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That's a helpful perspective. One thing to note is that even though I'm 29, I've only ever been in one relationship and it lasted only 3 months. Due to going to an all boys high school, double majoring and competing in sports in college, and then getting a PhD, I just didn't find the time to meet people. So while she is probably bad at relationships, I'm going to bad too, probably.
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I hope this is an important lesson to you. When someone states boundaries even if it’s just friends in a social situation, it’s best to adhere to those boundaries as much as possible
No marriage is completely honest. People are entitled to privacy in their own brains.
Well OP goes to strip clubs with him, so she's certainly sending confusing messages.
Also if your kid is watching tv and she is cleaning or cooking it is not “time to herself”.
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He is not the boss of you, full stop. He is policing your behavior.
Exactly! My partner was less experienced than I was when we got together. He’s AMAZING in bed because he pays attention to what I like, and I do likewise. It’s more about being caring than experience.
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Would you have a tantrum if one your relatives started dating someone named Rosie or if a coworker is named that? Would you start screaming at a cashier for being named that ? If the answer is no you need to grow up and get grief therapy it's been long enough for you to have been proactive in your grief.
Yeah I thought that was weird too, but I think his wife convinced him it was “her” idea. And the kind of weird constant flirty contact she still has with her cousin lends itself to that. That doesn’t mean I personally think she is responsible for the sexual contact, ultimately it’s the 21yr old first cousin responsibility to not allow that to happen. But I think she at least has herself and her husband fooled that it wasn’t assault.
You don't have to “convince” them of anything. Just don't tell them you're doing it. Act like you dropped the idea and then do it on your own. Why is it any of their business at all? It's not.
I understand. Well the fact he isn’t willing to just watch the kids for a week says a lot.
You know that this is not you and all about her. This is not a normal or healthy situation for you or her. Intimacy is a normal and natural connection between consenting individuals. To be shunned or made to feel ashamed to desire a natural thing is not fair or correct. Simply end this situation and seek a person better suited to make you feel wanted and desired as a partner. Your happiness is just as important as her distaste.
I trust him very much. But even if I do, I am still very angry with her because she knows very well that we are together and still flirts with him in front of me. That's why I'm losing it. We even talked about her and he also said that she is weird. But I needed some opinions because that's how I deal with this stuff when I'm not with my therapist. It doesn't help writing how I fill in my notebook, just people to tell me what they think
Don’t listen to this twat she is out of touch with reality
My wife was 17 and I was 19 when we met, got married a year later. Yeah we were dumb as hell for it, but thats all. Didnt make one of us a predator.
Honestly, after having been with a guy who was a nightmare when drunk – leave. That shit never gets better and it gets very, very old.
One time I was trying to cuddle with her but she seemed to be distant and drawn to the phone, she was talking with this guy that hit her up before about her life and tried to hide it when I asked who kept hitting her up this late when I was in bed with her. She tried to stop me but I saw the stuff.
I’ve seen it where the father hands her off halfway through to the step dad. Or one walks and the other dances
Have one of them swoop in and take over mid dance!
I’d think about the pros and cons of it. Then decide.
But if you go for it then make sure she’s on some type of birth control AND you always use condoms.
Hot NO for me. You need to keep your finances separate. And if it’s about saving for a house, both should contribute to a joint account in both of your names that’s separate from your individual account
You cannot be on a mortgage together if you're not married, just FYI. Plenty of others have talked about the red flags, so I won't go into too much detail about that. Absolutely don't give him half your paycheck. Look into how you would even be able to legally buy a house together because to me it sounds like he wants to buy himself a house with your money.
Would you say the sister is abusive too, because she betrayed her sister?
He sounds like such a gentleman…
Look, a house is a major investment. If he's willing to buy a house, he should absolutely buy one that he is comfortable buying.
It would be lose/lose if he buys a cheaper house he doesn't like just to make it more affordable for you. That house may have a lot of problems, and he'll blame you for making him buy it. It may also have terrible resale, and there might be a major loss when reselling it.
So if he has the finances right now to buy a 300K house, then let him buy it entirely with his finances, where the mortgage is in his name!
You can then pay him some reasonable amount for rent and half of the utilities. The amount of rent you pay won't be even close to half of the mortgage, but that doesn't matter because he'll still 100% own the house. If he sells it, then any profit he gets is his. But the debt is also his to deal with. And if you ever break up, it's easy to walk away, because it's his house.
It's important to remember that a house isn't simply a bill but it's an investment.
If you are only making 24K right now, I do not recommend taking on this kind of debt.
The 50/50 thing is such a stupid idea honestly, if he makes a lot more money than you. Relationships are not supposed to be about money.
Alright so then what’s the plan here? What’s the solution?
I did however smoke 3 times in the house when she was not there.
I 100% agree with her. She told you a hot boundary and you ignored it. You showed you don't respect her and will lie to her face.
Why would anyone stay?
This post just oozes “nice guy” vibes. Leave her alone.
Go get tested for STDs and continue to get tested until it's been at least 6 months since you've had sex with him. You have no clue where he's been and what he's exposed you to.
According to her, they knew what she wanted without her asking first. I believe she thinks I'm ignoring the hints she gives.
Start checking out other men. Turn about is fair play.
Stay with just your close friends. Distance yourself from this guy and the people that support him because they are unhealthy and need to go.
They enjoy your pain and aren’t your friends.
He’s troubled. You need to spend little time around him. He’s disturbed.
Stalker interested could do something more dangerous, especially if you ended up in a vulnerable state around him.
You say “hey you know the party we are going to tomorrow night with a bunch of my friends? I’ve had sex with a few of them in the past. Just a heads up”. This is day one relationship stuff
And he is after her
I came here to give you permission to leave. Do not waste one more day of your life. What's more terrifying being on your own for a bit or being on your own but with this guy forever. You already are alone but with none of the benefits and peace of being alone. This man doesn't want a partner/wife he wants a mum and that's why he's jealous of the baby because he's not your number 1 baby anymore. You have given him a chance already, how many chances are you willing to give him, he doesn't want to change. He can't even be bothered to take a wash? Girl get out! Sounds like you have a supportive family, take all the help you can get, you don't need to on-line like this. Stay strong mumma
Try: “Ok, You are my friend so I say this without anger. Please stop sexually harassing me.”
This is true, but a marriage with the right prenup and my own personal assets would def protect me enough that if I decided I wanted to leave I could.
It’s obvious what he is doing. He’s taking dance lessons and is planning a cute surprise for you ?
Oh, good ideas!