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Thanks for the reply! Ouch..I didn't even considered this as cheating, that hurts lol
This 100%
That’s unfortunate that she doesn’t value your pleasure the same as she does hers.
She has already sunk almost a year into this, of course she’s not going to jump ship at a road bump. You’ve already stated you guys are going to discuss marriage every few month, I’m sure she’s confident from your responses that she can move your time line up earlier
Hell no. If he doesn't want to play it with you, he ain't the one. He should be grateful his GF plays video games at all.
I'm reading OP's comments, and I'm sorry if this is very out of line – was this really an accident? Did your contraceptive fail?
I have this and am on anti depressants for it. The amount it changed my behavior during that time is crazy. I used to be angry at everything, along with getting seriously suicidal. Now I just get a little irritated and sad. Medicines aren’t for everyone, but it was a life changer for me.
Focus any future meetings on the legal stuff only, and take someone else with you. No texting.
If you are convinced that he will blame you, then this relationship is already doomed to fail. You need to respect yourself more. There are plenty of guys in the world who don’t cheat.
Girl, I am so sorry this happened with you. This sucks big time and I know a bit of what you go through. I, myself am in a “similar” situation. I’m in a different country, away from friends family and everyone I know. I live with someone I don’t love anymore but I can’t leave either cause I can’t pay for everything on my own, I have no drivers license and no car so I turned to findom. I have to make this work cause it’s currently my only mean to be independent. But about you, this guy doesn’t deserve and honestly, your child doesn’t deserve it either. The kid will grow up full of trauma for seeing you fighting. Don’t do it. Get out as soon as you possibly can. Plan everything and just leave. Don’t look behind.
This is a sub for advice but your post doesn’t seem to ask for any
I do agree it was most likely age. I also do believe that this happened for a reason. It’s my overthinking that gets to me. I hate bringing my past into current situations because it’s an excuse. I do believe I may truly love this current girl and she has told me she has already. I am just scared but I am willing to take a leap of faith and only my actions can prove it.
I’m just taking a wild guess here but is Jackie even his friend? How does she respond to him? Is it very straight forward and professional sounding or is she being really friendly back? I’m almost curious if your husband has the wrong idea about this girl.
Ugh, this hurts me for you. And me too, because I don’t want to be in a situation like this. I just want SOME type of effort. He won’t even post a picture of us together ?
Remindme2days
She’s not like that
It sounds like if you stay, it will only lead to a lot of hurt and arguments and jealousy which will inevitably lead to you breaking up anyway. I’m sorry you’re going through this
A cheater and an Idiot all in one!
Dump him, I'm begging you. He is threatening you and already presented clearly he is in fact capable of violence – hurting himself is also violence. You are not safe with him.
It's not your fault if he hurts himself. You need o protect yourself from him. You can't help him, but you can help yourself.
You are most welcome ? buddy, sorry to hear that you’re no longer able to have that conversation. I’m happy to listen without prejudice if needed.
60/40 split. It doesn’t matter that he’s gone a lot it would still be his place and his things would be there. I think a 60/40 split is more than reasonable and you can cover all of the other bills, like internet and electricity. That’s less than 1k a month with an 80k salary and that’s a steal. If he pushes against that you could prorate the rent for the number of days he is actually living in the apartment.
If you are able to leave. You don't deserve to be treated like this. He is being manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse once he has trained you that his behavior is your fault.
It's already starting. If this is your house kick him out. If it is his house go stay with a friend or family but leave. The sooner the better. If you don't have anywhere to go go to a women's shelter.
Lol sounds like a psycho
I won’t write too long a tirade against James, I’m sure other commenters have it covered. He has strung you along for years and he will continue to do so. He will consider the engagement “still on” for as long as it is beneficial for him, probably until he finally decides to go for it with his SILs younger sister. This man has openly stated his resentment for you, he is not respectful of you as a person let alone his supposed fiancée. To your friends saying to stick it out because you’re so close to the altar…..say you do get married, then what? James will not transform from a monstrous narcissist into a doting husband and father at the stroke of “I do”. Tim Burton has yet to direct that Disney film.
