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Well done standing your ground Op. The age gap wouldn’t necessarily be an automatic cringe since you met at work and I could see age not being the first thing noticed in a professional environment. However, he was breaking all sorts of boundaries and his fixation on marriage was weird. He probably targeted you bc he thought he would be able to control you/manipulate you and that you were young enough to get swept up in the romance.
Also I agree with your comment about what would be different when you were married. Bullet dodged for sure.
does he have an iphone bc if so thats not how it works they delete the oldest messages when low on space not random messages in the middle of the conversation. very suspicious
This is what I thought as well, as the sister strangely alluded to conversation starters of my personal life. First, she called caregivers abusers, and my mother is a caregiver. She said she hates cats, as I just adopted a kitten. Maybe it's a coincidence, but I think not. I don't think, a gift wouldn't change their view of me, anyways. I baked a cake and made bread for the, and they did not touch it, and not even a thank you from them. It doesn't matter in the long run anyway; I'm planning on not attending at this point since it's causing me so much stress.
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I suggest you read Come as you are by Emily Nagoski. She’s a scientist and in this book she covers the topic of female orgasm in a very easy way to follow. She explains that we don’t know much about it but what we do know is that in order for women to orgasm from penetration alone our anatomy has to be a certain way, the clitoris has to be a certain distance from the vaginal opening, I forgot how close exactly. But if it is further there is no way for a woman to achieve that unless we are talking some alien dick that’s very weirdly shaped, ok? So don’t beat yourself up you are in the 60% of women. Also, you mentioned you were shamed as a child and that is also huge factor in this. You might want to consider therapy to resolve that but for yourself not anyone else. Alright? I have to tell you though, your bf sounds really immature. I hope you heal from your wounds and realise you deserve much more than that. ❤️
There's always half the story missing on Reddit. It's from the person's perspective who is posting
Yes. And that means there's always some reading between the lines required. If you're not able to extrapolate some of the missing information, you're not capable of giving advice on this forum.
You think there are serious gaps, when in fact it's a very simple post
Let's agree to disagree. I'm done talking about this.
(Writing this as a separate reply since my initial reply would become too long and this is more towards your first point)
I think the context of what your expectations are as a result matter.
That’s just the thing, I don’t HAVE expectations that I feel are reasonable to ask of him. Like, I’m not going to ask him to be glued to his phone just for my sake, ya know? I could mention that I’d appreciate a “I’ll be checking my phone later” text beforehand but I don’t see a need to be militant with it because I think that would be super unreasonable of me, and probably wouldn’t make me feel better at all.
Run, don't walk, away! I had a friend who got evicted for the same reason. The yelling eventually turned to hitting, and she ended up with a permanent brain injury because he knocked her into the porcelain toilet base. We tried to get her to leave, even doing more than one intervention, but she always had excuses for what happened. They were kicked out of over a half dozen places over the years, and I finally lost touch, but her life had gone SO far downhill due to this p.o.s. And the hitting did NOT start until after they moved in together. So please…PLEASE…realize if he is acting like that in the first year, it only gets worse. My friend was one of the smartest people I knew, but fell for the wrong guy, who not only hurt her but then got her into drugs. When someone is so toxic that they negatively impact your life this early on, they are not good for you.
I’d add ‘and when family and friends and coworkers ask why, I will be telling them the truth. That you think nothing of stressing out and insulting the woman carrying your child.’
I’m not sure if he has. He mentioned ADHD at some point,Thank you so much I’ll look into occupational therapy.
This is why you ALSO need to use this period to evaluate. He's not the only one jumping into things too quickly – he's just the one pointing it out. If he's not the right guy for you and the relationship's not going to work, you should find that out now. This is what early stages of dating are all about. 3 months is NOT enough time for you to know you should be committed to someone in, and while it hurts to find people who are close, but not quite right, it's much less painful than ignoring or not looking at problems and then having them persist throughout the duration of your relationship only to end in disaster months or years later.
You should not be waiting around for him to decide, but rather be actively working on learning more about him and yourself and considering your choice and whether you want to continue also.
You could benefit from taking the time to evaluate as much as he is. I'm not sure why you feel so compelled to commit so quickly, but it likely stems from some things you would benefit from working on in yourself. Do you have low self esteem? Attachment issues? Security issues? Maybe think through some of those things yourself and seek counseling if you're able.
Just get on some tren and go to the gym. Show up 5’11 235lb and bust through the door.
Please try couples and/or individual therapy. You both need friends outside of your relationship – it doesn’t mean you are missing something in your partner. Nurses are usually friendly to their patients and family members – shouldn’t be thought of as a threat or trigger insecurities.
I haven’t read through any of the comments, so I don’t know this for sure, but my advise might be different then others.
If you love him, approach him with compassion and kindness. Anything else will push him away and make it easy for him to justify any negative actions.
You sound like someone who is certainly more then capable of having that compassion, so don’t let go of that.
As far as reaching out to the mistress, follow your heart. If you feel you need to, then go for it. But, it’s also about you and him, not her.
y’all are not trying