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Model from: ua
Languages: en,ru
Birth Date: 1995-07-20
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
I read “what does it mean if a man eats you out, lets you pay, and then tells you he doesn’t want to ask?”
he never gets what you want but what he wants for you
Red flag right there. He sounds incredibly selfish and immature. And you've catered to him to the point where you're questioning whether or not you should go with a ring he wants for you, rather than what you want for yourself?
Let me ask you this, what would he do if you were actually honest about what you wanted and said you didn't like it? Is he the type of guy that would make you suffer consequences?
Girl, the ring is just a symptom of an underlying problem. Why are you marrying this guy?
The world needs more people who listen, rather than babble endlessly about themselves.
Best tip I can give you: People LOVE talking about themselves, so ask. Really listen to their answers. You may find common ground using that method, which will naturally lead the conversation in a fluid way that doesn’t feel forced. Second tip, is to be funny. Everyone loves to laugh, so don’t take casual conversations too seriously!
But you didn’t answered my questions and yes it was kind of a jab at you because of your opinion on this topic. So you think people who provide are manly man? I don’t get it does that mean that women who also provide are masculine? Do you understand what i mean?
I think it’s fair to say that she is not YOUR girl; put her back out to her ex.
No, not cheating. But what’s a little concerning is that you initially looked because you thought it was your ex, and you said he was good looking so you were hoping to get his attention….are you over your ex?
I have a job, but its low paying as I’m still in training, plus, where I live, the houses are so expensive… I’ll provide more context, he challenged my father when he offered up our spare bedroom (which is directly next to mine and the door faces mine) up to refugees from Ukraine without asking me and my sister if we were comfortable sharing a floor (and a bathroom) with some strangers, I pay rent within the house, utilities etc
I would suggest you just don't get intimate with him at all till he clean himself up first.
I agree with you that thinking that would be the end of it when his professor pulled him to the side to talk with him. That he would at least make a change about it. o-o
You already talked to him.. He already had someone pulled him to the side to tell him about the BO. Now it's up to him to figure it out that it's a problem..
Leave. You deserve someone who likes you, let alone loves you. He doesn’t seem to like or respect you. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you – are you really willing to put up with this treatment for the next 50-60 years?
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hugs, your ex was controlling and not supportive. Control is cutting you off from your friends which is also a form of abuse. Your relationship revolved around her, not the two of you. She basically isolated you from friends while doing whatever she wanted by making you feel untrustworthy and less than others.
Due to my childhood I take rejection too personally and I feel like they're no longer attracted to me and I end up upset, hurt and frustrated.
Have a conversation with them and include above info. Perhaps talking about it will be enough to ease your insecurity. Or perhaps you two will realize you are incompatible. Having different sex drives in a relationship can still work but there will be challenges and both partners need to work on communication, etc.
It's likely that she knows it's coming and she's lovebombing you to get you to change your mind. Abuse often happens in cycles.
Please stay safe.
I have no idea what country you are from, but it sounds absolutely horrible. And I feel like there is nothing I can really say beyond that because someone who hasn't experienced and seen what you have seen can't understand. Even saying “it sounds horrible” feels hollow.
I am not sure how far you have come in the paperwork labyrinth that our government installed, but you might be eligible to recieve therapy. Basically, I am in trauma therapy and my psychologist sometimes gives me books with exercises to do and I remember one which was in several languages, including Arabic, because it had been aimed at those fleeing from the war in Syria. I learned from it that “Survivor's guilt” is a real thing worthy of trauma therapy and it sounds like you might be suffering from it. The German healthcare system should fund therapy for you… I think. If you have German healthcare insurance, I would suggest you look into it – it might help you, regardless of what happens with Daria.
