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No, although ive always i mean ALWAYS known what sex was ever since i was younger.
I mean, it could be that reality is setting in over the want… I'd give him his time, but not necessarily wait since you arent exclusive. Keeping living your life, and if he gets things sorted and your still single…. Cool. If he gets things sorted and you aren't single, oh well.
She is crossing the line. Very inappropriate. She needs help.
He put his hands on you, it’s over, dudes like that get and stay away from them.
You might try going back to square one with dating, and see if interest in intimacy returns.
It sounds like he's been making an effort. It'll be easier on your kids if the adults in their lives can work together for their benefit.
Firstly, how was I supposed to know he would put our marriage below the World Cup? I respect his passion for it but it doesn’t seem like his priority is us right now. There’s a difference between comprising and just not caring.
Wtf
You've got this! The key is retraining your brain. Everytime you think of him, change the subject in your head, get up and clean something, go for a run, call a friend (but don't talk about him), do some boxing moves, cook a complicated recipe. Your brain needs to learn it can online without him in it… and so do you!
Also all the three children are siblings, two full siblings to whom the youngest is a half sibling.
What do they think about all this nonsense? What will they think about it when the grow up and become adults?
1.) A person you know made a decision.
2.) The decision is Not personal but you tend to take things personally.
3.) This is not your first relationship and won't be your last. Move on.
Seriously, any longer than a week and they're getting an airbeeb.
Also the other comments got deleted for some reason but to the person that asked for info, yeah we've hung out (used to work with the girl as well and considered her somewhat a friend though we never hung out 1 on 1). I would say there's a few things I had noticed like her asking him to events outside work alone and not telling anyone else about it (he told me though) and I wouldn't be surprised if there was interest or some flirting, but who knows. I couldn't read the end of the sentence where you said “I'd ask..” so if you want to dm pls feel free
Oh, FFS. Her “spirit guides” told her?? I'd say it's far more likely that for whatever reason, she did not want to be with you and this is her “guilt free” way of getting out of this relationship. Some people are really, really bad at saying what they want, or even KNOWING what they want.
Let her go, OP.
You're in danger. Leave this relationship asap
You know exactly what you have to do. Sending hugs ?
your not his friend tho.
Don't think I could be with a lifelong trust fund baby like that but it's up to you, I guess he is paying the bills.
When he trashed the apartment, you should have called the police and filed a report. Assuming you did that, sue for tye damages.
Thank you. I moved out of home at 16, with an abusive boyfriend. ( we're over now ) It's been a bumpy ride and I've never really been shown how to be an adult. I can't go anywhere or do anything by myself. I just can't do it. The most I can do is a walk down the street to my local bakery, but the entire time I'm having such immense anxiety and paranoia. I know the basics of looking after myself but when it comes to going places and doing things, I can't do it. I can't catch a taxi or a bus by myself. My physical sickness limits me from being able to walk very far, and I can't get my license yet due to my medication I'm taking. My options for transportation are so limited, and having friends to do things with is even more limited. I feel like because of my disorder, I can't really keep friends. I try always to be the best person I can be, I try and do everything I can for other people but I have no idea how a relationship or friendship is supposed to be. I online in such a small town, it's so lonely. If I had the money I would move to somewhere bigger, but that seems like a whole new fear in and of itself. People here are so judgmental. Everybody already knows everybody so trying to make new friends is such a bust. I feel as if nobody will ever truly accept me due to my disorder. Nobody will ever really get me or want me, and I just need to learn to be okay with that. Accepting the idea that I might end up alone is really hard but it's something I may have to come to terms with
This is the first argument we’ve had like this. Couples have bumps this is just ours and I’m taking it as an opportunity to build
The trust was broken. You should have broken up 4 years ago.
Op I tell you whole heartedly, rn most of all you have to take in this pain, why? Because rn wtv you do from now on will affect you long term. Rn it's time to be calculative and cold hearted. Take every single proof of evidence and be ready for anything and everything. This will be quite a long process so also to give urself some time to heal but you can't back down now. You have to fight this pain op❤️ and you can do it?. Serve that Witch the papers.
There are more than enough cases proving the exact opposite of your statements that they „won’t prosecute“. Are you trying to help? If yes, just delete the comments. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
Not steering it anywhere. In my native language it is used in the manner u are suggesting.
Your friend isn’t a friend.
I want to make it clear that I’m absolutely not saying that he shouldn’t be pulling his weight, more trying to offer a perspective as to why you seem stuck in this cycle.
Regardless of whether it’s a priority or not for him, at this point he knows it is for you so he should just be doing it because he knows it upsets you if he doesn’t and there’s not every really a justification for repeatedly upsetting your partner out of laziness
Demanding that romantic partners block people is never a great look on anyone. But let your imagination run wild. Perhaps this ex has continued to message your boyfriend. So what, your bf apparently prefers to be with you. Don't make an issue out of something that doesn't matter. Looking for reasons to argue is usually a great way to ruin an otherwise good relationship. Good luck.
