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Right on. What do you think you're going to do?
Sir! This actually sounds like a stressful, unstable, toxic and manipulative relationship. Definitely not amazing.
I think enough time has passed and you’ve been together plenty. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you to ask her if she’d like to be exclusive.
her post history reminds me of a weird feitshy thing idk why
could be planning a surprise for what he wants to get you you never know
It doesn’t sound like they’re over each other. Been there, done that. Personally, I don’t find it worth the stress.
Either this is a troll or this is the absolute saddest thing I've ever seen. This poor future kid.
I mean d you expect him to stay home everytime you have a cold, flu or covid? If he is at home the only thing he will be doing to take care of you is bringing drinks and hot water bottles, and calpol to your daughter anyway, no?
If he is only going for a weekend I don't see the big deal, you can survive for 2-3 days. Plus his father recently passed away? The Mum is probably grieving still, aswell as him, let them spend time together.
You’re an adult and get to date whomever you like.
Dating a person with a chronic illness can be stressfull though and I believe your parents are worried about you. They shouldn’t be fighting about it though. That’s doing it wrong.
Also, I think you misspelled the syndrome, if it is what I think it is, do not have children before speaking to a clinical geneticist.
Youre a piece of shit
That kid will still end up knowing that you don't like them. If you can't 100% accept a child, then you should have left the relationship. I have step parents on both sides so I can speak from first hand experience. And I am about to be a stepmom to my fiance's kids. We both said that anyone that can't love our kids as their own have no place in our lives. I really wish your boyfriend would have taken that same stance. Being civil towards a child is not enough.
Best case scenario is he's not listening, worst case is he doesn't care as long as he's getting his needs met, he's not bothered about yours, clearly
that’s sad
I’m sorry this has happened. Have you reconnected in the four months since then? This seems like something that can be reconciled, but I’m only looking from the outside in and with just this limited information.
Marrying someone is like marrying a family, in a sense. He needs to embrace your family, if you embrace your own and embrace his. Otherwise there will be issues of suitability.
His stonewalling behavior is most worrisome. You guys probably could’ve made it through the argument you had if you had more emotional resourcefulness/resiliency, but y’all didn’t because of the lack of intimacy because of the lack of communication. Stonewalling is one of the four horsemen of troubled marriages. Your communication with him needs to improve or the relationship will struggle. And you’ll remain at a level 1 relationship (making sure my own needs are met, regardless of your own) or level 2 relationship (I’ll tend to your needs in order for you to tend to mine. I.e. I’ll embrace your family in order to get you to embrace mine, like an exchange, a contract.) Level 3 is unconditional love and acceptance (I love your family because I love you. Period).
I wonder if the long-distance has made it so that he has felt emotionally distant from your own family.
Either way, the classic Reddit advice applies, “communication is key”.
No one here can tell you if you made the right decision. There may not even be a right decision.
OP you’re being abused and you’re too young to see it.
Let me guess, he totally lovebombed you in the beginning. I bet
? you were the best thing that happened to him, he is so in love with you, he never met anyone special as you right?
?he really needed you to go through some kind of difficult trauma? You helped him so much.
?then he started to have some “wishes”. He took away his love didn’t he? Until you obeyed his commands. Now you are in a situationship you don’t actually want to be in, but hey you’re so in love with him you’ll accept it.
Yeah you’re being mentally abused by a narcissist.
It is completely child abuse. How can you say it’s not.
You're both being passive aggressive with that behavior. And an ex should almost always remain an ex. Just block him or tell him hey this isn't working for me I'm out.
Your feelings are valid based on what you’ve described. So it sounds like the real issue isn’t the dj thing, it’s deeper and more broadly about what, for you, feels like an uneven effort/recognition of your interests and hobbies, and therefore wants and needs. Her bristling at you expressing your feelings is further evidence that a bigger discussion should be had about this misalignment.
But I would be super careful about how you word things. Is this a conversation you’ve tried to have, but she doesn’t seem to be seeing things as they are? From her perspective, whether she realizes it or not, her acknowledging how badly she missed the mark would be confirmation of two things, that she maybe isn’t doing a great job listening, but perhaps that she really is trying, yet is still falling flat, which feels crappy when we think we are doing a good job, or don’t see our own blind spots.
Some people are excellent gift givers, and some of us are not, despite our best efforts. Sometimes us not being good at things isn’t proof of us not caring, though. I hope so, for your sake.
Run, this guy is a real a$$ to claim he's devastated by how sad you are because of what he is doing. Gaslight much?
His response to your concerns sounds like weaponized ignorance to me.
There’s a lot here.
Firstly, you should break up with your “boyfriend.” You don’t want to be helping raise the child of someone you only just met that was conceived after you started dating.
