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Not a single person here is buying her story.
She knew she made a mistake when she rang the doorbell (what kind of hotel room has a doorbell?), but only left after being in the room for 2-3 minutes???
Yeah… sure.
As a guy that has a lot of female friends and in a commited relationship I have a few thoughts about this.
All of them make me insecure.
You probably need to comfront your own insecurity first and foremost. For those of us that have been cheated on in many relationships, we lose a lot of self confidence. I suggest you seek thearpy, go exercise and spend more time with yourself so you know what makes you a catch and can feel more confident that you are more than just a partner in a relationship. You need to feel good about you and know what you bring to the table to the point that IF your partner does cheat, lie, etc. you arent stuck feeling like you weren't good enough. It helps to have your own goals and projects outside of the relationship as well so you can spend way less time in your head rumminating on if you're good enough and more time simply becoming the best version of you that you can bring to the table. Make it your challenge to destroy your own insecurity and by doing so youll gain a foundation to stand on and so much more.
he reassures me but only by saying I'm all he wants. Nobody else matters and he loves me. Thinking about him talking to them makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I don't want to go through his phone. I don't know what to do about this feeling. It's literally made me throw up multiple times from the anxiety and nerves.
This sounds like you both need a larger conversation and practice on communication. How he naturally believes he reassures you sounds like its not so reassuring. Partly because of the insecurity which is on you to fix but also because maybe you need something other than words. Are there actions he does that are clearly in contradiction to what hes saying? Have you historically responded better to a different love language? Do you feel like you can get everything you need to say about this off your chest without it divulging into an argument? Where do you both see this relationship going (and be very clear, detailed, and honest about this)? If you are able to sit down and truly communicate your unfiltered thoughts with each other more regularly youll build a ton of trust that should get you through this problem. There is no need to start going through phones and throwing up if you can view your relationship as a safe space and just be honest with each other. In fact you should just tell your partner that you felt this need to go through his phone and that youve thrown up thinking about this situation. Together you can both problem solve and that makes for a very healthy relationship. (Remember its not you vs him but you both against the problem). But also dont forget to work on yourself, because ultimately you can only control you and your actions.
Yes
What if it’s her friends cousin
“I tried to reach you before, but…I got pregnant from the last time we had sex. You're the father of this baby.”
You'll likely get into a discussion about whether you expect child support, or if he thinks he should provide it. Some people may get into “making an honest woman of you” by marrying you. But you've likely already decided on a way for your life to go.
So I was wondering the same, and I admit I’m applying my experience to this one but my first wife constantly accused me of staring at women including cousins, and one time my 13 year old sisters friend which could not have been further from the truth, but you could instantly tell she was the one with the issue cause she would say shit like “of course I don’t have the ass of a 13 year old, I’d that what you want? Or “You think that skinny girl is hotter than me? You wanna fuck her?”
thank you for your perspective on this and your advice ?
This. Truly horrifying behavior made more horrifying by the fact that intervening sobriety didn’t result in any contrition. If I was in your place and didn’t receive—as the first sober communication from this person—a clear declaration that she was horrified at herself, then I would be planning my break-up speech. (Hint: it would include the word “horrified” a lot.) Good luck.
Most likely she is getting drunk and having sex and saying its rape
Dude you sound smitten. Move on with your life.
When it comes to human connections, that's just one of the many things in life you have to work for and earn. It is not about physical effort either. It is about effort on yourself mentally and emotionally. Not just about what the other person can be for you, but to also be the same as that person for them. To be healthy, loving, balanced, and got their shit together. It cant be centered only around what you want, but what you can give equally in return. I don't think it is a good idea to be looking at your surroundings and be jealous. The time spent wasted doing that is time you could be using to improve yourself and start becoming someone who earned the people they want.
She knows her son better than you and is warning you!!
You should leave him!!
You can still meet with her after you breakup!!
You should ask her what his previous relationships were like!
Well, we aren't doing all of that…So??
When he does all these fun things with his friends is he the one coming up with all the ideas? If it is him then I would move on he's not that into you. If it's his friends that come up with the ideas and he goes along with it, then I would say that you need to come up with the ideas for dates. Some people aren't creative or motivated by going out just being near the person is enough in their minds.it sounds like you both have different expectations for a relationship. I would talk about it. Ask him what he sees as perfect for you two. And tell him how you envision the relationship. See if you can come to a compromise.
You have been with her 6 years. Tell her that you don't want to get married. ' I feel like a bystander in my own life '? How do you think you're finance feels?
You can’t ever force her to share your path, I guess time will tell but you best start preparing yourself for the worse scenario if that’s the case. But again, that might be the thing that had to happen in order for you to meet someone else.
She doesn’t thank me for paying for her food or her necessities (she thinks the guy should be doing this) but that’s for another conversation.
I'm stuck right here. That's not for another conversation, that's for this conversation. Why are you dating somebody who thinks it's your responsibility to pay for her food and necessities? You're not married to this person.
