Oh that must be very confusing situation for you, I am sorry you have to go through this. Some people project their inner feelings, that might be your fiancé. Anger is usually is the tip of the iceberg…under that there can be more. If you want my opinion she wants an excuse not to be wed. And about you leaving her…and going to alcohol I am sure you can find something to distract yourself.
She has shown to you that she is perfectly fine with lying and deceiving you. Now its on you if your ok with being with someone who would do that to you
He can laugh at it because he isn’t effected by it and he is incapable of extending enough empathy to you to even understand why you’re upset. The biggest red flag here is that he got offended when you expressed your concerns. Laughing at a misogynist, racist, homophobe, etc. is a huge red flag especially if he isn’t accepting of your feedback or can’t apologize after being called out.
I always believed that once a cheater always a cheater.
Sweetie, please. He didn't cheat on you once, he cheated on you for half of your relationship.
My boyfriend is my first love, boyfriend, kiss, everything. It is very hot to acknowledge that the best answer is to leave him.
It is absolutely natural to have incredibly strong ties to your first love, however even though you hold him in a special place in your heart because he was your first, he doesn't feel the same way about you.
I can't even explain why I want to stay with him after he did this.
You're behaving irrationally, which, again, is perfectly natural, but it's not the best course of action for you. You might want to look into the idea of the sunk-cost fallacy. You put so much of your heart into this relationship, into your first love, the idea of the relationship ending can feel like the entire thing was a waste of time and it would all be for nothing if you give up now, so of course you want to keep working on it and give it a chance. What you need to realize however is that you are worth more than how this man is treating you. You should not settle for a man who chose to cheat on you for half of your relationship. You deserve someone who treats you as their number one priority. You only do a disservice to yourself by staying with someone who has no respect for you. And though from where you're sitting, you must feel like the idea is impossible, I assure you, you can learn to love again, and you deserve a better love than the one you have right now.
I feel like there are seperate issues at play here, I'll try and get into all of it, but the crux of it is, I don't think you and your gf sound compatible, plus she's already lied to you, regardless of what she did or didn't do with her exes, and it's only been a year. It shouldn't be this difficult a year in and it sounds like your values differ too much.
However, if you want to give it a shot still, I would suggest you have a long, openhearted chat with her, she can tell you things Reddit can't, as only she knows what's going on in her head. I would also expect a sincere apology from her, including reassurance she won't do it again and her showing that she's actively trying. Without that, there can be no trust.
But before you do have this conversation, write down what your actual concerns are (sex, communication etc.), be vulnerable though it's difficult, and figure out what your boundaries are. Share these things with her and if she doesn't take it seriously or doesn't want to engage with you, it doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship going forward. Remember to focus on how it makes YOU feel. Be open to looking inwards too. Remember, having this conversation isn't a fix all, there's work to be done afterwards.
A couple of things I noted: You say you trust her, but you also said you don't believe her when she says she's satisfied sexually. So, which is it? Search your heart on this one. To me it sounds like a mix of your own insecurities and her not being good at reassuring you (not including the lying), which means in essence you actually don't trust her perhaps.
In the same vein, but on a more general note, most women you date will have a sexual and romantic past. I don't think you can hold that against them, even if this particular case with your gf is iffy. Just because women have done things with others before, doesn't mean they liked it or crave it now or need it again, or that you're not sufficient. If there ARE areas you can improve on in your sex life, consider that a moment to learn true communication with each other and don't ler your insecurities rule you on this. Being a great lover who listens and is willing to please is honestly only a plus.
Your fiancé needs to practice boundaries for sure, but you can ask him if he’s ok with you speaking to her on his behalf. Something should be said about her behavior. I know I’d be pissed.
Well I don’t believe the comment was snarky, especially since he said “I was just saying good food and a coke sounds good, you had a bottle of wine the other night” like it wasn’t snarky at all, I just needed the explanation and he wouldn’t give it to me!
I'm sorry you are in this situation. Let's pretend he will never leave you for her because that really isn't the main issue here. Do you feel like he is truly commited to you and loved you, while knowing he has been trying to get in contact with this specific woman during your whole relationship?
