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Save your dignity and move on saving what little respect she has for you. Maybe in 2 years you can hit her up again and see where it goes. I would cut ties and keep loose contact. This is definitely a situation where less does more.
As for losing her: Life is nude, but you cant tell me that out of millions of other candidates there is not a girl that can replace her.
Sometimes having a place to crash is a sanctuary. Sometimes it is a place to hide. Other times, it can be a place where you can self destruct and someone who loves you will pick up the pieces.
But sometimes, having a place to crash means that a mental-health crisis is compounded. In my life, I've seen it save a life. But I've also seen a sanctuary be the “safe place” for someone to take a life.
So you skipped out on your 3 month sperm count test?
You have horrible communication. Instead of asking Reddit.. ask HIMMM
It fascinates me when people change their user names and then post the same weak post. I don't understand the motivation at all.
OP, why?
I was/am similar to your boyfriend in my distain for weed/drugs. For some reason, it doesn't really bother me if friends smoke, but it bothers me for a serious partner. After a lot of reflection, I realized that it had more to do with my history and my trust in a partner more than anything else. I think now I wouldn't mind dating someone who smoked if they didn't really do it around me (and this could mean stepping into another room or when I'm not around) and if I really really trusted this person. A lot of people I knew that smoked weed had addiction problems, and it was nude to separate the two and realize that there are people who can smoke weed in a healthy way.
Make sure you're a fit mother, and you have little to worry about. Not taking drugs or drinking while pregnant, etc. It might have been helpful to report his physical abuse, but that's past now.
That's inappropriate. Period. Point blank. And it looks like I want to fuck my sster's man (which I defeinitely do not).
Your hangups are on you, for you to resolve with your therapist. Everything you claimed here is coming from a very strange and unhealthy place, and it is NOT based in reality. It's a pair of sneakers…not Victoria's Secret.
Sounds like she's not missing out on much.
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I hear you, but she is being extremely persistent. And making so many “not so subtle” hints.
For what it's worth, she realizes she doesn't have as much say (because she has less $ currently), and hates it.
Keep joking with him and tell him that he's lucky it wasn't a knife instead of a spoon!
More evidence that money doesn’t buy manners or class.
Thats not meant to be insulting, OP. Im guessing you weren’t raised in great wealth. Hopefully not poor but just had a normal upbringing.
Your guy Im going to guess, was raised around money and I say that because you just described people I know that were born into wealth.
When you said he just brushes it off, that makes me almost certain. To you, these places are sophisticated, there’s a certain formality to it. Let me break it down like this:
Old money, generational wealth, acts like you would. There’s a formality to it all.
New money or 2nd generation wealth act like they own everything, tend to treat service workers poorly etc. The old money people just distance themselves. They are literally above it. Where you feel embarrassed they disassociate because the new money people aren’t them.
So you get left embarrassed but no one else is. The Old money don’t care and the New money act the same way so a girl like you in the midst of it all just wants to leave.
My advice is you’re gonna have to get used to this. Its not going to get better. Maybe some Old money person knocks him down at some point but that’s what it will take and you might be waiting awhile.
Knowing he keeps acting like this, maybe consider not going to these high end places with him. Choose nice but more middle of the road places where this behavior is more normalized so you don’t feel uncomfortable.
I worked in restaurants and farms growing up. I think each had their teaching benefits, though the real difference was the attitude of kids who needed to have jobs vs the kids who didn't have jobs(later in life).
this is fucked.
one time we were awoken by a person that spoke very little english and was clearly in distress. no idea how she got to our neighborhood. I took her home, and that was that. but it was eerie.
I can't imagine going through what you are. Good luck my man.
Be honest.
If you can't be honest with your wife, whos the mother of your child, thats not a great sign for the relationship.
“I'm not prepared to take that risk, I can't go through that again”.
Gotta laugh, it was extremely uncomfortable with my wife and another woman behind me like that just “hanging in the wind” as it were.
Speak to the gym staff that you are being harassed and stalked by the guy and show them the picture. Management usually takes a pretty seriously.
