Risk your life right now or I’ll punch your teeth in.
How in the fuck do you come back from that? You don’t. And he didn’t just ask – he demanded, and then he threatened you. Know that you know how deeply he loves respects and cares for you and your children, what do you think you should do?
That's what we call Karma though… I mean? You asked him and he did it anyways. Why would he break up right before exams? Seems like a douche nozzle move.
I'd understand if you dropped your plate and made him pick it up. Like a good server.
It should concern you that he is comfortable being physically violent with you at all, let alone in your parents house! If you two lived away from your parents it would be so much worse. You need to tell your parents and urge them to not act until you've spoken to a lawyer, or police in regards to what you legally need to do to remove him from the house. You gotta get out of this absolutely toxic situation asap.
no, he hasn’t been to the doctor for this specifically. his twin also sleeps a ton, but not as much as my boyfriend.
and no, my boyfriend is very against drinking, drug use, and smoking. he actually lives a very healthy lifestyle – he eats healthy and works out every day.
i know he is able to stay up if he wants to, it just feels like he would rather sleep than talk to me? idk
You’re dodging a bullet by him leaving. Sounds like he was ramping up by getting more aggressive and walk punching, I’ve been there and saw that same thing before. Hopefully this will help you go NC after you sort out the house.
Hello thanks for your quick answer; You are right – It shouldn't have been about the past for so long in our relationship. I'm partly in blame for that and I admit that.
Decisions range from simple things that he wishes to do – If he perhaps wants to spend some time alone or wants to hang out with friends, I've given him a very hot time in the past and I've been doing my best to improve that as I've noticed that it could lean to toxicity and limiting. But he expresses openly that the fact I express to him that I worry for him and miss him when he's not around, makes him upset. He expresses he wishes he could do these things worry-free without me caring. Additionally, he wishes that if he decides “anything”, he wishes not to be questioned and to be understood and respected for it, because I admittedly give him a very hot time and try to convince him to always bring me along to where he goes.
If you have any more questions let me know. Hope this answers your question.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We have been together 10 years, recently married. For the first few years it was great, lots of kissing, intimacy, sex. Then about 5 years ago lot of stressful life events happened that affected his mental health so badly he couldnt work for the past 1.5 years. I supported him through this. He learned recently that he has OCD and anxiety, I had been pushing for him to get diagnosed for years and he finally started to see someone and is making some progress.
He's now started a new min. wage job in a new industry to work 3-4 days per week and is studying part time. I'm still supporting him but he's still so stressed all the time. I feel like after everything that has happened, my empathy is completely blown. I just can't bring myself to care anymore, when everyday is “the most stressful day he's ever had”, followed by a meltdown about twice a week, I've just got nothing left to give. I used to console him for hours but I just can't anymore. I can barely acknowledge his stress when he talks about it everyday. All I'm thinking about is when he pushes me away at night because he's too anxious. Or doesn't want to ever have sex because he's too anxious. We just had our longest dry spell of a month and I'm losing my mind. I'm questioning why am I even in this relationship when it just feels like I'm always at the bottom of his list.
I've talked to him about it, he says he'll try harder and that hes just stressed. Tonight I tried to talk to him again as he's still pushing me away, and he said this is the most stressed he's ever been and I'm not being supportive, what ive said is borderline inappropriate given what hes going through. And that maybe he can't be affectionate on days he's working. He says when he's less stressed he'll be fine, but we don't have kids, he works part time, I make enough for both of us to live! comfortably whether he works or not.
I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable, my desire has not subsided one bit after 10 years together and it's so very hot being rejected physically everyday. I guess I'm looking for advice to see if I should cut him some slack? I just don't know, I can't imagine life ever getting less stressful enough that he can finally be affectionate with me. We want to have kids soon which I feel is going to make everything more stressful, I dont really have long left to have kids so I can't just keep putting things off until everything's better.
So by “nobody” wants me to break up with him you really mean the guy being broken up with and your mother who you say “her opinion is really not appreciated but shes very manipulative.”
This is a big girl moment for you. You are an adult. You don't need permission from anyone. This guy treats you like shit – end it.
You know, if you say it kindly, he will probably feel a bit disappointed, but not “like garbage”. If he overreacts about how AWFUL this is for him, he is being manipulative, it's not that you are actually making him feel like that. It's normal to communicate to your SO, nicely, that you won't do a thing/don't like something and it's normal for the SO to feel a bit bad about it, then let it go. If the SO blows this up as some terrible unjust act against them, it's not a You Problem or even a Bad B-day Idea Problem…
Also if he is so upset that he doesn't want to plan anythng ever, he's just weaponizing this to punish you and lower expectations for the future. Which is bad behavior on his part, and not your fault.
The reaction you fear is an unhealthy, manipulative reaction – is what I'm trying to say. So if he's a good guy who treats you right, and is a not-toxic partner, then you don't need to worry about that stuff at all. He's gonna be disappointed, sure, but he'll get over it and take care of his own feelings around it.
OP make sure to hide your passport until it's time to use it, also make sure he doesn't know your reddit account.
Risk your life right now or I’ll punch your teeth in.
