Why?? Why do you want to marry this asshole? He cheated on his wife with you. Then he cheated on her and you with someone else! You really think he's not going to cheat on you? If he wanted to be with you he would, instead he started dating a lawyer and is even still trying to get her back. He also has a criminal record and can't get a decent job. So you plan on supporting this jerk? Although it sounds like you dropped out of school and don't have a great job either. Which is why he dropped you, because he's looking to be a freeloader and needs someone with a good job to support his lazy ass. Then he actually convinced you to give him money for two years? As if that wasn't enough, on top of ALL that he tells you he wants you to suffer as much as possible?? Run! Please dump this asshole, I mean he's even telling you to, and run to a therapist and find out why you'd accept treatment like this.
Be real. You’re not going to just stay home and read a book every single weekend. Not at our age. We have our own friends and we’ve also all gone together. You’re right when you say you shouldn’t act single when not and my girl and I have sat and talked about that. We both agreed we wouldn’t spend every night out because that’s just not right. But that doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen. And The last thing I want to do is make her feel trapped because what makes humans want to escape a situation is when they feel trapped. I go out with my boys and get drunk and have never wanted to cheat. Also thinking back on my single days id strike out with girls at clubs and many would say “I have a boyfriend.” I want to think my girl is one those kinds. Like I said I recognize that this is my own issue that I want to resolve because when I get that gut feeling it takes me back to my ex’s.
Honey abuse is not only physical it can be emotional too. Manipulation like this is emotional abuse. Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean he is someone you should be with. Please realise you’re worth more than this.
Sorry but she’s being very emotionally manipulative. The fact you’ve had to give up your hobbies or social life because she’s made it that difficult is beyond unhealthy. She sounds too immature to be in a relationship and needs therapy.
I would be worried they would reconnect, rekindle something, start texting, start meeting up more often and then maybe start something sketchy.
They are exes for a reason. I personally dont see the threat from someone they had a relationship with and deemed not worthy to continue and ended it. Like its not even the unknown aspect that might pull them in. My gf literally tested that guy and thought he was not the right one, how can that person be a thread for my relationship, honestly he is the least threatening person around.
So I am really curious on how you handle that? Do you not mind at all?
I really 100% dont mind, its a trust thing. If you are committed you must trust your partner, i personally feel if i couldnt trust my partner anymore i would end the relationship immediatly, like im honestly wondering how jealous people can even be in a relationship and be so distrustful against their partner, it feels so toxic. Like i wouldnt want to be in a relationship if i had to second guess every move my gf would make, it seems quite unnerving. Vice versa i would end the relationship if she would question my integrity constantly, like if she cant trust me, why is she in a relationship with me.
Also trying to minimize the chances of cheating by forbidding them to see someone is like a really bad way to handle that. If you think that can make a cheater not cheat, then you are simply naive. Like as if that would have prevented a cheater ever, people are shitty or they are not, but shitty people will find a way to be shitty no matter what you do. If its not with an ex, then they will find someone else. Like if they are morally so low to do it with an ex, nothing is holding them back to do it with someone else (coworker, friend, just someone they met) and you cant forbit them to have any contacts at all, its just not working out. So whats the point?
Do you and your partner often hang out alone (or let’s say in public but just the two of you) with your exes? Because I for example don’t really have the need fo reach out to most of my exes. I don’t resent them but I don’t feel the need to catch up like that.
I mean my gfs ex is still in our extented friends group and we see him regularly, i dont mind, he is a great guy and we both talk to him on our own when we meet in a bigger circle. Like they arent together anymore, what does it matter really if she talks with him? Also i randomly met an ex while out doing sports and talked with her for some time, later told my gf i met my ex by chance and told her what i found out how my ex is doing and my gf was like „nice to hear she is doing good“ and stuff, like how else should someone react.
Overall i think its not that big of a deal catch up with an ex like ops bf does, his ex is from another city and they havent seen each other for years. I think its nice see people you havent met for a long time, have a nice talk and then she leaves for her city anyways, i dont see the big deal.
Only do it if he’d be ok with paying her mortgage payments when they can’t. You have to go into this situation knowing that it will happen, cause it totally could. If he’s naive to think that it won’t, then he shouldn’t do it. If they could afford more, they would and her husbands inability to work isn’t your husbands problem. Please don’t.
Keep an eye on them, request open phone/social policy. She seems to keep her stuff together so far (being honest and not sexual) but who knows what may happen in the future if she continues.
Pretty much yeah, I always found it weird and tried to maintain a distance but was called “immature and stupid” by them for judging them based on their age which I genuinely never got??
