You have to think if this is going to dictate the future of your relationship. You left him for someone else and when when that relationship didn’t turn out the way you thought, you go back like you even deserve him. Or at least that’s how this whole post comes off.
If you go on that trip, you’ll just spend a shite miserable holiday trying to convince your GF to take you back or hoping she’ll change your mind. You’ll suffer even more from it. If you guys think you need to be apart just now, then be apart, don’t play the ‘we’re just friends’ now when you both know you’re not.
I think you should break up. If you are feeling pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with, and your partner isn’t listening, then it’s time to move on and find someone who will listen. You deserve better.
I, too, have that sex agreement while asleep with my partner. In fact, he more often initiates sex while asleep.
I definitely think you need to spend some time grieving the trauma you experienced. Allow yourself time to heal. Clear your mind and reflect on this incident without that weighing in.
First off I just wanna say, Susan knew, she saw signs and ignored them because “love”.
As far your issue, I'd leave her. After 6 years. And now she wants proof you're not an abusive person? Have ever abused her? Also therapy? For what, you didn't do anything but open your home to an abuse victim, and you're the one who needs therapy?
Your gf is nuts and needs to reflect on the last 6 years. Honestly though, I'd be out.
Habits take time to build and I'm willing to do what I can to make building this habit easier for him, but I do know that I tend to want things done 50/50 and I do need to be better about understanding when that is realistic and when it's not. For cleaning though, I think it is a realistic goal
OP needs to watch The Hills where Lauren doesn't go to Paris for Jason Stupid Wahler and then lives to regret it. OP go on your trip and have the time of your life!
You know what they meant, but decided to focus on what you perceived to be a trivial spelling error in what I can only imagine is some kind of snarky attempt at getting back at them because you feel slighted – take some accountability. Your fiance shouldn't have to police you, but that's what he feels he needs to do because you're untrustworthy. You may dislike their comment, but they're 100% correct. It's actually as spot on as an answer is gonna get for you. If you're not looking for constructive advice, I'm sure there's subs that circle jerk cheaters that would gladly inflate your ego and pat you on the back – this isn't it, though. If you want honest, stern advice giving to you in a way that's impartial to your feelings, here it is: leave him be, you don't deserve him.
Work on yourself – outside of a relationship – and learn to love yourself so that, even if you are lonely, you don't *need companionship. And that you don't cheat on your future partners, either.
Everyone seems to assume the guest felt unwelcome when it seems that the wife felt more ashamed about OP. Also, everyone seems to conveniently skip over the part where OP had a splitting headache. I don’t know about you, but when I get headaches that bad, I don’t have the strength or even the patience to articulate something I’m not obligated to. OP wasn’t rude in any way? It’s also not hot for the wife and her guest to just understand when OP says “okay cool, I’m going to lie down a bit” (which seems to be a perfectly polite sentence) especially when OP wasn’t even aware they’d be having company.
I don’t think it’s on OP to make the guest feel welcome when it was OP’s wife who decided to invite someone over without even informing OP. Sure, one can argue that the wife stays there and entitled to invite whoever she wants! Well, so does OP and he’s just as entitled to seeking comfort after a long day in his own home especially when he’s unwell.
Came here to say something similar. Maybe it’s because I’m older (think a Senior, if kind) but I’ve learned to get my “ducks in a row”, get safely away, then have a MAJOR cry, complete with boxes of tissues & Ben & Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.
To state the obvious, this relationship is over. Sooo, when your crappola BF reaches out (& he will, trust me, just to hear the chaos he caused) you be disgusting sweet, like sugar wouldn’t melt in you mouth. Reason being, YOU want to control your living situation, have the time YOU need to make YOUR plans. And if you can, keep him guessing about the relationship. That will make it harder for him to sell the house out from under you.
You said you go to Uni, so talk to Administration there about any help with housing, food subsidies (to save $), other resources they may be able to provide. Look on school websites to see if anyone may need a roommate. Know that’s a far cry from where you are now…but it may be better than the house being sold out from under you.
Make a list of what you need to do to be completely separate from your crappola BF. Realize that’s the last thing you want to do right now (figure curling up in a ball more likely) but have found doing this mundane but frankly necessary work, can help clear your mind. Remember Ben & Jerry awaits, once your stable in your life.
“so I’d be willing to be you know I’m right, just don’t want to admit it on the internet.”
Bad writing, so not really in a position to judge other's intelligence.