You and Daria will not be able to “pick up where you left off” because of so many years having passed. You are now two very different people, who had very different experiences. But what might happen is you two building a new relationship (Be it romantic or platonic). Basically seeing the past and knowing you once loved each other as a foundation, something that is “already” shared between you two, and thus it might be easier to build something new on that foundation. I feel like thinking about it like that might keep expectations and hopes lower – basically, don't look at what once was, look at what could grow from it. Like a pile of compost. Your old relationship was like a plant which was trampled by your country. It wilted away, but like it happens in nature, it turned back into soil. So don't go digging in the compost for that old plant, but use that soil to try to plant something new.
I really hope you get an answer. If even just hearing that she is well would give you closure, that's good to know. I don't see why she wouldn't reply, so here I am, hoping that you will hear back quickly!
No, you've made the decision to terminate. That's it
I think you did handle this situation, but just saying no.
“No, I cannot afford this” is a complete explanation.
If she wants to plan things to look forward to, she can either get herself together financially or plan things within her budget, and ideally she does both.
You are not responsible for her happiness, especially if that involves spending your money. And being an adult means we don't get instant gratification; I'd be happy as hell to have a weekend in March to plan fun things for now.
So you said no, end of discussion. Now you really need to think. You are young, you have a lot of life ahead of you, and every financial decision you make now sets you up for success later. Do you want to be spending money now on dates and supporting another person? Do you want to be spending money on a person that doesn't care if you dip in to your savings to satisfy their immediate cravings? Do you see a future with someone who doesn't understand how to save, who guilts you, who doesn't care if you can't make rent?
Let me tell you, my one regret is not being better with money in my younger years. I'm doing fine, but I could be doing FINE. There is no way, going back in time, I would let myself support- not even on a date- another capable human being who can get a job and pay for their own shit. And I would never ask that- then or now- of a partner (I'm a woman, so saying this with the baggage of how men are supposed to pay for stuff, which I don't buy in to at all).
Save your money, cut back on the date budget, make her pay for her own life. Watch that savings account go up and bask in the reality that you will soon be in a place where you don't worry, on a weekly basis, that you will be able to make rent and pay all your bills, and then you will see the next phase of your life begin.
I’ve been to different ones over longer periods of time each, privately and always the top rated ones
Either adopt the cat and block her everywhere or tell her that she has a week to get the cat or you'll put it up for adoption or give it away
Yeah, he also says his father heard him cry watching videos
What videos was he watching in the car and why his fater was there?
OP can't even get gis story straight.
The more he writes, the more dramatic details he adds.
But who cares that they don't match, right?
Yes we had a pretty long and emotional discussion pretty soon into this whole situation right after I latched out at him for seeming too close to her, and I really felt that he understood me. But recently I found out they talked about things I never knew they talked about (she told him that one of the tutor's at school tried to get her number or something like that) and I felt angry at that moment because for me it was like “why did you have any reason to talk about this first of all, and second of all why am I hearing this only now, third of all how many things/how close have you gotten already and I don't know anything about it?”. This to me feels like controlling behaviour/thoughts. Also I didn't get to ask him any of these questions because I just got angry at him for talking about this with her, as to me it seemed an inappropriate thing to talk about with just a classmate, but one of my friends told me that maybe they were just talking about the courses/professors and she innocently brought it up.
As for the other comments, I think they are getting eliminated. I don't know why, but I can't see them so I won't reply to them. *I saw something about both trying to set up a future relationship: I'm 100% sure that's not happening, he's not attracted to her at all * Someone talked about breaking up with him since there is no miracle cure of jealousy: I know that, but I won't throw away a 5 year relationship we both put effort in since it's something I can fix and it will surely come up in any of my future relationships if I don't. I just asked you guys for advice on how to better manage the situation, what would you do in my place?
Oh it’s a red flag allright. Flings don’t get to blow up. That alone would put me off them stat and for good. Just nope.
