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In general, the more dependent one person is the more bossy the other person gets to be. You can flip gender “roles” but this is the natural push and pull. If you want to be a really bossy person, then you're going to need a really dependent one to “get along” most of the time. If you're somewhat bossy and then somewhat lenient, then you're going to find the most comfort in someone who is somewhat bossy and somewhat lenient.
It is the opposites attract rule. You don't want the energy you give off coming from the other person. You will find such a person boring because they think and act just like you do. If you are both too agreeable then you can never settle on a plan. If you're both too disagreeable then you can never settle on a plan.
There is nothing wrong with being how you are. The problems begin when you try to force the other person to be as you want them. You picked them for who they are, and if you try to mold them in a significant way then you will not like who they become. See, there are tradeoffs to being independent (I know you've been called bossy before) just as there are tradeoffs to being dependent (I know you've felt like his mother before). No way of being just works without having some negative aspects to being that way, and if you're not aware of what you are then you have a very hot time recognizing what kind of person will be most cooperative with you and the costs of finding that cooperation.
“I didn’t tell my boyfriend bc I felt like it wasn’t relevant since we weren’t together yet”
Don't let this person bully you into forgetting that what you said right there in that statement was true. He's ruining his own relationship by being insecure, and forcing you to take responsibility for his insecurity. I would say have a serious heart to heart with him and ask him if that's something he wants to break up over. If the answer is no, then ask him why he's using it as an excuse to sabotage your relationship. He needs to stop because you really did nothing wrong, and you shouldn't need to comfort him for one second longer.
I was also in that thread and specifically discussing those issues so I have done some recent research. Chlamydia can be dormant in a person for years. However, “dormant” chlamydia is still transmissible, and tests will still detect “dormant” chlamydia. The more accurate term is “asymptomatic chlamydia,” since chlamydia with no symptoms can still damage your reproductive systems and will still appear in tests. The chance of a false positive is 0-2.9%, so that is highly unlikely. The transmission rate is 30-50% per encounter. For OP, this means she got the disease between this test and her last one. Assuming she has yearly check ups and considering her fidelity during their two year relationship as well as the accompanying BV and pelvic inflammatory disease, she definitely has chlamydia and it must have come from her boyfriend. He could have had asymptomatic chlamydia, but for him to have contracted it before their relationship and just now be transmitting it to her, even if they had sex less than 10 times, is such an infinitesimally slim possibility that it has to be expressed with scientific notation because of how many zeros you'd need to write. Based on all these factors, I believe there most likely was cheating in both cases. The guy yesterday was probably lucky and his GF had JUST gotten the chlamydia, or it was the less than 3% chance of a false positive, which does happen.
I’m sure you already know the answer…you should love yourself and break up with him. He cheated on you and he put your health in danger. The fact that you feel like he’s going to blame you shows you have a toxic relationship. He’s toxic, literally and figuratively. You’ve got to let it go or you’ll keep getting hurt, and ill apparently.
Yeah.. there are days it feels like that. It is and always will be maintenance that’s what keeps it going.
A lot of this is you are service orientated person and are not being served in return.. she’s not a service oriented person and might just need a little guidance on what is expected
Leave it alone and let her friends take care of her. Your Ex is a grown up and she will take care of it if she wants to. Also you contacting her could cause problems for her, so I would leave well enough alone.
If you have such strong feelings that conflict with how someone raises their child that you did not participate in creating, then it’s likely not going to work. You can’t come into their dynamic and demand he change how he raised his child. What happened to you as a child is a horrible thing. I don’t believe what he’s doing is the same thing, BUT I can see why you have such a problem with it. It’s probably best that you do your separate ways.
she might have BPD? but to #5 it doesn’t really matter what you think/feel. her feeling that way is real for her and honestly probably the right move
This is highly dependant on where she lives and the state of her disease. I would be careful about giving this kind of advice without more info.
Notice how she's super concerned with her own happiness but doesn't give two shits about yours?
I think it’s only fair to note that they go on 2+ vacations a year to places OP likes to go, but he refuses to go to places she wants to go for reasons that are not financially based.
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I will retreat from the dating and relationships, I really trusted him, he was a safe place for me, and now it's as if someone forcefully tore the rose tinted glasses off my eyes, and I'm finding out that he's using a manipulation tactic, I don't think I can be in a relationship again for a long time.
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I'm guessing whatever things you did, they weren't that bad (ie: you weren't aggressive etc, just messing about) as this person still seemed quite interested in chatting to you. “It was great!” is quite the positive response.
You're not the first person to get properly messy at a party, and you won't be the last. Heck, you may have more messy nights to look forward to. 75% of a bottle of rum is some going.
Don't worry about what impression you made, if it was bad you'd not have had responses. So ask her out. You don't need to mention that night, maybe it's something you both laugh about on the date.
