Generally there's nothing wrong with thinking about an ex even while in a relationship, especially if it hasn't been long ago.
However, the concerning matter is that he himself claims to be addicted to the idea of his ex, still living inside of his mind.
This of course is something to worry about. And that is not being paranoid.
If you ask me, I don't think he is ready to commit to someone else. And he should have taken more time to grieve that relationship.
It isn't like they are close friends. She should have no part in his life anymore, and the idea of inviting her to his birthday is very much inappropiate, to say the least.
It's unfortunate but there is a chance you are his rebound. Not that he doesn't love you. But maybe not the love you hoped for.
Youre not wrong for feeling the way you do. She's entitled to dress the way she likes, but you're also entitled to your feelings. Everyone has different boundaries about what's okay in a relationship, its a matter of personal opinion.
I dont have advice about changing how you feel, my partner showing off too much skin and seeking attention from others is something i'd be uncomfortable with myself. To say it plainly, i wouldnt date someone like that.
Your options are to somehow change this (normal) feeling you have about the way she dresses, or ask her if she would mind toning it down a bit, or look for someone who shares similar values with you from the start.
The right person for you will move mountains for your family, if they need it. They don’t have to love it, but they need to support it, otherwise they are making it worse for you. Your gf needs to see that it doesn’t need to be long term but your sister needs you and you won’t turn away from that. You are young, find the best person for you.
You are right to be bothered. He should be doing everything he can to make your life easier right now, and instead he is actively choosing to make it harder. That’s not an act of love.
First of all I’m not cheating, my friend is actually on her period so that wouldn’t even be possible. Second, CD’s are an inside joke we have, because she still drives a car with a CD player and we love the nostalgia of playing CD’s
maybe she’s asexual. that’s what happens when you follow arbitrary patriarchal guidelines about when to have sex and don’t find a partner that actually meets your needs
Why are you with someone that invalidates your opinion and as you said “treats you like a criminal” that alone is enough to tell me that she don't respect you asa person and things have to be her way or no way. The faster you break up the less you will be out. The longer you wait the more you will have invested. Because she will only get worse as time goes on and you have different opinions than her.
Is the bed in the only space where you can spend time? If norm why don’t you get what you’ll need for sleeping ready and just head into the bedroom to climb into bed and sleep?
If you only have the single room available, then it will take some effort from each of you to compromise.
You can plan something as quiet as possible to do when she goes to sleep.
She can wear a sleep mask and maybe ear plugs, and you can read from a dimmed backlit kindle, listen to audiobooks, or watch something using ear buds or headphones which don’t bleed sound.
ASAP means as soon as possible. After talking to your partner is as soon as possible. You can always split up if you want to go and your partner doesn’t.
Haha! My ex tried this whole sob story too. He left me for another woman and left me with a pile of debt, too. Screw this. Do not let this person back into your life. He’ll take it as forgiveness and do it again. Maybe even worse.
Why can't they use your post-wedding trip as a honeymoon? Presumably they are paying for an expensive trip abroad that you have initiated, which is above and beyond what is normally expected for attending a wedding. They are probably wanting to save money with a baby coming. Why is that so bad?
When I was living in Guatemala, this was the norm. It did not smell in my experience.
I can recommend buying a trash can off Amazon with a lid that opens when you wave your hand in front of it (battery powered). I have one to keep my dog out of the trash and it works great. No smells come out of it (I know because I threw up in it once and didn't take it out for a few days. Yes, I know it's gross, I was sick).
After the three month mark I’d send them a letter. Spell out very clearly that you and your spouse are very happy with the pregnancy. You’re not looking for their approval or criticism. If they would like to be part of their grandchild’s life you both would like that as long as it doesn’t involve judgment or negativity. Sign the letter from both you and your spouse. Then let it go. If they call with positive feedback great, if not then your child will still be welcomed into your loving home and have the benefit of one set of loving grandparents. You aren’t in control of your parents’ feelings and you’re old enough to online your own life.
This is a fundamental disagreement between you two. One wants marriage and the other doesn’t. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together since high school. It’s time to part ways and move on to people you don’t have fundamental disagreements about relationships with.
I feel like none of these commenters have never been stalked. I’d be terrified blocking her and taking away her access to the information from afar would cause her to escalate. It’s not innocent ex girlfriend can’t let go. This has been going on for 4 years. It’s obsessive.
Really savage, but thank you, I appreciate so much your candour and authenticity with this comment. I am so glad you’ve gotten out of that situation and I hope you are doing well now. Thank you again for taking the time to comment on this post
No, but being a PhD candidate and teaching multiple courses every semester does.
Generally there's nothing wrong with thinking about an ex even while in a relationship, especially if it hasn't been long ago.
However, the concerning matter is that he himself claims to be addicted to the idea of his ex, still living inside of his mind.
This of course is something to worry about. And that is not being paranoid.
