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Birth Date: 1999-09-25
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I got married when I was 20. My husband is three years older than me. Yes I was younger than most people when we married, but for us it worked. Only because our goals and beliefs lined up. I would not suggest everyone get married as early and quickly as we did. We dated for a year and got married on our 18 month anniversary. Now certain stuff happened in our lives that kinda sped up the process of getting engaged and then married for us. But I think in our case it worked out. We also met when we both were in college. Now you met your girlfriend when you were 13. It wasn't you both as two adults meeting each other for the first time. You were still a child. And then you said you had sex the first time at 16. That's still very creepy sounding. It's not like you both were 16, or you were 16 and she was 17. She was 21. She was in college, she was an adult, and she was having sex with a teenager. If you're not careful doing sexual stuff like that could have gotten her in trouble and she could have gone to prison for being with a minor. My husband's cousin was in state prison for 10 years for being caught with a minor and having pictures of a 12 year old on his phone. He was 10 years older than her btw, so same age gap you said your parents were. Now you can make 5-10 years of a gap work if you meet when you're both adults and are in the same place in life. You were still a child when you got with your girlfriend. You are just starting out in college and she has already graduated and is working a job. You are not in the same place in your lives. You can move forward in this relationship if you want, but I suggest caution. And she may not have groomed you, but it is very weird and creepy that she went after you as an adult when you were a teenager. It sounds a lot like grooming. I honestly think the best thing to do is to move on and find someone closer to your age and closer to where you are in life. But all of this is ultimately up to you
Valid, but the reason overall is that they're just your typical in-laws where you love them but some things still give you anxiety.
Tbh I don’t trust him . These comments are making me come to my senses . I feel disgusted
In a non-sexual time, you need to sit down and talk to him. I would even ask him if it’s a good time “hey, there is something important I want to talk about, is now a good time?” if he says not, then ask him to pick another time. Tell him what you wrote here.
You don't owe this dude anything.
Yeah I’m trying to learn to accept it? but I will say he’s gotten a lot better he used to say it like a fuck ton to now he’s a little less but still I’m like •_• but I love him so
Why of u keep asking him?
Well I know my brother in-law ( Turkish muslim) parents disowned him for marrying my sister (American Christian) it was rough for a few years.. his family not talking to him( He also converted) until his father passed. Now his family acts like nothing ever happened and they embrace him , my sister and the rest of my family.. I don't know what I was getting at but ………
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Sorry if this comes off as rude. I’m M26 with a little practice, and sometimes bad happenstances find their way. It’s naked to accept that it may happen, harder when it does, and hardest when you want to move on. Good luck.
Huh. Can’t find it. Did find something about “cum cupcakes” though and… yikes.
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Don’t stick your pickle in crazy
Hahaha ikr…. I was waiting for the father and nothing happened
I do and this was an important of my life, with him and our friend group. Parties and festivals and holidays we all spent together. I don’t care about him at all anymore but I’m not gonna get rid of all the pictures of that time cause they are all fond memories.
You need to just ask her. Easy as that. If she says it’s a mold, tell her you don’t feel comfortable with that since you guys are together. If she’s in it for the long haul like you, it’ll be a no brainer. But these days? Most dildos look real and have all the gadgets. Open communication in a relationship is key and will make you guys go the distance. Don’t start bottling stuff up now.
You had him at 16 and have probably been more of a friend than a parent. You grew up together and that is expected. But now you need to be his mother. Tell him he does not get to have sex with your friends and asking you is unacceptable. He does not get to go on your trips. You’re his mom, not his wingman. He is an adult now and has to act like one. If he wants your lifestyle, he has to make himself attractive. He can use his Instagram page so he can have followers like you. He has to be desirable before he can get laid. If that doesn’t work, there are plenty of apps just for hookups so he should join them. At least giving you the silent treatment means he’s not asking you anymore.
Yes. Break up.
Thank you for your reply, I'm afraid to tell her outright like you say, in case she is hurt and then turns on me and is nasty about me to our mutual friends.