Realising this, puts you in control now. You are in strategy mode. Get your shit together. You go back to therapy, solo, focusing on healing your wounds and repairing your self worth and boosting your confidence. You start saving; protect your personal finances. You throw yourself into work; get that promotion, or raise, heck take that job miles away! You identify the friends that will truly support you and you shred the wet lettuces who say “oh but you were so close to the altar”. You hunt for an affordable place to live and you clear out anything in your current home that is clutter/dead weight. You inventory everything that is yours that you intend to take to your new place. One day you will reach a point when you can walk out of your old life into your new, without the deadweight of James. One day, when he goes to one of those conferences or over to his brothers, you won’t be there when he gets back. You can leave him a letter at most and then block all communication with him.
I do understand the worry over your biological clock, but past 35 it’s not impossible. Someone I know was almost 36 and came off her IUD to try for a baby….one month after removal she was very surprised to learn she got pregnant almost immediately. Leaving James you have a chance at meeting someone who treats you 10,000x better and 110% wants all the things you want. Not to mention, given James has put the wedding off for yet another year, you very well may end up staying with James and finding yourself unmarried and childless in your 40s. At this point, what have you got to lose by leaving?
2 days is not too late
This. I had an accident and pissed myself at work today isn't the same as I had lunch with my ex. Not everything need to be told.
This.
Honestly if she forced him to celebrate in the past he may not even want to go this year. I know I wouldn’t want to spend my birthday with a recent ex and their new partner so recently after a breakup. Even if things were friendly. Just too awkward.
So he may not even come!
I would say you can give your opinion that it may be uncomfortable for everyone, ie you, him, her, plus mutual friends if this is the first time you are meeting some of them. Let her decide what to do afterwards.
It sounds like she is truly to be respectful of everyone’s feelings, not that she isn’t over him.
Personally I would suggest she just invite who she actually wants to be there and let the coins fall where they may. He may be hurt, but things change after breakups, it sucks but it is just how it is. The whole point of breakups is you are deciding to live your own life away from the ex and make decisions on what is best for you.
Kind people try to minimize harm if they can, but they still need to move on and online their lives. The hurt has already happened, she is dating you and seems happy.
RIGHT? And he was upset he “had” to block her. Lmao
I see where you're coming from. Why does he need to have them on a social media platform that is basically made up of multiple photos/videos of the user (unlike say FB where there's more to it than just posting photos of yourself). He's casually scrolling and likely seeing a load of photos of his past hook-ups dressed up/in bikinis/thirst traps. If he's not friends with them then he should keep those people in the past. If the roles were reversed I somehow believe he would not be comfortable.
Also, if it's upsetting you, he should be trying to make you feel better, not getting defensive. It's not like you're asking for anything crazy. It's like he cares more about keeping a hold of them as potential hook-ups again over respecting your boundaries.
he wouldn’t be with me if he wanted to be with them in the first place
There are plenty of cheaters in relationships who would prove that this is incorrect. And this isn't just to do with whether he wants to be with them or not, it is about respecting your uncomfortableness and your boundaries.
he posts me on his instagram regularly
There are plenty of women willing to cheat with someone knowing full well that they're in a relationship. Plus I'm sure you can hide posts from certain followers.
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If you're stuck trying, what about activities that don't really require interaction? Movies, loud restaurants and bars, pretend you love a sport and watch that(or if you actually like one if course!), plays, etc. Then you're together, but not really having to talk and such
He would straight up ask them, hey man as an outsider what do you think my weakness are, what did you use to your advantage to win
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Be clear – you are not interested in old sex partners and that you would prefer that she was not in contact with him.
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You need to leave him. He’s the abuser and immature.
No they don't have the same mothers. My sister thinks Ivan's mother plays a large part in the hate but it's no way to prove that.
“I deserve breaks mom!” “And i dont?”
Daughter has signed up for her own marathon. Mom can be there to encourage her, maybe pass her a cup of water or two, but ultimately, mom cannot run the marathon for her.
He’s too old for you but regardless of age, he is not interested. The why doesn’t matter.
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Are you serious? She planned a surprise for his birthday came out topless and he said no thank you I rather have a BLT, and you can't figure out what I think is is appalling?
If the roles between us were reversed, I would understand, easily understand what you felt was appalling, and not be asking you to “define” your terms.
Rather than that I would explain why in fact it is not appalling. You are acting like a troll. At this point you just want to be the smartest guy in the room. Fake.
And in answering you I am falling for it. It's ok though because I'm sitting on the toilet atm, but I'm going to “have to” get up right after I wipe and wash my hands to make my wife some food.