You could also get a hold of the closest friend you have from that party and get the full details, I'd be curious to know If I was in your position.
B doesn't really factor into the story, so, open question (that you don't have to answer if you'd rather not): Did you just add B for flavour of the story or is there more going on there with your feelings?
What was her reaction during all of this and how is she taking it? Did she try and take it back? Agree on incompatibility? Two years seems pretty early to be asking for an open relationship without any indication that your partner would be into it.
You took the words right out of my mouth. This woman is an abusive piece of shit and the insidious part of it all is that OP notices it bothers him but doesn’t even see it. Her constant negging and emasculating is her way of kicking OP down and keeping him under her thumb. Why he is even putting up with this is a mystery. One of these days she will pick the wrong woman to fight with who is going to knock the crap out of her, or their crazy psycho boyfriend with a knife is going to get involved. This toxic bitch is not safe. Get rid of her, you are better off alone than with this creature.
You took the words right out of my mouth. This woman is an abusive piece of shit and the insidious part of it all is that OP notices it bothers him but doesn’t even see it. Her constant negging and emasculating is her way of kicking OP down and keeping him under her thumb. Why he is even putting up with this is a mystery. One of these days she will pick the wrong woman to fight with who is going to knock the crap out of her, or their crazy psycho boyfriend with a knife is going to get involved. This toxic bitch is not safe. Get rid of her, you are better off alone than with this creature.
Just end it already.
While he probably isn’t anything to worry about, her care free response, followed with the lol shows she doesn’t care if you are uncomfortable with it or not, and not interested in talking to you about him/their friendship to make you comfortable.
This early in a relationship you both should be making it as easy as possible for the other to trust you, to know that as the relationship goes forward that they can be comfortable in the knowledge that whatever happens you are theirs, that you wouldn’t do anything to damage the relationship etc.
So tell her that you’d rather not be in a relationship with someone who springs surprise dinners with apparently important people last minute. That as communication is the bedrock of a relationship, and that the trust and respect and love must be built on it, and it is lacking from her side.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
All you can do is to voice your concerns (what you've already done) and to not enable her addiction.
“A violent psycho”
For stopping intruders into their own home and potentially saving them from harm/death.
Get real. There’s a lot more “violent psychos” out there than you can believe if that’s your low bar lmao
Ty
OP, I don't know if you're still reading comments, but I hope you are doing okay and have someone you can trust to lean on right now. As for loving your wife, that's going to take a while to get over.
But think of it this way… what you're grieving is a dream that's been ripped away. The future you envisioned has irreversibly changed. The children, grandchildren, holidays, and vacations are all overshadowed by her infidelity. The trust is gone even if your love remains and it will twist that future into an ugly, bitter thing. You deserve better than that, everyone does.
Please take care of yourself, OP. I wish you the best.
Mine tried to tell me it was for friends, no one uses fucking tinder for friends, it's hookup. Don't give her a second chance , your future self will thank you. The. Proceed to download tinder yourself.
They’re not blind I’m sure they’ve noticed. Do you wanna bring it up to clear the air, or do you plan on doing something about it? What is the goal
A lot of ppl in society think men can’t be SA’ed and that’s just sad.
no. it is all yours.
but you can use it for common expenses, be it a dinner or a bill.
Does he have a history of mental health issues? What about you?
Fucking seriously!!! Bob hosted the after party and told OP his fiancé is not welcome. How is this fact going right over OP’s head?
You are only hurting yourself by staying with her. You aren’t saving anyone.
That certainly seems to be the case ;-/
If you feel like you can’t trust her and can’t learn to trust her again, then it’s probably best to leave.
Yeah I guess that’s a good way to look at it. I’ll have to figure out how to bring it up then.
So to sum it up, you and your sister are both broke, financially irresponsible “adults” who expect your 23 year old daughter to pay their way, sacrifice her room and car, and sleep on a couch to help take care of your broke asses. Holy crap. Who is the adult here?? Get your shit together.
Sorry to comment again, but you deserve a man with a working penis. If this guy isn't going to seek help for the issue then that's on him. If your vagina wasn't working he would expect you to do something about,
Thanks for your kind words
You are free to dislike his friend. He is free to continue staying friends with this person. Your boyfriend needs to respect your boundaries though. Its your choice if you want to hang out with this person or not. That being said, if he's really insistent, I would say you should at least give his friend another shot with the caveat that if things don't go well, he needs to respect the fact that you simply don't get along with his friend.
I usually go out once or twice a week. I lift weights quite a bit and I get hungry. We don’t cook. We usually eat Panera twice a day. I am very introverted and actually enjoy driving and listening to the radio. It’s how I recharge so sometimes I go out for food. Other times (like during the weekend) I just go out for a drive in the night air and listen to the radio.