This is one of the few comments here that demonstrates more empathy and understanding for the wife than the husband (not that he doesn't deserve some general empathy too as a human being in a struggling marriage, though not so much empathy for the decision to go on a date). I cannot imagine what the comments would be like if his wife were the one who went on the date. I've seen many posts like this before where a male poster's female partner merely went out to eat with a male friend – not a date, a platonic lunch – and many comments were describing the supposed sexual acts she had already participated in with her lunchmate in lurid detail and telling the OP he was being trickletruthed.
Some people are excusing OP's behavior because “his wife is checked out” and “they're in a relationship only in name and not in body.” Which it sounds like she is checked out. She absolutely should be doing more to contribute to the marriage then simply repeatedly turning down dates and barely talking to him. But they're still married and it's still cheating. He still went out for a date, alone, with a female coworker who he admits to enjoying her attention since he wasn't getting it at home.
I don't think he's a bad person nor do I think he deserves to be dragged through the courts. But it's very frustrating to read some of these comments when I sincerely doubt we'd see the same empathy for the person cheated on if the person cheating was a woman.
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Yes, sounds to me like you are right. My advise would be to move on. If he is also hiding stuff from you then another red flag. I know that sometimes it takes a while for someone to move on. I have been there. Was married to my first wife for 9 years. However, I never did any of this stuff. Move one my dear move on.
You cannot control what another person can do. You only control you. Explain to her that she needs to choose. Then act on her answer. And if she chooses you, make it clear that if you find that she tries to continue talking to the ex, you will be gone. She needs to know that you have a hot boundary here.
Oh come off it, it’s a hobby, just because you personally can’t stand dating certain people, which is your right, doesn’t mean you can say this bullshit as if every person who wouldn’t work for you isn’t fit to be in a relationship with anyone. That’s weird as hell
As his mother seems to have no income other than renting one room she totally depends on him.
Which is why he can't and won't move out ever. She raisee him to not be self-reliant.
We had that exact same situation in the family. My grandma has kept my dad at home until her death. He worked and could easily have moved out, but no. He never did.
It takes a certain kind of spirit to stay in that.
While it may be petty of you, there is a point to make here. She cares about him, and prefers to make you upset by retaining their contact then him, by cutting it. This indicate she is still emotionally attached to him.
You can try to explain it, but I expect she will just defect anything inconvenient to her. At this point it might be better to look for some that is not openly attached to her ex or former fwb.
You are blessed to have a child and husband and a loving family already. It’s wonderful that your sister is your best friend, but not all sibling get along. My husband doesn’t speak to his brother, and I barely speak to my own sister.
I find it completely delusional that after having a traumatic pregnancy and birth where you almost died, you want to do that again?
What if this time you and your new baby actually die? (Sorry for being so dark). Your poor husband and child will never get over it. Are you true my willing to risk everything just for another child? It’s selfish, self centred, dangerous, and a stupid decision.
Oh please two things I can almost guarantee is if you were being cheated on you’d cry outrage because no one told you and two I guarantee you have never been attacked exposing a cheater. Keep your hypocrisy elsewhere.
lol
This is one of the few comments here that demonstrates more empathy and understanding for the wife than the husband (not that he doesn't deserve some general empathy too as a human being in a struggling marriage, though not so much empathy for the decision to go on a date). I cannot imagine what the comments would be like if his wife were the one who went on the date. I've seen many posts like this before where a male poster's female partner merely went out to eat with a male friend – not a date, a platonic lunch – and many comments were describing the supposed sexual acts she had already participated in with her lunchmate in lurid detail and telling the OP he was being trickletruthed.
Some people are excusing OP's behavior because “his wife is checked out” and “they're in a relationship only in name and not in body.” Which it sounds like she is checked out. She absolutely should be doing more to contribute to the marriage then simply repeatedly turning down dates and barely talking to him. But they're still married and it's still cheating. He still went out for a date, alone, with a female coworker who he admits to enjoying her attention since he wasn't getting it at home.
I don't think he's a bad person nor do I think he deserves to be dragged through the courts. But it's very frustrating to read some of these comments when I sincerely doubt we'd see the same empathy for the person cheated on if the person cheating was a woman.
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Yes, sounds to me like you are right. My advise would be to move on. If he is also hiding stuff from you then another red flag. I know that sometimes it takes a while for someone to move on. I have been there. Was married to my first wife for 9 years. However, I never did any of this stuff. Move one my dear move on.
SMH he’s down bad. Lord please help this man
You cannot control what another person can do. You only control you. Explain to her that she needs to choose. Then act on her answer. And if she chooses you, make it clear that if you find that she tries to continue talking to the ex, you will be gone. She needs to know that you have a hot boundary here.
Maybe she was helping out a friend. Not everything has to be your business. You’re in a relationship, not married. She can still have a private life.
Oh come off it, it’s a hobby, just because you personally can’t stand dating certain people, which is your right, doesn’t mean you can say this bullshit as if every person who wouldn’t work for you isn’t fit to be in a relationship with anyone. That’s weird as hell
Other way round.
It's him who is fenced in.
As his mother seems to have no income other than renting one room she totally depends on him.
Which is why he can't and won't move out ever. She raisee him to not be self-reliant.
We had that exact same situation in the family. My grandma has kept my dad at home until her death. He worked and could easily have moved out, but no. He never did.
It takes a certain kind of spirit to stay in that.
While it may be petty of you, there is a point to make here. She cares about him, and prefers to make you upset by retaining their contact then him, by cutting it. This indicate she is still emotionally attached to him.
You can try to explain it, but I expect she will just defect anything inconvenient to her. At this point it might be better to look for some that is not openly attached to her ex or former fwb.
You are blessed to have a child and husband and a loving family already. It’s wonderful that your sister is your best friend, but not all sibling get along. My husband doesn’t speak to his brother, and I barely speak to my own sister.
I find it completely delusional that after having a traumatic pregnancy and birth where you almost died, you want to do that again?
What if this time you and your new baby actually die? (Sorry for being so dark). Your poor husband and child will never get over it. Are you true my willing to risk everything just for another child? It’s selfish, self centred, dangerous, and a stupid decision.
Get your own cat in your own name and they won’t be able to take them.
Oh please two things I can almost guarantee is if you were being cheated on you’d cry outrage because no one told you and two I guarantee you have never been attacked exposing a cheater. Keep your hypocrisy elsewhere.