Why? Genuinely asking
I mean, your partner did exactly what you guys intended the break for: to find yourselves. Your partner found herself in someone else. It may be best for you to move on.
It isn't about forgiveness, but about trust and you cannot trust anything he says.
That is probably not okay with you.
People that do this are emotional manipulators, wanting you to empathise with them for your shared experiences, whether because they are broken, narcissistic or otherwise aflicted, doesn't really matter. They don't take responsibility for their lies either often blaming you for them lying to you, as it was you demanded them to lie to you.
You already know he is lying some more about why he lied. Honestly it is just something people do to get you to accept them, pretend that they have the same trauma, so invalidating and disrespectful right?
It is up to you, but I would be planning an exit and to let people know because he is going to lie to everyone about why you are leaving.
We had a petco that rotates from the shelter to get pets see by the public. I think that is very unique.
Honestly, you're a backup atm. If this relationship is causing you this must distress, you need to get out of it.
You cannot fix a man, do not get into another relationship with someone hoping you can heal them. He needs to do that on his own before he gets into a relationship. Getting with someone knowing they have abusive tendencies but hoping you can help will only end in you enduring so much suffering. Leave now before it becomes too out of hand.
Anybody that can treat an animal that badly has low empathy. I’m sorry this happened, I personally could not recover from that and would never look at them the same again.
Lol ‘beta babies’. Now I know this is fiction.
You should break up
You have your freedom back! I would also text him and tell him thanks for the f*ck and because it was so, so very good, it will never happen again! Wish him well
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He cheated on you and you're still paying all the bills?? That must have been one heck of an apology.
Aside from that, did you guys agree on a price point for Christmas gifts, or did he specifically ask for all of those things? Why do you pay all the bills? Does he only make a fraction of what you do? Are there other areas in your relationship where you feel under-appreciated?
The fact that he returned the one gift you asked for because you had an argument is also a pretty big ?
I would not be able to put up with someone who constantly tried mansplaining my own feelings to me. What a tool he is.
hate to break it to you but he absolutely is a misogynist. men who aren't misogynists do not get sucked in by grifters like tate
Thank you. Yes, 100%, I am obsessing. I fall in love once every 5-6 years and it's really mind-shattering for me. I must find the way to control it, or she will notice it and then it's trouble. I feel if the relationship starts, then the real me would come forward, as I really struggle with this phase of relationship. Thanks again.
So if I want a threesome cause I changed, they should too? Cool.
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Get out now. It’s not worth it he has sexual fantasy’s that he will always try to fulfill weather he’s married to you or not. He will just keep apologizing and will try to hide better each time he gets caught or he might try to ask you to just be ok with it or have you join. Either way you have to make the choice of dealing with it or not. I wouldn’t.
Oh I did. This is a different woman.
While the age range alone wouldn't have been a big deal to me (at least initially), it being paired with turning it into an official relationship so quickly he didn't even know your age makes it seem more sketchy. Like he was trying to lock you down before his other red flags started creeping out (it's generally easier to control someone younger and less established).
Had y'all been going about building a relationship at a slower speed and he found out in there and then realized his age restrictions were crap… that would be a different situation.
You’re absolutely right..
Then you are an absolute moron. This is not a hill to die on. She paying one fucking meal doesn't mean you're a bum who does nothing.
What the hell is wrong with you.
With that whole laundry list of them clearly taking you for granted, using you and mocking you and you really think it is possible you are being selfish??? More correctly, you are through being taken advantage of.
If I were you I would jusy cut out her and the whole friend group, and there are a number of reasons for that.
For starters they, especially she, has shown you where their priorities lie, which is in self preservation and lying instead of being honest with you and prioritizing the friendship with you. These people cannot be trusted, and I cant keep watching my own back. Making new friends is far easier than reconciling old one.
Also, if this ex guy is integrated in your friend group, its not fair to your bf to ask him to be around ex, so you'd have to cut thr group off anyways. Again, they didn't think about you and your new bf and didn't even ask you when integrating your ex into the group.
?
Start asking people if they want your opinion or information before you share it, some might, many won’t and that’s ok. I was once in your shoes and it’s helped a lot!
He seems like a waste of your time. Inform him that he‘d like to be fingered instead of sucked. He needs to learn that he doesn‘t get to determine your needs and desires.
I'm just baffled that you managed to have kids with this tool. He blames things in the children? What a lovely father, he is not.
Divorce him and protect the kids from him, his attitude will result in stuff to talk about during therapy sessions.
Time to break up with her. Stop wasting her time. If she wants marriage and you do not, let her go.
Dude, you are so much better off without her. You are down now, but you don’t realize how lucky you are. You came within mere inches of legally tying yourself to this hoe bag, who was going to cheat no matter what. Be glad it happened now and not after things became legal.