When I say I have to, I am not saying I under obligation to do it if I don't feel like it. It's not an “obligation”, it's a responsibility that I willingly embrace.
So, I am not under any obligation to have sex with you, nor to continue this conversation. I have to move on, and I do so of my own free volition. 😉
Does she have a Pinterest page you can check?
too late. he will forgive if you give him the proper attention.
but he will never forget.
Yup makes sense
You need to be careful on how you leave. My concern is you leave and then he will kill you and himself. I think a restraining order is a bare minimum but even then that won’t be effective if he really is nuts
He’s gen X, + rightly or wrongly, it creeps him out
If you wnat answers and your wife doesnt provied them, then you need to found other sources, you are 100 % entiteld to those answers. Let me ask if you find out she cheated the whole time what would you do?
i'm not doing it to her, i did it to the people in this sub
Any stress she has during pregnancy will be stress on the baby.
Yeah us Americans tend to just use America and assume USA everytime. It’s a flaw of ours haha ?.
This might simply be him, and his friends, keeping tabs on each other from a safety perspective.
If there’s tracking going on without consent, it’s a different story. Especially if he’s tracking you without your knowledge but you didn’t mention anything about that.
Based on the details you’ve provided, I don’t see any cause for concern.
You can always communicate and ask him why he’s tracking them. Probably a healthy approach to your concerns.
It's not clear how this boss even knows you're engaged. Sounds like someone let slip something they shouldn't have. But it's fair to thank the boss for his well wishes and tell him that while you're very happy in your personal life you'd really like to be able to focus on work when you're at work. Find a diplomatic way to do this (because his behavior isn't winning you any friends amongst your coworkers who are surely sick and tired of having this rubbed in their faces).
also think of it like this – would you want to date a 16 year old? why not? and that's only a 4 year age difference.
How is she your girl if you don't have a relationship.
Back home, so this was just early today, so you can return it in case she doesn’t pay? If so, “Hey grandma, you offered to help by paying $400 of the computer cost. Can you get that for me today? If not, I need to return the computer because I can’t afford it with out that extra help from you.”
Shit or get off the pot bro.
What about hers? And not supporting her? Over being in a room with another guy…
That’s not what I’m doing buddy.
I felt some sort of trust was broken
Is that because y'all had previously talked about boundaries around this kind of behavior? If not, why not? If so, what, exactly, had y'all established?
I get that games like this aren't fun for everyone, but I don't understand why folks in the comments expect everyone to suddenly hate them at a certain age. People have different tastes and different interests. People have different responses to group activities. I don't think you should ignore your feelings, but I don't think you should blame your girlfriend for doing something outside your boundaries if y'all never talked specifics on those boundaries.
Well he also said that he “never wanted to get married” But now she knows that he just never wanted to get married to her.
That's honestly really very hot to hear even after 4 years of healing. That someone could spend 9 years with you and waste your time and claim they never want to be married but then suddenly someone comes along and changes their mind. I would be hurt too.
First of all, stop calling women “females”, it's creepy.
Secondly, you should not be dating if you can't accept that a relationship might not work out. If being broken up with “traumatizes” you, you are not mature enough for a relationship.
You’re probably hurt. So I won’t insult you.
You cannot fix a relationship ALONE. I repeat YOU CANNOT FIX A RELATIONSHIP ALONE! You cannot control her actions or behavior. I repeat YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER ACTIONS OR BEHAVIOR.
You can only control your own actions and behavior. She is checking out of the relationship and choosing another man over her family. You must never give up your “trump card” – the trump card is called breaking up and divorce.
Boundaries. You must know what they are. You must. If I befriend BILL from accounting I must set boundaries as to “what will end our friendship”. I don’t even need to tell BILL. If he likes to kill people. Guess what it makes my decision to NOT be bill’s friend that much easier. Because I don’t date or befriend serial killers. Sorry sally from sales but you’re a serial killer so I’ll pass. That’s setting the bar pretty low, but it gets the point across.
If my girlfriend cheats. Whoops! Bye bye hun you done goofed! Will I be disappointed – yes. Will I grieve the loss of my girlfriend – yes. Do I need her or does my life revolve around her entirely – NO!
Cheating is setting the bar really low. If the rules are set for a relationship you cannot cheat to get around them. Without proper enforcement – rules cannot really exist.
So you must enforce the rules. The time for bluffing is over. Your only form of penalty is to leave the person. Divorce is the penalty for those that cheat or abuse.
