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Lu, 81 y.o.
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As a fellow Jewish woman, I recommend reconsidering if you want to marry this guy. He is clearly antisemitic on some level. If you ever wanted to introduce Jewish customs to your future children, do you think he would be supportive?
I don’t think you can understand him, and he isn’t likely to try to understand you. This may be something you can never overcome, when he is not willing to meet you halfway.
How did you get to the point of getting engaged to this racist?
It sounds like she struggles with PMS, if she also struggled with depression it will amplify the effects of PMS due to a low serotonin level. I feel like it would help both of you if you did research on PMS. PMS typically happens 4 days before it starts and lasts 2 days after. There are physical symptoms as well, I personally get very hot flashes when I start to PMS.
How much younger is she?
Tell her you are gay. Problem solved
He clearly is very interested in her. And this is not right. He shouldn't be caring more about another woman than he does for his wife
Thank you so much. You don’t realize how much these comments mean to me- I’m at such a breaking point/cross roads in my life and I can’t handle much more
His family isn’t catholic or religious, they’re all atheists, and his father shares the same views on the matter apparently
Have a conversation with him about whether you want to change your relationship or just leave it in the past. Eliminate any chances of it becoming weird by communicating.
I forgot to mention the thing she said that was threatening to me is “I will drop people immediately if I have to”
usually its some sort of fetish… in this case i have no idea
when it comes to teens dating teens, my line of thinking is as long as yall could have been in high school together it's fine. you're only one grade above her, don't worry too much bud.
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So I have a lot of thinking about why this happens. Sometimes I think it's a reaction to trauma, so if you are cheated on by an ex, lets say. Sometimes with trauma your brain tries to relieve the event but in a controlled environment so that you can kind of prepare yourself or allow yourself to experience the pain but be in control of the process. Exposure therapy is a thing, but in this case I don't think anyone would argue this is a good idea.
Another thing I think it can be be is a power thing. In that case I call it – pimp my wife. The idea being what greater control can you have over a person but for them to give their body sexually to someone else for you and at your command. This is some people deal and if it is and the power idea is spoken about before hand then it's both peoples lives, though anytime you have power vacuums in relationships you are asking for trouble. When it's not really spoken about and is couched as something loving, to me then it becomes quite nefarious in it's nature.
Over time I have started to believe that most of the time this happens to because these guys grew up watching porn. Porn was pretty much their first exposure to sexuality and sexual attraction and it shapes their thinking. So where as in the past a guy may fantasize about being married to a model, movie star or a Playboy bunny, still the idea was that you get to be with her. The difference is these guys fantasize on being married to a porn star but not to have sex with her but to watch her have sex. That's because watching a women have sex was their first exposure to sensuality and sexuality. They get off more on watching it then participate in it. These guys are trying to recreate kind of the same scenario as watching porn but live. Not a porn scenario but the idea of watching live porn.
So you can probably tell I don't think any of this is healthy. I am also sure I will get some backlash to this post as there is a whole subculture built up around this and usually when I write a post like this people get angry. I really don't care as the very least In your relationship it's definitely not been healthy.
I wrote that because maybe it can be a starting point for you to talk about what this is really about, but I also think this will be a very difficult discussion. But you husband has earned that, and really that should be the least of his worries at this point.
Blended implies that I am allowed to say if we can't afford something…
I can't breakup with her, it's the worst scenario in my head
You can get him to see by leaving. Don't destroy your life by staying with this gross man. He will only drag you down.
thank you for this! i feel like i relate deeply to your friend so i appreciate you sharing. I think i may now fall somewhere on the bisexual plane, but my attraction to men, like your friend, is limited only to C. Thank you so much for the insight!
No, it's real in a sense. Your hubby was jerking off to a cam girl or someone on the internet that was actually a scammer. They used the video and are now using an adjusted version of it to blackmail you.
Although he likely isn't guilty of everything, he needs to own up to the source material.
WTF
!RemindMe 2 weeks
Bu-but getting her approval to be whisked away in the middle of a work day would've ruined the surprise! /s
Seems like everyone already covered the best way to handle the situation. But I just wanted to say best of my luck my man, and I hope things work out for you.
Come post and update to let us know how it goes.
If you're confused by someone second guessing themselves then you have not enough life experience to be giving out advice.
I’m so confused by that. What would he do if he was single. I’m in medical school, working about 40 hours a month and doing research. I still manage to keep my house clean, take care of my multiple pets, and (most of the time) meal prep. It’s not fun but I’m a fucking adult so I handle my responsibilities. And my only chronic health issue is migraines which is bad enough, I can’t imagine dealing with multiple autoimmune disorders and having to babysit my boyfriend on top of everything else. This guy sucks.
I hope you don't mind my saying this, but I think that you already made your decision. It's okay to choose yourself, even after all these years.
Are you the husband?
Since you already get the white dress already, you probably should let your fiancé talk to your MIL. So he can find out why his mother decides to wear white to her son's wedding knowing that it's not exactly a good thing to do.
If he's not willing to do this for you, I'd seriously postpone/cancel the wedding, tbh.
Agreed, I’m so confused why he would bring it up now if I wasn’t his type from the beginning
Me reading the title: “you can't accidentally cheat dude… just own up to it. Don't try to spin it. Your gf deserves better.”
Me after reading the post: “that's not cheating… You were sexually assaulted. Call the police. Tell your gf. Get this roommate or whatever the hell out of the house asap.”
The vagueness is definitely odd. What do you mean when you said he and his friend have “history”?
Amen