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Kathy, 48 y.o.
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Honestly? At this point get the test. You continuously denying your boyfriend one after the extremely sus position he found you and your friend in is only making you look more guilty. You need to set some firm boundaries with this male friend of yours as well moving forward. I'd be surprised if your boyfriend doesn't end the relationship honestly.
She went to a bar. Is that something you’re not okay with? Gay bar = bar. Simple. Gay doesn’t mean cheater bar.
Sounds good thank you
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It is absolutely unreasonable of her to be angry at you when nudity comes on in a movie or tv show. She sounds ridiculous and exhausting.
Just break up so he can go find someone who will love him a db won’t break him
The way this guy is acting I worry about the kid growing up with this dad if he IS the dad.
don’t tell her just delete them.
Take this with a grain of salt since my situation and reflection on it may not fit you and yours. Firstly, there wasn't a kid involved, but I broke up and tried to get back together to work things out with a girl that cheated on me. In retrospect, I realized that I never got over it and never truly rebuilt trust. In my experience, a relationship without trust just turns more and more sour and toxic and just ends up being a poison pill for both parties and can manifest in some terrible ways. My advice would be to first look inwardly (with a therapist if it helps) and try to determine whether you can get back that trust.
How can we replace it with bringing up the future?
Man that was a long read
Let me shorten it for you
My girlfriend cheated on me and now we are going to break up.
So… you think that using your children as tools to access someone's money *doesn't* make you a bad parent?
You literally not only allowed that dude to think those kids were his, you let them think he was theirs. And then you lied to them after they lost him.
Sorry, but you *were* bad parents in a big, big way. You used your children for monetary gain. That's reprehensible.
They're not looking down on her.
let
is the worrying word here
30 year old dating a 23 year old and is shocked that she acts like a 23 year old who is in college ???
If you want to date someone who is responsible and independent….maybe date someone your age??♀️
Sounds like you need to break up with your family too. I know easier said than done for most people but I’d be like kay bye enjoy your new son and one less daughter!
Hey OP, it seems like you've done a lot of self-sacrificing to support your partner. And that is really kind and considerate of you. But it is ok to have and enforce boundaries for your own well-being. A quote a friend used to say to me whenever I complained about an old relationship was,
You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
It took me a long time to figure out the implicit conclusion to this saying,
You'll be reduced to ash, and they will still freeze.
You've reached that implicit conclusion; you are burned out. And you're absolutely valid in feeling that way. You've worked your ass off to be there for your husband so he could get better.
But if you do that at your own expense, you can't actually support him the way he needs, and in the way you initially intended. And if you become his crutch, it will be yet another hurdle for him to overcome on his path to recovery.
If you decide you want to make this work, this is what I would suggest:
make sure you're spending time on self-care every day. That could be a hot bath, watching a show or reading a book on your own, playing games, going out with friends, spending extra time on your hair or makeup, playing sports or exercising, doing a hobby you haven't touched in a while, literally anything that makes you feel good.
get into couples counseling. Your husband still needs to do his individual therapy, but this would be a tool to help you both learn how to set and respect boundaries, communicate effectively, be open to your partner's needs and emotions, and support each other in your specific needs.
take some time to identify what you need to make this relationship work. From what you've written, some examples that come to mind are: 1) he makes dinner on the days he doesn't work, 2) when he vents to you, he respects when you say you can't handle hearing any more (because you're not his therapist). That's not to say you don't listen to his problems at all, but maybe limit what kinds of problems he can vent about, what times he can vent, and how much of it you can handle at any given time so you can start to ease your empathy burn-out, 3) work on intimacy. He may not be ready for sex at the levels you desire, but find out what he is comfortable with, and how he can express affection to you that suits your love language without adding to his stress.
if you think you need it, spend some time apart. Go visit a friend or family member in another town and stay a few nights, go to a spa resort, anything you can to just remove yourself for a little while. Refresh yourself, see what life is like without those stressors, and hopefully identify what you want to happen, what you need to happen, and what feasibly can happen. This connects back to the last suggestion.
I hope you find happiness. I hope your husband finds happiness, too. Just remember, that happiness needs to come from within. For both of you.
She was already holding him the baby might also have colic and babies can cry up to 1 hr per day