Here’s an allegory.
Two men carry a basket of berries to their village. Each holds a handle on each side of the basket. One person can carry the basket alone but it will hurt and be harder and the baskets handles might cut into the skin a bit. The journey is long. It’s easier with a partner.
So the two men carry the basket half way before the big man says he wants to stop a minute for a break. “Okay”the smaller man replies. They stop for a minute. The smaller man says “Okay let’s go”.
The bigger man says “Don’t try to control me. I just need to sleep for a bit.” The smaller man says “Okay”. The big man sleeps. The smaller man says, “It’s getting late let’s go”. The bigger man stands up and takes a big bowl full of berries with him over to a stump and begins eating them. The smaller man is getting upset “come on, we have to get back and those berries are for the village, don’t eat them!”. The big man laughs and says “You are so uptight. You’re always like this. Calm down. You think you know so much, but you are really stupid sometimes. Everyone at the village laughs at your jokes. You must think you’re so funny, but I don’t think you are. I’m JUST watching the sunset.”
The small man is hurt by his words. And thinks maybe I am being too uptight. Maybe I should calm down. Maybe I’m not as smart as I think. Maybe I’m not as funny as I think”. So they watch the sunset.
The small man stands up, “Okay we’re leaving come on”. The big man laughs, stands up and punches the small man in the face. “I am not ready to leave yet” the big man says. The big man sees the cave nearby and says out loud “Wow, I want to see what’s in that cave!”.
The small man is hurt and stands up. “But we have to go. We made a promise to deliver these berries”. The big man gets angry. “I’m going into the cave, I’m not ready to go back yet. Oh I get it. Hahaha! You’re scared aren’t you small man!? You’re just scared of the cave!”
The small man shrugs. “I just want to go back now” he sadly says.
The big man walks toward the cave. The small man follows, with the basket of berries in both hands. Both men wander into the darkness and get mauled and eaten by a bear. The end.
The small man allowed the big man to do as he pleased and didn’t just walk away with the berries. Instead he followed him around like an idiot. He realized he couldn’t reason with the big man and he couldn’t force the big man. So he just followed him. He didn’t set boundaries.
He never even considered that he could carry the basket alone.
If he had set boundaries for what he deems to be acceptable behavior, then it would have been an easy mental decision to recognize when “enough was enough”. He wouldn’t have gotten eaten by a bear and the village would have gotten their berries.
This allegory was a tragedy, but your life doesn’t have to be.
Other people cannot make you happy. Only you can make you happy. By sleeping, going for walks, savoring delicious food, and experiencing new things that interest you, or participating in a hobby.
You have the option to walk away. Let her go into the dark cave. Do not follow. Do not be the small or big man. Be a man that is kind, and protects the people in his life that he is responsible for.
You aren’t responsible for a wife that is choosing to go on a cruise with the guy she cheated on you with years ago. You cannot be responsible for the big man that walks into a bears den. Let him go. Pity him. Be sad that he would leave. Be disappointed in his choices. But do not follow.
Simply turn around. Lift the basket of heavy berries. Let the baskets handles dig deep into your skin. If you cry it’s alright. You’re on this journey alone now and nobody will see your tears. Process all of the pain so you never forget to be proud of the day you stood up, not just for yourself, but for all of the people in your village, your children, all of the people you care about that respect your love and acceptance.
Being a man isn’t about how big or small you are. It is about being responsible for other people. Being responsible for others makes you a man.
You know what you have to do. Carrying that weight of being a parent alone is very hot. I should know.
But you can do it. Good luck.
You're spoiling him rotten and not doing him any favors.
I think you better run as fast as you can in another direction.
I'm not sure I could come back from that. I've been the “safe” person before, and it didn't end well. I'd be devastated to read it so plainly articulated.
I'm not sure I could come back from that. I've been the “safe” person before, and it didn't end well. I'd be devastated to read it so plainly articulated.
And that I did not, I was merely asking for the logistics of it (and suggesting therapy) as peeing with a boner is quite the ordeal.
In a nutshell I said weird that he was able to do that (again logistics), that he needs therapy and that it is OK for her to not accept it going forward.
And that I did not, I was merely asking for the logistics of it (and suggesting therapy) as peeing with a boner is quite the ordeal.
