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Why are you dating her again?
There isn't enough info on what exactly your sister entails, but I could probably share some perspective from a husband as well.
One of our biggest fears is having the safety and peace of our own home compromised. From his perspective, why the hell would he welcome that possibility? You can say that you'll be responsible for her, but he's responsible for you.
My bf says stuff like that, yeah it can be irritating but i know he’s just joking and playing. Some girls cant take it, if anything she saved you
Good job! Stay strong!
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Therapists should not suggest to break up or do anything. They help you figure out your thoughts/feelings and give you ways to work through them yourself. They guide. That’s it.
My therapist were always honest, they don’t agree with the ex I was with but it is up to me to make the decision on how my relationship goes.
The second she mentioned that she crossed a line and I don’t doubt she’ll do it again. Your husband needs to find an impartial therapist that isn’t constantly hounding him. And I hope she isn’t turning down other clients with their sessions.
Breaking up with him will hurt he's been a big part of your life but this can be an opportunity for you to learn to love yourself first. You are the only person in this world who can protect your own interests and life. I would highly encourage you to take time to grieve the relationship. But when you start looking for a partner again find someone with your life goals preferably close in age. Make a list of what you expect and deserve in a partner, know your worth and go from there. Remember to always protect yourself financially and look into creating a life you'd want to share with your forever partner. Good luck!
Did he write this on DMT or something ?
What she did before you is none of my business…repeat over and over in your head. Her past is her past and shouldn't be held against her. She could've lied about her past but she didn't…she told you the truth…stop holding it against her.
I love how it’s always “joking” when people react poorly.
News flash bud: you weren’t joking.
How on earth did you think this was going to go? It’s her sister! Now you’ve ruined any chance with her because you can’t be trusted or comfortable at family functions. Don’t fetishize people in this manner. It’s gross.
Please know Jacob is a total scumbag and if it had not been Ellie it would have been some other girl. Your sister is going to be very sad and hurt for a long time but it is NOT your fault. She will move on some day and find someone better and Jacob and Ellie won't have the fairytale life they currently imagine together. Newborn babies are NAKED work and will put any relationship to the test. Not to mention your sister will likely get child support if not marital support. Jacob is in lala land but the second family court is in session it's gonna wipe that smile right off his stupid face.
You're an unbelievably narcissistic ignorant man-child who needs to get out in the world more, because your ridiculous overgeneralizations tell me that your worldview is tiny, and your experience and knowledge of women is clearly very limited. You slick Casanova you. ?
Every cheater is a liar, not just women. That's what cheating is. I never said nor implied that women are above reproach, but I do find it an enormous tell when you spew such a broad, negative, sweeping generalization about one gender. Who hurt you? ??. Misogynistic? Yep. You just told us exactly who you are.
Yes, thank you. Aside from all this tension we still always have a good time hanging out as just friends. I think Im going to ignore him when it's clear he's looking for my attention and also see how the next time we hang out goes
Each person has the right to define and communicate how they feel about marriage and their expectations of same.
If two people are sincerely living a happy, unwed life it's not our business to poke our noses in and say “why don't you follow my expectations of a relationship”.
If a person is unhappy because their partner won't marry them and they've tried communicating about it to no avail, that person is better off deciding if the relationship is right for them, than trying to mind read or mold another person into their expectations.
If you want to get married, fine. If you hold marriage in high regard that's your prerogative. But objectively it's not the end all be all of relationships.
He should be taking your feelings more seriously but it also sounds like you need to get help (therapy) for your own benefit.
Do you want to have to spend the rest of your life either screening before you watch any tv or movie, or having a few seconds of a tv programme keep ruining your day?
It's totally cool to have different plans for the future, but it's important to have a convo about it so you're on the same page. From the sounds of it, it seems like he's ready for marriage and you're not. You've gotta be honest with yourself and him about where you're at.
It's not fair to either of you if you're not on the same page. If you're not ready for marriage, that's totally okay, but you need to be honest with him about that. And he needs to be understanding of where you're at. He's right that a lot can change in a year, but at the same time, you can't just put your life on hold for him. You gotta think about yourself and what you want too.
It sounds like you're feeling guilty and like you're wasting his time, but that's not fair to you. You're allowed to have your own plans and goals. If you're not ready for marriage, that's not something you should feel guilty about. You have to make decisions that are right for you.
It's important to have open communication about all this. You guys need to talk it through and see if you can find a compromise or a way to move forward that works for both of you. But if you're not ready for marriage and you don't think you will be in the near future, then it's important to be honest with him about that. Don't lead him on if you're not sure about your feelings.
It's not easy but you have to think what's best for you and your happiness.
5 months, they were videos of him touching her.
I'm not sure why someone would pick a gender reveal as a good moment for a prank. You can only experience it once and now that moment is ruined.l because of the video being posted on social media.