I know I'm right… because no fucking person irl thinks like you lot. ?? In fact I'm willing to bet some of you have it but it's just dormant lmao.
“you repeating objective misinformation (only contagious when expressing)”
Quote from a medical journal:
“When your skin has healed from the cold sore and looks normal, the virus is no longer contagious. However, because the herpes virus stays dormant in your body, you can still pass on the virus through your saliva, even if you don’t have a cold sore.”
You can *technically* pass it on, but it doesn't meet the bar for 'contagious'. Because it's simply negligible.
“you downplaying anyones right to be mad over lying by omission.”
Lying by omission is done on purpose:
“occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception”
The 'in order' there being important. Not telling everyone my entire ass medical history isn't that. ?
And if someone is mad you didn't tell them something about you, when you didn't ask, that is undeniably you're fucking fault and you look like a clown.
“you calling me dramatic when you realize I’m right about everything I’ve said.”
You're not right so don't know what that's about lol. And yeah… it is really fucking dramatic.
Danger, Danger – this is very creepy and just not right. End it now. Take it from me – any guy that I was ever with that did this turned out to either be a creep or an abuser.
I never said I was always mature? I'm sorry I struck a nerve. I admitted my comment was blunt, but you asked for feedback and that was my honest reaction to your post.
I'm not caught up on anything. I just responded to your comment and explained what I meant. I'm not asking for nor expecting a full rundown of your family dynamics, you misunderstood me so I clarified. That's all. The cornerstone of my feedback was that you were expecting too much, which you seem to realize as well.
He is both an idiot and naive, like most 21 year olds are. I'm not a huge supporter of getting married before you prefrontal cortex is completely formed.
So this came only up after this guy showed up? She doesn't want an open relationship but to cheat without feeling guilty
How about he stands up for himself, and actually tell me he wants to get married?
You have to think if this is going to dictate the future of your relationship. You left him for someone else and when when that relationship didn’t turn out the way you thought, you go back like you even deserve him. Or at least that’s how this whole post comes off.
If you go on that trip, you’ll just spend a shite miserable holiday trying to convince your GF to take you back or hoping she’ll change your mind. You’ll suffer even more from it. If you guys think you need to be apart just now, then be apart, don’t play the ‘we’re just friends’ now when you both know you’re not.
Seems fishy. She slapped a customer across the face? She can't get a job anywhere else?? Troll post?
Agreed. Taking a break has always always been a weird concept.
I haven't broken any vows. He cheated before me, I'm sure he will cheat after.
I think you should break up. If you are feeling pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with, and your partner isn’t listening, then it’s time to move on and find someone who will listen. You deserve better.
I, too, have that sex agreement while asleep with my partner. In fact, he more often initiates sex while asleep.
I definitely think you need to spend some time grieving the trauma you experienced. Allow yourself time to heal. Clear your mind and reflect on this incident without that weighing in.
She is a narcissistic manipulator who is seeking constant validation from you for her low self esteem.
Walk away and enjoy your mental health
He might as well get a new girl for a month in a half be fucking for real
Like they say, actions speak louder than words.
Can we not just give advise without making unfounded assumptions? How do you know that's the reason he's dating OP? C'mon…
Oof this hit me so hot. You’re completely right ?
First off I just wanna say, Susan knew, she saw signs and ignored them because “love”.
As far your issue, I'd leave her. After 6 years. And now she wants proof you're not an abusive person? Have ever abused her? Also therapy? For what, you didn't do anything but open your home to an abuse victim, and you're the one who needs therapy?
Your gf is nuts and needs to reflect on the last 6 years. Honestly though, I'd be out.
You’re wasting your time you need to move on ASAP. You are at the end of the line of your relationship.
Do you think Op and her husband can visit her family in her country since it was necessary? Did that fix it?
?
Thank you and I wish the world for you
Habits take time to build and I'm willing to do what I can to make building this habit easier for him, but I do know that I tend to want things done 50/50 and I do need to be better about understanding when that is realistic and when it's not. For cleaning though, I think it is a realistic goal
That’s a plan.
She has found growths in her private parts, it isn't sure that she has HPV or genital warts.
OP needs to watch The Hills where Lauren doesn't go to Paris for Jason Stupid Wahler and then lives to regret it. OP go on your trip and have the time of your life!