If you ask me, I don't think he is ready to commit to someone else. And he should have taken more time to grieve that relationship.
It isn't like they are close friends. She should have no part in his life anymore, and the idea of inviting her to his birthday is very much inappropiate, to say the least.
It's unfortunate but there is a chance you are his rebound. Not that he doesn't love you. But maybe not the love you hoped for.
I strongly that disagree. I have 3 kids as proof that it is not a good means of birth control lol
Blackmail him. And after you do, it’ll cost you 50k to keep me from going to the police since you admitted to a federal crime on Reddit.
Open and honest communications, and apologize where required.
Youre not wrong for feeling the way you do. She's entitled to dress the way she likes, but you're also entitled to your feelings. Everyone has different boundaries about what's okay in a relationship, its a matter of personal opinion.
I dont have advice about changing how you feel, my partner showing off too much skin and seeking attention from others is something i'd be uncomfortable with myself. To say it plainly, i wouldnt date someone like that.
Your options are to somehow change this (normal) feeling you have about the way she dresses, or ask her if she would mind toning it down a bit, or look for someone who shares similar values with you from the start.
People like this are just the worst…
The right person for you will move mountains for your family, if they need it. They don’t have to love it, but they need to support it, otherwise they are making it worse for you. Your gf needs to see that it doesn’t need to be long term but your sister needs you and you won’t turn away from that. You are young, find the best person for you.
I know it's my fault and only my fault. I have a apologized a million times. But I don't want to leave him. I have nothing else in this world.
You are right to be bothered. He should be doing everything he can to make your life easier right now, and instead he is actively choosing to make it harder. That’s not an act of love.
I appreciate it
First of all I’m not cheating, my friend is actually on her period so that wouldn’t even be possible. Second, CD’s are an inside joke we have, because she still drives a car with a CD player and we love the nostalgia of playing CD’s
maybe she’s asexual. that’s what happens when you follow arbitrary patriarchal guidelines about when to have sex and don’t find a partner that actually meets your needs
Why are you with someone that invalidates your opinion and as you said “treats you like a criminal” that alone is enough to tell me that she don't respect you asa person and things have to be her way or no way. The faster you break up the less you will be out. The longer you wait the more you will have invested. Because she will only get worse as time goes on and you have different opinions than her.
Is the bed in the only space where you can spend time? If norm why don’t you get what you’ll need for sleeping ready and just head into the bedroom to climb into bed and sleep?
If you only have the single room available, then it will take some effort from each of you to compromise.
You can plan something as quiet as possible to do when she goes to sleep.
She can wear a sleep mask and maybe ear plugs, and you can read from a dimmed backlit kindle, listen to audiobooks, or watch something using ear buds or headphones which don’t bleed sound.
I homestly didnt read everything because it was so bad. Girl he gave you STD’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kick this man to the curb
ASAP means as soon as possible. After talking to your partner is as soon as possible. You can always split up if you want to go and your partner doesn’t.
That's it nothing more than that
Haha! My ex tried this whole sob story too. He left me for another woman and left me with a pile of debt, too. Screw this. Do not let this person back into your life. He’ll take it as forgiveness and do it again. Maybe even worse.
After one year? As if he had kept any….!
Why can't they use your post-wedding trip as a honeymoon? Presumably they are paying for an expensive trip abroad that you have initiated, which is above and beyond what is normally expected for attending a wedding. They are probably wanting to save money with a baby coming. Why is that so bad?
When I was living in Guatemala, this was the norm. It did not smell in my experience.
I can recommend buying a trash can off Amazon with a lid that opens when you wave your hand in front of it (battery powered). I have one to keep my dog out of the trash and it works great. No smells come out of it (I know because I threw up in it once and didn't take it out for a few days. Yes, I know it's gross, I was sick).
After the three month mark I’d send them a letter. Spell out very clearly that you and your spouse are very happy with the pregnancy. You’re not looking for their approval or criticism. If they would like to be part of their grandchild’s life you both would like that as long as it doesn’t involve judgment or negativity. Sign the letter from both you and your spouse. Then let it go. If they call with positive feedback great, if not then your child will still be welcomed into your loving home and have the benefit of one set of loving grandparents. You aren’t in control of your parents’ feelings and you’re old enough to online your own life.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
This post is what everyone here is talking about.
This is a fundamental disagreement between you two. One wants marriage and the other doesn’t. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together since high school. It’s time to part ways and move on to people you don’t have fundamental disagreements about relationships with.
He sounds like a dick
You can do better
Bin him off
I feel like none of these commenters have never been stalked. I’d be terrified blocking her and taking away her access to the information from afar would cause her to escalate. It’s not innocent ex girlfriend can’t let go. This has been going on for 4 years. It’s obsessive.
Really savage, but thank you, I appreciate so much your candour and authenticity with this comment. I am so glad you’ve gotten out of that situation and I hope you are doing well now. Thank you again for taking the time to comment on this post