In a nutshell I said weird that he was able to do that (again logistics), that he needs therapy and that it is OK for her to not accept it going forward.
you need to try distracting yourself so you won’t think of him. read a book, go for a walk, learn a new language, build something. you need learn to love yourself more than you love him. block him and just tell yourself you’d rather miss him than be treated this way. trust me you’ll get over it. i was the same way, i’d block and have anxiety because i missed them. don’t make him the center of your life. run and don’t look back.
You know, CPS exists for a reason. People like to complain about abuse but never actually reach out to the people who’s job it is to protect and get kids out of the situations.
Women are allowed to have friends. I assume that she has to do the course at set times, because that's when the lecturer is live. So if she's visiting you when the course is on, of course she will be online. She won't introduce you to her friends, because she's taking a course, not being social.
Ever since she started the course you encouraged her to take, you've been grumpy about it. She is not an extension of you. If you think she's disrespecting you, I think you're being overly controlling in her life.
I hope that she doesn't stand for your disrespect of her and that you listen to your next girlfriend better.
Oh good fucking lord, you're 18 and your girlfriend doesn't trust you for shit, do not get married, you're just going to be divorced by 22. Dump her, move on.
It's partly hypocritical. In the dance class format she had a problem with switching partners. But in this scenario she clearly didn't mind.
She shouldn't of continued dancing with him after I made it clear I was uncomfortable with it though. Just out of respect.
I mean, this is now your 4th time posting about him. All of them have revolved around him reacting erratically, accusing you of cheating, setting unreasonable boundaries or just outright attempting to control you.
So I suppose the question needs to change to what line you are waiting for him to cross before you leave. Like how badly does he have to treat you before you step back and say 'no, this isn't what I want' and leave.
Because he seems to be proving quite rapidly he can be as controll, accusatory, and toxic as wants and you will still stay with him. Even more you try and rationalise your position, as if you ever needed to make the argument as to why you can make adult choices. Instead you should be acknowledging how far gone he is that he is comfortable saying you just can't be around men outright.
So when does this stop? I mean that rhetorically, because it stops the second you make it stop by leaving, so when are you doing that?
OP this is all really wild. It honestly seems like you are inventing a scenario in your head and seeing “evidence” everywhere. You see something on the bed that looks like a guy “wiped off his dick??” It couldn't be ANYTHING else? What does that even look like? You think you can tell where on the bed she was eaten out? All of this is a stretch, and she's probably changing her password because you are violating her privacy. I'm sorry for being blunt, but you sound really paranoid. This is not a healthy or a happy way to live.
Based on what you've said, she did not invite this and left when it didn't stop. That does not sound like cheating to me.
Plus she called you obviously upset about the whole thing.
He’s going to party. I hate parties. Again I’m not looking for someone to tell me to leave. Especially someone who doesn’t know our dynamic or what’s going on completely. He definitely does prioritize me. I’m looking for advice specifically on what I asked
he is undiagnosed but has some trauma (that i know of) which still takes a toll on his mental health at times and he has worries about possibly having depression.i had my first hospital visit concerning depression when i was 9, then got diagnosed when i was 11.
he's 5'10 and has light brown curly hair. he's fairly slim and he has blue-ish “grey”-ish eyes.
Thank you! I just reached out and told him that I was hoping for it to be just the two of us! Let's see what he has to say 🙂
Wait, is this the same boyfriend that raped you? They're both trash.
Since I'm only paying for the first drink, her only other costs would be if she wanted any more drinks but she normally only has 2 or 3 anyway so it wouldn't cost her much.
She's said we'll just have to stay in instead of doing anything on the night of the quiz
Couples counseling is pointless unless both people are willing to put in the effort. Being back for kids is not reason to be together as you will just make everyone miserable.
Nope away from this one.
Not only do you need to do less “relationship” type stuff, you need to block this one “completely” out of your life.
Everyone here is being realistic. You are not “navigating a horrible path” you are 21 year old with a toddler who is choosing to subject your child to the same abuse your BF saw his entire life.
Want a little reality check? Your child is probably going to be subjected to abuse like your BF was if you decide to keep navigating instead of getting TF out.
There's reality for you. I hope you'll understand that before you'll come on here claiming to love your child to death as well.
?oh the turn tables.
Why are you saying this? Would you have agreed to just stand by and watch him fuck her without engaging with her spouse? How would have been fair?
