, while also allowing him to express his feelings and making me feel wanted.
I really recommend it. It is super important that you don't ever react negatively if she says no, even in a joking way! Make sure she knows you ask because you respect her, never to pressure her.
I believe in you two!
You're an adult dating a high schooler.
You’re being taken for a fool hun. Sorry but, someone has to tell you. The age gap is worrying. Does he see you as some kind of sugar Mommy?
Rules are not suggestions.
Sounds like you suffer from depressions.
Are you being treated for your depression? If not you really need to because your reaction to being cheated on is a normal.
If there is nothing romantic between you at all, then it is clear she has a crush. If you two do hook up from time to time, she is territorial and doesn't like the idea of sharing.
My husband sleeps in another room and I have ZERO qualms about kicking him out if he falls asleep on our bed. I've suffered enough sleepless nights in small cramped spaces as a kid, all nighters with work and school and with my kids as infants. I'm not going to subject myself to that as an adult.
You certainly will complicate things. Why not just break up with your husband if you can't trust each other instead of doubling down on the distrust ?
Your wife sounds controlling. What if she herself gets fat? What if the child or you get fat? Hopefully it's just hormones that making her say this. She sounds insane.
You have your boundaries. And you’re pretty vocal about them, at least here.
I suspect that you probably have a lot more problems than just this, especially around communication. You may not be aware of it, if your story reflects how you act and communicate IRL.
I mean, I don’t know of anyone that isn’t broken that would stick around after a lecture on sex during dating. The broken ones stick around because, hey, the abuse reminds them of mommy. Then, because they are broken, they do dumb shit.
Maybe connect with a therapist or relationship coach. Learn some better communications. Try again.
BTW, this post violates sub rules. Just FYI.
You should show her this post. She’s just humiliating you. Do you feel humiliated? She’s intentionally making you look like a fool while she picks and chooses what she wants. What an awful excuse for a girlfriend
I’m my maybe expansive, maybe limited experience? She just wants some force involved, that doesn’t mean violence, but let’s say you are going down on her and you are kneeling on the bed and she’s on it.
Reach from inside her legs, under and up onto her hips (so you are between her legs, under and palms down on her hip bones) and pull her toward you.
If she’s on top, grab her hips and move them for her/with her.
If you are doing missionary, manipulate her legs. Both on your shoulders, both on one shoulder, both on the bed together so she’s on her side. You can push her legs back toward her head, but you have to be slow and careful, that angle can hurt.
Listen to her and her body, start gentle with anything and move the rather up.
Most women when they say harder, we think faster, but think same tempo, but harder in.
Depending on sizes and strength, you can pick her up by the ass and have sex against the wall or standing.
You can bend her over a couch or chair.
You can put her ass in a window sill or bend her over the window or have her hands against the wall like she’s being searched by the police and you are behind her.
You can put a pillow under her ass in missionary for different angles. To add manhandling, scoop under both her knees and lift to hold her up and slide the pillow under her.
Hit me for more sex tips if you run dry on these.
Here’s the big thing, we do not incorporate anything I involving pain unless talked about prior and in depth with a plan for knowing when too much is too much. You can very much satisfy her urge to be submissive without doing shit you see in porn, like hitting or choking. Those things are fine, but they aren’t things you just try and see how they react, that’s a quick way to make someone feel violated and hurt.
If you make it about her pleasure, I promise she will reciprocate.
You mean pubic lice?
Because pubic hairs don't start growing until puberty.
So pubic lice don't have a place to stay, they need hairs after all.
No pubes, no pubic lice.
No, no, people with eating disorders do proudly talk about losing weight, but know very well that others might take issue if they are too thin, so they either lie about their weight or, if they have to weigh themselves in front of others, they often wear hidden weights so that their weight is displaying as low-but-not-dangerously-low. That way, they can keep talking about losing weight without anyone trying to get them committed to inpatient care.
So, unless you have seen it yourself when she weighs herself without any clothes which could hide extra weights, you don't know her real weight for sure. Whatever she tells you, whatever the scale shows when she's weighing herself fully clothed, may be nothing but a lie.
The main issue isnt telling your daughter to not call this man uncle but to sit down & have a conversation with your wife about what role her bf & future partners will take in your childs life. Then you need to have a second conversation with the bf & set these boundries out for him.
