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I was completely unintentionally doing this to my boyfriend at the start of our relationship. From my perspective, I really enjoyed the fact that we had different perspectives on things and could debate them without (I thought) the disagreement impacting our relationship. From his perspective, I was smugly challenging every point he made and I always had to be right.
He told me how he felt, I had had no idea it was upsetting him, and I adjusted the behaviour. It took some time as I hadn't realised I was doing it, I asked him to tell me as soon as he felt like the debate wasn't fun anymore and he did. Now 5 years later it's not an issue anymore and our relationship is stronger than ever. And yes, we still enjoy a friendly debate from time to time, but I'm more careful with how I debate and when to stop. Which if I'm honest has been a helpful skill for me to learn with other people too, and I'm very grateful he took the time to tell me I was bothering him rather than just breaking up.
I don't think I ever called him 'stupid' though, it was always his opinion I was challenging, not him, I enjoy it because of how much I like and respect him. So this might not be what's going on here. Just wanted to offer an alternate perspective.
good advice i’ll write that down
You are the only person who can safeguard and protect your sobriety. Don’t put that responsibility on your boyfriend or SIL or anyone else.
Decline the invitation and enjoy a self-care evening.
why would u wait, out of respect for someone who told you he doesn’t love you the same? lol. he won’t hesitate to flirt or pursue the next girl
You’re not missing anything. He’s addicted to porn. Most men who are relationships can watch porn and still be intimate with their partner.
And all this nonsense about if you want better, do better stuff. What about him, what does he do for you sexually? If you need things to change and there’s no talking him into doing it, then an ultimatum is the only thing that you can do. You tell him he gets help with his porn addiction or you’re out. You said you already tried talking to him over and over and you’re getting nowhere. It’s time for him and possibly you to seek a sexologist and fix the problem
Like what? ‘I blew up my relationship and it’s all your fault!’? Every post in this thread so far from you has been about her – either comparing yourself to her or blaming her for your actions. You seem both obsessed and unwilling to accept responsibility for what you’ve done.
Of course abort the baby. You two should have divorced a long time ago.
Yes, he is continuing to dig at it. And in my 45 years of life, if you dig at something long enough, it will fester and become an issue.
It's not like he hasn't had a conversation. He's asked her what happened and he doesn't accept that explanation.
I don't know what he expects others to do for him. We weren't there and can't tell him if she's telling the truth. If that's correct, then he needs to end it and move on.
I do know that if he tries to continue the relationship, while this festers, he may start to become reactive to any man around her and direct his frustrations at her since he fundamentally isn't sure of her in this situation.
His continued questions are an answer to a question he's implying: should I stay? If you can't trust someone than it doesn't matter if they tell you the truth, you won't believe that. It's just best to move on. He seems highly reactive, though, so may want to do some work/therapy around this stuff, so he can choose how much energy to spend on following a thread of thinking. After a bit, it becomes toxic. Either you accept the explanation or you don't. Choose. Don't hyperfocus on it.
These type of issues are not issues that reddit can solve.
Alex and i have a meeting scheduled next week. I've requested that Chloe join but not sure if she will yet.. if not I will have to schedule one separately with her to get to the bottom of this. the review has been submitted but I havent acknowledged it and don't plan to in its current state.
it's formatted in a way that we write lengthy paragraphs reviewing ourselves in different aspects, then the manager responds to those with their own comments and determines a final score. needless to say it's littered with my actual name.
Is it a male friend or female friend OP?
NTA, it’s a tragic situation, eating disorders are the deadliest mental illness and she most likely requires intensive inpatient treatment by eating disorder specialists, there isn’t much more you can do until she recognizes there’s a problem.
He sounds fundamentally selfish. Financial issues are reason enough to break up, but I think in this case they actually stem from his lack of character. He's happily taking advantage of you. The more time you spend away from him the more clearly you will see that you made the right decision to leave.
He's too old and has too much bagage.
Privately contact the therapist and tell them you are concerned about his actions lately. Explain what's been going on. If you have conversations with him that have gone sideways in text, be ready to show them. YOU cannot help him directly, but you can help his therapist be able to give him the help they are able to give. Even if he's made you out to be the bad guy, the therapist has an obligation to give them the help they need, so knowing what goes on outside of their office could be the difference.
I have been with him for over a year before we took the next step, we’d spend every weekend together and it was good. I’m an adult and not a teenager, I’ve raised two kids since I was 8years olds and a mother, always relied on myself. We’re only 11 years apart, not that much older. I’ve had to grow up way before I should have. I’ve already had my colon/large intestine removed due to cancer, I’ve found you only on-line once and I want to make the most out of the time I have left. Really just concerned about the needing other females to get off, is that normal for men? I’ve been in several long relationships over the year and only dealt with this once or twice.
It sounds like you already have a kid
Look, cheating is cheating. If she wanted to kiss a guy, she is cheating. If she wanted to kiss a girl she is also cheating. Cheaters do this. Faithful people don’t, not even if they think they might be bi while in a committed relationship. Did YOU need to get physical with anyone in order to figure out if you were heterosexual?? Are you saying you had no clue until you actually touched a woman? Why the hell would you assume it to be different for a bi or homosexual?
I do and I think the game is kinda bad
Nothing to do except leave him and find someone who loves you and finds you attractive and beautiful ?