I have friends my age, I’m usually only allowed in my building because my parents are pretty controlling hence why I ended up hanging out with them more and more.
I’m more of the “mom” of the group because I tend to be the one who looks after the two and now looking back I might as well have been a glorified babysitter.
I think I’ll just wait till my friends 22nd birthday and then slowly cut contact.
I don't notice myself getting overly annoyed with other people without a valid motive.
Other examples could be the way he pronounces something, how he uses a certain word in a context that is not directly aligned with it's meaning, etc. Small things, really. I think it's definitely a me thing, but I do love him and want to make our relationship better, so I want advice on how to reframe my thinking, etc. so I can get around this feeling.
I don't notice myself getting overly annoyed with other people without a valid motive.
Other examples could be the way he pronounces something, how he uses a certain word in a context that is not directly aligned with it's meaning, etc. Small things, really. I think it's definitely a me thing, but I do love him and want to make our relationship better, so I want advice on how to reframe my thinking, etc. so I can get around this feeling.
If a FWB has feelings for you and you don’t reciprocate, isn’t it common to cut them off as friends?? Cause how could you go back to being just friends? I’ve never had one, so i genuinely don’t know.
Anyhow it’s crystal clear that Andre STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU, has been mad jealous of your fiance for forever, and doesn’t respect your commitment/engagement. As soon as he made comments about your guy way back when, he should’ve been blocked!
When it gets to the point that the relationship is drama and draining and not fun like it's supposed to be, especially at your age, it's time to break up and move on.
Stop settling for someone too lazy and selfish to care about your pleasure. Not to mention too immature to communicate about it.
You don't
Shes awful and manipulative and using you
Get out and block her everywhere
Was there cheating to produce this child? If so that's pretty relevant.
I get what you’re saying, but this isn’t “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. I’m not sure that means what you think it means.
Does he do it with other people or just your family? Is it possible he's nervous around them? Maybe he's trying too naked to fit it?
What's he said about it?
Why?? Why do you want to marry this asshole? He cheated on his wife with you. Then he cheated on her and you with someone else! You really think he's not going to cheat on you? If he wanted to be with you he would, instead he started dating a lawyer and is even still trying to get her back. He also has a criminal record and can't get a decent job. So you plan on supporting this jerk? Although it sounds like you dropped out of school and don't have a great job either. Which is why he dropped you, because he's looking to be a freeloader and needs someone with a good job to support his lazy ass. Then he actually convinced you to give him money for two years? As if that wasn't enough, on top of ALL that he tells you he wants you to suffer as much as possible?? Run! Please dump this asshole, I mean he's even telling you to, and run to a therapist and find out why you'd accept treatment like this.
Be real. You’re not going to just stay home and read a book every single weekend. Not at our age. We have our own friends and we’ve also all gone together. You’re right when you say you shouldn’t act single when not and my girl and I have sat and talked about that. We both agreed we wouldn’t spend every night out because that’s just not right. But that doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen. And The last thing I want to do is make her feel trapped because what makes humans want to escape a situation is when they feel trapped. I go out with my boys and get drunk and have never wanted to cheat. Also thinking back on my single days id strike out with girls at clubs and many would say “I have a boyfriend.” I want to think my girl is one those kinds. Like I said I recognize that this is my own issue that I want to resolve because when I get that gut feeling it takes me back to my ex’s.
Honey abuse is not only physical it can be emotional too. Manipulation like this is emotional abuse. Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean he is someone you should be with. Please realise you’re worth more than this.
Your husband is a creep and a lazy p.o.s. who doesn't deserve sex from you.
Sorry but she’s being very emotionally manipulative. The fact you’ve had to give up your hobbies or social life because she’s made it that difficult is beyond unhealthy. She sounds too immature to be in a relationship and needs therapy.
You just change everything about yourself. Stop going out. Stop speaking your mind. Stop being you.
Is that actually worth it?
I would be worried they would reconnect, rekindle something, start texting, start meeting up more often and then maybe start something sketchy.
They are exes for a reason. I personally dont see the threat from someone they had a relationship with and deemed not worthy to continue and ended it. Like its not even the unknown aspect that might pull them in. My gf literally tested that guy and thought he was not the right one, how can that person be a thread for my relationship, honestly he is the least threatening person around.
So I am really curious on how you handle that? Do you not mind at all?