This is what really happened. She thought she was prettier than you and therefore both men would be all over her. When that didn't happen and she couldn't keep his attention, she lost her mind.
Your husband was just in it to fuck the co-worker and is cuing off her behavior.
He watched her try to get her partner's attention while he was with you and how pissed off and jealous this made her. That's why he was angry on the way home. He's just a tool doing and saying whatever the co-worker feels with a few of his own insecurities thrown on top for good measure.
The bottom line is your husband offered you group sex. It's up to you to decide who out of the paring you feel comfortable having sex with, for how long and what exactly you do with the person. You're acting that was all up to your husband to decide and if he'd just told you what to do there wouldn't have been a problem. Him taking away your agency in this or any other situation is not okay.
It hilarious that seeing you get pleasure with another has fucked him up so bad. The truth of the situation is he didn't care enough to specify what he was comfortable with because he was only concerned about fucking the co-worker. Now they both know you are attractive and a person of worth and it's killing them because they both underestimated you.
Put in a request for an immediate housing transfer.
Say you‘ don’t feel safe with your current flat mate.
You don’t have to out him if you’re worried about that escalating things.
But if it’s between outing him or not in order to transfer, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself
he “whole problem” isn’t that Charlie isn’t a bad guy. The whole problem is that Sarah isn’t into you.
Look, man, I feel you. Unrequited love sucks. But listen… every moment you shared with Sarah that made you fall in love with her, Sarah was also there. Every adventure, every sparkling conversation, every TV binge, every night cooking dinner were also opportunities for Sarah to fall in love with you. And, after all these years, it’s kind of obvious she hasn’t. She’s still with Charlie. She’s marrying him. She’s told you explicitly she thinks of you as a friend. If she was secretly harboring a deep and eternal love for you, and if she’s as honest and as ethical as you say she is, then she wouldn’t be planning a wedding with a different man.
If she was going to fall in love with you by now, she would have. If she had, she wouldn’t be engaged to your best friend.
You’ve spent a long time nurturing this love instead of looking elsewhere. I promise you that Sarah is not the only woman out there you could ever passionately adore, but you need to move on from these feelings to find that love for yourself. I also want to point out that you’re idealizing Sarah pretty hardcore; real people are never as perfect and wonderful as you’re depicting this woman, and real relationships have flaws. You need to take your head out of the clouds about her. You’re attached to a fantasy.
And just because someone walking doesn't mean they aren't in Pain either
So why do you feel that this is him? Cheating or betraying you. You said to yourself that you're fully okay with porn. What makes this different?
Very suspicious he kept this a secret for a year.
Im not a professional i have just delt with something similar so ill give my input. Please take my advice with a grain of salt its just what i did/what worked for me…
What you're doing so far is good. Continue. But stop the meetings. Use excuses (I have period cramps, my dog got sick, whatever you have to come up with) I find people usually get the hint after repeated excuses. Im a notoriously bad texter, like it could be weeks and maybe use that. But limit contact, taper off and eventually block. Stay safe and smart.
This is irrelevant.
If you find her expectations unreasonable, you are within your rights to say so and set boundaries for what you're willing to accept. Making unreasonable demands in return is not a healthy way to conduct a relationship.
Dude. At the end of the day, she's with you. Stop being insecure
What is she wearing? Is it a clubbing outfit? Deliberate raunchy pictures? If it’s a night out with friends then fine, if she needs validation from social media I would leave it.
We feel like the relationship would be entirely different if John had not financially supported Jane and her family at all.
The relationship would not exist if he hadn't financially supported her and her family, because that is the primary nature of their relationship. She knows it, he knows it. They both get something out of this arrangement – she gets money, he gets a very hot young girlfriend who makes him feel desirable. This is essentially a sugar baby arrangement framed as the “girlfriend experience.”
If he wasn't anticipating this, he wouldn't have been looking for teenagers in the Philippines.
Sorry, but time for a divorce. She wants it all and expects you to give in. That isn't a relationship!
Don't be a doormat!
Even if both of you didn't know her, I think it's weird to jack off to someone's innocent selfie. It's worse if she lives in the same town, and is big NO NO if either of you have a vague idea of who she is.
I'm sorry, but your husband is gross. Has he tried to apologize or explain to you yet? Is the other woman in danger? Are you in danger? I get that your current concern is feeling hurt, but please don't let this slide if it is a safety issue for you or the other woman. Pls take care
Because you are long distance and you haven't even met yet. That's not a real relationship.