You know what they meant, but decided to focus on what you perceived to be a trivial spelling error in what I can only imagine is some kind of snarky attempt at getting back at them because you feel slighted – take some accountability. Your fiance shouldn't have to police you, but that's what he feels he needs to do because you're untrustworthy. You may dislike their comment, but they're 100% correct. It's actually as spot on as an answer is gonna get for you. If you're not looking for constructive advice, I'm sure there's subs that circle jerk cheaters that would gladly inflate your ego and pat you on the back – this isn't it, though. If you want honest, stern advice giving to you in a way that's impartial to your feelings, here it is: leave him be, you don't deserve him.
Work on yourself – outside of a relationship – and learn to love yourself so that, even if you are lonely, you don't *need companionship. And that you don't cheat on your future partners, either.
Break up. Your are clearly not that important to her if she values more a shampoo bottle than her own boyfriend health.
Everyone seems to assume the guest felt unwelcome when it seems that the wife felt more ashamed about OP. Also, everyone seems to conveniently skip over the part where OP had a splitting headache. I don’t know about you, but when I get headaches that bad, I don’t have the strength or even the patience to articulate something I’m not obligated to. OP wasn’t rude in any way? It’s also not hot for the wife and her guest to just understand when OP says “okay cool, I’m going to lie down a bit” (which seems to be a perfectly polite sentence) especially when OP wasn’t even aware they’d be having company.
I don’t think it’s on OP to make the guest feel welcome when it was OP’s wife who decided to invite someone over without even informing OP. Sure, one can argue that the wife stays there and entitled to invite whoever she wants! Well, so does OP and he’s just as entitled to seeking comfort after a long day in his own home especially when he’s unwell.
Came here to say something similar. Maybe it’s because I’m older (think a Senior, if kind) but I’ve learned to get my “ducks in a row”, get safely away, then have a MAJOR cry, complete with boxes of tissues & Ben & Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.
To state the obvious, this relationship is over. Sooo, when your crappola BF reaches out (& he will, trust me, just to hear the chaos he caused) you be disgusting sweet, like sugar wouldn’t melt in you mouth. Reason being, YOU want to control your living situation, have the time YOU need to make YOUR plans. And if you can, keep him guessing about the relationship. That will make it harder for him to sell the house out from under you.
You said you go to Uni, so talk to Administration there about any help with housing, food subsidies (to save $), other resources they may be able to provide. Look on school websites to see if anyone may need a roommate. Know that’s a far cry from where you are now…but it may be better than the house being sold out from under you.
Make a list of what you need to do to be completely separate from your crappola BF. Realize that’s the last thing you want to do right now (figure curling up in a ball more likely) but have found doing this mundane but frankly necessary work, can help clear your mind. Remember Ben & Jerry awaits, once your stable in your life.
Omg. Fine. Let's take the dramatic bs one by one.
“so I’d be willing to be you know I’m right, just don’t want to admit it on the internet.”
Bad writing, so not really in a position to judge other's intelligence.
I know I'm right… because no fucking person irl thinks like you lot. ?? In fact I'm willing to bet some of you have it but it's just dormant lmao.
“you repeating objective misinformation (only contagious when expressing)”
Quote from a medical journal:
“When your skin has healed from the cold sore and looks normal, the virus is no longer contagious. However, because the herpes virus stays dormant in your body, you can still pass on the virus through your saliva, even if you don’t have a cold sore.”
You can *technically* pass it on, but it doesn't meet the bar for 'contagious'. Because it's simply negligible.
“you downplaying anyones right to be mad over lying by omission.”
Lying by omission is done on purpose:
“occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception”
The 'in order' there being important. Not telling everyone my entire ass medical history isn't that. ?
And if someone is mad you didn't tell them something about you, when you didn't ask, that is undeniably you're fucking fault and you look like a clown.
“you calling me dramatic when you realize I’m right about everything I’ve said.”
You're not right so don't know what that's about lol. And yeah… it is really fucking dramatic.
Too fast too furious.
Danger, Danger – this is very creepy and just not right. End it now. Take it from me – any guy that I was ever with that did this turned out to either be a creep or an abuser.
I never said I was always mature? I'm sorry I struck a nerve. I admitted my comment was blunt, but you asked for feedback and that was my honest reaction to your post.
I'm not caught up on anything. I just responded to your comment and explained what I meant. I'm not asking for nor expecting a full rundown of your family dynamics, you misunderstood me so I clarified. That's all. The cornerstone of my feedback was that you were expecting too much, which you seem to realize as well.
He is both an idiot and naive, like most 21 year olds are. I'm not a huge supporter of getting married before you prefrontal cortex is completely formed.