Honestly I don’t see you on-line there. My old dog became incontinent and we had to replace the carpet in several rooms as we didn’t want any remnants of odor. Your wife and daughter are lazy. I would find a good home for the animals and move. I find it hard to believe the rest of the house is clean.
He should be seeing a therapist, preferably a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, which is often helpful with anxiety. I know that you want to help and be supportive, but You are a girlfriend, not a therapist. There's only so much you can do. Get him into therapy.
Thanks for your perspective.
For the most part we communicate really openly and honestly and I’ve already shared some of my concerns re caregiver fatigue and kids, maybe not as candidly as in this post but I think she knows where I’m at. We are both willing to fight for our marriage but lately I’ve been feeling trapped. Both of us have the same fear which is that I will grow to resent her as time goes on, especially if her condition continues to worsen.
Doing something romantic together is a great idea. I’ll think of some ideas.
Thanks 🙂
Don't do this to yourself anymore dude. Leave for your own safety and well-being.
Agreed! Hats off to the ignore feature inventors! ?
So are you supposed to wait while she finds herself in the hopes that once she finds herself she figures out that she was already happy amd wants to go back to what she left? That seems unlikely.
Sorry, but I think it's over.
He got there just from an over the jeans crotch rub, u don’t know your own power
I’m not sure if he responded. He was not too happy about me seeing the text.
She doesn't do this every time, and I have talked to her about this before, and she admits she has some issues. But she does get visibly upset every time this happens. She never does this when people are around.
That makes zero logical sense.
All she'd have to do to cover her tracks is, say nothing. That's it.
Why the fuck would someone create a throwaway reddit account to ask for advice on a situation if they knew the answer was that they were lying.
Or are you suggesting OP has DID and one of her alters slept with someone else, got chlamydia and is hiding it from her?
Seriously. Can you tell me how you came to the conclusion that OP is lying? What were your clues?
OP I hate to say but your husband sounds like a royal pain in the ass. OMG how do you put up with his petty shit? Seriously
I see 295 comments of people telling you to leave him. I understand if you don’t want to leave it might be hot to accept the truth, but you need to open your mind. If you want advice, it’s here.
Tell him you are glad he changed, and you hope he treats his next girlfriend with love and care. But you are allergic to him. That he has poisoned your feelings towards him. Tell him to please leave you alone, and wish him the best. Then block him.
NEVERRRR
Unless it's like “the house/you/me is on fire!” and it's an emergency for immediate safety because you're afraid someone might die right now. When the fight or flight response is actually necessary for your well-being. Because yelling at someone creates that stress response!
Thank you I think a lot of people just misunderstood what I meant and thought I was trying to put other people down which isn’t the case.
Depends on your intention with this relationship.
If you plan on developing a relationship with this guy, then sooner or later you will need to share. In my experience, you will need to share so that he can better understand your behaviors and decisions in the future. Most of us are shaped in some way by our history.
If you know this is a short term deal, no need to worry about the future of the relationship. Do what you want.
Remember, boundaries aren’t something he’s forced to follow. They’re something that you’ve set up as a dealbreaker in the relationship. At the end of the day he can do what he wants, regardless of your boundaries. It’s your job to enforce and stand by your boundaries if he won’t respect you.
Boundaries are the laws of the relationship. Laws are setup by the government, and when people break them it’s up to the government (police/courts) to deliver the consequences. You set up the boundaries, and since he broke them you need to deliver the consequences.
Wake up and break up
OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE THIS TERM!
Fair enough, I suppose. My mom was similar until she saw my dedication to my late father and my family dedicated florals. I've had some for 15 years at this point. They do require upkeep (basically getting them redone every 10 or so years), and if you skip that, many won't age well.
Anyway, hope you have a great weekend!
Tell her that knowingly doing something you know would hurt me, even if I never found out about it, is extremely disrespectful to me. If you care so little about my feelings that you do things you already have agreed not to do and then lying to me about makes me wonder why I should stay in this relationship at all. I’m pretty sure I can find someone who respects my feelings much better than you do. So tell me why should I stay with you?
Unless her answer is really compelling like quitting her job, you should end things. From here on don’t believe what she says, trust only what she does, she’s a proven liar.
So is dick size. Maybe he should go get a bigger one.
What stupid shit is this.
I've been in fucking India for three months without my girlfriend. If she was that controlling that i couldn't even go to a park without her we'd be fucked hahaha
You'll never be able to move on if you don't stop obsessing over her. Focus on other things in your life.
I just can’t wrap my head around this. OP gets attacked by a man at the park and this is how her bf responds??
OP…did you know that man at the park?? Was he just someone random who attacked you? Your boyfriends’ actions are absolutely unhinged. Are you ABSOLUTELY 100% POSITIVE he didn’t have any involvement with the dude who attacked you at the park and set that situation up??
Some people cannot handle whiskey, you seem to be one of them.
Who was ordering/paying for your drinks?
Why didn't you stay home and just he go out with friends?
If BF was uncomfortable with your actions, why didn't he take you home?
If all this happened at your place or his, why didn't he just put you to bed?
Too many holes in this story.