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He’s just projecting
My thoughts are, you're dating a weirdo at best, a not terribly subtle racist at worst. If that's his idea of radical, he's either got some… interesting views himself, or unbothered enough that any level or concern in this to him looks like a radical belief. Though I wouldn't bother figuring out which one it is, he sucks either way. Does he always accuse you of being unreasonable?
“Acquaintance”
If she contacts you again in the future just tell her “I need a partner I can joke around with. I can't stay in a relationship with someone who is going to get so triggered by a joke that they just leave and cut off all contact. “
“We have never had fights nor arguments.” You need to have some to see what she's really like. I think you released the bitch in her.
She’s either feigning ignorance that her bf’s bro is interested in her or alternatively she just doesn’t give a shit how her bf thinks/feels. His brother is absolutely interested in her, and her bf perceived that she’s totally ok accepting his gift despite him communicating to her that’s his bro’s intention. This would understandably cause a lot of frustration on his end. Then she comes on here and writes TLDR that her bf is mad she got gifted shoes. Dumb af.
Of course it is partially on her. Yes I have mentioned he really should communicate his issues properyl, however since he hasn't it's obvious since she loves him for her to approach him with such questions.
Assuming there is long time silent conflict between them there is literally not a single more useless thing than talking to his brother.
Finally yes, it will be always her that has to make difficult choices. She receives gifts so it is on her to refuse or returtn them. Although the only choice here really is whether she prefers to keep gifts from her bf brother or stay in relationship with her bf. I do not think it is the former here, but should it be the case it is still on her to tell her bf that (which will lead to break-up).
That's not how narcissism works
Ok, while you’re playing nice to keep the tuition money rolling in, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO BECOME THIS GIRL’S DOUBLE.
Like oh, you think new mom will love this new dress? Guess what? So do I. Borrow her clothes. Heck, buy your own pair. If anyone asks, it’s because you have so much in common but if I saw my partner wearing the same outfit as my hypothetical child, while also being the same age, I would be disgusted beyond recovery. Now my dick-focused brain isn’t thinking “damn, she looks very hot in a bikini”. It’s thinking, “doesn’t my daughter have that same one?”
Pretend to date a man older than you. You don’t need to go 50s. But there’s gotta be a 35 year old you can match with on a dating app and start dropping hints about around the house. Dad has to either be ok with it or be a hypocrite. If he’s not ok… why? Is it like… gross and creepy, or something? We are playing a subtle game of warfare here. Nothing can be outright called troublesome or rude… but it’s gotta cause some triggers in your dad’s mind where he starts to see sense.
Look, the reality here is your dad is gross and kinda stupid. He didn’t make a mistake when he started dating a 21 year old, while being more than double her age… for almost 2 years. There’s no looking past that and getting them to break up won’t change that fact. But maybe we can get him to date a nicer teenager the next time around. (Sarcasm but kinda not really. I am sorry. I really am. This all sucks but that doesn’t mean we can’t win.)
Kate is a bitch. She has a right to feel however she wants but her feelings on this also make her a giant bitch. Personally I don't need a friend group that takes side with a colossal cunt like that. Go to the con and find a new bunch weirdos to spend time with.
“Seems like you have the comprehension skills of a sad rat”
“I do think I have better morals than the ppl here”
“Ppl like you have no place to talk about morals, love, loyalty, family … you all don’t even know what this things mean.”
“Seems like the bitter one is you here”
“I’m definitely better than the ppl here who tell him he didn’t do anything wrong”
“Well considering your moral standards who knows what is your understanding of faithful and loving marriage.”
“You are the weirdo here for trying to normalize something like this.”
-You, attacking people for their opinion. Imagine wasting your day like this. Hopefully tomorrow is better for you.
You’re wrong.
OP couldn’t perform and was incredibly vulnerable and ashamed. His GF didn’t wonder why he wasn’t participating? She couldn’t read his body language?
She either could and didn’t care or didn’t care enough to pay attention. I’m sure she didn’t want this to happen and it was an innocent mistake. But the blame is on her for continuing when OP wasn’t involved.
This behavior isnt going to change without consequence. I don't normally advocate for ultimatums but in this, it's necessary
Not sure how depression is linked to not making sure someone gets home safely.
