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I'd leave him alone for awhile…no pressure. If this continues for a couple months I'd suggest therapy. He may be addicted to pornography.
I have a five bedroom house with a separate downstairs living area and bathroom and I still 100000% would say no to this. Nope nope. Nope. I like my husband’s parents just fine, but hell no. Six days is too much, let alone six MONTHS!!!
That said, I feel so strongly about this that I’d have never married someone who would want their parents/family/guests to stay for extended periods like this. My husband and I are completely on the same page about this – if his parents asked to do this he’d shut it down within a nanosecond.
Sex worker and she definitely knew those dudes were married.
Sex work should be a deal breaker. Being a paid side chick to married men should be a deal breaker.
You'll never overlook this (and you shouldn't) and it's time for you to move on.
Every time I read r/relationship_advice and think “wow, that’s the shittiest behaviour I’ve ever seen,” some new asshole comes along and lowers the bar.
Your husband is a piece of shit, and I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Fuck him and his designer pants and his manipulating you into providing “free” labor of a type you never volunteered for and also don’t have the skills for.
Note that all the pieces are in place for him to force you to remain a secret. Even once you move in, should that actually happen, the reality is his job and his dynamic with his ex wife and kids would also be used to justify keeping it on the downlow.
So be real about that. He feeds you all the classic lines that a cheater does [we are broken up, we pretend to be dating, we are separating soon], god he even gave you a promise ring which is kind of absurd really though I suspect probably had the intended positive effect on you because right now you are really clasping to anything that shows he is not playing you, right?
I mean yeah, right now you are just his dirty little secret. Every aspect of his life would implode if it came out he was with you. Is that really the life you planned out for yourself.
Perhaps she's been looking for a way out. Opportunity knocked.
It IS worth going to couple counseling BUT in your case consider it CO-Parent counseling, which will be vital for your children. You two will need to forge a new relationship. I went through this and I can tell you that my son never felt unloved through our breakup because of the help we received from a counselor. Also consider getting your own individual counselor to help you process your personal feelings. You will need it.
Both want to be in serious relationships…both Christian….
IMO it isn't controlling, it's respectful, especially because he is using YOUR CAR to go out. What if you needed your car during that time, are you just screwed?
I agree with you. But it's not what happens most of the time. There's also a child involved so he probably feels trapped.
He's never going down on you. Have been with guys like this. He'll always say ask or next time or whatever.
Move on. My SO I'd the first man to make me have multiple orgasms because he loves going down on me. He doesn't stop until I'm basically catatonic afterwards.
You always think the sex is great until you meet someone who makes your pleasure their main objective because that's turns them on, if you want better sex, move on.
Girl if you don’t end this immediately you are in for a world of bullshit. Every fiber of your being is telling you to get out of this relationship. Don’t ignore it. Listen listen listen and run.
You're welcome…best of luck to you
Ew, don't move in with a controlling guy. It doesn't have to be abusive to be a relationship not worthy of your time. It just has to be not actively good enough to be worth continuing.
Why be in a relationship like that? Because it's early in the relationship and you both have lives outside of each other that have their own logistics considerations.
What a fucking mess dude.
Not making a joke. The advice is: stop being childish. You're gf is allowed to like different things. My SO loves video games, and something called steam punk movies that I absolutely hate. I will never watch it. He doesn't cry in the room next of it or plot revenge because we're in an ADULT relationship. Take it or leave it.
Um… how long were y’all together? It does make sense for her to assume that since you’re together and came to the lessons together you would dance together. Her bringing up multiple times she’s felt like you haven’t supported her sounds like she was already over it and this was the last straw. She broke up with you, leave it be.
Your body your choice but do be aware that she finds it a turnoff so sexy time may decrease.
Your mum liking it – do you always put the opinion of your mum above that of your GF?
Of course it's a shitty thing to say, “babe you're like in the top 3 ass I've had…nah, top 2!”.
I mean, she's directly telling you what she thinks of you and your relationship. Of course you should talk, maybe it was just an awkward mistake, but it feels like you were thinking “partner” and she was thinking “friend with benefits”. Talk about it and think about where you'd like to go.
Use some common sense and don't hang out the opposite sex alone especially with alcohol involved. As far your bf. Tell him he was making sexual advances and you don't wish to see him again because of that. I know you're young and naive but many will take advantage of that if given the opportunity.
Well your title says you want him to shower before sec and your post says he will do it as long as it will happen, so what is the issue really?