I really 100% dont mind, its a trust thing. If you are committed you must trust your partner, i personally feel if i couldnt trust my partner anymore i would end the relationship immediatly, like im honestly wondering how jealous people can even be in a relationship and be so distrustful against their partner, it feels so toxic. Like i wouldnt want to be in a relationship if i had to second guess every move my gf would make, it seems quite unnerving. Vice versa i would end the relationship if she would question my integrity constantly, like if she cant trust me, why is she in a relationship with me.
Also trying to minimize the chances of cheating by forbidding them to see someone is like a really bad way to handle that. If you think that can make a cheater not cheat, then you are simply naive. Like as if that would have prevented a cheater ever, people are shitty or they are not, but shitty people will find a way to be shitty no matter what you do. If its not with an ex, then they will find someone else. Like if they are morally so low to do it with an ex, nothing is holding them back to do it with someone else (coworker, friend, just someone they met) and you cant forbit them to have any contacts at all, its just not working out. So whats the point?
Do you and your partner often hang out alone (or let’s say in public but just the two of you) with your exes? Because I for example don’t really have the need fo reach out to most of my exes. I don’t resent them but I don’t feel the need to catch up like that.
I mean my gfs ex is still in our extented friends group and we see him regularly, i dont mind, he is a great guy and we both talk to him on our own when we meet in a bigger circle. Like they arent together anymore, what does it matter really if she talks with him? Also i randomly met an ex while out doing sports and talked with her for some time, later told my gf i met my ex by chance and told her what i found out how my ex is doing and my gf was like „nice to hear she is doing good“ and stuff, like how else should someone react.
Overall i think its not that big of a deal catch up with an ex like ops bf does, his ex is from another city and they havent seen each other for years. I think its nice see people you havent met for a long time, have a nice talk and then she leaves for her city anyways, i dont see the big deal.
Yeah I was jj @ tap shoes. Kill with kindness. She's old and her world is tiny
Only do it if he’d be ok with paying her mortgage payments when they can’t. You have to go into this situation knowing that it will happen, cause it totally could. If he’s naive to think that it won’t, then he shouldn’t do it. If they could afford more, they would and her husbands inability to work isn’t your husbands problem. Please don’t.
Your boyfriend is a piece of fucking shit.
Sounds like you have no interest in this guy at all, so there's no point in going out with him.
Do you know if they have a history of sleeping together or dating?
Keep an eye on them, request open phone/social policy. She seems to keep her stuff together so far (being honest and not sexual) but who knows what may happen in the future if she continues.
Pretty much yeah, I always found it weird and tried to maintain a distance but was called “immature and stupid” by them for judging them based on their age which I genuinely never got??
I have friends my age, I’m usually only allowed in my building because my parents are pretty controlling hence why I ended up hanging out with them more and more.
I’m more of the “mom” of the group because I tend to be the one who looks after the two and now looking back I might as well have been a glorified babysitter.
I think I’ll just wait till my friends 22nd birthday and then slowly cut contact.
What does that mean?
You messed up already He most certainly can't pay back the money. Definitely not all at once. Create a payment plan.
I could flick someone and leave a bruise… It's not aggressive if theres no anger towards that person or intent to cause harm.
I don't notice myself getting overly annoyed with other people without a valid motive.
Other examples could be the way he pronounces something, how he uses a certain word in a context that is not directly aligned with it's meaning, etc. Small things, really. I think it's definitely a me thing, but I do love him and want to make our relationship better, so I want advice on how to reframe my thinking, etc. so I can get around this feeling.
I don't notice myself getting overly annoyed with other people without a valid motive.
Other examples could be the way he pronounces something, how he uses a certain word in a context that is not directly aligned with it's meaning, etc. Small things, really. I think it's definitely a me thing, but I do love him and want to make our relationship better, so I want advice on how to reframe my thinking, etc. so I can get around this feeling.
I support you, and I believe you.
Being a pastor – being a CHRISTIAN – does not mean that people can't also exemplify the worst of humanity. It should, but it doesn't.
I am truly sorry for the duplicity you have experienced.
I am sending you a PM. Feel free to ignore if you are overwhelmed.
If a FWB has feelings for you and you don’t reciprocate, isn’t it common to cut them off as friends?? Cause how could you go back to being just friends? I’ve never had one, so i genuinely don’t know.
Anyhow it’s crystal clear that Andre STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU, has been mad jealous of your fiance for forever, and doesn’t respect your commitment/engagement. As soon as he made comments about your guy way back when, he should’ve been blocked!
Block him!
This dude is being abusive and obnoxious.
Please don't subject yourself to this kind of treatment. Time to end it.
When it gets to the point that the relationship is drama and draining and not fun like it's supposed to be, especially at your age, it's time to break up and move on.