That friend is also a piece of shit. Any of your friends who chose them over you are pieces of shot too. It doesn’t feel like it now, but they showed you who they really are, and you’re better off having them out of your life. If it wasn’t for this, there would be something else where they would betray or hurt you.
If these two think they are going to be loyal to each other, let them believe it. One of them will cheat guaranteed. Is that the kind of relationship you want? Let them have it.
Stay single and work on yourself man. Go to the gym, eat right. Get in the best shape of your life and fuck around for a while. Best way to get over a girl is to get under another.
If any of them try to get back in your life, tell them to kick rocks. They made their choice.
Find hobbies you love doing and throw yourself into them. And number one thing, get therapy.
Good luck man
Why is this downvoted? It seems to be a pretty reasonable conclusion from the premises
It’s not like she lied once. Think about all the lies she told over the last 18 months to support her false age claim. She probably lied to you over 100 times. Dump her!
Hi I was you, well not really you are your own person. But when I was 20 (about to turn 21) I met someone who had just turned 30. I was enamored by him. For me, he was stability.
He also didn’t truly respect me as an individual. I didn’t realize that because of who I was, I just wanted love. I did everything for him, the few times my voice stood out meant bad times for me. Over time I learned, it’s easier to just trust him and let him lead. He proposed, we got married. Before that, in the inbetween time he had said to me, you’re going to get older and realize all you missed out on. And I felt like this was another challenge to my love for him. But he turned out to be right.
Granted he become almost bed bound, unable to work because of mental illness (one he was handling better than before me…to an extent). I took care of him. That is why I say, your relationship and who you are can be vastly different from me.
But committing to someone that much older does mean sacrifices. Ones that I personally didn’t care for when I was younger, not realizing what I was actually sacrificing. Freedom, choice, independence, time to fuck up, to learn who I am.
I only share because I don’t want any other woman to go through what I did (arrogant as it is). I hope he’s respectful of your needs and understanding of change and growth you will experience.
Well that's not very helpful when I'm asking for advice
While I would expect him to be disappointed, I think his behavior was over the top. Does he always have a short fuse or was this a rare occasion? I ask because if you are walking on egg shells much of the time, and stressed about not making mistakes over how he reacts, you have far bigger problems than this sandwich incident and is likely in an abusive marriage. If this is a rare thing and you are basically content and comfortable with him, he may have some things bothering him at work, or just was in a lousy mood, and you may want to go buy him a beautiful sandwich to pack with a note saying sorry.
Eh except OP was “sure” that the kid wasn’t his. His fiancé may have believed that and not fully processed the possibility of having this child in their life. And suddenly having a child/stepchild is a huge deal.
no wonder he’s like that when mom acts like that too. please leave, this is clearly deeply ingrained into his family and you wont be able to be happy in this marriage.
No, she’s expressed physically that she cares more about them than you. She’ll do something for them but not for you. That says enough about the marriage and if she isn’t working to improve if you’ve already communicated this, divorce her.
He was drunk. Then he said he wasn't ready. The holidays have come and gone so I wouldn't be expecting a ring but who knows maybe he's trying to throw you off.
It sounds like your brother was getting revenge.
Sounds like he's already sleeping with other people but now wants your sign off to ease his guilt
While it can mean dating casually, seeing someone can sometimes also mean that it’s not exclusive/closer to fwb than dating/open relationship etc, basically something not that serious and not exclusive (can still be exclusive but doesn’t have to be), whether “I have a gf/bf” usually means it’s exclusive and serious unless they say otherwise.
A lot of people I know (I’m 19F, but have friends ranging from 18-early 30’s) use them this way, but it’s not universal, so it’s always best to make sure that everyone is on the same page when you’re talking about it.
I was not suggesting that you were not concerned about your mum's history. I was surprised it wasn't mentioned Why is introducing yourself to your dad important to you? I am not trying to talk you out of it. Just curious. What I am asking is if the acknowledgement from your dad is more important to you than the potential damage it may cause.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot with your boyfriend and it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. It seems like he's not taking any responsibility for finding a job and you're feeling like it's all on you. But let me tell you, you are not the problem here. It's not sustainable for you to support both of you and it's totally valid for you to want your needs met in a relationship.
It's also understandable that you're feeling frustrated that he's not doing anything to help himself out. It's not your job to fix him or make him change, but you can definitely express your feelings and concerns to him. He needs to step up and take responsibility for his own happiness and well-being.
I get that you're having trust issues with him and that's totally understandable given what you found on that whisper app. You two should have a serious conversation about that but remember that you can't make him change, you can only express how you feel and what you need. And let me tell you, if he's not respecting you, then it's not healthy to stay with him.
At the end of the day, you gotta put yourself first. If you don't see a future with him and you're not happy in the relationship, it might be best to call it quits. Ending things is never easy, but you deserve to be with someone who respects you and makes you happy.