Do you think if you were to message a group something along the lines of “I am aware of your disgusting sleep with the boss bet.“ I never had any interest in any of you, but hearing this makes you four the last four people on earth that I would ever have a relationship with. If you do not go back to the only speaking to me about work related matters, I will be forced to get upper management and legal counsel involved. This is your first and only warning.”
If he can’t handle make-believe dudes being discussed I can’t imagine how much worse it gets if you ever need to talk about real ones.
You’re young. You can still have fun and keep dating. But I don’t think this one is the keeper. He needs to grow up a little more.
Yes! Reading all your responses affirmed that I made the right decision and my instincts were right. He was toxic, and gaslighted me. Thank you! I feel more confident in my self now!
Go see a therapist to help you process your issues. It is pretty clear you have not yet
Now:
Both of you are on entirely different ships!
He is on the “I wanna be a Hippie” ship.
You are on the “I want a traditional grown up relationship”.
He shies away from ANY form of responsibility! Drivers license? No! Real adult job? No! Marriage? No (involves responsibility) Children? NO! (involves responsibility)
You say that other than his constant gambling (honey, ever heared about gambling adiction?) and his being constantly broke and you vorever trying to change him taking a more consequent job your relationship is great.
WHAT relationship?
His only relationship are his consoles and his games.
You say “I love him”.
I say: “No. You don't.”
You want to change him into somebody he refuses to ever become!
As he is, (gambling broke loser) he is driving you nuts. And for very valid reasons.
You expect a donkey to dance a waltz. Which he never will be able or willing to perform!
You have got 2 choices:
Accept him as he is. And accept always having to pay for him in the future, taking his responsibilities, doing all his work on top of yours, household chores, kids, work.
Or you finally accept his choice to be a Hippie. While respecting your own choice in life for a traditional job, shared responsibilities, children, etc.
And let go of him.
In my opinion that is the sole chance for him ever to understand that he can't on-line the way he does.
He really needs to go all the way down the drain. That of which you constantly tried to prevent him.
You are not his mother. Not his nurse. Not his driver. Not his therapist. Not his mother. Not his maid. Not his provider of fun stuff.
You are just the woman who whas made a poor choice and has picked the most incompatible man on earth.
Not your fault. Leave. Even he (and yourself the more so!) deserves to be loved the exact same way he is.
You can't provide that (who could? Me not!) Then offer him a chance and yourself also … to find domeone
He refuses to leave the house without me.
What's the worst that can happen? She says no. That's it. You might as well go for it.
Though it doesn't feel like it now, you'll be better off without her. She'll eventually realize that she can't maintain a relationship with her friend running every guy off. Meanwhile, you and your supportive friends can have fun and move on without John ruining your good time.
People seem to be forgetting that it’s his goddamn B R O T H E R! Not some random guy!
Try this. Have her list her friends in order of importance in her life, hopefully you’ll be at the top. Have her put a mark near all of the ex BF and the guys who want to be with her, hopefully they will be near the bottom. Depending on how many friends she has, ask her “what if you limited your time with those who aren’t that important in your life and spent more time and energy on those who play a bigger role in your life. It’s not the quantity of friends that matter, it’s the quality. I’d rather you spend more time with those who love you and have your best interests at heart.”
Most young people like your GF think that the friends they have now will be there forever. From that age, I can count on one hand the number of friends who have been in my life still. She needs to learn to prioritize on what’s really important in a friendship.
You're the one making assumptions here. I told you, I'd have said the same thing if they'd been a 20M and 41F. Brain development isn't complete until age 25 or so, whatever somebody's sex or gender.
Also, hypocritical much?
You’re an adult, and your parent’s opinions about your life are only relevant if you and your partner want them to be relevant.
You're ignoring me. Obviously you should stop sleeping with him?
But I don't want to talk about him anymore. Youre gonna have to fend for yourself in December no matter what. He's treating you poorly. Are you ready?
No. When I was married, our pastor said that shouldnt meet with opposite sex without our spouse.
Thank you. You’re right about trying to heal a marriage that is deeply broken. My kids don’t deserve that trauma.