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There's definitely more to this, that your original post isn't mentioning. What's his reasoning for him not wanting her to stay?
You said she's manic, which is likely chaotic and he doesn't want to have to deal with it.
Leave? He is not for you anyway…
Could be. I get a vibe that it's not just laziness and he's got a massive hangup about something. In my experience, lazy men don't act like this. It's more manipulative – “but you're so incredible when you're on top. I can't do it as well as you” or they “try” but not really, minimal effort to make it unsatisfying so you won't want to again. Not this shutdown when she tries to discuss it. I'm sure there's more than a little touch of macho bs in the mix too. She's a little older than him, I don't doubt he's had some teasing about older women being harder to please or some such bollocks
Kind of bothers me that OP said in a comment that she wants him on top because she wants to just lie there and be plasured. Bottom isn't “lie back and think of England”, you still participate.
Why would you want to save this? You had at least a month to start planning for “or else”
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I don’t understand why women think this is sexist. This is basic science and common sense. The rarer the diamond the more precious. It’s the same thing is a guy slept around with 30 woman. Everyone is an individual and they are entitled to do as they’d like but still actions have consequences , how you behave and present yourself will have an impact on peoples perception of you. There is no hypocrisy in thinking like this. Another thing is I doubt your husband will behave that differently if he knew now because he has already fallen in love with you, but he is stating a fact for the average guy girls that get around are unattractive.
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10lbs is nothing. 124 is healthy for your height. Take your needs, it's more important then your boyfriends opinion.
Wow, each to their own, but uncircumcised is in! My is guy circumcised ,but I would never want him to be, if he wasn't. You are the age of my nephews, and all but one is uncircumcised. I'm not sure why you want to be circumcised, but make sure you are well informed about the dangers etc.
To the next girl he dates.
Sounds like they picked them over you
We don't date : I'm an insensitive ass.
You are assuming this. Just don't date her. Anyone who has a problem with that can go shove it
And I bet she’d flip out if you did the same
Omg at first I was like eh it’s a mustache but OMG no that’s seriously like a creep mustache.
Glad to have helped lol.
I'd sit her down and be very direct, but make sure to stick to “I feel” statements. Lay it out. She has 2 options. The first is to willingly accept help and do the work, and the second is NC. What happens afterward is her decision.
Well op has given birth to their child just a few months prior. There's no way this arrangement was gonna be as beneficial for op as for her husband. OP would be stuck at home taking care of their child while he has affair and enjoy his life without the fear of being called a cheater.
Your husband is lying out his *ss trying to claim he doesn't view it as sexual. If he didn't find it sexual why would he want it?
I hope this message reaches you as you are in the divorce lawyer’s office.
You’re spooky.
Stay away from this toxic person.
You are right she may have birthed you but she is no mother.
While I feel no pains about your egg donors imminent death. I do send my condolences to you for not having a mother.
Good luck to you.
Hello OP,
So, this is nude. Your boyfriend is in a difficult place. As a trans person, he is one of the most marginalized ppl AND have higher risk of violence and death from ppl for bring trans. This is typically why they do not disclose their gender right away to ppl they date. Usually, it can end very dangerously for them if they disclose too early.
Your boyfriend is young and figuring out the timing of his disclosure. I think he may have waited a bit too long. He could've told you sooner if you were developing such a good emotional connection. But it's all a learning curve. Remember, he didn't do this to be malicious. He did this out of fear for his own life.
Now, it all depends on what you want to do about the relationship. Bottom surgery is very expensive and can be very dangerous. Not all trans ppl want to get it or can get it. You have to think about if that is a deal breaker for you or not in the relationship.
Now for you, you love him as a person and are attracted to him, but his genitalia is where the hang up happens. There are strap ons that stimulate his clit while pleasuring you. That could be an option.
I think you need to think about what you want in a relationship, what is important to you, what matters, if your current partner fits that, and then sit down with him and talk about it. I wish you luck OP.