Remember, always take care of yourself and don't be afraid to reach out for professional help if you need it.
My landlord has said that, worst case, we can try to move me to a different unit, but the utilities for my current apartment are in my name and transferring them would suck. I also don't want to file yet another change in address and all that fun stuff. Thank goodness she moves out in May and I never have to see her again.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and setting boundaries you're comfortable with, OP. It's great that he's going to get some help, I hope he's sincere in his efforts. Keep looking out for yourself and be safe!
Yup, this us the way. Just be busy every time he wants to hang out and don't engage in too much conversation. You should start to Greg rock him, and as you seem to work together just remain professional and discuss work things only.
Can i ask something personal to you? How old are you? Your comments just amazingly touches my soul and i feel like you understand me dont know why 😀
You took a naked but wise decision! Sending virtual hugs
Denial is a river in egypt Your husband is gay
I would but I'd rather leave the vehicle behind it is a full size truck she has 2 kids, I will be alone and I have another vehicle so that wouldn't be a big deal besides the payments I have made but I dont care about it at all.
It sounds like you're not playing alot and she's being unreasonable,use your free time as you like its not like your unwashed pissing in bottles to keep gaming
It's a common courtesy. Especially if you're like with my mouth going everywhere.
As someone who was married at 21, we DID talk about this stuff and had mature conversations around children and birth control, etc. But not everyone has those conversations. I tell young people not to rush into marriage, it worked out for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right decision for them. ??♀️
Congratulations!! And thank you, I think my averseness to this made me realise a) this is something that clearly matters to me and b) I shouldn't ever have doubts about if I am settling, especially 2 weeks in.
I stopped asking in order to see whether or not she would care to ask next time.
But yeah now that I'm thinking about it again it is kind of stupid. Sorry for the trouble, thanks for the advice anyways.
Resentment is something you can control. You decide to do it or not. It's not this child's fault, no matter what happened.
That’s not an accident. You know it, he knows it, everybody here on Reddit knows it. I’m not sure why it’s naked to be around your sister though. It sounds like she did you a solid by letting you know, and didn’t engage it. Maybe it’s time to just let the relationship go. He has shown you who he is. See it and believe it. Being a single mother may be hard but it can’t be harder than living in a miserable relationship. As someone who came from a family situation where I knew my parents were miserable together, I have to quote Dr Phil on this one: “It’s better for children to be from a broken home than IN a broken home”. My parents divorced a year or two after I left home at a very young age, because being there was just too traumatic. My very first thought was “Why couldn’t you have done that 10 years ago and spared us some of that misery?” It’s time to think of yourself and your children first, not him or your relationship. Are you happy? When was the last time you were truly happy? Because you deserve that. So do your kids.
You are describing a game with a cost to play that outweighs the prize for winning.
Yea, I’m certainly not trying to look for problems in my relationship. It’s a simple observation and change in behavior I’ve noticed in him and I don’t think it’s unfair of me to question it.
Info needed: was this a peck on the lips (like a hello/goodbye peck), or was it more intimate- like sustained contact, French kidding, etc.?
Because if it was a quick peck I don’t see a problem here, nor do I consider it cheating.
There isn’t a good answer here.
If you are ready to go NC then invite your chosen family to your graduation and build a fulfilling life. You have made an amazing accomplishment and that should be celebrated.
However, if you are relying on your family for anything or if you are emotionally dependent on them still, then the wedding will be an event that they would never forgive you for missing.
Missing your graduation won’t diminish your accomplishment. To many people, walking through graduation is a chore.
You need to set clear boundaries whichever you decide.
Even if you go to this wedding, every single accomplishment you make will be downplayed, ignored, and even belittled. Boundaries in the way of scheduling and expectations need to be established.
If your family had any class they would add your graduation to the wedding celebration. But it doesn’t sound like they have that kind of class and you shouldn’t expect any acknowledgment.
Good luck whatever you decide Op
Go see a doctor for treatment
No, she is too disgusted to actually engage.
What does that mean?
She is also fighting with the child or she is too disgusted in you?
Dump her. She's too much. Sleep calls are you serious? No, just no. She's wants all of your time and gets upset when you want to have alone time. That's not okay. You can have alone time whenever you want or need. Saying I hate you when you get into a fight? That's also not good.
She's not ready for a relationship. She has a lot of growing up to do. Life is too short to spend it in a bad relationship. I would end it and move on. Eventually you'll find someone else who will treat you better.
A remarkable human would care about the comfort and health of his/her partner. Caring about your personal hygiene is an extension of the care for a partner. He makes you uncomfortable and you have pointed that out to him several times. He just doesn't care about your feelings and needs. Frankly I ask myself how he is attractive if his breath wants to floor you as soon as he opens his mouth. And leaking hairy discharge is a no go zone for anyone. Why are your standards so low?