Write down how it makes you feel really clearly, so you can read it back and remind yourself. And have a talk with you husband about what is going on and why he kept trying to talk to her for over 5 years.
Now I told you to write down how you feel because he might deny his intentions to spare your feelings or the relationship. Your feelings matter for living a happy life, would you be able to have that with this on your mind?
You won’t be getting “nothing” you’ll be getting a place to live!. If you do get married then it solves itself, if not you’ll be in the same situation as if you have been renting.
Wait, so you have crippling insecurity and are fine with lying to her, but you're no longer attracted to her because a grown woman had the sheer audacity to have a sex life before she dated you?
The woman is reasonably happy with op, but she's casting her net incase there's something better out there.
Op says she earns more than him, my guess is, that's why she's still looking. Op great, but she sees herself as settling for less than she wanted financially..
This blast from the past, is worth a shot to her.
Op definitely don't move in together..
Id tell her we are either exclusive from hereon in, no apps, no chance meetings. Exclusive or go our separate ways.
That includes deactivating dating sites etc.
Then continue th dm.
Ask her what she's doing now. When she answers, match her financial status. If she asks for a meet up. Arrange one.
Just past the meeting time, call her and end it, as you just don't get the vibes that she's fully content. Tell her you're sorry but your minds made up. Wish her the best. Then let her be stood up.
Yes I feel like older people and younger people struggle the most with social media. You should definetly be concerned.
Do you live! locally? Can you start planning outings together – maybe take a community college class together? Art? Pottery? Join a book club together, this was particularly great for my Mom – with the alumni parents from my high school.
If you're not local – experiences make great gifts! Give her tickets to stuff, lecture series she might be interested? Classes, even spa days. Maybe something she could do with one of your younger siblings? Take her to stuff when you're in town?
My ex was a mellow drunk. He would just drunk and fall asleep. Didn't make him any less of a drunk. He also wasn't emotionally available and talking to a drunk about anything is useless. Like I said get therapy for yourself. Addicts are manipulative and will make you doubt yourself. And rethink your relationship. Don't stay for the kids because they're not dumb and they know something is up and their dad drinking and not doing anything with them will be noticed. They will think this is normal and the cycle will continue. My kid was 6 when my ex went to rehab. She just knew daddy was always tired and cranky. She didn't know it was from drinking. Once he went to rehab though I was honest with her in age appropriate manner. She also went to Betty Ford program for kids which was really good.
The best thing I did was therapy. I needed to change myself whether I stayed married or got divorced to get past my codependency. Your personality will continue to attract addicts unless you change and if you stay with this guy you still need to change. But honestly if he continues to deny his problem I would really think about splitting. It will get worse. Like I said, had I known then what I know now about addiction as well as divorcing an addict I would probably not have stayed as long. Although we were raising his nieces and the youngest was still at home and not sure what would've have happened. Their parents were both drug addicts. My exs parents were both alcohols but I didn't think out about that until marriage counseling. They had quit drinking when I met them. On top of that he's spending a lot of money on alcohol. My ex made a lot of money so the money argument never work on anything but for most normal people if affects their budget. I can almost guarantee he's drinking when he's home during the day. My ex was great at hiding it. I knew his hiding spots and saw the booze disappear. Crazy behavior on my end too but that's what happens when you're in a relationship woth an addict. Start by getting help for yourself. You don't need to do anything right now but yiu really need to start thinking about your relationship and your future. Rehab was hell for our relationship ( he went for 3 months) and I was so glad he was gone. I wished he had gone out of state so we didn't have to visit him every weekend which was absolute torture. Once clean ( no sense in doing marital counseling with an active addict or abuser for that matter) we did marriage counseling which was helpful to address a lot of issues while he was an active alcoholic but I knew it wasn't going to save our relationship.
He's still clean as far as I know although I have had wondered a few times if he had started again due to triggers while we were married. I'm much happier and it's much better for our kid to have a happy single house hold than the shitshow our life was theblast 3- 4 years.
