It sounds like you treat him like a toddler rather than an adult.
Bypassed your monitoring software? Why does he even have monitoring software?
He’s able to hold a job? Wants his own housing?
None of this sounds like a person who needs guardianship. This sounds like an adult who is trying to on-line their life despite their overly controlling family.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Nobody suddenly wants to leave a “great relationship”. There are underlying issues in your relationship with your wife which you don’t want to admit to, or haven’t noticed. Either of which (not admitting/not noticing) contributed to her wanting to leave, I guarantee it. The fact that she wants to come back means she still loves you, but if you two don’t get some assistance to work out what the original problem was and address it, then the reconciliation will not work. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with anyone else, and it’s a cop-out to instantly go to that kind of accusation in the same way that it’s a cop-out to pretend that you had a “great relationship”. The real fact is that you have been inattentive to your relationship to the point of living in some fantasy land about it in your head. Never having any “stupid fights” means that your wife hasn’t been able to speak her truth until the point that she had to get out for a while in order to take a breath. Not having “stupid fights” is extremely unhealthy and unrealistic in any long term relationship. Stop pretending and start listening to her.
You're not gonna want to hear this, but slow the hell down!!!
You're two months in. You cannot force trust. It has to have time to grow. The fact that you're impatient about it so soon is not healthy. The fact that you feel obsessively committed to her after so short a time is not healthy. You're latching on nude and it's not healthy.
You think she knows you'd never hurt her, but she doesn't know that after only two months.
In fact, at this point you're pushing her to share stuff when she's not ready anf you're NOT RESPECTING HER BOUNDARIES! In other words, you are currently hurting her. So no, she doesn't know you won't hurt her. Here you are looking for ways to make her feel things she doesn't yet feel. That's not how feelings work.
If you think this level of obsessive commitment on your part is true love, you have a lot to learn yet. You are looking to make her your everything and that is not healthy.
Please seek out friends to talk to. Preferably people who are older than you with more life experience, because you don't sound entirely balanced.
If my boyfriend turned someone down with “out of respect for (me)” I'd be thinking why tf did you tell them that. Makes it sound like you want to be with them but you're turning them down because I got to you first?
Ya this is a bad situation. Your jailer has you right where he wants you. Ten to one he doesn’t let you guys move home next year. Why would he do that when he gets to keep you under lock and key?
She lied on your first time. She asked for it that said she felt pressured. She said she loved than said she did not to someone else. She lied either to you or to her friends, and she made it a public affair since the rumors come back to you.
It is a serious red flag.
She broke the trust. And if you wonder if you SA her, others probably will. It is a deal-breaker.
I advice :
1 have a serious discussion about her lies. It is a necessity for both of you to have a chance to express your sour feelings, less it infects you soul for years.
2 if she has not a concrete-solid explicit personnal reason to colour you black, promise her it will never happen again. You will not have sex with her anymore. You cannot trust what she says, so you cannot trust her about contraception or fidelity or her love neither. It is too dangerous.
3 as you have no future, break up. She felt pressured ? You stop all possibility to pressured her. Don't cave. It's over and no whining must change this. If you do cave, you will be vulnerable for emotional blackmail, or even criminal blackmail.
4 tell all your friends that you broke up because she lied about your sexuality. And you don't want to be with someone who can accuse you of rape on a whim. She made it public, you must make your answer public too. Be polite but be explicit.
Sorry for you dude. She probably doesn't know what she really want, as many woman with “difficult childhood”. But you cannot stay with a ticking bomb.
Take some time without relationship. You need to cool down and meditate. Plus you don't want your futur GF looks like the reason of your break up.
He sounds like he has a lot on his plate and I'm sorry to say, but a university graduation is often a once in a lifetime achievement, so it's understandable that would be put first. Taking all this into consideration, I'd let this slide and maybe have your own little holiday together to celebrate graduation, wish him well with starting in the military and celebrate your anniversary.
Who knows, maybe he has bigger plans for your third anniversary and he's throwing you off the scent? Honestly, unless he's behaving differently in a negative way toward you in other ways, I don't think you should be concerned.
There's no relationship left to save. Rip the band-aid off now and end things and move on. If you stay in the relationship while she effectively cheats on you (because this isn't something you're ever going to be comfortable with) it'll tear you apart and end the relationship anyway.