UpdateMe!
Dude if you don't sign a prenup, you might as well hand her half of each property
They don’t test for it, but they do check with cervical cancer screenings so please do attend regular screenings! In the UK they start from age 25, and it’s really important to go to them to make sure any abnormal cells are caught early on
Babe, when your pulling stunts like this, it's time to let him go.
It is exhausting. Appreciate your advice.
This, OP! You're a decent woman no matter what time you decide to come home because you are a decent human!
That especially broke my heart to read. Please OP, be a good partner to YOURSELF!
I've been to a pelvic floor therapist but progress has been so slow. Part of the problem is my bf an I never get a moment to ourselves. Our son shares a room with us because grandpa stole his. (That's a whole nother issue) I've done massages, dialators, and whatever else. I'm glad nobody thinks the pain is in my head. I was really worried that my bf wouldn't believe me and think I just didn't want to have sex with him. However he has only been super understanding and supportive. Like how many guys do you think would go 4 years without any sex (other than oral I'm not a monster) and not try to move on or cheat? I don't think most guys would put up with that.
This guy is psychologically abusive. I hope you see that.
You didn’t own the guy but it’s pretty shitty of your friend to say she likes the guy you clearly like also.
Just suck it up and tell her what’s bothering you. Sometimes being confrontation averse makes you your own worse enemy. If she isn’t even sure you like him and that it’s hurting your feelings and some happens between them, you’re gonna regret never saying anything when you had the chance.
You mean on Sunday when his gf invited the apparently inconsolable bff, on the trip that starts Mon?
OP was an actual adult about it and put on a happy face given the immediate situation, for the sake of the third party. That's what well-adjusted adults do. The romantic break was done one way or another, even if he said no it's unlikely his gf would be in a romantic mood with her focus on her bff. I guess he could've sulked throughout the trip, so as to not hide his feelings?
What he should've done was tell the gf he'll talk to her after resting up from the drive, instead of getting himself pushed into a conversation when he was tired.
Liking a friend is not the end of the world and it sounds like you guys the situation with mutual respect. She is probably just processing everything and trying to figure out how to proceed. You guys need time for this gas to go back to normal. For now, you can
Pump the brakes. Give her space, focus on other things, and try to reach out again in a few weeks. Let the dust settle a bit before trying to jump back to normal.
Be normal. Message her like normal. Hang out like normal. It might be weird at first, but pushing through the awkwardness might help you both process it faster.
Tall to her. Let her know you realize you've kind muddied the waters and it seems like you've made her uncomfortable. Ask her if she has any questions or any hang ups around being friends. Give her some room to engage in a conversation instead of just telling her how you feel. If you guys are pretty close, this is my favorite option. Its direct, it addresses the elephant in the room, and it gives you a pathway to move forward without feeling like your groping in the dark.
Where the fuck have I made excuses for cheating? Did you read what I wrote? How can you not agree that people shouldn't marry teenagers?
To me it seemed he was anxious because he was anxious about all these other things. When in fact, they could be closer with less anxiety if he sorted his way through with her. That all said, I did note, “should he want to try…” so it is up to him.
I am just putting this here to call you out on how selfish you're being. This has nothing to do with him and his well being but just how much of an inconvenience he is being.
Yikes. You should probably break up with him so he can find a better girlfriend.
Let's reverse the situation: What would you advise to a girl who's asking here what should she do with her boyfriend's comments about her boobs?
Telling her all the time how little they are and asking her when is she going to have surgery to make them bigger as he sometimes doesn't even feel them?
This makes me believe in Karma
My bf is 61 and destroyed his knees playing sports. He can walk fine but no running or hiking.
We're taking bets on whether I'll need a hip replacement before he needs a knee replacement.
Are you sure you’re ready for marriage if you’re so insecure
I feel like this is a bit unfair to the guy. It’s okay to feel worried or insecure. He didn’t blow up or guilt trip his wife, and is coming here for input on whether his feelings are rational. Having worries or insecurities isn’t something that makes you unfit to be married, it’s what you do with them.
He didn't know it was wrong to rape you in your sleep? Of course he did. He chose to do it anyway. He chose to violate you without your knowledge or consent. Allowing someone to sleep next to you while you are unconscious and vulnerable places them in a position of trust. He took advantage of trust to use your body to serve only himself. I would never trust him again.
You are white
I'm over here thinking what's worse, Op.
The step mom who does for his kids grudgingly/bare minimum or him who totally avoids her children.
No…I think he's a chit. Her? Not compared to him.
Neither husband or wife seem to think they need help or want to work on it, so, there you go.
I agree that they should work on it but…they don't.
Holy fuck…
As someone who’s been through a few surgeries, this girl can fuck right off.
Please OP post a question in r/legaladvice to see how you can evict her. The level of stress she causes you will cause long-term health issues. PLEASE put yourself first and kick her out. Please.
