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Model from: ua
Languages: en,ru
Birth Date: 1997-08-06
Body Type: bodyTypeCurvy
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
So we agree jumping into marriage should be a deeply considered, and well thought out decision?
Sorry, I clicked submit before I was done. My mom abandoned me when I needed her most. I just don't understand how a parent could do such a thing to their child. I am just asking for thoughts.
He’s either cheap or inconsiderate. Or he thinks you’ll speak up if you want something. Have you considered asking him about it?
Oh my gosh that's too funny
You're not asking for too much. You are asking for your adult partner to be a functioning adult. Don't take him back until you see change. If he doesn't start doing grown-up things on his own during this break, he will keep relying on you and delegating it all on you. It is very not fair, and even if you think he's a good person and emphathetic, a good and emphathetic person would not damage you like this. Taking care of so much IS very damaging.
Yeah, kids are awful. Everyone please go get fixed.
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That's what I'm trying to figure out. When we went to couples counseling our counselor told us we should seek our own help, and she was some what combative on that idea. I personally know that's how I was when someone first brought that up for me. I will let the situation settle down a little bit over the weekend and though the week and talk to her about this. We are both asian and asian families usually frown upon “weak” character i.e. depression.
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Reddit is the first place you come to for advice? You’re consistent with bad choices.
Because she's a person, dude.
She's sad because she likes your friend and he won't commit to her. Meanwhile you're all passing her around like a communal fleshlight and it's gross
Yes, you're right. I obviously decided not to post the photo because she could potentially ruin my life, even if she's wrong
We managed to have a really healthy conversation just now and we've spoken about how we felt, what actions (if any) we want to take, and planned some lovely dates. Some very kind people reached out to me on chats and have helped me heaps. Thanks everyone for your kind comments 🙂
Not applicable to anything mentioned in the post at hand, but okay.
He understands accents perfectly well, his emotional intelligence is just lacking so much that he has to date a woman 10 years his junior, who will allow him to belittle her, for the benefit of his fragile ego. You’re being manipulated OP. He sounds like a waste of time.
If it helps, I'm in the same boat. It was over two years (and a baby) when I got to meet friends. Mine honestly doesn't speak to his family. It's sometimes complicated, but you have every right to how you feel. You have every right to your suspicion. Almost four years now, and I've still not met family. It's naked, incredibly so. If it wasn't for my own family issues (we put the fun in dysfunctional) I'd have lost patience and compassion long ago
she still gets super turned on at the thought of being a married man's side piece.
I don't think that's what was turning her on. I think it was remembering being the “little girl”/submissive that got her.
about 15 years ago i learned a very valuable rule to self apply
Never hobby shame
It's amazing, since i stopped caring about what others get joy from, discussions and bonding became so much easier and less stressful.
I always suggest this. Start dating her again.
Like a grand gesture can make a world of difference if someone is just in a little slump. If it’s more than a little slump a grand gesture will also let you know they are losing interest. What I always suggest is this.
After you drop her off at work if you have time or on a day you know you can accomplish this.
Go out and buy all her favorite stuff, wine, food, candy, flowers, etc.
Set up the house in a different way. Close the drapes, dim the lights, light a bunch of candles. Set the mood for romance.
Undated a girl once that told me her high school prom was totally ruined by her boyfriend at the time. So I literally threw her a prom at home haha.
I’m just saying go, super effort!
And just pay attention to how she reacts. If she isn’t about it.. then y’all have a big conversation to have.
If she gushes over your effort you know that this change in behavior is likely unrelated to you. You can navigate your conversation from there. (I would pick a different night though)
This is not manipulation by the way. You should be doing this out of the kindness of your heart and love for her. Don’t do it with the expectation of getting information etc. all I’m saying is pay attention to have your true raw love is received and have a conversation the next day based on that reception.
Yes, you are allowed to break up with anyone for whatever reason. I’m not trying to invalidate that. I’m just saying that if he’s already made up his mind and isn’t looking for advice, why post on an advice sub and rebuff/become defensive towards everyone’s attempts at trying to put themselves in the girlfriends shoes. Just skip posting here and break up with her if this is really his line in the sand. But I don’t think it bodes well for OP’s general romantic future (whether it’s with her or new partner) if he’s unwilling or doesn’t want to do some basic communication to get down to the root of how she’s feeling. Especially after almost a year together.
Yeah i guess you're right. But it just feels wrong to leave him like that after 5 years together, u know? I totally get what you're saying, i just need time to process all of this. Of course i wouldn't be selfish if it were to be the other way, i already told him. But he said that he wouldn't even think about going. He likes to twist my words against me…
How old are the kids?
Yep, it takes communication to establish a healthy relationship. OP's silence in the matter is not helpful.
I would not believe that for one second, especially since he wouldn't put you on the phone with the “sister”. Even on the off chance he did this as some kind of sick joke, that's the kind of humor I would run from. And then to berate you when you try to talk about how he made you feel? Big no. This is him on best behavior. You say he's been “the best person” but it's easy to act right part of the time for half a year. You don't really know him, but now you're starting to get behind the mask.
Your “perfect match” gets day drunk and flakes on dates? Was he really offering to drunk drive an hour to meet you?
Don’t you think that her refusal to discuss it could be a strong indication that she is not okay with it?
And a hypothetical question: say she discussed it with you and said that she is not okay with it, what then? What would be your reaction to her and also you future action?
Sorry OP, her excluding you from her work birthday party is very disrespectful. You need to have a conversation with her and you deserve an explanation. She needs to be upfront and honest. You may have stumbled onto something. more troubling I.e. EA or PA.
She doesn’t want you to meet her affair partner/ work husband/drinking buddy.