All good, thanks heaps!! I’m super proud of who I am and I’ve worked very very hot on myself on not being emotionally closed off so I’m not like him but it always felt like part of me was missing and wanting him to accept me/have a good relationship. It seems like he’s working on himself and trying to move past that because he’s making the effort by texting and asking questions about me to get to know me. It almost feels like a whole new relationship starting from scratch.
I have family members like this. I do not respond well to guilt trips and in fact they have the complete opposite effect on me.
I maybe would have felt a little guilt about something that might not be entirely my fault cause that's who I am. Try to use that thing to leverage guilt outa me? Nope, go fuck yourself and whatever made you feel bad.
Yes. How she feels is no longer your concern so you don't need to make her comfortable with anything. You need to unfollow her, she needs to process whatever hurt she is experiencing from losing a follower on Instagram.
Question: does she work? Do you want/let her work?
Because honestly, the answer is simple. If you're comfortable enough footing the bills then she can go to work and have a savings account if you 2 break up.
Just from experience, if she's not asking for your money (as you say), then she's asking permission to get a job. BUT if she turns down the idea of getting a job, then you need to open your eyes. She is a grown woman and having someone pay the bills should make it very easy for her to set up a cushion to fall back on.
I recommend downloading Tinder and just going crazy for a while. I’m somewhere on the spectrum, and that helped out a lot
I was able to go through a few dozen (decent) first dates over the years, eventually most leading to second and third’s. Then they started lasting longer and longer. Just keep everything light and casual.
So no spanking? ?
She's a sick fuck.
Show your family this post. My stomach would turn if I read someone was doing this to my family member, letalonevsomeone I'd naivly been nice to.
The wink at the end?? ?
She's sadist who sees you as an easy target but a fun kill.
show your family this post, if they are normal people, they will be horrified & sickened. And never let her cast her shadow around you & their grace again. Cousin's gf or not.
Honestly she sounds dangerous.
Her looking for a commitment that quickly is a problem.
Approaching a relationship with the idea of sizing the person up for marriage is not.
That she is cold shouldering you after pressing for early commitment is concerning for the relationship itself, regardless of marriage prospects. You cannot effectively be in a relationship with someone who does not communicate well or consider their other half.
She's projecting so much she should set up her own movie theater.
God damn I love when reddit is as brutal as 4chan.
Deserved/10.
I love this answer. A lot of us can agree that OP has a reasonable expectation, but some people will never see or understand that POV no matter how well you explain it to them. All you can do is walk away and accept that you didn’t mean as much to your partner as you thought you did. Him changing the goalpost and disrespecting the terms of your relationship proves that.
He needs a doll. Or he needs to go to beauty school. Hi molding is cringeworthy.
Sit down and talk with her, approach this with curiosity. Start with “I have noticed you make comments whenever I mention my assistant, where is this coming from? (Listen) What do you need to feel secure in our relationship?”
For me, I started to worry after a noticeable drop in affection. So I brought it up to my husband and it ended up that he was stressing over health issues which decreased his drive. We both discussed what we need and were able to address the issue. He increased small, non-sexual gestures of affection and I’m trying to cook more healthy meals for us. What your wife needs to feel loved and secure will be different, but you have you find out what that is. That just might take a little bit of exploration together.
How? Where would I even start?
Your right. Its time to move on completely unless she makes a good effort but I doubt it. I think she’s a narcissist.
OP, it sounds like you need to find out why your bf looking at other “Instagram” girls bothers you so much. Fantasizing doesn't equal cheating. You need to work on your self-esteem, stay single for a while, and learn to love yourself, before jumping into another relationship.
I'm prepared for the downvotes, but OP needs to hear this.
After back-to-back pregnancies and single-handedly caring for three needy babies, it could have been valuable for her to be reminded that she’s still an actual human being with her own body, life and needs. Very few healthy relationships start from cheating so I doubt there’s a future with the ex, but maybe this will help wake her up to how awful her life is with her husband and give her the strength to strike out on her own.
(Obviously she should have just left in the first place, but desperate people do desperate things)
After back-to-back pregnancies and single-handedly caring for three needy babies, it could have been valuable for her to be reminded that she’s still an actual human being with her own body, life and needs. Very few healthy relationships start from cheating so I doubt there’s a future with the ex, but maybe this will help wake her up to how awful her life is with her husband and give her the strength to strike out on her own.
(Obviously she should have just left in the first place, but desperate people do desperate things)