Dating apps = pool bigger again
It’s tough because he’s not overtly abusive or narcissistic. Majority of the relationship he was actually good. Had some arguments here and there usually surrounding me not meeting a need of his or putting myself first
Time and place.
You set a boundary and he violated it. It doesn't matter what the object or action was, only that it held value to you and that the value was ignored. He should apologize since it sounds like that hasn't been done yet.
He’s trying, either consciously or subconsciously, to confuse you and get you off balance so that you doubt yourself and agree to what he’s saying. My guess is that he was very well behaved in the beginning of your relationship and now that he knows you are smitten, he is showing his true colors. He’s comfortable being possessive and unreasonable now. You absolutely cannot let this continue or it will get worse. He either stops doing what he’s doing or you have to leave if you don’t want this to get worse.
He’s being super disrespectful towards you and his behavior is really unacceptable for a relationship. I think you’re better off finding someone who would respect you and your boundaries more.
Are you monogamous? I think you need to get out of this completely so they can work this out and get back to being happy together. All 3 of you had different visions of how this would turn out, live! and learn. You have the responsibility of stepping away because he isn't available for this level of romantic relationship with you, staying will hurt your friend even more.
I mean it sounds like you might have OCD and def talk to both about it. As far as toys go…I’m sorta hesitant to make a rec but if you’re worried your husband with be self conscious, maybe start with a smaller vibratory and ease into more intense ones?
I beat my grandfather only 2 times and he let me win. I still remember the matches when i was 6 and 11 when he let me win. I'm sad that he died before i could beat him on my own merits. He was the local master here in the 50s-60s. He started to teach me chess when i was ~4ish. I lost every game and i knew even then that he let me win. I still cherish the skill he gave me. After he died i was given his chess pieces and board. I think your wife is doing him a disservice.
I think so. probably without the wife/mother present… but then you'll be accused and blah.
But separate, you can probably have a real conversation. Doesn't have to be a long one or judgmental against him.
What his wife/MIL is doing is unacceptable and they need to get over themselves.
His wife just found out, and shit is about to go off. She's only telling you now so she can get ahead of this, and she's trying to minimize the damage by claiming it only happened once. How disgusting. You're sleeping with the enemy.
How is it trust issues if she fucked another guy after our first argument?
Switch genders, dude hit her over a chess game because he's jealous of his wife's relationship with the child. Nope nope nope
I'm not saying a single goddamn thing. Except that I think THIS SPECIFIC comment is a non issue and I disagreed with the downvotes. I'm not getting dragged into participating in the broader debate here. I was specific about what I said and think I was sufficient in isolating what I was talking about. Certainly sufficient enough to disambiguate it from the broader thread. It was pretty plain. If you disagree give me some pointers so I can better understand.
You need to leave it alone. It has nothing to do with you or your relationship and it has NOTHING to do with respect.
Anyone that tells you it’s disrespectful for your girlfriend to post HER body is talking from an insecure place. You can have “standards” but that doesn’t entitle you to demanding your girlfriend change her behavior. You need to either get over it or move on.
You are already probably cheating on your partner by starting a flirtation/lust situation. Open relationship conversations are for LONG before you want to be fucking other people.
And how will you feel when she has a variety of other sexual partners if she agrees to opening the relationship?
No women report it and that’s why they are more than often the victims. The men who are abused rarely report it
Not demeaning anyone who has been abused. My wife was abused before we got together. She still has issues with what she went through.
Ok??????????
I read shit like this and glad I didn’t marry someone for their money. Because usually those who have a lot of it prioritize it before their marriages.
Lol, victim? If he’s being blackmailed it’s because he cheated.
She made it clear she would not work since she didn’t want to miss the kids growing up.
So, why didn't you divorce her back then?
My point is that your eyes have been wide open for awhile now and you're still complaining about it. She is not going to change or at least she has not given you any indication that she will and you have not given her any indication that you will leave her over it — so why would she change?
It's time to express it as an ultimatum or to simply file the paperwork you should have filed years ago and either be single or find a partner who matches better with your financial values.
I'm a manager, and while I confirm your boss should be doing something, I can give you good advice as a person who received this kind of disrespect / bullying from a colleague, but was also late with projects before where it affected other people, and is now a manager.
NEVER chase verbally, only do it via email
Give deadlines, do it in writing via email.
