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Why are you living with her? You’re not together so don’t really get how that happened, you need to move out.
well, for frame of reference, I'm a 43-year-old man who met the love of my life at work.
It was years of slow burn, but the attraction was instant, the crush came before the years-long emotional affair, and this week (nearly a decade later) we are closing on our second home together.
I didn't talk to my wife about it either. But that's another story in itself.
My real point is you fit the exact “box” of what I consider “masculine” – you think highly of yourself, but have a very easily triggered ego – you started this whole thing ragging on OPs GF for not being sound enough in your eyes. The tiniest bit of pushback there and we get “I'm great” w a snide 'sorry to disappoint you' and a defensive 'I don't engage in the thing we are already engaged in'
If your emotional regulation skills we're half as good as you think they are we wouldn't have seen any of this bullshit posturing from you. And you would also know that when you start shit, it's likely you'll get shit.
We never sexted. We never did anything at all.
What's so naked for her to just support me ?
Because she's not a nice person. Everything has to be about her and what she wants.
I’m going to disagree, and say I think this is fair. The boundaries need to belong to OP. “I’m going to stop telling her stuff she doesn’t need to know” is a good boundary to have.
There’s no point imposing a ton of boundaries on an ex who isn’t involved with you any more if you’ve not got good boundaries for your own behaviours first.
Phones have a block and mute function for a reason, it’s up to OP to use them.
I’m so incredibly sorry you’re dealing with this. There is nothing like watching your life crumble around you as you hold your new baby in your arms. I was just there last year, and it was easily the darkest time of my life.
This is how you survive: you pour yourself into that baby. You make her the center of your life. Every decision you make, everything you do, you do with the mindset of “what will cause her the least damage in the long run?” Sometimes your choices will just be picking the lesser of two evils.
So, what will cause the least amount of damage to your daughter? Growing up in a household with a father who resents her existence and blames all his issues on her (which will definitely lead to at least emotional abuse)? Or growing up with the abandonment issues that come with not having a father?
It’s a naked, horrible, unfair choice. It’s despicable that he’s put you, and more importantly, your innocent child, in this position. But unfortunately, life is rarely what we wish it was. And as moms, it’s our job to make the best of the horrors life throws at us.
I wish I had better advice for you. But if you need to talk to someone who’s been there, please don’t hesitate to contact me!
Oh she absolutely will. In fact I daresay there would be an extinction burst made up of her spiralling and escalating the behaviour out of desperation – he needs to be aware of and prepared for that and take appropriate action should it happen. But he still needs to want to/be willing to do any of it.
Your future boyfriends have no right to know any of your sexual history. You can share it or not as you feel is right.
I’m hesitant about you jumping into a 3-dome if you’re inexperienced. It’s easy to get pushed into something you’re not comfortable with. So for this reason I’d probably wait until I was older/had more experience of what I like/don’t like and a firm grasp of your own boundaries.
Being safe is the key. If you do go forward, make sure you establish strict rules of what will happen and what won’t. Don’t allow them to tie you up unless you have a safe word and you are very, very sure that it will be respected.
In the end this is your life and your sexuality. Don’t listen to people who tell you not to do it because of their hangups. But please be careful. It doesn’t sound like you know these men very well.
Trickle truth, could be her count is higher and she never told you because she was afraid you would not want to be with her. It's lying by omission
Bro, sorry to say it but he doesn’t really value you. I see you say your gonna fall back, I hope you really do. I’d definitely stop calling him my best friend and I’d probably just start putting distance so by the time the wedding rolls around, you’re not expected to go. I’d say maybe plan and vacation or an outing of some kind on the actual date of the wedding. Good luck buddy
No, u
Everyone knows not to drink and drive, even after 2 drinks. It is always a choice.
Anyone who is talking sh*t to you about mutual friends is, inevitably, talking sh*t about you to mutual friends; don't think you're the exception…you're not!