If it bothers you, then its time to up your game
Therapy.
Exactly! To add onto that: if you ask are you free Sunday, she says no, you suggest Wednesday, she says no, just drop it. Don’t keep bringing up other days or bring it up another time you see her. She knows your interested and will approach you for a date if she wants one. Otherwise, don’t bring it up again and accept they just wanna be friends
Is your husband typically interested in your feelings, and concerned with your needs being met?
In this story he sounds like he feels entitled to manipulate you into doing what he wants and blame you for not being happy about it.
It is absolutely not OK he did that. It's cruel and violent
You've been together 3 years. So you don't want to throw that away without doing what's reasonable to try to save this relationship if indeed it is salvageable. I think you should at least ask him to give couples counseling a try before you leave him. If he's not willing to do even that, then there's your answer.
No. You aren’t a rapist. You just aren’t. She sounds a bit off mentally. Not a slam. Is she in therapy?
You tell his wife with evidence. Go to his house, confront him in front of his wife, slap him across his face and spit on him for deceiving you.
Then you block him everywhere and tell everyone you both know that he is a cheater.
The pictures are irrelevant. The naked truth is that the two of you are fundamentally incompatible.
Put things into perspective; you say he loves you. But all you do is cater to his preferences. What compromises does he make for you?
When my friends say we flirt, what I’m seeing is something completely different.
He likes to push my buttons sometimes, annoys me but I secretly enjoy.
He’s told me many times he likes to make me laugh. But I’m thinking he’s just being a friend.
What advice do you need? He’s unharmed and in love with you. Loads of people like cream pies, it’s instinctual. Pun fully intended.
What kind of conversations have you had about this? It sounds like he jumped when he knew better what you wanted. You can’t force someone to be a. Person they are not, but some people just take some warming up and encouragement. It’s good to ask for what you want and need.
Even if you never had another child we all become old someday and less capable.. and anyone can become disabled at any age. Consider that he may not have been genuine in “sickness and in health”
It doesn’t bode well for your future
And good on you for acknowledging this as a “decision”, rather than using the word “mistake” as a copout. Its important to take ownership so you can grow.
Sorry OP but the whole situation is beyond f*cked up. I would go nuclear on your supposed “friend” and honestly your gf too for being that naive at 26.
Diagnosed sociopaths don’t have selective empathy, they don’t have empathy at all. I understand he treats you well. But both of you are young and it is highly likely the moment he doesn’t see any use in the relationship, he will drop you.
Tho i don’t think you’ll listen to this. The child just further complicates the situation.
I don't think anyone wants him knowing their address.
There is no compromise unless you want to online in a smaller commuter town. But even then, it takes you away from where you are happy. She would probably not want that either.
If she needs more and you need less then long term your goals are different.
Noooo I don’t like the sound of that. Him hiding it? Not good. And always has his phone in his hand but takes ages to answer you?
No. These are not good signs, and I don’t think you’re being insecure.
Did you read the part of this post where I said he’s making time for his friends but not for me? He’s not making any sacrifices in the rest of his relationships but I’m the one that has to bare them? I respect this man and all that he’s doing, I want nothing but his success. I do not respect being neglected. And yes it’s boring, it’s disinteresting, I’m bored.
He doesn't know why?
He knows why.
If he won't tell you it's time for consequences.
Wow.. just wow! I suspect she's either loving the attention or actively cheating on you with this bum.
Its mad how times have changed too, when I was your age if someone told me at the bar that he wants to fuck my girlfriend he'd have been picking his teeth up after I'd finished punching them out of his head.
I mean, if she knows you're inexperienced, and you're willing and eager to learn how to please her, and she's not willing to teach you, then she's the problem here, not you.
this is wonderful advice!! personally i think we’re handling it pretty well and i always assure him that it’s ok if he doesn’t want to do it and i love him regardless. i was surprised when he brought it up again and it makes me happy that he is still open to trying it again despite his own discomfort. i feel like even if he still isn’t able to do it, i am proud of him regardless for at least trying.