If it's a constant abuse then you need to think about this situationship. Either to end it and move on or to persist with the constant back and forth of abuse. Choice is yours to make. It's a new year. Don't settle for crap so early in 2023.
I can believe he forgot only because he genuinely has a terrible memory and I also forget a lot of stuff too. He did tell me as soon as he remembered which I appreciate. We’ve had 3 incredible years together and I was planning on marrying him and having a family with him one day. Am I an idiot for wanting to move past this and stay with him?
You are incredibly petty. If he is otherwise keeping up his end in terms of being a good partner, financial contributions, housework etc, you have nothing to complain about. How he spends his time is his business and it's not his fault you have a busy schedule. Nothing he has done contributed to your own schedule. You made those choices…and what…you want him to be as miserable as you are?
Adoption is not free.
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average costs of adopting a child in the United States is between $20,000 and $45,000
You're waiting on that aha-moment, the moment of clarity where he'll see your worth. It won't happen.
Sometimes you have to make the choice for yourself, and not take his actions into account. Ask yourself why you're allowing a man to show you what he thinks of you, a man that constantly disrespects you, a man that does not value you the way you deserve to be valued.
This won't change until YOU CHANGE.
You deserve better, so much better than you are experiencing right now.
…..yeah you’re girlfriend has way better job prospects than you ever will bro. Hopefully she wises up and leaves your gold digger ass soon.
The thing is she did put the boundary down and told her friend about it… from the first time I was uncomfortable…
Why are you worried about other people’s perception of your living arrangements?
Your partner has communicated his desire for his own space and you’re worried about people thinking you have problems? If you can’t respect his needs, then you actually do have problems.
Having your own bedrooms doesn’t mean you can’t share the bed some or most nights!
So, your son went out to dinner with a woman he had an intimate, romantic relationship with in the past, lied to his spouse about who he was going to see this person, which suggests other issues you're probably not privy to, wife inevitably found out, stated her boundaries, and you're saying she's abusive?
Your son could disagree with these boundaries and go his own way if he wanted. He's not as trapped as you seem to think he is.
He was the one who decided to cut off contact with his ex-girlfriend-cousin (that felt weird). His wife agreed. It sounds like you're put out because it's an inconvenience for you. Why don't you try supporting their marriage and what boundaries they're setting for each other to maintain it?
They're trying to make the best decisions for themselves and each other. Back off.
Do you find yourself fantasizing about the kind of partner you wish he was? Do you hope he can change into that kind of partner?
If so – I’ve been in your shoes! I left and am so glad I did. He wasn’t the right guy for me, and if I had stayed, I would have spent my life disappointed and wanting more.
Now I’m with the kind of partner I used to daydream about, and I never would have found him if I had stayed.
Go find the type of guy you want, not the one you settled for because you didn’t know better.
You shouldn't have to deal with that, his family sounds extremely controlling (and apparently racist for the cherry on top). You should talk to your boyfriend about how this is a repeated issue and how you're not ok with it. Maybe get your boyfriend to talk to his parents about it?
My opinion on OP situation differs from yours. But I absolutely respect your thoughtful opinion. I very much enjoy a civilized exchanged of ideas.
Calling someone a moron for having a different opinion is completely inappropriate, degrades discourse and is shameful behavior.
NTA He shouldn't be making claims that aren't true. I don't even understand why he would make that claim.
I did and they said it by themself that parents problem shouldn't be shared with children, but they did? I am confused lol
Get out of her place! Move in with family. Tell her that you will consider coming back after she been to the doctor and been in therapy for a while. Tell her parents that you are respectfully distancing yourself from her so that they can help her make better life decisions and you can get better sorted out. Everybody wins here!
Depending on your countries laws, living with someone over so many years will be considered a de facto relationship. So you would be entitled to half the equity, and debt. Especially if you are contributing more than rent, such as doing, or paying for repairs.
These are choices for her to make, not you. Your choices begin when her choices end. Don't try to control, don't try to set a narrative. Keep mindful of what is currently going on, not what “could be”. Trying to head this off or control will only add fuel. Just sit back and be in control of all that you can be, your reactions.
It's tough, but it's the best way.
The more progressive European conservative wouldn't support Trump. That simple.
“Don’t worry about him” means worry about her.
You said you've talked about it with him? I mean the go to for this reddit is couple's therapy if it's a long withstanding issue.
The other is like, how have ya'll communicated this as an issue?
I'm sorry your excuses are just that, excuses. Didn't stop her from cheating and leaving. Grow a pair and end this before it becomes toxic and your children have to live in that toxic environment because their father is too much of a fool to see the problem with this relationship. She didn't leave he dumped her so she's keeping tabs on him going back there.
how do I talk to him about this?
“Hey get a job, I'm tired of carring you”
Maybe he’s acting out due to fear of commitment? Or maybe he wants “his last chance of freedom” before fully committing?