Lying about a lot of little things is usually due to low self-esteem. You said it's made him unlikeable. I'm wondering if the “exceptionally touchy and excessively affectionate” and the “love for our friendship” is due to having run off a lot of other friends and so he's desperate to keep your friendship.
He's emotionally exhausting and overly affectionate. There's nothing wrong with distancing yourself. Not all friendships last a lifetime; many don't last a decade. If the friendship is not giving you what you need, then it's time to distance yourself for a few months and see if the friendship is something that has run its course and you should leave it in your past OR if it's a friendship that can still work, but with stronger boundaries (seeing each other less often, less intensity to his affection).
I'm not sure why she married you. Your previous post shows that she hasn't felt the same for some time before the wedding, but still went through with it.
Infidelity doesn't have to ruin a relationship, but it simply does in most cases. Trust gets shattered and it's never quite the same after that. You always will wonder what she's really doing. It's a really bad way to torture yourself.
I think you should walk away, for your sake.
First things first; for your survival please drop heavy conversations. Stop talking about the loss of your child. You need to protect yourself.
It is extremely abnormal for him to lock you out of the house with no keys & wallet ect. It is not normal. It is not safe for you that he does that.
Forcing therapy will not help him. Has anything else been off about him ? Has he been eating normal ? Sleeping? Has he been using any drug substances or increasing his habits post death? Does he treat others normally?
How does he respond when family ask him about the loss or when friends check in on him?
Can you stay at a friend's or family's house?
I appreciate it, I guess I am thinking of how to proceed as he does think that we can continue to be in constant contact and friends and while that may happen one day this is all too fresh for me. I want to give him support as a friend but also support myself and don’t want to sit around waiting for things that may never come. Thank you!
Sadly yes… just wish she would get help honestly
May i ask why is this relevant now?
“I jokingly started touching him sexually in a way he never indicated he wanted” is not a great defense. Also this isn’t really about defense but about apologizing and making it up to your partner who felt violated and maybe also embarrassed. At the very least you need to apologize and promise to never do this again (and mean it). If he chooses to stay with you, he’s probably going to need some time to rebuild trust, you can’t expect it to be back instantly
If he's really into that scene, he will find monogamous sex boring. I'm not saying YOU'RE boring, he's going to get bored with any monogamous sex. I'd move on and look for a man that doesn't need multiple people in bed at once to feel content.
It could be a lot of things, but I’d suggest it might have to do with the safety aspect. Finishing there means no possibility of pregnancy. Maybe it’s a mental blockz
People talk about not letting politics ruin friendships/relationships but they like to forget your politics are based off your core values. If you wouldn't date someone that thinks kids should go hungry why would you date someone that votes for people who do? If you wouldn't date someone that hates immigrants, women, etc. why would you date someone that votes for people that push policies against those same people?
Your politics are who you are.
The real question is why you put up with all his bad behavior.
If my friend told me this I would absolutely be on the leave him train. I guess now I just have to figure out the best way to do it
Is your girly straight. If so, these are reasonable, I guess.
Look I’ll probably be downvoted but I’ve done things recently like smoke weed with two male coworkers in a hotel room during a trip. Wasn’t that late maybe like 11pm but still. From age 22-27ish the scenario you described would be totally normal as I work in tech (lots of men) and drinking with coworkers was normal. I am fully capable of doing such things platonically.
All this being said I don’t drink anymore and I’m 30 now, so I wouldn’t do this, but I just wanna play devils advocate and say maaaaaybe it’s nothing. Just to counter all of the “ITS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING” comments. Talk to her more. Good luck OP.
Thanks for understanding, when I click on my home screen the notification is not bringing up the last est comment
Poor lonely human. Of course cheating was the only option. Hope when she does divorce you she takes you to the cleaners.
Do you make sure she finishes too?
What does it mean? One guesses he means exactly what he said, there's no hidden meaning there.
It’s not strange – he moved her into the family home.