How in the fuck do you come back from that? You don’t. And he didn’t just ask – he demanded, and then he threatened you. Know that you know how deeply he loves respects and cares for you and your children, what do you think you should do?
Congrats on the bar! good job.
That's what we call Karma though… I mean? You asked him and he did it anyways. Why would he break up right before exams? Seems like a douche nozzle move.
I'd understand if you dropped your plate and made him pick it up. Like a good server.
But I'm proud of you for being better than that.
It should concern you that he is comfortable being physically violent with you at all, let alone in your parents house! If you two lived away from your parents it would be so much worse. You need to tell your parents and urge them to not act until you've spoken to a lawyer, or police in regards to what you legally need to do to remove him from the house. You gotta get out of this absolutely toxic situation asap.
no, he hasn’t been to the doctor for this specifically. his twin also sleeps a ton, but not as much as my boyfriend.
and no, my boyfriend is very against drinking, drug use, and smoking. he actually lives a very healthy lifestyle – he eats healthy and works out every day.
i know he is able to stay up if he wants to, it just feels like he would rather sleep than talk to me? idk
You’re dodging a bullet by him leaving. Sounds like he was ramping up by getting more aggressive and walk punching, I’ve been there and saw that same thing before. Hopefully this will help you go NC after you sort out the house.
Couples that care for each other do this!
People who are controlling and toxic as fuck also do this. They demand it.
You have to add some country context for this because so far it makes no sense.
Hello thanks for your quick answer; You are right – It shouldn't have been about the past for so long in our relationship. I'm partly in blame for that and I admit that.
Decisions range from simple things that he wishes to do – If he perhaps wants to spend some time alone or wants to hang out with friends, I've given him a very hot time in the past and I've been doing my best to improve that as I've noticed that it could lean to toxicity and limiting. But he expresses openly that the fact I express to him that I worry for him and miss him when he's not around, makes him upset. He expresses he wishes he could do these things worry-free without me caring. Additionally, he wishes that if he decides “anything”, he wishes not to be questioned and to be understood and respected for it, because I admittedly give him a very hot time and try to convince him to always bring me along to where he goes.
If you have any more questions let me know. Hope this answers your question.
I have but then i think, am i the narcissist???
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We have been together 10 years, recently married. For the first few years it was great, lots of kissing, intimacy, sex. Then about 5 years ago lot of stressful life events happened that affected his mental health so badly he couldnt work for the past 1.5 years. I supported him through this. He learned recently that he has OCD and anxiety, I had been pushing for him to get diagnosed for years and he finally started to see someone and is making some progress.
He's now started a new min. wage job in a new industry to work 3-4 days per week and is studying part time. I'm still supporting him but he's still so stressed all the time. I feel like after everything that has happened, my empathy is completely blown. I just can't bring myself to care anymore, when everyday is “the most stressful day he's ever had”, followed by a meltdown about twice a week, I've just got nothing left to give. I used to console him for hours but I just can't anymore. I can barely acknowledge his stress when he talks about it everyday. All I'm thinking about is when he pushes me away at night because he's too anxious. Or doesn't want to ever have sex because he's too anxious. We just had our longest dry spell of a month and I'm losing my mind. I'm questioning why am I even in this relationship when it just feels like I'm always at the bottom of his list.
I've talked to him about it, he says he'll try harder and that hes just stressed. Tonight I tried to talk to him again as he's still pushing me away, and he said this is the most stressed he's ever been and I'm not being supportive, what ive said is borderline inappropriate given what hes going through. And that maybe he can't be affectionate on days he's working. He says when he's less stressed he'll be fine, but we don't have kids, he works part time, I make enough for both of us to live! comfortably whether he works or not.
I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable, my desire has not subsided one bit after 10 years together and it's so very hot being rejected physically everyday. I guess I'm looking for advice to see if I should cut him some slack? I just don't know, I can't imagine life ever getting less stressful enough that he can finally be affectionate with me. We want to have kids soon which I feel is going to make everything more stressful, I dont really have long left to have kids so I can't just keep putting things off until everything's better.
So by “nobody” wants me to break up with him you really mean the guy being broken up with and your mother who you say “her opinion is really not appreciated but shes very manipulative.”
This is a big girl moment for you. You are an adult. You don't need permission from anyone. This guy treats you like shit – end it.
You'll find someone better I promise.
Thanks for the laugh =p
Please stop dating men who can’t pass 5th grade biology.
You know, if you say it kindly, he will probably feel a bit disappointed, but not “like garbage”. If he overreacts about how AWFUL this is for him, he is being manipulative, it's not that you are actually making him feel like that. It's normal to communicate to your SO, nicely, that you won't do a thing/don't like something and it's normal for the SO to feel a bit bad about it, then let it go. If the SO blows this up as some terrible unjust act against them, it's not a You Problem or even a Bad B-day Idea Problem…
Also if he is so upset that he doesn't want to plan anythng ever, he's just weaponizing this to punish you and lower expectations for the future. Which is bad behavior on his part, and not your fault.
The reaction you fear is an unhealthy, manipulative reaction – is what I'm trying to say. So if he's a good guy who treats you right, and is a not-toxic partner, then you don't need to worry about that stuff at all. He's gonna be disappointed, sure, but he'll get over it and take care of his own feelings around it.