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Languages: en
Birth Date: 1981-03-18
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
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Subculture: subcultureHousewives
You need to say something. Don't kiss him unless you want to kiss him. He is an adult, let his dental neglect have marital consequences. Are you willing to spend the rest of your marriage with a man you don't want to kiss? If this is a deal breaker to you tell him so. Put the onus of his dental hygiene on him.
That is totally okay, but I think a majority of people would think otherwise. In the context of a relationship, you have to talk about these things and compromise (or break up).
Why would it be wrong coming from you? It still the right thing to say, and if it leads to him stopping contact with both of you it's still for the better for him
Maybe the guy just wants to go to work and not deal with getting hit on? This is advice we give men all the time, and if he were writing in, many of us would be telling him to knock it off, because it’s really not appropriate workplace behavior. I’m not sure why you think it would not apply to you- but mixed signals or not: he doesn’t seem interested in pursuing anything beyond the flirting: and personally, I wouldn’t encourage it.
For anyone that’s at all curious, I had a mutual friend update me that this “whisper” guy is some rando guy she met that lives across the country and is flying to our area next month. Lol it hasnt even been a month yet and she’s already not only talking to this guy but he’s meeting her. I guess that does show her true colors.
Maybe he has a friend from the same interest groups to whom he can introduce you. Nothing creepy but you could ask your friend later on to go with her and him to one of the interest group gatherings.
I think you should decorate and have fun with it and go all out. When she sees how much fun you’re having, she’ll join in. If she doesn’t, at least you had fun. I did this approach at work and eventually everyone joined in and it was amazing!
I hate the concept “boys will be boys” because it’s an excuse for ignoring the suffering of girls. Have you considered going wild and being absolutely unbearable to be around the next time your brother is there? Don’t be the considerate polite young lady everyone is accustomed to.
Your priority is to be there physically and emotionally for your mum OP. That's all that matters now. If she cabt deal with that you're better off without her.
She sounds like a small child, not a real adult. Maybe date more independent people in the future.
Well, in the case mentioned above, he could have easily stepped away from the friend and said “not cool”. He could also call his friend after the fact and discuss what happened and that he would like it not to happen, when he’s in a relationship.
I know, I am going to get downvoted to hell (again), as my opinion on the matter doesn’t really match with the vast majority of the sub, but I’m actually with your boyfriend. I find the notion of being ‘disrespectful’ to a partner a little weird. I could see how rambling on about the person’s previous partners might fall into that category, but I’ve always struggled with…what needs respecting there. The partner’s exclusive claim to someone’s body? To never make the partner feel secondary to a friend? To me, cheating is disrespectful and if that happens, I will terminate the relationship, but the vague notion of a partner’s claim(?) that needs to be respected, is one I struggle with.
However it does mean, I am not the right partner for everyone and that is perfectly fine. No issue at all. The only thing I get annoyed with, is if my partner refuses to drop the situation after the discussion and tries to enforce their take via being passive aggressive, nagging, etc, so I would strongly advise you to figure out where you actually stand.
This is why she needs safe words. She should pick a word that she wouldn’t normally say. A common safe word is “Yellow” to mean slow down, dial things down a bit, check in with me. Then “Red” to mean stop all play immediately and untie me.
After the honeymoon phase is when people's true colors come out. No more trying to impress each other, no pretenses, no more holding back thoughts, etc. If you are compatible, you enter a deep companionship, full of trust and love. If you are not compatible, you just get bored of each other or start fighting and getting resentful.
After the honeymoon is when the real relationship starts.
Honestly, the grass is greener where you water it.
Having said that: if you’re looking at your husband and wondering if there’s someone better out there, and wanting that “brand new relationship” feeling all the time, you’re never going to be satisfied with anyone. I’ve been married for a year and my husband and I have been through a LOT. Our relationship has changed and grown, because we’ve changed and grown as people. I adore my husband. I think he’s sex on a stick. There’s no better husband or dad anywhere. But- and this is a big but- I’m not feeling all those new relationship feelings. Which is okay, since that’s not what long term love is about.
And frankly, live dating is a cesspool no matter what age you are. I’m not sure where you’ve gotten the idea that it’s romantic. I met my husband online, without an app we never would have met, but I had to sort through a lot of bullshit to get there and I actually gave up for a few years before I met him. You’re 28. In a lot of ways, that’s very young. But in a lot of others, it isn’t. The “better guys” you think are out there- and I say this as someone who’s in my late thirties- are mostly married or in long term relationships by now. If you broke up with your fiancé tomorrow and you got really lucky, you’d eventually find someone who loves and cares for you 100%, who you can be entirely yourself with.
If you’re not fully committed to this man and fully in love with him, you owe it to him to let him go. You both deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with you.
I think the fact that he was willing to drop it certainly hints at (but does not confirm) that it is platonic.
