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He’s mentally abusing/manipulating you and making you feel like you’re crazy. That’s not healthy relationship behavior. Please cut your losses and leave. The longer you stay, the worse it’ll get. It’ll be so subtle (his gradual behavior changes), so you won’t see it coming until you’re in too deep.
Please sit down with yourself and truly consider leaving him.
You deserve to be happy in ALL aspects of a relationship. No one I’ve ever dated has said stuff like that to me. It’s not appropriate or healthy relationship behavior.
You deserve someone better than this guy. But if you stay, you’ll miss chances at finding a better one.
No, you’re arguing that a sex worker is a higher risk of stds. Otherwise you wouldn’t have brought up stds and merely would have stated that lying about sex work was cause to break up.
Either sex work in the past is a dealbreaker or not. Bringing up std risk negates your argument because if the sex work happened more than 8 weeks ago the risk of stds from it is moot.
So you were 16 and he was 27 when you met? Biggest red flag ever please leave friend.
Yeah, you committed during the limerence period but limerence, or the honeymoon phase, it doesn't last forever.
I've never had to break up with someone (lucky me, always the dumped!) but I've been on the receiving end of someone breaking promises to stay by my side no matter what.
Hurts. But what really pissed me off was that upon immediate reflection, they had known what you know for a while and not said word one about it. They had, however, pulled away, been passive-aggressive, just been wasting my time and really making me feel uncomfortable. but when I asked it was “no no, everything's cool”. It's one thing to break someone's heart but it's another to play with their emotions beforehand like a cat with a mouse.
So rip off the bandaid.
You know it has nothing to do with how attractive she is, right? And likely he doesn’t find her attractive since she’s no longer a child. Definitely not as attracted.
Does she know why it happened?
If she knows, then that’s something to work with. That way she can make sure it will never happen again.
I did also found out a little while ago that my partner cheated on me 4 years ago! I decided to give us another chance since he did change some of his behaviour back then (I didn’t know why back then but I was happy with the change).
I think cheating is not black and white. I’d say don’t make any rash decisions and think about things for a while. You could also ask for space while you’re thinking about things.
She’s been there for you through your depression, that’s something good.
The best way to get rid of crazy is to become so dull and boring to them, they leave of their own accord and find someone that will play into their “crazy”
It's called the grey rock technique and involves you showing the interest and emotion of a rock, whatever the provocation
I'd also make sure you start dropping into trusted people's ears that she is blackmailing you with false allegation threats, so if it happens people close to you are ready (worked really well for me)
I even gave the police a heads up but she was crazy enough to make the threat via text which made it easy
You sound like a narcissist…everything is about you…a marriage is about give and take…get into therapy for yourself and couples therapy to fix your marriage
Agreed. I just didn't really say anything before.. but now it's starting to bother me. I tend to make excuses for others . I'm too nice. An idiot if you will. And so yesterday i tried having a lil talk with him.. he was like “why this now? It's like the 4th day in a row we have these conversations” which wasn't even true.. we had a convo on Saturday, initiated by him.. coz he was high and thought i was gunna break up with him. Then yesterday.. and still we got nowhere and I quit bcoz i felt like it was going nowhere. Ughh… I love this guy and i think he's just codependent and loves the idea of me. ? Damn! He said he loves me more than he loves himself and i have a major problem with that!! This is really what I hear instead.. “I don't love myself, therefore I can't love you” Ooooff this is tough!
Wife knows my phone codes (heck she’s got her own Face ID) but she doesn’t have my passwords… I’m not saying I wouldn’t be comfortable giving them to her, but if she demanded them the answer would be a solid no.
” and I won’t be able to leave and be free from her.” – Does typing that out not tell you everything you need to know?
Just tell her straight up that you're not always going to be there to drive her around. If she doesn't feel confident with her driving then maybe offer to guide her. Sounds like she just wants you to be her uber driver.
Or she changed her mind
Being able to coparent and provide a stable environment for your son is way more important than this relationship. If your current gf can’t get on board then she is not the one for you.
I didn't understand he was doing that! I thought she just didn't want him jacking off! ?
I don’t think this is unsalvageable but I would caution you strongly against following through with a wedding while this remains unaddressed.
I was raised by and have dated women with unaddressed sexual trauma. Your relationship has cultivated an environment that isn’t conducive to her addressing her trauma in the way it needs to be addressed. As a man, it’s understandable that you probably don’t want to push her too nude on this topic 1 but while it goes unaddressed, you will not find the intimacy you need.
She needs to go to the root of the issue outside the vacuum of your relationship. She needs therapy and support, and while you can be a part of that system, you cannot fix this problem – she has to WANT to fix it.
Her comment about your size in a group setting was inappropriate at best, particularly considering she seems to take no initiative in improving your sex life. If her level of attraction to you ever improves, I suggest embracing toys in the bedroom – speaking as an average sized man myself, this is a cheat code and has massively improved my confidence.
I hope this gets better. But do not enter into a marriage when you are already unfulfilled by the relationship. You deserve better.
Don’t let her push you into something you don’t want. Sometimes it is better to walk away.
You traded one addiction for another in a way. This relationship clearly is not working, and has turned from fun into harmful, but you still want to go back and give yet another try. Why? Good relationships take work but are not a chore. This one is a chore.
Oh, honey…
Seriously your relationship seems way toxic. Still confused about what even set your husband off and would warrant that kind of irrational reaction. If he sees no wrong in his actions I wouldn’t be surprised if it just gets worse.
Thanks for your reply, I didn't feel those things were okay to say but the validation that it's not makes me feel better. It baffles me why she thought it was ok and also thought it was just expressing her feelings.
My bf wants me to go NC but the idea of it is a little scary to me. She and a small group of others are the only family I have since my dad won't speak with me because I talk to my mom. I thought I would try the low contact and see if that helps at all.