She gave you the reason why. Because you will not/have not met the parents. So if you actually go visit. Meet the parents. Talk to them. Get their approval.
He wanted to be caught. He doesn’t deserve anything. Ask one of your closest friends to send him a text. “She saw the videos, never contact her again”. Then make sure he’s blocked on all platforms. If he has some of your things, your friend can arrange to pick them up
You have every right to fall apart, just do it with people who truly love you and have your back.
He was keeping option open. This means he was keeping you around, Just in case.
I would suggest blocking him, going no contact. Start living your best life and move forward. Find that special someone who values you for who you are.
You deserve it
Good I think that’s the best thing for you. You’re really young and have a good chance right now to meet many many people. You haven’t even met all the people who are going to love you someday. It’s better to make new friends, have new experiences and like invest in any passion you might have. I say all this also because I would take her ‘maybe’ as a ‘no’. I think if she chose you, she’d miss him, and there is a chance she may miss you if you choose yourself but again, I think this girl needs to be in counseling and should work on herself first before choosing you. Sometimes that comes in the form of her exploring a relationship with him and learning they aren’t for each other, maybe then you guys could have something together. I think she likes the attention she gets from you, but if it could turn platonic right now and be solely a friendship based on support and kindness I think you’re doing her a great service.
Ah, ok, so in your words bitterly accepting always being ignored is wrong, being shown respect over my time is also wrong. Ok then
OR if he had done it b4 and hasnt spilled his guts for reasons.
Run, and be happy.
You were totally “pre cheating” as a redditors gf bssed on him on another thread.
No, quitting kidding you.
This is YOUR conscience.
I wouldn't tell your gf. It's just a kind of “selfish” need to ease your mind. Which would perhaps end up saddening your gf or making her insecure.
As you were single then and had committed to nothing and prrhaps without that meeting may not even have committed to meeting your now gf, ease your mind.
But do maybe have a serious thought about why hooking up with one girl and the week after meeting the next girl in restrospect makes you feel bad?
I feel people now adays treat sex casually. Like a random consumable “feelgood” thing with exchangable partners.
Afterwards when in a relationship wuth deeper feelings one may feel.crappy about having treated it so lightly when with the beloved partner it's a way to share an emotional bond.
Perhaps keep in mind your cuurent crappy feeling if ever coming back to being single.
Whishing you it may never come to this, though.
Boy that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast.
Unclear here, you said cheated with and then in the next breathe she's his ex.
So did he cheat on you while you were together? If so, did he confess or did he get caught?
If you caught him cheating there's really little point in getting over it, it'll just happen again anyway.
There's a few things here; first, the best advice you'll get is that you shouldn't shit where you eat. Assuming you're going to ignore that, we move forward.
You're overthinking “rules” and what your relationship currently is. Could work be a problem? Again, almost certainly. Do you know the rules around it?
Regardless, do conversations happen “organically?” What does that even mean? How long have you been dating? I'd assume roughly 3-4 months. Either way, the time to discuss it is now. You obviously want something serious. As such, all you need to know is if he does. So you need to ask him what he wants and go from there.
If he “freaks out,” it means it's not going to happen and it never was. Good luck.
Okay so he could take any week off and get the same days because the weekend so that doesn’t make any sense.
Yup! Many are suffering from intense body dysmorphia so afterwards they still aren’t happy.
Easiest fix is to have people seek out a therapist for two months and if nothing is mentally off in why they want the surgery then fine let them go have it. But if something isn’t okay about their mental state, it’s good they did t get the surgery.
But that wouldn’t happen cause the cosmetic industry wouldn’t be as lucrative as it is now cause they prey on people with body dysmorphia the most to get all that ???
He pretended it was true
Trust your intuition.
But you’re also trying to justify forcing this man to have your kids one way or another? He is telling you he does not consent to you using your (plural) embryos without his permission. Don’t be gross about it. You can also do IUI with a sperm donor before going to IVF – you’re acting like your only option is to force this man to have kids.
Relationship don’t end on equal ground, ever. Even when it’s mutual. You are going to lose time and money and that’s just what it is.
She seems stuck on his “glow up,” like she's willing to forgive flaming AH because he's soooooo cute, disguised as maybe he'll go back to his old attitude.
Christmas must be a real bitch for you when some of the shit under the tree isn't for you…
Why would you not go through lawyers?