Give him some time. You jumped the gun and broke up before he could break up with you. Communicate more with him and explain why you did it and work on your relationship to make it stronger.
WTF does she expect you to do about this? If you were honest with her upfront, she had the option of either accepting it and coming to terms with it OR breaking up and finding herself a virgin. That she is still holding it over your head 6 years later means that 1) she needs counseling to work on her insecurities 2) you need marriagee counseling if you want to stay together or 3) you move on if she refuses 1 & 2.
My partner was also like this until very recently. (Or rather is still sometimes like this but is making significant efforts to change.) His parents said some terrible things about me/our relationship, and he was forced to face the truth of his past or lose our relationship.
My partner comes from a fundamentalist Christian household where they say they are accepting of all and talk a lot about what wonderful Christians they are but their actions prove otherwise. My partner was not allowed to be or loved for being himself. He often projected his insecurities onto me (as yours does), which put a strain our relationship at times but was certainly tolerable until things with his parents escalated.
My partner was in therapy before for a couple years but his therapist didn’t push him and he didn’t know what to talk about, so it was just a giant waste of time and money. Now he has a new therapist (and he recently discovered stoicism) and that’s been helping him immensely. But I don’t know that he would have gotten here (so quickly at least) without the conflict with his parents bringing things to light.
Your partner is this way for a reason. Probably something to do with his childhood. Many of us are not ready to face the trauma we experienced, especially if we think we have a good relationship with those who hurt us. And for what it’s worth, it also took me a long time to see it in my partner. It felt like a huge betrayal when I understood what was going on. Because it is essentially him trying to manipulate you into liking him. Because he doesn’t think you’ll love him for who he is. He probably has never felt that kind of love before. If he hasn’t, it can be extremely uncomfortable to acknowledge the possibility that he could be loved for who he is because that requires acknowledging the pain of not being loved that way and the shame of all the tricks he plays to try to get love.
My partner is your husband’s age, and I think a lot of people change around this time in big ways. But a lot of people never do. Are you willing to stay with him if he doesn’t?
You don't see why having someone saved in your phone that you were fucking before the person you're dating for the purpose of “just incase we don't work out” for over 3 years as a problem? Man you're just asking to get cheated on. You and the other delusional people here if you actually think nothing is wrong with that. Also she obviously has other male contact like her dad and whatnot. Why would she need male friends when she's in a relationship? Why would I need female friends when I'm in a relationship ? Your whole answer sounds super immature and not relationship experienced
Wtf you doing with your life OP. This is bat shit crazy behavior and no way should you bring a child into this. You should leave this POS bf and should give a long naked think about why you choose these shitty partners. Wishing you the best
Grown ass man acting like an immature little boy. There’s a reason they’re still single at that age
The average birth costs in the US is between $12-13k
Why would want to be with someone who clearly hates women?
Post about how your new hobby is to not be creepy and mimic other people's lifestyles?
Since your time together is coming to an end anyway just break up with your girlfriend and leave these people alone. If this roommate has any scruples at all she's never going to date you, so there's no point in telling her. No one worth dating is going to poach their friend/roommate's boyfriend. Use this experience to learn how to control your emotions. There will be many other episodes in life when you can't get what you want. Mastering not allowing that to destroy you is important.
As far as her breaking this trust and looking through your stuff, it’s all on you whether you want to treat that as a big deal or not. You know her more than I do, so it’s up to you to judge if this will keep coming back as an issue.
As far as keeping pictures of your exes, I lean more on her side. I get wanting to keep memories, but you also have to be aware of the message it sends out. That those past relationships have more sentimental value to you than you possibly let on. I can imagine most people who lean on the possessive side would feel endangered by their partner keeping pics around of exes. It also depends on how many pictures were talking about here I suppose, but either way.
Still doesn’t change that she went behind your back to look at those pictures.