I don’t want to use the word rape because other women have gone through worst and I don’t feel traumatized or anything.
I know this is very hot. Part of you wants to forgive him. You want a way, in a sense, to be able to move past this and pretend it didn't happen so that you can continue being in a relationship with the boy you felt you could love and trust.
But he ignored your explicit no. He didn't let you leave. He choked you. And he had sex with you without your consent. That is assault. That is abuse. He is an abusive rapist.
You can't downplay that. “There are kids starving in Africa” style logic doesn't apply here. That's on top of the reality that actually what you've experienced is actually a very extreme example.
And I don't think there is going back from that. Trauma is a scary thing, it isn't necessarily that it is always actively pressing you. But it will come out. Like what happens the next time he is on top of you? You'll naturally freak out right, I mean what if he chokes you again?
Things will get messy. He has already worked out what he has done is wrong and I worry he will scramble to try and victim blame you to protect himself. He will use things you said and did against you, like you kissing 'of course meant she wanted it, right?' or you nodding in shock and terror when he asked if you were okay. Those arguments are bullshit and you are not to humour them at all, especially as he choked you. His reaction to this, which we are already seeing he is handling wrong, will demonstrate the reality of how unfortunately wrong you were about him.
Losing your parents is terrible, but an adult needs to work still and you have given him plenty of work break at your detriment. That isn't healthy or sustainable.
You need to say that he needs to start contributing financially or you two are going to be living on the streets & that you can't pay for him anymore.
Then you need to follow through, you need to cut any extras out that aren't his phone. You need to bluntly say, I can't afford to go out to eat. I can't afford for us to have a TV service.
So you're a cheating scumbag that cheated with his own family too? You can keep making excuses like self-sabotaging but at the end of the day you decided to screw his cousin. You won't be ruining the relationship with the cousin by telling him, you and the cousin already did that when you decided to betray him. You just rip of the bandaid off, so he can throw the trash out where it belongs.
Ok so, you're both really young. And this is a long distance relationship, until he moves in with you.
So for the moment you're just a sinkhole for the money. Your relationship is 3month old and you expect him to finance your life and your mother's ? Thats a bit much for a relationship that short, and that could very Well lead to nothing as he still hasnt even moved in your country..
Also, as you Come from a middle eastern family, you should know that the man takes Care of the woman once they're married, if m'y memory is correct, until then, you're the responsability of your family, so don't try to play the cultural card..
Reminds me of the first line of Anna Kerinina: All Happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Yes, a toxic situation was exciting. It required survival instincts and quick adaptations and it was a challenge. You are almost certainly less exciting than a shitty, unstable boyfriend.
That element is a compliment to you. There is a comfortable predictability to you, which is great. Perhaps you harbor some fantasy that you're a mysterious bad boy, but you're not. The mysterious bad boy is like the manic pixie dream girl; they're fantasy things. Real life approximations are toxic and exhausting.
So let's figure out WHY you are hurt…
1 – Why is she thinking about this? And to such an extent that she brings it up with you in earshot?
2 – Words like “boring” and “miss” are loaded and powerful. Why use those words?
Those would be the nature of my conversation with my wife if I were to overhear that. I understand what she's saying, but just because something is true doesn't mean I need to hear it.
“If you have something to say to me about how our relationship isn't fulfilling, talk to me. Otherwise, try to be more careful about making sure I don't hear stuff like that because it doesn't do me, or us as a couple, any good.”
I would stop dating him. Do you know there are so many Reddit posts that say, “whoops I slept with my best friend.” Lots of them, frankly I think it is inappropriate too, but I know you can't change someone elses opinion. You have to act for yourself. YOu told him, he said you were wrong. FRankly I would not date him anymore.
NGL, can I like this 8 times, one for each point? And twice for ‘grown men don’t need their hands held through being told to not pressure their partner for sex.’
NGL, can I like this 8 times, one for each point? And twice for ‘grown men don’t need their hands held through being told to not pressure their partner for sex.’
