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Appreciate his honesty with you. And consider whether you're willing to change your wants and needs to fit his. You have a right to what you want in life as does he. Don't force him, don't change him, accept what he wants and then figure out what you want and are okay with.
She's single and knows about me. He will be sleeping on the couch.
Dump her and throw her out and see how she manages then.
Okay, wow, I’m glad you’ve spoken to Him about this, But can you clarify what you mean by requesting an hour? Like is it as soon ask you ask he’ll drop the game or is it more like you have to schedule it?
Regardless It’s not fair to you to feel second place to his games, I myself play a lot of games with and without my SO and I still feel the occasional jealously regarding how much attention he gives the game. He makes a point to listen and we together find a compromise. Now he wait to plays until after are son goes to bed and after we’ve had dedicated time together. Obviously we’re not perfect and it’s not 100% of the time but it’s a strong 85% I’d say. You need to put a foot down and demand the same respect he gives his gaming buddies. How I explained it to my SO is that I felt disrespected that he cared more about making his friends wait or feel left out then he did about making me feel that way and I wasn’t going to stand for it, I let him know I did not want him to Stop gaming and I wanted him to keep his friendships independent of me, but I will not feel like an “outsider” at all and I will not feel guilty for asking for more of your time. As adults we rarely have time to have constant communication with our friends in a substantial way, but gaming gives us as adults a chance for that, which is amazing, however no one needs to talk to their platonic friends everyday for multiple hours a day. It’s unreasonable.
Early in recovery, they teach you to be really honest about your issues and what’s going on it’s much more useful than what you’re going through which I’m so sorry. If you wanna stay married to him, you’re gonna have to find a way to start talking to him even if you start arguing otherwise, if you can’t do that, maybe you should just let him go because it will evolve one way or the other anyway, It’s probably the breaking up.
Communication is the only way to fix it. If he won’t talk to you alone, you need to go to couples counseling. Good luck.
Not what you want to hear, but he sounds manipulative and this will only end with you in therapy.
There are telltale signs of narcissistic abuse here. I've seen this happen to many, even to my own mother.
It might be obvious to those around you, but they're trying to mind their own business. My advice would be to ask your friends to speak honestly about your partner and share their concerns. It's important to hear from those you care about that the behaviour is so so wrong, and so you know you have support for when you need it.
Go to a ravens game with a female friend.
Douchebag translation: People go out on Friday nights, get drunk, and lower their standards, but you're still just a 4. At least, I'm assuming that's what he's implying. Otherwise, who the hell knows.
for the messages her ex send me, she is in love with him but in a so fucked up way???? i was freaking out when i read something like “you know what i feel about you and that's why i am helping you to have her back”— i mean, sis??? you saw how is him????? i don't understand at all what is going on with her or in her mind but i bet everything i have that when he knows can't have whatever he wants of she, he gonna drop ut her in the most painful way. but, in some way, she deserve it.
Just add some more info: I don’t follow her on any social media, screenshots are sent to me. I have never responded to any text calls or messages sent to me, just me reiterating to my siblings that my answer is and always will be “I’m not talking to her” when she starts harassing them about it.
Extended family don’t talk to her and can’t stand her either. She has 9 siblings and the only reason one of them went to her wedding this year was to drive my grandpa. My grandpa only went because he wanted to see other family back home and my mom harassed the shit out of them – when he got there he couldn’t physically walk to the edge of the beach where the wedding was so he flew all the way from the mainland to Hawaii to sit on a chair on the other end of the beach and couldn’t see/hear anything. They seem slightly surprised that I’m still not talking to her just based on her posts and what she says when she runs into them. No one intentionally tells her anything it’s more of a “oh speaking of your daughter I saw her at the store today” and that’s how my she finds out I’m home.
I’ve told my sister multiple times that I didn’t want to hear about it but she’s in a tougher much more stressful situation with my mother and her only people to vent to are me or my father and he’s also doesn’t want to be dragged into it. While it might make sense to just tell my sister to suck it up and go talk to a therapist: 1) there are legitimate reasons why my sister doesn’t feel comfortable doing that and 2) the last time I told my sister to deal with her own problems and I didn’t want to hear about it she tried to kill herself so you can see why I’m very cautious there and allow her to vent.
I’m not arguing against your advice at all and it would be pretty solid if someone else under different circumstance was going through this, so thank you for taking your time to write it out.
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I don't see it being a disaster waiting to happen. As long as boundaries are set with said friends of the opposite sex. You can be friends with them and hang out 1v1. But if they cross that line, then I wouldn't continue that friendship.