Not reading this… NONE!
More couples therapy.
This is the most concise answer I can give, haven been in your shoes; not for the same subject matter (kids/eggs/legacy). In the end, perhaps this could all be a smokescreen for deeper problems in the relationship while it might just be a dealbreaker that you’re both ignoring because you both know that it could mean the end of a relationship you both cherish. Either way, it sounds like everyone needs to be as brutally honest with each other as possible and a third-part could help with that.
You can't avoid one or the other here though. Not wanting it doesn't make it go away.
Realistically I don't think you're being fair. He's got a female friend in his group that wants to be with him… and he's with you, not her. Your work won't give you holidays. He can't suddenly stop doing everything normal with his friends, including the girls he has no interest in or would already be with, because of your job. That's not fair. And you were invited.
Personally, I'd break up with you for this. It looks like this is the most likely outcome, you're already being controlling with there's no risk of anything happening and showing you don't trust him. And if something doesn't work for you and your job, he's not allowed to do it. That's looking like a bleak future for him already.
So honestly I'd buckle up for a break up and deal with it. You can't avoid it and he's not going to stay. Your demands and attempt to control stuff he's done long before he met you, that you were invited to, that put you at no risk of losing your boyfriend, are honestly your insecurities and not his problem.
He also doesn’t want to ever go out with me unless he can go to the strip club.
Honestly it’s usually best to see a doctor first even if a person has something like depression because it can be a side effect of a physical illness or medication. Ruling that out should be the first step. There could also be other symptoms that you’re not aware of.
We are past many issues we have encountered so far, but this is one that has come up several times. I don't feel “ditzy” just because I'm with someone that's younger than I am, but I acknowledge that others may see it this way. Despite the age gap, every relationship has issues and resolving them generally makes the relationship stronger. So, I'm trying to resolve the issue instead of eliminating my relationship. I rarely post because, like I said, I like to keep my life and my business mostly private. This is just one of the those cases where I'm not sure if I'm out of line and I wanted different perspectives. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Then I suggest you stop reading the comments. There is enough ick to go around!
Would you mind elaborating on your comment on cbt? I was told it was extremely beneficial for bpd?
Honey, your home is broken you can start mending it when he’s out of the picture.
Sleeping with all kinds of random people is
Not that I think he's one, but that'd make him the ho, lol. Not the women.
I hope it’s something you can work out. Both parties have to be willing to communicate and work through it though. Just don’t feel like you have to stay if you are truly unhappy. You deserve happiness.
If he “doesn't even want you talking to other guys” he does not want an open relationship. He wants your permission to explore other sexual options whole you remain monogamous.
It's one thing if you're both okay with an open relationship (which it sounds like you aren't anyways). It's another thing entirely to for one person to sleep around and demand the other abstain from doing the same.
Leaving seems like the right option to me.
Yes, i know. You deserve better!!!!!!!! Get out there and don't settle.
So when are you planning to ghost him and block his number?
After reading both post. Just devorce and go your separate ways. There's no hope in saving this relationship.
What i was thinking after reading hers.
Him say that, it's only the heat of the moment anger, let him cool off, then talk like a proper couple and therapy because reddit automatically says devorce them. He's going to therapy for it so give him some slack. Don't make rash decisions in the heat of the moment. plus ultimatum are usually a last resort thing not while he's trying.
Now after reading yours.
Yah this relationship is toxic. Her insecurities were so bad you started feeling dead inside. Not just that you two don't online with each or have sex. She destroyed your hobby and your joy in said hobby, she ruined your relationship and accused you of cheating.
Dude those ain't red flags, those are screaming tornado sirens. Dude for your own sake. Devorce her, she just showed you who she was and you stayed, that's on you. Also you're a lawyer, surly you know how this works or at least know a really good devorce lawyer. Seriously you'll be more happy when she's out of your life for good, legally, emotionally, financially and indefinitely. Plus you can freeze your bank accounts, open new ones. Also because you two don't live together its easier to devorce because you both have basically been separated for a while. So count it as a blessing in desiguse.
And keep up with the therapy. You're young and a professional working man so boom automatically in high demand. PS. I thought lawyers were more onto it. She wants to play dirty, use her words against her.
Oh? Youre a med student? How long did you study endometriosis for? How did they tell you it forms and how to treat it?
This won't end well. She's an attention seeker in the worst way; willing to jeopardize the relationship to get validation from other guys. Realistically if she's cute, she'll get hit on in certain social places like bars and clubs. So don't be surprised if she ends up drunk with some random dude at a bar or club. Not gf material in my book. My ex wanted the same thing but with dating apps, which made me totally turned off and ultimately ended up breaking it. Hope this helped, all the best to you! ??
Think of it as a better deal than the bank. Write up a contact and set up autopay so you don't need to think about it. Figure out what the bank charges for interest and what he would be making if it was invested and pay him something between the two. You're both benefiting from the situation.