You are correct. It really depends on individuals. I decided what my career was going to be when I was 12 years old. When I graduated high school at age 17, I started working in my career. Women my age were too immature for me, because they had no idea what they were going to do with there life, whereas I already had at least the next twenty years already planned out. So for serious relationships, I avoided women my age and pretty much dated older women.
You should be paying no more than fair market rate for your rent, draft up a rental agreement with him, and get to saving.
If he truly loves you and is in it for the long haul, he shouldn’t have any problem making sure you are 100% comfortable with this plan – which protects you from a financial power imbalance, and frankly covers both your butts if the relationship were to sour.
My partner is 6 years older than me but we are in our 40s. Your family / friends are justifiably concerned as you two may be at different points in your life as well as of course, the control factor. Be aware and recognise any flags …be honest with yourself and don't forsake your goals, other relationships for this one.
Refusal to accept your feelings on the matter is a problem.
You need to accept that you will make her, and your parents upset, and be prepared to go through with it no matter how miserable you will make her.
Alternatively you reconsider your decision. Can I ask what your issues with her are? Despite her lacking self-respect, and being willing to guilt-trip you into staying with her, of course.
Maybe it is cultural, and/or an age thing. Obviously my parents insisted on meeting guys I went out with when I was still at home. After I moved out, and the older I have gotten, the much less likely I'm going to introduce an SO to my family unless it was a very serious relationship and it was likely that SO was going to be around for a while. Even then, my folks didn't meet everyone. It just wasn't important to anyone involved, especially once I hit my 30s. Your mileage may vary.
Yeah don't question your decision. You did the right thing for yourself.
It sounds like you treat him like a toddler rather than an adult.
Bypassed your monitoring software? Why does he even have monitoring software?
He’s able to hold a job? Wants his own housing?
None of this sounds like a person who needs guardianship. This sounds like an adult who is trying to on-line their life despite their overly controlling family.
Hello /u/ZoidbergMaybee,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Hello /u/Berries06,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Hello /u/Arandorandom,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
No advice needed, other than due to your imbalance issue, stop picking up people.
You did nothing intentionally and there was nothing that happened.
Nobody suddenly wants to leave a “great relationship”. There are underlying issues in your relationship with your wife which you don’t want to admit to, or haven’t noticed. Either of which (not admitting/not noticing) contributed to her wanting to leave, I guarantee it. The fact that she wants to come back means she still loves you, but if you two don’t get some assistance to work out what the original problem was and address it, then the reconciliation will not work. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with anyone else, and it’s a cop-out to instantly go to that kind of accusation in the same way that it’s a cop-out to pretend that you had a “great relationship”. The real fact is that you have been inattentive to your relationship to the point of living in some fantasy land about it in your head. Never having any “stupid fights” means that your wife hasn’t been able to speak her truth until the point that she had to get out for a while in order to take a breath. Not having “stupid fights” is extremely unhealthy and unrealistic in any long term relationship. Stop pretending and start listening to her.
You're not an idiot. You might have some fantasies that can't actually happen, but so do lots of people.
Be honest with her. It seems like she likes you back
You're not gonna want to hear this, but slow the hell down!!!
You're two months in. You cannot force trust. It has to have time to grow. The fact that you're impatient about it so soon is not healthy. The fact that you feel obsessively committed to her after so short a time is not healthy. You're latching on nude and it's not healthy.
You think she knows you'd never hurt her, but she doesn't know that after only two months.
In fact, at this point you're pushing her to share stuff when she's not ready anf you're NOT RESPECTING HER BOUNDARIES! In other words, you are currently hurting her. So no, she doesn't know you won't hurt her. Here you are looking for ways to make her feel things she doesn't yet feel. That's not how feelings work.
If you think this level of obsessive commitment on your part is true love, you have a lot to learn yet. You are looking to make her your everything and that is not healthy.
Please seek out friends to talk to. Preferably people who are older than you with more life experience, because you don't sound entirely balanced.
He's in love with you.
I’m confused… knowing what a douche is doesn’t seem like a strange thing to me nor does it seem “creepy” that he learned about it in middle school…
If my boyfriend turned someone down with “out of respect for (me)” I'd be thinking why tf did you tell them that. Makes it sound like you want to be with them but you're turning them down because I got to you first?
