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If he’s really your boy, and I mean this sincerely, wouldn’t he have your back when someone is being shady and you don’t like it?
If he’s fine with you being in this position and has no concern for how you’re having to deal with this, then he’s not your true friend.
Yes we both put down our cards, but I locked mine. She wasn't smart enough to do that, that's not my problem.
The fact that she dropped me just for TRYING (god forbid) trying to form an equal partnership and share my views is proof she's a gold digger.
I even offered to talk about things and listen to her thoughts in her driveway, but she told me to leave and refused to come outside and talka bout it.
We could have had a constructive conversation and she failed to see how awesome I was. Also she didn't ask me to pay her back so I think she probably got a slice of humble pie
Also if I ask women upfront about going halves they ghost me. This woman for instance ghosted me when I asked if guys were expected to pay on dates, and only agreed to go out with me after I replied to her Insta story and asked her if she would let me take her out to dinner. I literally had to track her down on another platform and do something I didn't want to do just to get her to give me the time of day. Do you see how messed up that is for guys?
I have a feeling this relationship might be a contributing factor to your declining mental health.
How much are you paying in rent to online in this guy's father's home?
The question is what exactly do you want to do… what would you advise a friend of yours to do in this situation.
Because it comes across that you don’t actually seem all that bothered about it. Even though your partner may have been sexually assaulted …if she genuinely has no recollection other than coming to and finding her friends face in her…
You dated someone for three years but have to ask Reddit if he deserves a reason as to why you broke up with him?
psychosis caused by alcohol.
Oh when I said celebrate I meant send a message! I don’t think we are at the point where either of us expect more from eachother. I’m just debating whether or not to even do that.
Update (also see prior update from thanksgiving):
Somehow the fact that he has a girlfriend came up on 12/12/22, I said something like I’m not sure how I would have known, his family didn’t even know, but I respect that. And that I have something I want to talk about. He asked me to say it, but understood I wanted to see him in person.. that he’d have more attention to give in person. He absolutely knows what I wanna say.. he’s not dumb.
His flight got in late last night after a lot of delays. He stayed at his grandparents place. He texted me bright and early today, once I responded he said he was coming by.
I was picking up a bit and had on my entire Spotify on shuffle… he just walked right in while “I Will Possess Your Heart” was boosting ..embarrassing. But unnoticed. Hopefully.
It was amazing to see him, we can goof just like old times, I felt comfortable and beautiful without makeup. We sat and talked for a while, he knows I want to talk about something so he asked, I didn’t want to delve into it immediately, I imagined having more than 15min together before I unload..
So we continued talking, he wanted to visit my grandparents so we did that. He then encouraged that we go for a drive to get a soda at the gas station, during that time we drove through our hometown and talked about random folks on our old bus, or common friends, etc. One thing he needed to know was if I slept with this guy he was friends with, which, I didn’t and would have never —given how much I admire him! He also brought up old short term GFs from high school, 3 of the maybe 5 of those stories ended in talking about the girls insecurity or jealousy of me as his friend / a girl, and how much fun we always have had together. And how he has a close friend back where he lives now and that he thinks that’s why he gravitated towards her, that she’s a lot like me.
He then went on to discuss how much he actually misses it here. Deeply. “And not just because you’re here” he said with a laugh and a very quick “kidding or whatever” …? Whatever that means.
Later in talking back at my place he discussed how his loose plans right now are to move to NJ with this girl he’s dating. That she has a decent job lined up etc. But he also immediately brought up how fast he was to say yes to that… and seemed concerned.
He also expressed his lifelong wish of living on a decent chunk of more remote land with a river or pond.. etc. And… that’s what I have. And not what he’s destined for in NJ.
More confused signals but it won’t matter soon! Given that he’s taken at the moment I have no expectations, in fact I’m expecting to be hurt. But I’m determined to get this off my chest and I know I’ll have a friend either way after. Looking forward to my next update whatever it is..
The kids should be at the house but not her, I feel like she should go stay at her bf's house. She tries to pop in during the holidays when she knows I'd be there.
Cheater never changes. I don’t even need to read the long story you wrote.
He’s not your father. He doesn’t get the give you a curfew. This is toxic and controlling behavior. Pay attention to how he’s trying to isolate you from your friends. It won’t end with the men, your female friends will be next.
If my best friend starts dating an ex, she wouldn’t be my best friend anymore. Just the way it is.
Including my microbiology class, this is absolutely the best explanation of the difference in bacterial and viral infections I've come across. Fantastic.
I know he did, but is it petty for me to demand he admit it?
Yes he does apologize. Not today at least not yet but he has in the past. I do know my husband wants to do better.
We grew up very different and neither of us were wealthy or privileged but different. I grew up with a single mom who I help raise while she was mentally unstable (we have healed and she is my best friend now).
He is also best friends with his mom but he had two parents married who wanted the best for him and did a lot. Probably too much from time to time. Like changing his oil and filling his tank while in college and waking him up.
He is learning to grow from those habits. I am also learning that I tend to over do because I worry about my self worth being tied to what I can do for people. He didn’t do that too me but I think he has benefited from it with out meaning too.
It’s not the best for either of us but same time it’s not why we fell in love. He is my equal and my person in every way but we both have so much growing and healing to do and sometimes really comes to head with things like this.