I mean, I do get the odor part. I used to do construction and yeah, during the summer and having to wear pants, yeah my ballsack was definitely not in a state that even I would feel comfortable sticking in a woman's mouth. But some days I was dead tired that yeah I'd come home, eat, just relax for a bit and then shower.
If you are wanting him to shower so that you'd fuck him, well based on your post he says he will. But if you're really saying you want him to do it right away, I mean have you ever did manual labor for 8-10 hours straight and then come home? Most of the time, you just want to relax a bit
Couple's therapy only gives abusers more tools to control and abuse her further, tragically.
You need to quickly learn to communicate in your relationship.
You need to tell him what is your expectations.
If you wanted him to be with you that night, you should have told him that you wanted him to be with you. A nice relaxing movie night where you can cuddle with him, the night before your birthday.
If you going into the relationship with the mindset, if it was me, I would have done this without being told, you will constantly be disappointed.
Stop with the immature mind games.
If you want to date an adult then you need to learn to communicate clearly.
This problem could have easily been avoided if you just told him what you wanted from him.
I think you made the right call. Here’s to a brighter tomorrow!
Invite him to be a free little bird at his friend's places. He broke up with you in all but words. If you go in his phone he will have been flirting and texting women and probably cheating. Why do I say this? Look what he is doing in front of you? How does he afford his rock and roll lifestyle? How did he pay for his date he went on without you?
Dump his ass
Bro you’ve been with her for 8months. Obviously you’re good at investing don’t yolo on this one she’s shown her true colors. She randomly wants to get married. Next thing you know you guys get married and you get hurt in an unfortunate accident.
I mean, I don’t see how your vulva didn’t touch him. Either hewn his hands were right there or when your legs were wrapped him. It would have taken a level of skill I’m not sure exists to keep that out of contact.
I’m surprised you put up with his Financial malfeasance for so long.
Leave him, protect you and yours.
Hey, I didn’t downvote you, but I also do not think you’re stupid. A lot of people don’t understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. The crazy-making and the self-questioning. The constantly keeping you off keel and making you question reality. The fact that you know you have to keep track of everything you say so it can’t be turned against you means you KNOW it’s not right. You’re not being apprehended, you’re making a snack for your (hopefully soon ex) partner. You don’t deserve to live like that.
I hope you stay firm. You can exit this horrible situation now. We’ve got your back, even if it’s anonymous and long-distance. You can have your life and your peace back. You deserve it.
?????
For me, she assumed the worst reaction from me because in the end, she just expected that I was thinking the same way she would. Which was negative, defensive and resentful.
He claims that he has been over his ex for a long time, but I do know that he was a deep rooted hatred and sense of betrayal with her. It’s like he can’t let go of his negative emotions and told me that he will never forget it and never forgive her or her family. I talked to him about it and said that by doing that, you’re keeping her in your mind.
As far as the idea goes with wearing whatever I want, I think I might start doing that.
Divorce papers. And then when he says “hold on,” you don't. What I'm saying is this relationship is dead, just get a divorce.
If she's saying sorry then maybe she means it and it can just be put down as a mistake. At the risk of sounding patronising (which I'm not trying to be), she's young and it might have just been an error in judgement that she won't want to do again. If you reckon she's being sincere in her apology then that might be enough.
Thank you!! That all makes a lot of sense! It had been 18 months. We'd been through a lot of stressful things.. me sorting out a divorce and financing my home. Him with work and his sick parent. But it does seem childish.. and we're both guilty of that. Once he said he wanted to stop talking I took his stuff back just to get it over and done with. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again! I'm tempted to post it in the relationships over 40 just to get a talking too from them as well lol
He have female friends, it’s just not okay that I have male friendw
It honestly looks like nothing was ever in the empty envelopes…it just feels like a trophy collection of past lovers…
So what are you upset about exactly?
Tickets are sold out unfortunately and I’m not going to be controlling and tell her not to go, I don’t really want to keep an eye on her if someone is going to cheat they’re going to do it regardless
At the end of the day I’m just a bit confused as to why she even is going, if it was me there would be no way I would, I did try to communicate to her about it and she reassured me she was not going to do anything with him after getting quite defensive with me, but obviously like I said alcohol, the Mexico situation and just a couple of other issues have made me question wether she really is fully committed to this
I interpreted her “creepy” comment to be that she believed he went to the same bar deliberately to watch her after she told him she wanted time with her friends, without him interfering. It wasn't that he didn't go up to talk to her. He left her alone because that's what she wanted. I don't believe that him going up to her would have made the situation any better, it may have even made it worse. She would have left him regardless.
Controlling