Just walk away not worth the hassle.
More precisely: you don't trust him anymore.
He hurt you once and your body didn't forgive him.
So now he gives you the ick.
This sounds so bad that you should consider to end that mess.
You're the one assuming i am ignorant of that information, but in this particular case i wonder because she had “proof and a witness”, she have the support of husband and nothing happened? So the husband said ok let's swipe what just happened under the mat?
I’ve had friends that are similar in the sense of that they just take arguments to the next level. It’s like once they start going they can’t stop and are steadfast. It’s definitely very draining.
This comment section is ridiculous lol. “Groomed” “manipulated” “he found another teenager”. Y’all sure like to make assumptions.
Regardless of age difference, communication or lack thereof is one of the most common relationship pitfalls. Think of it as a learning experience that will set you up for a happier future 🙂
Far as I know, to have a Catholic wedding you DO have to agree to raise your kids in the Catholic faith. Admittedly I am not an authority.
I think the process you go through in planning your wedding sets a precedent for the rest of your life. For one thing, his family can pressure him into doing what they want. For another thing, he then will pressure you.
Catholics are not required to wed in a Catholic wedding. Someone in my family got married at a wedding venue, it was a religious ceremony but with quite a bit of flexibility.
My feeling is you should push back on this. Remember you aren't just pushing back with regard to the wedding, but all the interactions you will ever have with your in-laws and husband in the future.
I saw your other comment and you are 100% correct. It’s not about the stuff!! It’s about getting access to and control of YOU! Do not be or meet alone with him EVER again. Make sure he never gets a chance to see or speak to you without someone else with you.
I have done that before. I have ended things before where I would give him everything back, still he would contact me nonstop from different numbers and social medias and wait outside my house until I talked to him. All those times I forgave him because he promised to change.
The gifts mean nothing to him. I think It’s just his way of feeling he has control over me & happy that I do whatever he tells me to.
Support him on his divorce, show him that he is not alone
She knew I would find out lol
You can't really know that. Most people don't assume their sexual partners will spread it around.
Either way, her sleeping with someone when single isn't “crazy.” You even say you already recovered from the breakup, which obviously isn't totally true. It's okay to be hurt but she hasn't done anything wrong, nor would you if you slept with someone.
If you were ready to move on, she's allowed to move on as well.
yeah, he’s already seeing one. thank you for the suggestion though
Oof. He cares waaay more about this other female than you. He would probably rather be with her. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who treated me that dismissively.
But Reddit, how do I ever tolerate looking these people in the eye again?
Quite frankly you don't, unless they come around. You put on a fake smile for the few times you're confronted with them, but other than that, I'd consider your gf's family as having disinvited themselves from the privilege of being part of your lives.
Do not ever agree to pay for those 10-15 person dinners either, btw. And if you are in a situation where they could leave you with the bill, take the initiative at the end of dinner to ask for the check specifically for you and your gf. This will be normal to waitstaff and will stop her family dead in their tracks.
Is this really what I should bear as my in laws if we decide to get married?
You don't have to put up with any of it. The big question is, will you two make it to marriage? It's inanely unfair, but the pressure could become too much for your gf. But if you really love each other, you two CAN certainly figure out how to go the distance (marriage), but it may be without her family in your lives.
I agree.
Better to be seen as regressive than sorry.
My ex and I had premarital counseling where boundaries in marriage were explained. They are to protect each partner from temptation and make affairs or suspicions less likely.
Each couple can pick out their own boundaries. Ours were like be friendly and polite at work colleagues, but don't have personal discussion or be overly friendly.
In any conversation act and talk as if your wife or husband is listening and be sure they would approve.
No going out drinking without your partner.
Don't do anything that looks sus, like going to a man's room for a drink.
No opposite sex house guests.
You can adjust with what goes in your culture. Then discuss them with your wife and see if she agrees. Smart people protect their marriage.
I think this is good advice: getting back with your ex sounds like it would only be short term anyway: you both sound like you need to move on. Maybe it doesn’t work out with the new girl, but you’re young and you’ll meet plenty of other people
Do you mind sharing why you can't drink water sometimes? I'm a chronic pain sufferer with both too many diagnoses and not the right ones. One of my issues is I get super dehydrated but drinking water can make me really nauseous. I'm not sure if it's the same thing, but any help with a possible issue to research would be greatly appreciated.