Alternately, remember that when you marry someone you share finances, including debt and retirement. Think carefully about if your financial choices are compatible before you make it legal. If he doesn't like saving money and you do, you need to resolve the conflict before you get married. I would advise to make an appointment together with a financial advisor about long term savings, buying a house, and retirement. If he chooses to contribute less to the house than you and won't save for retirement, you need a prenup.
Sure, but that's at the very least more than “just lock it behind you”.
It's easy for some folks to change the door knobs but it isn't always – a couple of mine I had to get professionals in to chip the door quite a bit because they were old doors, new knobs just didn't fit. ?♀️
He's a jerk. I never wear a ring. My first husband kept throwing his out windows or at me. So my second marriage I never got one, he never even bought me a ring.
I don’t care how old you both are, stop putting up with his crap.
I know
It's definitely a commute but I figured seeing him some is better than not seeing him at all.
I understand your perspective. However, we go on week-long vacations quite a bit (like the week before last) and all of my weekends are spent with him. We talk consistently throughout the day, every day. Even at work, I'm texting him. And if we're not texting, we're on FaceTime. Even though I asked to be alone on Saturday, it was the same thing. So while we may not physically be together, it's like I'm with him, if that makes sense.
Sometimes I just want to enjoy my own company and not feel like I have to interact with anyone else. Even when we're laying around and agree to do nothing, he'll just stare at me if I don't make conversation or if I'm scrolling on my phone.
Because we're not together during the week, I feel pressured to give my undivided attention when we're together. But sometimes I just don't have the energy to do that.
You need to talk about it, maybe in a structured session with a counsellor so you can both feel safe and supported.
Whatever happens, please don't give up on the idea of children. You sound like a lovely family waiting to happen and there are so many kids out there who need all the love, energy and attention you have to give.
Okay. As long as you can trust her to not hurt herself, then you can wait until the doctor's appointment. If she starts trying, it's officially a crisis situation and needs immediate intervention
He didn't lie. He said he went out with one of his girl friends. You are the insecure one that went and hunted down a photo to find out which girl friend…you assumed which one when he told you and then discovered it was another…and then decided he lied.
YOU need to check yourself, fast because your insecurity is making you into the crazy girlfriend. You see it, you call yourself it. This isn't a healthy relationship and if your boyfriend knew this was how you were behaving, do you think he would want to keep dating you?
Do you think you are even ready to be dating? Honestly? You sound like you could use some time to focus on you. Get to know who you are without a guy in your life. Enjoying you. Free of drama, dating and stressing over all of gestures at OP
The problem is not that he couldnt be there for that day. He has to work, you have to be a grownup and accept it.
The problem is that he didnt offer any solutions. – baby I have to work on monday, but how about we go to a nice restaurant, picnic, hike, whatever you like and spend the day/few hours together?
You cant really expect him to take a day off just for your birthday (maybe he could, depends on the work) but you are justified to expect an effort from him. Make a cake for you, spend few hours with you an other day, or at least try.
Yeah , disconnection i have is a big part of it . She has complained that i shut off a bit when issues arise . That im unwilling sometimes to be helped but it’s because of some past issues and out philosophy to problems . I fix a problem then feel better , while she has to feel better to tackle a problem . I’ve definitely feel like im at a different point now and sometimes feel like ive to slow down to go back to the old speed
Shouldn't have apologized to him (twice) when he was throwing his little temper tantrum. Should've blocked him when he started insulting you. You can still do that, btw. Doesn't sound like you like him very much (understandable).
Of course he’s in the wrong. Huge over reaction to a simple mistake. It’s probably the wrong thing to do but my reaction would be to tell him to grow up and get over himself and don’t even THINK about talking to me like that again.
When he was 17 and before you were in a committed relationship, he interacted with someone else. What is the problem? He didn’t do anything that would mean he’s untrustworthy. This is a you problem.
Not pitty ( at least I don’t think ) I like her company, we get along, etc. I’m talking about the feeling, when you love somebody. I don’t feel that overwhelming feeling that I have in the past. That feeling, that you do things you normally wouldn’t do when dating. You get me?
first off, get an std test. multiple partners plus drugs and alcohol do not always end in the best choices. i dont know what drugs but an hiv test and hep c tests are separate from others like chlamydia and gonorrhea and they don't always have symptoms. secondly, my first relationship was like this. he cheated on me with strangers, friends, his step sister, on my birthday, while i was in the next room over, etc etc and he always had an excuse oor justification. he was drunk we arent technically together, you couldn't have sex for six weeks cause of the abortion i didn't help you through, physically or mentally or financially. i finally got it together and left him. started seeing someone else. was with him for three years. not two days after we broke up he texted me seeing if i wanted to hook up. he doesn't respect you. he doesn't take your feelings into account. he sure as hell doesn't love you. i know it hurts and its naked to see it but you are worth so much more than this. you are worthy of being loved by someone who isn't keeping you on the backburner cause he knows that he can. you deserve someone who comes home to only you, who will eat your cooking even if it sucks, who will bail on a raid in world of warcraft to hang out with you and whose only misdeed to you is maybe lying about not watching the next episode of a series you've been watching together. that guy IS out there and you deserve to have the opportunity to find him instead of sitting at home never quite sure if your bf is actually where he says he is doing what he says hes doing. you don't realize the level of stress you're constantly under until it's not there anymore, you can breathe deep and not sit hunched under the weight of the world on your shoulders, carrying the burden of someone else's sins
He thinks it easy money which it’s not. Sex work requires marketing and standard business practices to be successful. And sex work tends to escalate.