Yes and no. She just seems down about how she looks. While it does manifest in the bedroom with a lower sex drive. I also understand that there is a lot going on with hormones and caring for an infant that messes with that. I know that with time that will correct itself. Im more referring to her attitude about how she looks. Being very hot on herself for not bouncing back physically as fast as she did with our first child. If that makes sense.
And just like I said, if they had partners said partners wouldn't be invited. She has single friends, she should find different friends because she's in a relationship? Or maybe not be allowed to spend time with them because they are single? Your reasoning is so dumb it's very hot to understand why you don't get it.
Take a breath, pack the car, grab the dogs, and just leave. Drive cross-country with them and visit friends, family. Just give yourself a break.
That sounds nice… but the logistics of a totally unplanned cross country drive with two dogs sounds awfully stressful. You'd have trouble finding hotels for them, have them stuck in the car for hours at a time. And who knows if his dogs are accustomed to that? Maybe they're the kind that are used to a nice fenced in yard, and he'd have problems keeping them controlled at every rest stop they had to take.
But you're right – the general idea of a break is nice if he can swing it somehow.
Make plans to leave your boyfriend. Check with your insurance, government, & charitable organizations for disability care options first, then walk.
Besides the racism, it sounds like the relationship is a bit mediocre. You deserve a fulfilling life with a partner who cherishes you and wants to introduce you to his family.
5 years together and things haven’t always been great, but up until today I would have said there are no large issues in our relationship. Since February I’ve really been getting my life together after a debilitating injury (and subsequent struggle with depression) a couple years back and lately I have been feeling better than normal. …His sister is a very complicated person and since I’ve never met her…
If he’s breaking up with you then he doesn’t love you. Please think about the differences between “need” and “want.” I won’t argue with you, if you post on relationship advice you get advice.
Oh that must be very confusing situation for you, I am sorry you have to go through this. Some people project their inner feelings, that might be your fiancé. Anger is usually is the tip of the iceberg…under that there can be more. If you want my opinion she wants an excuse not to be wed. And about you leaving her…and going to alcohol I am sure you can find something to distract yourself.
I dunno. This girl is literally using a selfie for her throw away account that has the sole purpose of complaining about her relationship.
Something smells fishy.
She has shown to you that she is perfectly fine with lying and deceiving you. Now its on you if your ok with being with someone who would do that to you
He can laugh at it because he isn’t effected by it and he is incapable of extending enough empathy to you to even understand why you’re upset. The biggest red flag here is that he got offended when you expressed your concerns. Laughing at a misogynist, racist, homophobe, etc. is a huge red flag especially if he isn’t accepting of your feedback or can’t apologize after being called out.
I always believed that once a cheater always a cheater.
Sweetie, please. He didn't cheat on you once, he cheated on you for half of your relationship.
My boyfriend is my first love, boyfriend, kiss, everything. It is very hot to acknowledge that the best answer is to leave him.
It is absolutely natural to have incredibly strong ties to your first love, however even though you hold him in a special place in your heart because he was your first, he doesn't feel the same way about you.
I can't even explain why I want to stay with him after he did this.
You're behaving irrationally, which, again, is perfectly natural, but it's not the best course of action for you. You might want to look into the idea of the sunk-cost fallacy. You put so much of your heart into this relationship, into your first love, the idea of the relationship ending can feel like the entire thing was a waste of time and it would all be for nothing if you give up now, so of course you want to keep working on it and give it a chance. What you need to realize however is that you are worth more than how this man is treating you. You should not settle for a man who chose to cheat on you for half of your relationship. You deserve someone who treats you as their number one priority. You only do a disservice to yourself by staying with someone who has no respect for you. And though from where you're sitting, you must feel like the idea is impossible, I assure you, you can learn to love again, and you deserve a better love than the one you have right now.
I feel like there are seperate issues at play here, I'll try and get into all of it, but the crux of it is, I don't think you and your gf sound compatible, plus she's already lied to you, regardless of what she did or didn't do with her exes, and it's only been a year. It shouldn't be this difficult a year in and it sounds like your values differ too much.