I do see this rule later on in the relationship becoming an issue though. Now it's him not wanting you to hang out with the opposite sex. Next it's going to be, well this friend of yours cheated on her bf so I don't want you hanging out with her or that friend is single and I worry she's gonna have you go out with her to meet other guys. It'll become a pattern to where eventually he may not like you hanging out with others unless he's present if your trust and insecurities aren't worked on. Setting up this rule is sweeping what your actual problems are under the rug rather than working on them together.
Regardless of your difference in beliefs, anyone who calls you dumb and talks down to you while they're supposed to love and support you belongs out at the curb. This guy is not right for you but it's more about his personality and lack of respect than anything.
She won’t, because she would’ve already.
Respectfully, sometimes the best thing we can do loving someone is letting them go. She is an adult. I promise you that if you ripped this catered lifestyle away, she would in fact figure it out.
You are killing yourself for someone who isn’t showing up for you at all. You are trying to manage both of your feelings, both of your lives, and it’s unsustainable.
Why should you be struggling, twelve hours a day, two jobs, cooking and cleaning.. and she doesn’t show affection? She goes on all expense paid vacations? She doesn’t chip in anywhere?
You’re codependent right now, you can’t imagine abandoning her and your clinging to imaginary reasons to stay. There are self help books to help with codependency and I’d also recommend therapy, for both of you separately.
You deserve a partner you can share your feelings with, that supports you, a partner where you are both growing and celebrating each other.
i have to agree with you!
Wow, he is having a straight up emotional affair and lying to you.
Are other aspects of your relationship okay or is it solely just the kissing?
I think it’s a bit weird of him, but each to their own I guess. Imagine if there was something you didn’t like and he kept badgering you to do it, though. Maybe try and find some middle ground
I had to laugh at this. Sorry.
Its pretty naive to think someone who has so little self awareness to let a man finance her life from literally weeks dating to believe she's 'confided' in you about her money worries. Shes just manipulating you into giving more and ensuring she never actually has to do what any normal struggling parent does which is provide for the family they have.
Im a single parent to two kids. I work and I work hot to ensure they have financial stability. And when I'm short and worrying about a bill/shoes/money, I don't go scrounging to my boyfriend. He doesn't even know unless it's in the context of involving him like not having money for a meal out in the budget. He doesn't and won't ever fund my life. Because I'm not a scrounger like your girlfriend.
How this isn't a red flag waving at you, I'll never know. Good luck buy you need financial advice, not relationship advice
Despite falling within my wife’s guidelines, it feels wrong.
Your guilt is telling you that you're not on board with this plan. Do you want to remain in a sexless marriage where you're forced to find partners without any real connection or prospect of a future? If one of your FWBs catches feelings and asks you to leave your wife, what would happen then?
It's surprising that you already found someone, though I suspect you have known for awhile something was off about your sex life. But, you definitely need to think about what you truly want for yourself and then discuss this with your wife without mentioning or bringing the friend into this.
People grow up and change. That's what's happened here and you've grown apart.
Thank you. That makes sense.
How could I prepare myself for the worst, and it ends right there? She still means very much to me.
Use the trip as a farewell to the relationship.
Go there, have a blast, try to find someone else, and if you do, dump your bf while there, if you don’t, then dump him when you get back.
Lol should’ve just scrolled and found your comment – mine was identical. Mind boggling that anyone would have unprotected sex with a sex worker.
he definitely tries his best in our situation. i just think its time for me to just not be around that house anymore. no matter what its just not worth it. i was already feeling this way and all these comments just verified my feelings. i know it will hurt my bf but idk i think it would be for the best.
At the end of the day you have to judge the person as a whole, snowboarding aside, is she someone you want to be with?
With time, if things work out, I have to imagine you two would build a life together that would include snowboarding together. And you can let her know that this is important to you, but she also has to know that you value her for much more than that, haha.
If I want to and if I send a letter within 3 days, yes. But I don't even know if I want to do that. I have no idea what just happened
As someone from a country where this is normal…
Open trashcans in the bathroom are gross, they are; I have seen them in people's houses but it's a rarity, most people have trashcans with lids.
I will say, I would have a huge issue recalibrating to throwing paper in the toilet, so, he's also unlikely to change.
The best course of action is to acknowledge you deserve way, way better than him. Block him from your life – remove him from everything, bin any of his stuff left behind. Your toxic relationship is over.
Never tolerate cheating. Not ever. Never take a cheater back. Never. A cheater shows they don't value you or relationship. He told you he cheated twice. He was telling you that he is not the one for you. That is a walk away, don't look back situation.
Standing ovation for this comment here.