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Her reaction definitely indicates she's been assaulted.
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Yous had discussed this previously though? And both agreed to it in this discussion? I’m not saying it was smart or right what you did but I do understand that in the moment, we can do things we assume the other might find “hot” and do it without thinking. Has your partner ever expressed worry over sex related stuff? As in all honesty, when I have sex with a partner, I like it when they try new things that they think will please me. If it’s something I don’t like, I immediately say. The same respect is returned. Seems like a genuine misunderstanding, you deleted it and rectified it. Did you ask why they changed their mind on it?
I’m thinking she is being insecure about it
Yeah fr. OP, you might not be wrong about the projecting. Atleast it was 3 years and not 5, not 10, not 30. Take that as a win. And next time, dont get married so quick. It takes time to really get to know someone.
I'm at my breaking point with her and I feel like one day I'm just going to lose my shit because she's been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me for months and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate it.
So like…. Are you gonna do something about it?
Dump her abusive ass.
The sexual trauma mentioned tips it into rapey territory for me. I would not want my partner to do something that traumatized them and if I really truly was considering going outside of the relationship for a sex act, I wouldn’t bring it up in response to my partner and just joking about a dream they had about me cheating. It would be a very serious conversation and good communication, but I’m also not the type of asshole who would make someone feel so inferior for something they were literally fucking traumatized into not liking. This is not a choice.
Oh, and if you don’t like him eating you out stop letting him do it OP that is an act that is supposed to be for your pleasure. Do you even like the sex y’all haven? Also, he has double standards and wouldn’t allow you to do the same thing so nah this is fucked. Also, where the fuck does this man think he’s going to find a woman who just wants to suck a taken man’s dick and not get taken care of? Selfish selfish selfish really fucking gross. I’m done now
Do not marry him…
I just don’t think that is worth throwing someone away for. You don’t want to miss out on the possibility of amazing experiences together and growing in love over the people she’s slept with. She chose you.
Honestly, break up with her. If you ever think “I can have better” for any reason, it's time to move on.
Let her find a man who is attracted to her.
Sounds like leaving him should be easy enough.
Just tell him you are done, establish a plan for one or both of you moving out of your current place, and start enjoying life.
His treatment of you (based on your story) is enough for anyone to pick up and move on. Doesn't sound like much of a loss.
Hopefully, the 4 years taught you something useful – best of luck to you.