Let her go. It's nude, it's painful. But that's only temporary. You need to focus on yourself for a month or 2.
That’s what I’m afraid of. I adjusted my whole life for him.
A woman saying she's too busy is code for: no, not ever. Then leaving you on delivered twice is two more no's. Sorry doll.
Ya this is a bad situation. Your jailer has you right where he wants you. Ten to one he doesn’t let you guys move home next year. Why would he do that when he gets to keep you under lock and key?
Let me put it straight.
She lied on your first time. She asked for it that said she felt pressured. She said she loved than said she did not to someone else. She lied either to you or to her friends, and she made it a public affair since the rumors come back to you.
It is a serious red flag.
She broke the trust. And if you wonder if you SA her, others probably will. It is a deal-breaker.
I advice :
1 have a serious discussion about her lies. It is a necessity for both of you to have a chance to express your sour feelings, less it infects you soul for years.
2 if she has not a concrete-solid explicit personnal reason to colour you black, promise her it will never happen again. You will not have sex with her anymore. You cannot trust what she says, so you cannot trust her about contraception or fidelity or her love neither. It is too dangerous.
3 as you have no future, break up. She felt pressured ? You stop all possibility to pressured her. Don't cave. It's over and no whining must change this. If you do cave, you will be vulnerable for emotional blackmail, or even criminal blackmail.
4 tell all your friends that you broke up because she lied about your sexuality. And you don't want to be with someone who can accuse you of rape on a whim. She made it public, you must make your answer public too. Be polite but be explicit.
Sorry for you dude. She probably doesn't know what she really want, as many woman with “difficult childhood”. But you cannot stay with a ticking bomb.
Take some time without relationship. You need to cool down and meditate. Plus you don't want your futur GF looks like the reason of your break up.
He sounds like he has a lot on his plate and I'm sorry to say, but a university graduation is often a once in a lifetime achievement, so it's understandable that would be put first. Taking all this into consideration, I'd let this slide and maybe have your own little holiday together to celebrate graduation, wish him well with starting in the military and celebrate your anniversary.
Who knows, maybe he has bigger plans for your third anniversary and he's throwing you off the scent? Honestly, unless he's behaving differently in a negative way toward you in other ways, I don't think you should be concerned.
There's no relationship left to save. Rip the band-aid off now and end things and move on. If you stay in the relationship while she effectively cheats on you (because this isn't something you're ever going to be comfortable with) it'll tear you apart and end the relationship anyway.
People like her scare me.
You are correct. It really depends on individuals. I decided what my career was going to be when I was 12 years old. When I graduated high school at age 17, I started working in my career. Women my age were too immature for me, because they had no idea what they were going to do with there life, whereas I already had at least the next twenty years already planned out. So for serious relationships, I avoided women my age and pretty much dated older women.
Agreed. I think 6 years is long enough. Time to throw in the towel.
The text from 6:45 was him telling me about his day— he didn’t call me/text me out of worry
This is really good advice.
You should be paying no more than fair market rate for your rent, draft up a rental agreement with him, and get to saving.
If he truly loves you and is in it for the long haul, he shouldn’t have any problem making sure you are 100% comfortable with this plan – which protects you from a financial power imbalance, and frankly covers both your butts if the relationship were to sour.
My partner is 6 years older than me but we are in our 40s. Your family / friends are justifiably concerned as you two may be at different points in your life as well as of course, the control factor. Be aware and recognise any flags …be honest with yourself and don't forsake your goals, other relationships for this one.
Refusal to accept your feelings on the matter is a problem.
You need to accept that you will make her, and your parents upset, and be prepared to go through with it no matter how miserable you will make her.
Alternatively you reconsider your decision. Can I ask what your issues with her are? Despite her lacking self-respect, and being willing to guilt-trip you into staying with her, of course.
Maybe it is cultural, and/or an age thing. Obviously my parents insisted on meeting guys I went out with when I was still at home. After I moved out, and the older I have gotten, the much less likely I'm going to introduce an SO to my family unless it was a very serious relationship and it was likely that SO was going to be around for a while. Even then, my folks didn't meet everyone. It just wasn't important to anyone involved, especially once I hit my 30s. Your mileage may vary.