However, if you want to give it a shot still, I would suggest you have a long, openhearted chat with her, she can tell you things Reddit can't, as only she knows what's going on in her head. I would also expect a sincere apology from her, including reassurance she won't do it again and her showing that she's actively trying. Without that, there can be no trust.
But before you do have this conversation, write down what your actual concerns are (sex, communication etc.), be vulnerable though it's difficult, and figure out what your boundaries are. Share these things with her and if she doesn't take it seriously or doesn't want to engage with you, it doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship going forward. Remember to focus on how it makes YOU feel. Be open to looking inwards too. Remember, having this conversation isn't a fix all, there's work to be done afterwards.
A couple of things I noted: You say you trust her, but you also said you don't believe her when she says she's satisfied sexually. So, which is it? Search your heart on this one. To me it sounds like a mix of your own insecurities and her not being good at reassuring you (not including the lying), which means in essence you actually don't trust her perhaps.
In the same vein, but on a more general note, most women you date will have a sexual and romantic past. I don't think you can hold that against them, even if this particular case with your gf is iffy. Just because women have done things with others before, doesn't mean they liked it or crave it now or need it again, or that you're not sufficient. If there ARE areas you can improve on in your sex life, consider that a moment to learn true communication with each other and don't ler your insecurities rule you on this. Being a great lover who listens and is willing to please is honestly only a plus.
All the best, OP!
Your fiancé needs to practice boundaries for sure, but you can ask him if he’s ok with you speaking to her on his behalf. Something should be said about her behavior. I know I’d be pissed.
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Well I don’t believe the comment was snarky, especially since he said “I was just saying good food and a coke sounds good, you had a bottle of wine the other night” like it wasn’t snarky at all, I just needed the explanation and he wouldn’t give it to me!
Got him again ??
Yes, cutting a person out of their child’s life simply because you want to is a despicable thing to do.
I'm sorry you are in this situation. Let's pretend he will never leave you for her because that really isn't the main issue here. Do you feel like he is truly commited to you and loved you, while knowing he has been trying to get in contact with this specific woman during your whole relationship?
Write down how it makes you feel really clearly, so you can read it back and remind yourself. And have a talk with you husband about what is going on and why he kept trying to talk to her for over 5 years.
Now I told you to write down how you feel because he might deny his intentions to spare your feelings or the relationship. Your feelings matter for living a happy life, would you be able to have that with this on your mind?
Comparing watching porn to particpating in actual prostitution is like comparing call of duty to combat experience
You won’t be getting “nothing” you’ll be getting a place to live!. If you do get married then it solves itself, if not you’ll be in the same situation as if you have been renting.
Wait, so you have crippling insecurity and are fine with lying to her, but you're no longer attracted to her because a grown woman had the sheer audacity to have a sex life before she dated you?
I know I love how OP won’t just say “my husband is homophobic and so is everyone else I associate with.”
You are not very worldly are you?
The woman is reasonably happy with op, but she's casting her net incase there's something better out there.
Op says she earns more than him, my guess is, that's why she's still looking. Op great, but she sees herself as settling for less than she wanted financially..
This blast from the past, is worth a shot to her.
Op definitely don't move in together..
Id tell her we are either exclusive from hereon in, no apps, no chance meetings. Exclusive or go our separate ways.
That includes deactivating dating sites etc.
Then continue th dm.
Ask her what she's doing now. When she answers, match her financial status. If she asks for a meet up. Arrange one.
Just past the meeting time, call her and end it, as you just don't get the vibes that she's fully content. Tell her you're sorry but your minds made up. Wish her the best. Then let her be stood up.
This has to be your fault. You knew he was lying, cheating and doing this Instagram things years ago but you stayed anyway.
Yes I feel like older people and younger people struggle the most with social media. You should definetly be concerned.
Do you live! locally? Can you start planning outings together – maybe take a community college class together? Art? Pottery? Join a book club together, this was particularly great for my Mom – with the alumni parents from my high school.
If you're not local – experiences make great gifts! Give her tickets to stuff, lecture series she might be interested? Classes, even spa days. Maybe something she could do with one of your younger siblings? Take her to stuff when you're in town?