After each meeting with that person, sent a quick email 'Thank you for meeting me today, please find the points we agreed on abcde and that you will do xyz, the deadline for z is something, y is something…' < the email has to be short and sweet, bullet-points.
Copy your manager into emails about deadline and when you are chasing.
Make an official written complaint to the manager. Never do it verbally.
After meeting with the manager where you discussed the colleague, email the manager saying 'thank you for listening to my concerns about Bryde in regards to continuously failing to meet the deadlines which affects my work.' Make it short and sweet. all matters is that you have it in writing.
If this doesn't work, ask formally what is the grievance process.
Also, OP. Please learn to be assertive. What you said wasn't remotely rude. The guy is walking all over you because you let him, you need to grow a backbone.
Feel free to believe what you want, we just trying to help our friend
My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we had to move the wedding up as fast as possible so she could be involved, we were already engaged at this time and lost a lot more people together. It doesn’t matter really when we got married because I know deep down that she’s my my soulmate and that I’m hers. I would have married her the day I met her if I could have.
He was so close to fixing the problem…all he had to do was do therapy and not be fucking weird. I will never understand some people.
Enjoy the single life and the puppy! Definitely an upgrade.
Some of this may come down to the way she dresses (younger?). Lots of people look younger but what you describe is ridiculous. Some of these people need to mind their own fucking business – and you should tell them this. It's not like you are 40 (and even then there would be nothing wrong with that).
Cap
Ok so as a married women I would want to know.
However he is law enforcement he will harass you get his entire department to bully you.
If you do decide to tell
Go to his boss with proof.
Also never date law enforcement just like with lawyers when things bad they weaponized there job against you.
You are not her best friend. You’re her coworker. This is creepy and I would hate to work in an environment like this. Because you guy,s got coffee together at work now you should own her attention.
Other people are irrelevant here. Also just because one conclusion is logical to you does not make it obvious. Real life people are complicated, emotions are complicated.
He is arguing with everyone telling him to communicate which is why he is getting down voted. Also jumping to conclusions in relationships is unhealthy and immature.
Break up and take the dog. Also report him.
Cheating isn’t a mistake. You actively are choosing to hurt the person you are with at that time. When you get into a monogamous relationship you are agreeing to loyalty. Cheating is a conscious choice someone makes. His dick didn’t just slip into her vagina.
Either could have reached out and joined you two. Instead they just watched. My guess is your husband wasn''t able to get errect or prematurely ejaculated.
She told you to talk more and you didn't for a whole week. Lmao. You refusing to text/have small talk is not going to do you any favors in this technology saturated dating world.
Also, oral is sex. She probably felt like you were only actually interested to hang in person…for more sex acts.
Well yo can freeze your little swimmers anyways and get the vasectomy. You can still reproduce if needed…
Transitioning isn't a purely private decision only in the sense that it does affect the people we're in a relationship with. Not only is a trans person changing, so is the nexus of relationships that involved his / her sexuality and gender identity.
Consider the various forms of ethical non-monogamy that are open to you: many couples are adamant that their marriages come first in their life but that their intimacy / romantic / sexual needs require supplementing. It's not how we've officially structured marriage and romance in the West for about a thousand years, but it's been going on even so.
So break up? If you’re fighting over Twitter, how do you guys handle actual real life, real relationship problems?
You’re insecure because you met your gf via Twitter and it seems as if it’s her MO of meeting guys. If my boyfriend had an issue with someone simply liking my photos and tweets then I would say grow up. If this person is PMing me and we’re chatting then yeah, I would say that’s a violation.
The simple fact is: your girlfriend isn’t taking your concerns seriously. Is that who you want to be with?
It’s hard to just hangout with only the girls because we’re all in each others faces interacting with whatever we’re doing at the time ( gaming on our phones or eating food)
I do also think the age gaps is a little interesting but I try to let it slide. Lately I feel like John is using his age as leverage in their relationship to manipulate my gfs sister to get what he wants out of the relationship. Now my gf says that her sister truly does love John even tho John does things that make me really question his character ( ragging on people in public about their abilities, I’ll reference a food place and his response is basically “ that’s poor people food” , ect.) John is extremely embarrassing to be around in public because he is constantly making a spectacle of himself ( talks extremely loud and yells to the point everyone around us stops taking/ eating and stares) because he almost seeming HAS to have all the attention on him. My gf says he has some insecurities and I can see it for sure. I try to look past all these issues but in the back of my mind, I can’t shake the feeling of this guy John wanting me out of the picture bc I’m stealing attention away from HIS girls. Idk it’s a weird situation and I never really reached out to anyone besides my grandmother regarding this. Everyone I’ve talked to in person tells me I deserve better and that I’m wasting my time. I definitely have learned a ton and matured so much in the last 2 years but this current situation is so frustrating idk how to deal with it.