Break up. It’s kinder for BOTH of you.
I love it when people are arrogantly and snarkily completely wrong.
Listen yo yourself!! Girl go leave go have an adventure, make money fall in love have fun be happy. Your parents do not have a sat in any of this. You have a plan go do it
Yes you can. You’ll be fine. It was 9 months. That’s barely a blip in your romantic history over a lifetime. There is more and better to come, once you get free of this abusive asshole.
If she does figure out your intent, lean into it. Don’t be one of those fools who tries to “throw her off the scent” and act like you don’t ever plan to propose. That will only cause her to be disappointed when you don’t propose. Instead, if she suspects, give her the proposal of her dreams. Then you can bask in the glow of being engaged.
Don’t damage your relationship for the sake of “surprise.”
Finally, I’m so happy for you. I sincerely wish you two the best.
You both wanna leave but don't have the guts to do it. Just rip off the bandaid before it gets too late or even more painful.
I tried but I love him way too much.
That's not the problem. The problem is you don't love yourself enough.
Enough to know that deserve better.
Enough to know that you will find someone that suits you better
Enough to know that you will be fine on your own for a while
Enough to know that you're strong enough.
Enough to that you can do better for yourself.
Enough to know that you deserve more from your relationship.
Well I don't think he's lying or gaslighting. If anything he's being too honest. It's reasonable to question all this, only let's ask the right questions.
She WAS the love of his life; now you are. Is that cuz he's shallow and fickle, or is he serious about relationships? Did that love end cuz after 5 years it didn't seem magical anymore – how long does any relationship last on magic alone? – or did the two of them lose the feeling for understandable reasons? And do those reasons apply to your relationship or not?
Omg THANK YOU! I constantly feel he has no emotional intelligence and I have to explain things about trauma responses and whatever. He is a baby in the body of a 44 yr old
It's a deal breaker. Especially at 18. Break up with him, go enjoy your life, and find someone who won't have you questioning their commitment to you.
Some of these comments are really disingenuous. “If he really is your soulmate he would work through it, he will support you no matter what” ” He would also be willing to move for you if he is your soulmate “
Like seriously? The same people that say that also say you shouldn't pass up such an opportunity for a guy, but they think it's reasonably to expect him to uproot his life “if he loves and he is your soulmate”. Make it make sense.
All sacrifices seems to end on him if “He wants” to make this work according to the comments, but you shouldn't be expected to make any…….
Look you're likely gonna end up with some form of regret either way. If you stay you might resent him down the line if you can't find a decent job and if the relationship doesn't workout than you're gonna regret not taking the offer as well. Now if you do take the offer and your relationship ends, he might end up being the “one that got away” and you're gonna be wondering on what if's etc.
Frankly I would not pass up on such a career position if I were you, but some of the advice you been given is disingenuous and not really fair on your partner.
well, I guess ive been schooled.
How old were you when you met?
A friend of mine is currently in a relationship with a girl who rejected him before getting into a relationship with him(3 months after rejection). They completed one year of their relationship recently.
She right now makes a big deal but you don't believe her. It seems like the issue is not even in baby weight or thyroid pills, but that you just don't respect your wife enough to trust her without questioning.
Pluss, you really think one pill a day is a good reason to doubt her? Do you realize that the amount of pills does NOT represent the amount of 'work' pill does. Moreover, it means the pill is stronger, if it only takes one a day.
She’s made the situation awkward….and now you’re the one in an awkward position.
I’d be direct. “Hey, we probably should have brought this up sooner, but the three of us need to get together to talk about your plans for moving out.”
Listen to what she has to say.
If she thinks everything is peachy, you can tell her that there some issues, we still love you, and we need our space.
It was just an intimate online friendship, nothing serious. That’s why it was so easy for me to open up.
this guy sounds like a jerk.
Putting you down is a part of her character. You can't have all the good parts without her shitty attitude. You don't get to cherrypick.
Friend, she is NOT the one.
Find someone whose toxic trait is something harmless like collecting too many houseplants or something else you can deal with.
A partner is supposed to be a safe person.
Get 1-1 with him and gradually escalate physical contact and see how he reacts