My ex was a mellow drunk. He would just drunk and fall asleep. Didn't make him any less of a drunk. He also wasn't emotionally available and talking to a drunk about anything is useless. Like I said get therapy for yourself. Addicts are manipulative and will make you doubt yourself. And rethink your relationship. Don't stay for the kids because they're not dumb and they know something is up and their dad drinking and not doing anything with them will be noticed. They will think this is normal and the cycle will continue. My kid was 6 when my ex went to rehab. She just knew daddy was always tired and cranky. She didn't know it was from drinking. Once he went to rehab though I was honest with her in age appropriate manner. She also went to Betty Ford program for kids which was really good.
The best thing I did was therapy. I needed to change myself whether I stayed married or got divorced to get past my codependency. Your personality will continue to attract addicts unless you change and if you stay with this guy you still need to change. But honestly if he continues to deny his problem I would really think about splitting. It will get worse. Like I said, had I known then what I know now about addiction as well as divorcing an addict I would probably not have stayed as long. Although we were raising his nieces and the youngest was still at home and not sure what would've have happened. Their parents were both drug addicts. My exs parents were both alcohols but I didn't think out about that until marriage counseling. They had quit drinking when I met them. On top of that he's spending a lot of money on alcohol. My ex made a lot of money so the money argument never work on anything but for most normal people if affects their budget. I can almost guarantee he's drinking when he's home during the day. My ex was great at hiding it. I knew his hiding spots and saw the booze disappear. Crazy behavior on my end too but that's what happens when you're in a relationship woth an addict. Start by getting help for yourself. You don't need to do anything right now but yiu really need to start thinking about your relationship and your future. Rehab was hell for our relationship ( he went for 3 months) and I was so glad he was gone. I wished he had gone out of state so we didn't have to visit him every weekend which was absolute torture. Once clean ( no sense in doing marital counseling with an active addict or abuser for that matter) we did marriage counseling which was helpful to address a lot of issues while he was an active alcoholic but I knew it wasn't going to save our relationship.
He's still clean as far as I know although I have had wondered a few times if he had started again due to triggers while we were married. I'm much happier and it's much better for our kid to have a happy single house hold than the shitshow our life was theblast 3- 4 years.
Some people really are this oblivious
I don’t want to use the word rape because other women have gone through worst and I don’t feel traumatized or anything.
I know this is very hot. Part of you wants to forgive him. You want a way, in a sense, to be able to move past this and pretend it didn't happen so that you can continue being in a relationship with the boy you felt you could love and trust.
But he ignored your explicit no. He didn't let you leave. He choked you. And he had sex with you without your consent. That is assault. That is abuse. He is an abusive rapist.
You can't downplay that. “There are kids starving in Africa” style logic doesn't apply here. That's on top of the reality that actually what you've experienced is actually a very extreme example.
And I don't think there is going back from that. Trauma is a scary thing, it isn't necessarily that it is always actively pressing you. But it will come out. Like what happens the next time he is on top of you? You'll naturally freak out right, I mean what if he chokes you again?
Things will get messy. He has already worked out what he has done is wrong and I worry he will scramble to try and victim blame you to protect himself. He will use things you said and did against you, like you kissing 'of course meant she wanted it, right?' or you nodding in shock and terror when he asked if you were okay. Those arguments are bullshit and you are not to humour them at all, especially as he choked you. His reaction to this, which we are already seeing he is handling wrong, will demonstrate the reality of how unfortunately wrong you were about him.
Losing your parents is terrible, but an adult needs to work still and you have given him plenty of work break at your detriment. That isn't healthy or sustainable.
You need to say that he needs to start contributing financially or you two are going to be living on the streets & that you can't pay for him anymore.
Then you need to follow through, you need to cut any extras out that aren't his phone. You need to bluntly say, I can't afford to go out to eat. I can't afford for us to have a TV service.
So you're a cheating scumbag that cheated with his own family too? You can keep making excuses like self-sabotaging but at the end of the day you decided to screw his cousin. You won't be ruining the relationship with the cousin by telling him, you and the cousin already did that when you decided to betray him. You just rip of the bandaid off, so he can throw the trash out where it belongs.
