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Well said!
I'd really like to know where some of the commenters on-line where their MH system is so amazing that they can just drop them off at the clinic and all is well?
You drop her off at the ER here, she's waiting 12+ hrs, especially if the crisis team has gone home for the night. That's a long nude wait in a GOOD headspxe let alone if you're in crisis. Then, 9 times out of 10, you'll be told there are no beds or admitting you would be more harmful than beneficial for you, and that they'll refer you to mental health which will take 6, 12, 18 months.
One of my clients was just turned away from a residential treatment program because they didn't have a solid enough support system for goodness sake
Like… the system is broken, people are begging for help. I wish it was as easy as these comments make it seem – one person can only do so much and they absolutely can't do it to their detriment. Boundaries are so, so necessary and can only help everybody involved.. but let's not forget the social determinants of health and our hierchy of needs which includes belonging/support
Just tell her he's busy.
Yeah exactly to him it was just sex, and you’ve “met someone”.
Well relationship become a lot tamer as time goes by (maybe you also have changed your behavior a bit and you haven't notice). It is normal to a point. But being uncomfortable to be seen nude by you might have many explanations. Maybe she stepped on her own boundaries at the start of the relationship showing you her body all the time and now she is trying to put the boundaries back. Maybe she is not in the mood all the time. Or maybe she is trying to distance herself because either she is loosing interested or she is the avoidant type (taking the texts thing into consideration also). From the things you say i assume you might be a bit of an anxious kind of attachment type and she might be the avoidant type. People like that bombard you with love at the start of the relationship but after a while they start distance themselves usually out of fear. Our natural response is to bombard them with attention wich makes them feel even more suffocated. You should give her space . Maybe don't text her goodnight/goodmornig every day. Let her do the first move and reach out for communication/sex/attention. Either she is going to feel comfortable reaching out as much as she wants or she is going to leave because she wasn't the avoidant type I mentioned but she just lost interest. Either way you'll solve the problem.
well hes gonna leave, accept reality as it is
also dont confess to him, keep in contact with him while hes away and use that time to create more romance between you two, so the chances of him wanting to come back are higher and attraction can possibly grow between you two in that way. it needs more time
What about if it’s been 6 years ? How long do y’all think somebody should wait to move on
May I suggest a 7 line haiku
Right back atcha!
Why don’t you find a part time job? Or find a hobby by taking some classes? It’ll get you out of the house enough and you might meet people with similar interests.
Unfortunately your husband is right and it will eventually wear him out.
So you are a habitual liar who gets high during moments when you should be emotionally available and sober so you can support your family… honestly your wife should divorce you. You care more about weed than being a good husband to your wife and father to your son. You are forty-three years old and this is the kind of man you are at what should be the prime of your life.
Why the hell should your wife give you another chance? Consider how you can be a good co-parent because your marriage is over.
She probably didn't want her private relationships on social media for the entire world to comment on. Regardless of what else she posts people can keep their relationships private, that's not a red flag. Would you want to post your relationship and have your girlfriend's life scrutinized by strangers, or harassed if they're seen on the street?
Why should you think anything at all about this? She doesn’t like to post about her relationships. So what? Many people don’t. It’s not an issue unless you’re going to sulk if she doesn’t post about you.
“I would much rather adopt white” ngl not the biggest fan of that statement…
18 and 25 is a big difference. BFFs for 5 years (20 and 13) before getting together seems a bit off to me
If you feel the need to have the level of distrust for her to even look in her phone, you should just get out of the relationship, IMHO. Find someone you can be open with and don’t have to hide your fears or your true self with them. Be picky and be quick about it early on. It matters a lot more than most people think in finding the right partner.
Just out of curiosity OP, but you say she seems remorseful and her tears seemed genuine. Where was that remorse & those tears when she was bouncing on some other guy's dick??? She only regrets that she didn't get away with it!! Especially after her Therapist apparently told her its okay, since she didn't PLAN to cheat, it just happened! So she can cheat as much as she wants, as long as she didn't plan to do so in advance!
That's a pretty inconsiderate thing to do.
How do you just… forget? About her in that situation.
Not even a phone call, hey this is whats up? Just showed up 6 hrs later like everything is normal?
Well… keep apologizing and doing your best to make things right. That's all you can do dude.
The woman knows she is creating rifts yet continues to pursue… so that is the number one issue. Your husband almost sounds like a moron or on the spectrum which I could definitely see he him genuinely not getting it. But counseling is a good step, at the end of the day you ask for something that is otherwise hurtful, he does not listen to it enough to adhere to it, this hurts you and your relationship. The friend knows full well and even if she is married it does not stop her from doing anything else, you have no idea what their marriage looks like as she is clearly flirting and being close with a single guy in front of her husband
We're not her therapist so we can't explain why she does the things she does, we can only guess.
I'd push her to get some therapy.
He told you everything you did not want to hear.
Yeah you can choose to be kind to yourself by not subjecting yourself to more emotional trauma from people you are trying to remove from your life.
So that he went on a date it was totally okay for him!!!!!!!!!! Wow how can he be so inconsiderate????? Have you ever done it to him??? And if no why did you respect him so much while he didn't respect you back????
You have lots of different things going on.
Food safety isn’t really a matter of opinion. It doesn’t take 5 hours to bring something to room temp. Putting cleanish dish on dirty dishes does create more mess. That might not be worth a conversation, though.
The maintenance worker is somewhat different. You say you want your bf to check with you before he lets someone in. Letting the maintenance guy in wasn’t a surprise. You told your bf to go to the door. How long did you want the worker to wait on the porch before your bf let him in?
How much longer would you have made the guy wait while you made yourself “presentable” if your bf hadn’t knocked? how presentable do you need to be for the maintenance guy? Dressed was fine. Sitting in the tub was your choice & not necessary.
Mostly, you need to pick your battles. He feels like you’re correcting him too frequently – just bring up the stuff that really matters.
I think you two should do couples counseling, and if she doesn’t admit she messed up and rebuild the trust you should break up with her.
Exactly, the OP didn’t handle this situation the best but no one is being empathic to the OP. He seems to feel bad and was in a a very complicated spot. I think a lot of these people are naïve on how difficult step parent relationships are
We have kids and a house and a life. I can’t just up and go. Be real now.
Do you think he will ever reach out
I'm going to ask you. What are you doing? This man brings nothing to the table, he doesn't work or pay for anything, you travel to him, you buy all of these pretty things for him and he sexts other women. What are you doing? Please also don't feel you need validation. There are so many dating coaches out there that tell us to be soft and feminine and basically shut up. Your feelings are valid, period. This man is a deadbeat. Ps I wonder if he is putting you down to disempower you. If that's the case get out. He's doing this because he can get away with it.
I mean, depending on his recovery process he should be doing all the household labor if he's not working or contributing to bills and you are covering everything. The more you write about this guy the more it sounds like he's majorly taking advantage and still trying to convince you that somehow HE'S the one being taken advantage of.
He's a grown man and if he didn't want to stay he didn't have to. I assume you took care of him post-surgery as well.
That’s exactly how I interpreted that.