She does want to continue the friendship, and she wants to continue building her new relationship, which I wholeheartedly support. But her gf’s 180 about the situation put her in a lose-lose position. It’s basically a subtle ultimatum without saying it straightforward, and I don’t think it was fair of her to do.
I don’t understand why there’s so much animosity in your comments. I feel like you’re functioning on an assumption that I truly feel this “ownership” over her and want to “cause trouble in the relationship” — because I am doing the complete opposite. I want to keep a friendship that matters to both of us WITHOUT causing any trouble to the growing relationship. And fucking off as you so kindly suggested isn’t the solution, but thanks for your input.
Thankyou for your comment. I would like to add that I'm also going to start individual therapy where I plan on raising all of this. We love and respect each other very much and just want eachother to be happy. I would never want to force him into a decision his not on board with and I know he feels the same. This whole situation is very upsetting and I don't want to loose him. I can see by this comment that it is my issue more than his to work through as I'm the one that's not committing to a decision. Despite being in a 10 year relationship, commitment really scares me and I worry I will regret my decisions. With this, I don't want to stay with him and never have kids, then to one day wake up when I'm 60 and regret my choices. I guess there's no right or wrong answer but any further advise would be good
Yeah, I took that phrasing as a clue. “How do I tell her I never wanted this cat” is a far cry from “How do I remind her that I told her I don't want a cat and that he is her pet, not mine.”
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not sure how bad this is, we only started dating a little while ago. I do like him but not sure if it's weird.
can't talk to my friends about it because they will judge.
is the age gap too much or is it fine?
edit: okay seems like maybe this relationship isn't the best idea. So I'll proceed with caution and see how it goes. I just remembered he doesn't know how to cook so I feel like that's kinda a red flag for a grown man. Also he has told me he has a bad temper sometimes (so that is maybe a red-ish flag too). I think he's really nice though.
edit again:: he wants to take me on vacation. I feel like I should do it just to experience some life at least and have fun.
part of me feels like he is too old for me. but then part of me feels like i'm an adult so I can do anything so might as well try this out.
I turned 20 last week and he turns 36 next month.
I never met her, I wouldn't want that tbh. I tend to trust him, because he is quite open about ups and downs in their relationship. I know he is manipulating me a bit to stay with him and ligthen the situation, so he wouldn't have to choose, but I also get why he can't choose. I just imagine myself in the same situation and I probably wouldn't leave my partner only because another person came for a short time and maybe will leave soon. I mostly only want to know who is the villain here and how it should end.
You have NO REASON to believe what he says about their relationship. You have decided to trust him because you want what he says to be true, against the odds and all probabilities.
I mostly only want to know who is the villain here
I'm going with HIM. HE IS THE VILLAIN, cheating on his girlfriend and lying to you about their relationship.
Yeah tell him. You'd want to know if you were him. I'd feel like I was enabling a cheater if I was in your position and did nothing.
I haven’t been to therapy in a long while. I still see my psychiatrist, however I stopped seeing my therapist as I felt there was no progress being made and no issues were ever addressed. Each appointment was her asking how I was, if I had any thoughts of suicide, and each time I lied because I didn’t want to be sent back to the psych ward because she seemed ready to do so if I ever expressed any of those thoughts.
I am now considering the possibility of finding a new therapist, now that I think of it.
The whole thing is so contrary to the way humans work in general. Especially the people who don’t even kiss until they’re married. Normally people start getting into sexual and romantic relationships slowly. They might date someone when they’re young, start with holding hands, work up to kissing, etc. It’s incremental and gives people time to become comfortable with whatever they’re doing. And also, people who are sexually inexperienced usually don’t go from 0 to 100. As they work through different stuff they also grow their sexual relationship with that person.
When people get married without doing any of that stuff, they’re expected to have sex for the first time with someone they don’t even have a sexual relationship with. They’re seeing you nude for the first time, probably the first time in your adult life that anyone has.