Sounds like you see his income and think you deserve some of it. Youre selfish, everyone in the comments seems to agree. Youre acting as though receiving his mail is a burden or inconvenience, when we all know that it isnt. You could literally keep a box in a closet to fill with his mail. It takes a max of 2 seconds to your day. Charging him for 2 seconds of your time (if he even gets mail everyday) is scammy and greedy. Ive never heard of a single person charge their friend for something so frivolous.
I think you and Sami should load up a car and get out of there. You deserve to be happy. These men you've found ain't it.
You are old enough to understand that you cannot change people.
Someone told me once that when someone cheats, it's because they want out of the relationship. I think this applies here.
Oh I agree 100%. And I am positive this is why OP has pretty much checked out.
Do you honestly think it’s the movie I have a problem with?
If possible go and talk with a lawyer. Don't go sleep in your car, stay in the house but treat her like you are just roommates. Spend time with your kids, try and keep a level head. Don't sleep with her or kiss her. She might keep denying it but you have proof. If you can bring that to the lawyer even better. Don't allow her to take the lead in this, you don't want her taking control of the kids. Get that step in the right direction asap, there might be free lawyer advice somewhere if you can't afford it. Good luck.
You’re getting played like a fiddle and that “gut feeling” is called you being attracted to him for whatever reason, it makes people think irrational things like a stranger just happens to be perfect for them.
Although I struggle to say you should stay with your BF considering how easily you seem to fall into crushes and the verge of cheating. It might be best for you to break up, not get with this guy, and seek some kind of therapy or counseling to get to the root of why you so easily fell for an older man tricking you, because this reads like classic manipulation and manipulators pick targets that they see as susceptible to manipulation.
Get a lawyer fast, she abandoned her child, child doesn't know her,
So it's highly unlikely she will get any custody.
Get a lawyer to be safe, comfort your husband, but tell him you need to see a lawyer ASAP just incase,
I could never see a judge allowing her to see her seeing as the child doesn't know her and introducing her will only upset her
I'll mention it 5 times and he always says he'll do it later, and eventually gets mad that I keep reminding him. But if I try to do it myself, he gets mad because he was going to do it. If I try explaining that it would be helpful if he actually took the burden off me, but me having to micromanage it to make sure it gets done adds more stress, he gets upset and cannot have a logical discussion about it. All he hears is 'you're fucking up bro' but doesn't seem to have the self-awareness to just… scoop the litter regularly?
he doesn't want to scoop the litter, but wants the brownie points for volunteering to scoop the litter. this presents an unsolvable problem for him because either way, he loses – he either has to scoop the litter, or let you do it and relinquish the Helpful Husband badge. this is why he's mad.
He should not be asking for a ring. Is that what has happened?
What if… hear me out… there was a world where “Love Languages” didn't exist. They don't exist because everyone who read that crap realized it was just a bunch of bullshit. And that people might use those 'Love Languages' as a way to manipulate their partner into doing what they want, regardless of the partner's boundaries. Everyone saw right through the b.s. much faster than they saw through the inanity of Meyers Briggs. And lived happily ever after – once they reestablished boundaries, personal and physical, with their partners.
He's the one who would be responsible for hurting her. If he really cared about her, he wouldn't have done this. He's not addicted to sex, because if it was just that then he wouldn't have done all of the other pointless love bombing with you. He sounds like a sociopath to be honest
Tell her, seriously. Let her move on from this guy
End it.
So no history of cheating? By you on him or your ex? Or an ex of his? Without any of these I would say leave him. If there is a history, you need to resolve this before you continue your relationship…. and he also needs to apologise.
And if you're not constantly “joyfully available” (marital rape? what's that?) then it's your fault when he cheats/molests kids at church/hits you.
The way I see it – you got rid of an immature cheater, and saved yourself years of more anguish and stress, worried he was going to cheat
There's another guy. 100%. Sorry OP. Best of luck, but cut your losses and move on quick.
So sorry for you, but I think, she doesn't love you, just need a spare if the affairs don't work. Try to heal and move on without her. It needs time but you will be better. Best wishes for you. 🙂