He’s upset he “ruined” things because he knew it was something he shouldn’t have done, but he made a selfish decision that was disrespectful towards you, and the consequences of his actions have come to your doorstep and he’s upset about it. He wanted to get one more free hookup before getting into a relationship with a girl he was pursuing. It’s karma of bad decisions
You say it’s okay that he had sex with this other woman, but you guys had plans to see each other after you got back and he still went out and had sex with someone else. To me, that shows a lack of respect for you from him. For multiple reasons.
The way they’ve been dealing with this is wrong. Him spending time at her place, multiple times, and spending the night is wrong and disrespectful to you. There’s clearly more going on there than “what are we going to do.” Those conversations and discussions don’t have sleep overs or situations that are disrespectful to one’s s/o. Because he is the father, he should be supportive. But she should also be confiding in other people and not solely relying on your boyfriend, especially including sleep overs. There’s no doubt in my mind something more is going on than conversations of “what do we do” every night.
It’s good he told you right away, but he could have also just been trying to get ahead of damage control and hoping you’ll be willing to stick around with them. But since then you have been neglected and disrespected repeatedly. It is strange and inappropriate and disrespectful.
There’s a good chance there was more going on than one little hookup
You should end it and wish him the best of luck with everything
I’m worried about your sons, more than of your husband’s reaction. I’m rooting for your son and his gf. I hope you will give us an update.
He sounds like a mix between an angry teenager, a man child, and someone with a lot of mental issues
So i feel that's why he doesn't apologize
Don't we know it, cardiology. By the way, since you're here I've got this patient who has a history of either HFpEF or HDrEF and his wife doesn't know which. Can I transfer him to your service? He's here for a gouty attack, why do you ask.
I mean, 50 shades is also just pure fiction, so its understandable
But yea, childish shouldn't exist We all like what we like. No one should judge anyones personal biases
I quit reading after you said a part of you thinks you can do better. Let this poor man go so he can find someone better.
It’s kind of a pride of ownership thing. Like if you initiate it then it was not his idea.
You can get people to do almost anything, if they think it was their own idea.
Age gap or not telling someone you love them that early in a relationship is just wrong and usually a red flag especially from someone who's almost 40 and should know better. You can't know someone after only 2 months much less love them. You're both infatuated there is a difference. And of you're gonna date older then get used to people staring and being judgmental. You don't know these people so who cares? If you can't handle a few stares you're not ready to date someone older. My fbw is 20 years younger. I met him when he was 22. We've been out in public many a time holding hands etc and I've never noticed anyone staring or what have you. Neither of us would care anyway. I'm sure if you're too focused on it you're gonna think everyone is looking at you when in reality few people are. If she's already told you she loves you she's probably a very needy clingy and probably codependent person which is unhealthy at any age. But you're not seeing that because you have no life experience (normal at 19) and you're not thinking with the right head …. not saying you shouldn't date but cool your heels a little. Very small chance this will work out in the long run.
Mine does the same lol around the 6/7 month mark i jst cldnt bend really so he took over shoe duty and rubbing my swollen feet every night or getting me warm water and lots of bath salts and oils so i could soak my feet.
Baby is due next month. Scared shitless but having a husband that isn't a dick definitely helps.
He just put a fake gun to his head and fired some blanks. He says he's gonna kill himself today, and this was just to show me that he will do it. I'm scared. I online in pakistan, and there are literally maybe 2% of people who'd get the mentality of not wanting kids. Everyone else is like this is the way of living. This is what life means and all. And I get that, but I don't feel it is for me.
Gotcha.. yea I typically don’t like it either.
I think it’s even worse once you’re actually in a relationship and they post stuff like that.. I feel like that’s a respect for the relationship type of thing that needs to addressed
Kids these days ?♂️
I think you need some perspective here. It’s only two years in your twenties which (I hope) means:
He will surely have career goals he wants to focus on too? Best do these things now whilst the other one is also busy as you’ll both be prioritising yourselves.
Neither of you will want marriage or kids for a couple of years. Again beat do these things no whilst that remains true
2 years isn’t that long, compare how much you’d see each other for QUALITY time at home vs away. Im nearly 40 with kids and I spend far less quality time with hubby now than when we did long distance.
Long distance is great if you have a lot going on and are both mature enough to handle it because you can dedicate set time to each other, like holidays and weekends away, which you’ll be able to afford more of because you both prioritised career goals at the time you could most afford to do it.
Maybe it won’t work out. Honesty you’re 21, and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. Yes you’d be sad, but it’d be because it wasn’t meant to be and you’ve created space in your life for the things that are.
The best thing you can do in life is set standards and boundaries for what you need to be happy. The people on your life will meet them, because they want you to be happy, or they wont because I they value their own standards and boundaries more and they aren’t compatible, so they won’t make you happy, but you’ll lose them along the way. This is the key to in ten years time having the life you want and people in it that want it for you also.