It has nothing to do with how you “pick” women and everything to do with how you talk about women.
You seem to think the only thing a woman care about is dick size and not his personality, attitude and how he treats others. You think all women should worship your dick.
I’d take being loyal and respectful to my partner over being part of the 92% of open relationships that fail ?♂️
Why are you worried?
Do they know?
Have you fucked before?
You are not arguing facts- you are arguing an opinion
you are stating it is different….
to you it is- fair enough
it is not to me- right or wrong
BUT your insistence on it being a fact is just cover for your way to win an argument by indicating it is premised on something factual which you feel is stronger then simply admitting that you are giving your garden variety opinion like any other flub on here, self included
unless you have specific psychological evidence, scientific studies to support your theory or opinion that this impacts a man much more than a woman feels when someone attacks her breasts or pussy….
it remains an opinion
i didn't say it was an accident. I said it was a mistake… i couldn't resist the temptation of trying something i had always wanted to try.
Any advice?
Yes. Slow your roll. You've been dating for less than a year. You really don't know this guy that well, not every relationship has to lead to an engagement and the worst thing you can do for yourself and your son is rush into yet another bad relationship with much longer potential lasting consequences (him adopting your son? After dating you for less than a year? That is really concerning). I sincerely hope that you didn't move in together already.
Yep, I only know about my partner's exact income because we have started to look for a place together and both needed to know what our budget range is. And even then all I know is what he makes after taxes not what he spends any of it on or anything like that. It's his money.
This is the messiest thing I have read on this subreddit. Not grammatically, just relationship wise. I really don't have an idea why you're even together at all.
He sounds so inconsiderate. I got so mad reading this post. He couldn’t even be bothered to drive and didn’t care how exhausted you’d be after a 24 hour shift and yet he still wants you to feel bad that you were a couple minutes late to loose plans? He sounds like such an AH. I rarely recommend to break up but in this instance you really deserve better.
OP,
Your relationship has not been built on communications. What you need to do is sit down and talk to him in a calm rational manner and discuss any issues that you have and also listen to him. If you can work it out then great, if not then your relationship ends soon but knowing you were able to talk about issues.
Short answer: You can’t
And I think your frustration comes from knowing that. She’s unwilling to communicate and unwilling to work on your issues in couples therapy.
At what point will it become a dealbreaker for you?
Might not be gay. Let’s stop using this word.
First, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I can't even imagine how hot it must be. To now back up for context, I'm someone where family is incredibly important to me. I think in many situations, family members see things we might not when wearing rose colored glasses.
Having said that, if their “concerns”/behavior are based on surface level nonsense or archaic beliefs where their opinions are based on nothing which would be beneficial to the happiness of their family member, then at that point they're fucking assholes. That's where I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.
So here's the deal; if your partner ends up being your forever person, is this how you're supposed to live! forever? Good luck.
First of
if she could afford the price of living single is a very bad punchline for a joke.
So either she sees the entire relationship as a joke i am not able to get her kind of humor.
Again with this shit? Are you measuring in philosophy? Physics? Or are you just a total asshole. Or maybe mentally ill. Stop.
Fair enough, I guess. I personally have no reason to suspect that he's lying about this.
Thanks! I will look into it!
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Fuck that.
Generally people, men especially, don’t really want a woman coming in to “fix” them. Grow together sure, but you’re treating him like a project.
Thank you.
I don’t know why people are downvoting you, you’re actually totally correct. Women with larger BMIs tend to have more “cushioning” around those areas. The muscles can become a bit more compressed from surrounding fat.
Death grip is pseudo-science bullshit without any scientific literature to back, it is literally the anecdotal ramblings of a sex therapist. He himself puts no scientific weight around it. Yet her you are proclaiming this shit as fact.
So he is not allowed to masturbate any more and that will fix the problem. Imagine if a woman came on here and said, boyfriends penis is small can't feel it. And the answer was, stop using your dildo, it has desensitised you.