Ok so, you're both really young. And this is a long distance relationship, until he moves in with you.
So for the moment you're just a sinkhole for the money. Your relationship is 3month old and you expect him to finance your life and your mother's ? Thats a bit much for a relationship that short, and that could very Well lead to nothing as he still hasnt even moved in your country..
Also, as you Come from a middle eastern family, you should know that the man takes Care of the woman once they're married, if m'y memory is correct, until then, you're the responsability of your family, so don't try to play the cultural card..
Reminds me of the first line of Anna Kerinina: All Happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Yes, a toxic situation was exciting. It required survival instincts and quick adaptations and it was a challenge. You are almost certainly less exciting than a shitty, unstable boyfriend.
That element is a compliment to you. There is a comfortable predictability to you, which is great. Perhaps you harbor some fantasy that you're a mysterious bad boy, but you're not. The mysterious bad boy is like the manic pixie dream girl; they're fantasy things. Real life approximations are toxic and exhausting.
So let's figure out WHY you are hurt…
1 – Why is she thinking about this? And to such an extent that she brings it up with you in earshot?
2 – Words like “boring” and “miss” are loaded and powerful. Why use those words?
Those would be the nature of my conversation with my wife if I were to overhear that. I understand what she's saying, but just because something is true doesn't mean I need to hear it.
“If you have something to say to me about how our relationship isn't fulfilling, talk to me. Otherwise, try to be more careful about making sure I don't hear stuff like that because it doesn't do me, or us as a couple, any good.”
“I missed a lot of red flags about my ex husband”
Well OP, I’ve got some bad news.
I would stop dating him. Do you know there are so many Reddit posts that say, “whoops I slept with my best friend.” Lots of them, frankly I think it is inappropriate too, but I know you can't change someone elses opinion. You have to act for yourself. YOu told him, he said you were wrong. FRankly I would not date him anymore.
NGL, can I like this 8 times, one for each point? And twice for ‘grown men don’t need their hands held through being told to not pressure their partner for sex.’
NGL, can I like this 8 times, one for each point? And twice for ‘grown men don’t need their hands held through being told to not pressure their partner for sex.’
Yes and no. She just seems down about how she looks. While it does manifest in the bedroom with a lower sex drive. I also understand that there is a lot going on with hormones and caring for an infant that messes with that. I know that with time that will correct itself. Im more referring to her attitude about how she looks. Being very hot on herself for not bouncing back physically as fast as she did with our first child. If that makes sense.
And just like I said, if they had partners said partners wouldn't be invited. She has single friends, she should find different friends because she's in a relationship? Or maybe not be allowed to spend time with them because they are single? Your reasoning is so dumb it's very hot to understand why you don't get it.
Take a breath, pack the car, grab the dogs, and just leave. Drive cross-country with them and visit friends, family. Just give yourself a break.
That sounds nice… but the logistics of a totally unplanned cross country drive with two dogs sounds awfully stressful. You'd have trouble finding hotels for them, have them stuck in the car for hours at a time. And who knows if his dogs are accustomed to that? Maybe they're the kind that are used to a nice fenced in yard, and he'd have problems keeping them controlled at every rest stop they had to take.
But you're right – the general idea of a break is nice if he can swing it somehow.
How do I broach the subject ?
Make plans to leave your boyfriend. Check with your insurance, government, & charitable organizations for disability care options first, then walk.
Besides the racism, it sounds like the relationship is a bit mediocre. You deserve a fulfilling life with a partner who cherishes you and wants to introduce you to his family.
5 years together and things haven’t always been great, but up until today I would have said there are no large issues in our relationship. Since February I’ve really been getting my life together after a debilitating injury (and subsequent struggle with depression) a couple years back and lately I have been feeling better than normal. …His sister is a very complicated person and since I’ve never met her…
If he’s breaking up with you then he doesn’t love you. Please think about the differences between “need” and “want.” I won’t argue with you, if you post on relationship advice you get advice.