Weirdly enough, other than cooking, I do most of the household chores. She bought a fixer-upper and so I take on the daily tasks, while she does the work on renovation…..which she still finds ways to make me feel shame or guilt for not helping on the Reno.
Though I told her from the start that it's not a hobby of mine and that she can ask for help from me whenever, I get backlash for not taking on more renovation efforts and get blamed for the lack of completion of the projects she has chosen to do.
Had she known she was gonna have a problem with that, and if I'd known I'd be manipulated to feel bad for not doing things I told her I didn't want to do, maybe we'd be in a different situation.
Seems like a mixture of a few issues. One, perhaps your boyfriend doesn't place an emphasis on birthdays. While you may love yours, some people hate them. It sounds like a communication issue and getting to know one another issue. It's still not great to cry on your birthday but some prior communication may have been helpful to set expectations.
Second, a majority of effort is about intention. He wanted to give you a special day but couldn't pull through. Perhaps it's an issue of priority level, income or simple laziness. If he spent all day gaming, it's probably an issue of priority and laziness.
Third, your communication styles need a bit of tweaking. You said that you thought he was upset, but you didn't bring it up and have a conversation. He said he was fine the night before but was overstimulated. You need to find a communication method that works for you both. That doesn't happen in the first seven months.
May I suggest that for holidays and birthdays, you two have a conversation at least a month before to set expectations. My wife and I have been together for quite a while and since the beginning we discuss budget and expectations for each other about holidays. It prevents hurt feelings and someone doing more than the other.
Yeah it's really very hot to know what the real deal is and what is bullshit. She may don't want to loose me, or she is just scared to hurt me. All I can do now is working out whats best for me, don't know what hurts more, to end it and always wonder what could've been or to linger around and cut contact short and wait. Both options are painful but I need wo wage whats more painful. But I know from experience that this is over.
No. Just break up. He’s thinks he’s holding power over you cause he’s ‘more attractive’ now and that you can’t do better. That’s literally the start of every abusive relationship. I’m not saying he’s abusive but he ain’t no prize either. You can do better than him. You will find someone who will treat you like a partner and not a second thought.
You are his gf of a couple of months. This could be very deep intense shit or it could be family drama or anything else that he needs time to process before he shares with someone he feels might look at him differently after they know it. Try not to make things like this, about you and your relationship. We all have an inner world that needs dealing with sometimes.
OP, please end the relationship. Walk away. Once a cheat, always a cheat. He won't change. He won't stop. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Good luck OP.
No.
Weirdly enough, other than cooking, I do most of the household chores. She bought a fixer-upper and so I take on the daily tasks, while she does the work on renovation…..which she still finds ways to make me feel shame or guilt for not helping on the Reno.
Though I told her from the start that it's not a hobby of mine and that she can ask for help from me whenever, I get backlash for not taking on more renovation efforts and get blamed for the lack of completion of the projects she has chosen to do.
Had she known she was gonna have a problem with that, and if I'd known I'd be manipulated to feel bad for not doing things I told her I didn't want to do, maybe we'd be in a different situation.
First step? Tell her you need time with yourself then block her. Next step? Spend more time with the bois ™️?
dude, shes abusive. stop trying to salvage it
Seems like a mixture of a few issues. One, perhaps your boyfriend doesn't place an emphasis on birthdays. While you may love yours, some people hate them. It sounds like a communication issue and getting to know one another issue. It's still not great to cry on your birthday but some prior communication may have been helpful to set expectations.
Second, a majority of effort is about intention. He wanted to give you a special day but couldn't pull through. Perhaps it's an issue of priority level, income or simple laziness. If he spent all day gaming, it's probably an issue of priority and laziness.
Third, your communication styles need a bit of tweaking. You said that you thought he was upset, but you didn't bring it up and have a conversation. He said he was fine the night before but was overstimulated. You need to find a communication method that works for you both. That doesn't happen in the first seven months.
May I suggest that for holidays and birthdays, you two have a conversation at least a month before to set expectations. My wife and I have been together for quite a while and since the beginning we discuss budget and expectations for each other about holidays. It prevents hurt feelings and someone doing more than the other.
A talk won’t help.
The goal is to move out, become completely independent, and limit these relationships.
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
I don’t have any friends. I left them all to commit to him.
Yeah it's really very hot to know what the real deal is and what is bullshit. She may don't want to loose me, or she is just scared to hurt me. All I can do now is working out whats best for me, don't know what hurts more, to end it and always wonder what could've been or to linger around and cut contact short and wait. Both options are painful but I need wo wage whats more painful. But I know from experience that this is over.
No. Just break up. He’s thinks he’s holding power over you cause he’s ‘more attractive’ now and that you can’t do better. That’s literally the start of every abusive relationship. I’m not saying he’s abusive but he ain’t no prize either. You can do better than him. You will find someone who will treat you like a partner and not a second thought.
she's a grown consenting woman that chose to sleep around. They aren't bad people because of it.
No
It sounds as if he communicates to everyone EXCEPT her. That’s one of the problems.
If ud rather read posts about negetive sex lifes go ahead, I’m here to find the loving and sexual realationships so look elsewhere
P.s good for me is right ???
If you both can't accept each other's boundaries, then it's best to move on.
Hope she dumps him and exposes him as a cheat.
Take a breathe.
You are his gf of a couple of months. This could be very deep intense shit or it could be family drama or anything else that he needs time to process before he shares with someone he feels might look at him differently after they know it. Try not to make things like this, about you and your relationship. We all have an inner world that needs dealing with sometimes.
He’s almost 30, you’re not his mother. I don’t think he will change
I mean, you could have changed your phrasing, but let her break up with you because that’s incredibly childish even for an 18 year old.
No I do not. He is trying to make me, but I tell him I don't want to yet. And he gets mad.