These are your coworkers? Where in the world do you work? I would just ignore them. Nothing bothers someone like that more than not getting a reaction. I learned to not let others affect me and everyone should learn that. These guys are complete childish idiots. Ignore them. It doesn’t matter the response they want because they don’t need it. Just don’t respond ignore it. It’s not worth the trouble. They’re so childish.
These are your coworkers? Where in the world do you work? I would just ignore them. Nothing bothers someone like that more than not getting a reaction. I learned to not let others affect me and everyone should learn that. These guys are complete childish idiots. Ignore them. It doesn’t matter the response they want because they don’t need it. Just don’t respond ignore it. It’s not worth the trouble. They’re so childish.
Why are you friends with – let alone dating – such a hate-filled person?
I'm not asking rhetorically. Ask yourself why you would tolerate anyone like this: around you, around your friends. Someone so judgmental, misogynist, homophobic…the list goes on.
He has told you straight out that he thinks YOU, as a bi person, are super mentally f***** up. Listen to what he is telling you about himself.
Yet you are IN LUVVS. That makes all the difference! /s
You can't 'talk him out of it' and yes of course it will 'rub off on kids' (you think it might influence your kids? Are you serious right now?). That's how hatred is sown, generation after generation. You can't 'teach' him to be a loving, compassionate human being, and it sure as shit is not your job. He's a grown-ass man.
Damn OP.
That’s what you do when traveling. I have met and had dinner with so many “strangers” over the years of my travels. I’m seriously good friends with people I met at airport bars more than a decade ago.
None of the getting over him process can begin until you break up and go hard no contact.
Then your useless feelz you have for him can start to fade, and that will leave room inside you to feel something for a better match.
However, if you want to ruin your life get pregnant with him. That way you can have the thrilling drama of keeping in him your life.
Going forward, vet the shit out of your partners and have some standards.
What is the reason to move to a new country? Better job prospects? Education? Or the guys there are better looking and hotter? The hooking up culture is better there?
You know why he was there.
Its your call now. Is your boyfriend paying for a happy ending every now and then something you can accept in a relationship or not?
So, should I look past this event and hope it doesn’t happen again? Or leave before it’s too late?
It'll probably happen again, so I'd base your decision on that.
Plus, I can admit that our sex life has been practically nonexistent for many months. We have talked about trying to “rekindle our flame” but it hasn’t happened yet.
Is this actually a relationship you want to save?
When I first met her asking if she ever considered getting a tattoo never crossed my mind. She didn't seem like the type to get one, knowing now does make me think a little. Regardless, I want to try and make it work. I'll never forgive myself if hadn't even bothered to give it a shot. I would rather see what the future holds even if the answer wasn't the one I hoped for. Like you said I'm 18 and I have plenty of time better I make the jump than not to at all.
You're a bang maid to an old guy. You take care of his kid, clean his house, have sex with him while he strings you along. You are not an “old soul.” Saying this as someone who was also often told I was an “old soul.” I wasn't. I was just traumatized and coping by adulting way too soon. And hanging out with people who were way older than me, all the time. Dump him and find someone your own age.
Because he wants you to stay. He said and did what he knew you wanted to to get you to stay in his life. But I bet he doesn't really want to take it further then this. If you would want to marry you, you would have been married or at least set a date by now.
Please at least consider this to be an option. Think and talk about it. You might even think about an ultimatum or planning a moment to talk about the wedding yourself and sticking to it. You should really respect yourself enough to really really think about this and to break it off when he isn't doing what he promised (because an engagement is a promise to marry you in the foreseable future).
You are still young. You have time to find someone else who does want the same things as you in life.
You don't think we could be happy again? I feel like if she was able to get out of whatever depressive funk she's in we would be happy again. A few bad days have turned into months. And it's not even our relationship with one another, it's the relationship she has with life itself that's hurting us. I'm just witnessing complete turmoil and I want to be there for her…… But when will these “bad days” end?
The difference between your situation and OPs is willingness to compromise. Doesn’t sound like OPs bf is truly willing.
Break up and learn to love yourself on your own
its going to sound morbid, but if you can wait it out, I would. If you starting creating more space with your partner now you could use the circumstances you're dealing with as a reasoning. And then send him on his way after she's moved on.