Is the phone paid off? If so, just end the contract or take her off your plan. If not, pay off the phone only and do the same thing.
It's as simple as calling your provider, and tell them flat out you're not in a relationship with that person anymore and that the phone is no longer on your plan and to cancel it. If there are fees, just pay them. Get a date when service will be terminated. Then, text her, tell her you canceled it and tell her when she needs to get a new service by and literally, before she responds…block her. She will argue and say anything else to get you to keep paying the bill. Don't. Tell her, block her and move on. She will pay the bill herself or she won't have a phone.
It's that simple.
I'll put it this way. If I met a guy still paying for his exes phone service because it was a gift, I'd keep moving because it gives the impression you're still interested in her or stupid or both. No shade to you, just saying what it literally looks like.
We all need “alone time” and maybe taking this break will lend a different perspective on things for you both. One thing is for sure…if you stay together out of guilt or obligation it will only make things more complicated and difficult as time goes on.
I’ve always been one who is very direct with honesty and it has beget mixed results. I’d rather not suggest you handle it a certain way, only that you be honest and mindful of the fact that the longer you prolong things, the harder it will be. Be prudent and timely is the best I can offer, the delivery method is your choice.
Thank you for this, yeah i do see in him what you just listed, very self centered/absorbed and no, he has no empathy whatsoever, doing this.. so, thank you. ?
That was my ex. She didn't drink often but when she did she got hammered and made a scene. I put up with it for a variety of reasons and then one day she started drinking pretty heavy pretty regularly. She was drunk all day every day. I tried to shield our kids from her behavior and pretend like everything was alright but they saw it too. I had a close friend that was a recovering alcoholic and coached me through the process and eventually my ex got sober. It has been 10+ years since she touched a drop.
But the damage was done. Once things quieted down and returned to 'normal' I was able to process all that she put us through and I could not find forgiveness. We split soon after. Not saying that you'll go down the same path but I wanted to share with you what could happen.
It's not like you have to get cancer once you have HPV. We aren't even sure if she has it, and even then, some types aren't as dangerous as others
Please break up with your fiancé- you do not love her. It’s not enough to marry so you can keep your friendship with her brother.
Your fiancé engineered the whole thing … that’s not right
If he didn't respect and understand you after the first time. He is just going to try and hide it better, not stop.
Please you deserve better.
To be honest I don't remember much of that night because I was pissed, all I remember is that I woke up with my best friend's sister, Abc, in my bed.
yeah I'm calling bullshit here. “Oh I drank too much and they ended up in my bed” yeah that's not how that works pal. You made a decision and now you wanna try to deflect that whole process away from yourself.
any advice?
grow the fuck up and gfy
Fr these men are so repressed 🙁 toxic isolating culture
I think this could be it. I was a kid that was pushed and academically excelled. But-at the cost of most of my childhood. My parents loved me and very much were trying to do the right thing. They just wanted me to succeed, and at the time I was on board.
It was only when I was an adult and became a parent myself, that I realized how huge the trade off had been. When my daughter started showing signs of being similar to me I did everything in my power to make sure she would go through school with her age peers. I moved so I could put her in a language immersion school because I figured it would help keep her level with other kids.
Spoiler: it didn’t. But she did graduate within her age appropriate school year so I feel my efforts were not completely in vain.
But, I can see how someone thinking the way I did would respond this way. Turns out three kids later I realized I can’t and shouldn’t write their story for them. They have to write their own, and I have to say, they are turning into brilliant stories.
Someone that is a good liar will almost always be concerned with getting better at lying, rather than getting better at being a good person.
You’re welcome!
But you also have to be mindful of his gaming- it’s his relaxation and his downtime activity. You can’t just replace that with active 2 person stuff and expect that to go over well.
I’m a strong believer in couples having similar interests so you may just have to accept that it isn’t something you can both compromise on and find someone better suited to your own hobbies… because let me tell you, there is nothing more annoying than being distracted from a storyline you’ve invested time and energy into just because someone else doesn’t understand the appeal.
Definitely set boundaries and timelines- AKA you can play for the next hour then spend the next hour with me, etc, but also- have your own hobbies you can do in the meantime because there will be long periods of time that your partner will be “on a mission” to reach a certain gaming goal, objective, etc.
So good luck!
Also, don't worry about “not being rude”, that's a non point right now. She is harassing you for something she has no business with. Even if she just wants to make sure you are okay, she is going about it in a creepy way.
If you feel comfortable reaching out to her, let her know you will not be discussing personal business with her and if she shows up at your work to harass you, then you will have to go the legal route.
If she isn't a safe person, don't do this.
I’m not trying to “make him” anything. Very weird take from a stranger. And I can’t say I’m concerned about being compatible as I’ve already checked out emotionally, I just want him to know what he’s doing has a name. I don’t want to agree to be his roommate his sexual coercion is something I’ll have to worry about. :/
Even if it's not physical yet, it could still be emotional cheating. It's a red flag for sure that she lied. Did you see what was irdered at this restaurant? Was it just them?
Boys are so funny.
Did your parents not love you?
They only seem mature because these grown adults are still stuck in their teens mentally.
Unless he’s begging to receive a trauma dump, what is the problem?