I had one friend in college that was like this and even though I don't personally like it I let it go for a long time simply because I knew that was who she was and how she liked to express joy, friendship, etc.
The key thing here is he heard your concerns and is respecting them. It sounds like he just wants to be clear that he doesn't think what he was doing was wrong. It's important to understand that because it changes the perspective of his previous actions. If he thought it wasn't okay and was doing it anyway, that's disrespectful. By being clear he doesn't think it's inherently problematic, he's saying he wasn't trying to disrespect you or the relationship.
I'm just baffled that people are ok being filthy. Is it really such a big deal to ask someone to wash their sheets once/twice a month when I come to visit or to change them with me when I do? Even my gyno said the lack of hygiene he has is a health issue to me & filthy. For my own health that needs to change. God forbid I look after myself and refuse to associate with something I feel compromises my health. Yikes. The bars in hell. To you this isn't a big deal. To me it is. Differences of opinions and lifestyles at work here. Your perspective is right to you and mine to me. I won't lower mine.
We can agree to disagree.
Definitely doesn't sound like he's hiding anything, some people are just super awkward and can't function too well in these kinds of subjects.
That's a good way to think about it. And yes my attorney advised me to not say anything until she's served. This is because she might have an episode and somehow make me look like the bad guy
You can get a silicone ring size adjuster for like $5. You asking for a new ring instead of fixing yours is a little weird. Him telling you to wear a man’s ring that his ex bought is weirder.
It's not in-your-face misogyny but I'm sure you can see that the tradition of the wife taking the husbands last name (at least in the West, I don't know how other cultures handle last names) is, at the very least, a patriarchal structure that is rooted in misogyny.
If this was the mother being upset, is it still misogyny?
Women can be misogynists (or defend patriarchal culture) as well. Just like how men can be misandrists.
What does the word mean at this point
A lot of people use the term to just describe contexts that are misogynistic in nature. Just because someone says doing so-and-so is misogynistic, doesn't mean they're calling the person a woman beater. That commenter clearly thinks the grandfather sees women as less than men, but to be a bit charitable he could hold those views on last names for a number of different reasons. But he's still engaging with a patriarchal structure. It's still misogyny. Doesn't mean he's a bad person but it's worth calling out.
Stop having sex with her, she’s clearly trying to get pregnant
I think you mean EX-gf
We really have great communication and understanding of each other and fit so well together so it’s just really hard that this one thing is so hot to communicate and understand to get through it.
It's probably important for you to be reminded of one of life's truisms, and that is that “women dress for other women”. She's almost certainly wearing makeup to the club because her friends are wearing makeup to the club and she doesn't want to be the one natural outlier. This likely has most to do with peer pressure from her friends than any desire to be more attractive to other men.
> I get frustrated with our lack of physical intimacy and it pushes me away and makes me feel more distanced. She gets frustrated with the other issues in our relationship and makes her not want to have physical intimacy with me. It's a continuing cycle that is causing us to feel less and less like we're an in love married couple and more like we're cohabitating and coparenting together. I want us to get back to some semblance of passion and romance for each other.
You need to sit down with her tell her exactly what you said here. You may not be able to fix the problem, but you can alleviate the stress it causes together.
She had an emotional affair so you immediately started fucking other people had a physical relationship for months. This marriage is dead. You should have tried to save it before you used the break to one up your wife and start fucking other women.
It’s honestly pretty rapey. That’s the vibe I got anyway, like he wants her to not want sex while he has sex with her? Like he has to convince her. It’s friggin gross.
Your cheating is horrible, but you own up to that and some couples do manage to get past it.
It is the kids issue. When when is so dead set against having kids, it's doomed right from the start. You need to be on the same page on that. This I know.
Let him go find someone who does want kids. The heartbreak for you will fade but the regret of not having kids will be a heartbreak that will never go away.
Girlie, please reread.
He can be bummed or mad or fighting the air, but she didn’t trap him. He willingly didn’t use protection.
He is also the issue. She can be bananas, but he signed up for the circus.
So now you’ve got options: get a paternity test and sign up to, or leave this man who’s the clowniest clown of them all for not using protection in the first place.
Personally when I see someone changing themselves for someone else I go “wow that’s sad, I hope they can find validation within themselves one day.” The fact that she’s trying not to change means she is trying to be her own person and all you can do is whine about it. You can set boundaries about talking about exes, but she already explained that she gave way too much of herself away before. And now you want her to do it again? Just for you?
On your teeth. Not under your skin. It's literally a brace that comes off eventually.
This is a completely weird request, especially coming out of the blue. Do not agree to it. Even weirder is how he's been acting afterwards.
Wait until you're both home and talk about what's going on in person. This is not a conversation to have on a lunch break.
First, your value isn’t based on your looks. You have to know this sounds horrible. You actually priced out the most he’s spent on dinner? Is he kind? Are you in a committed relationship? Does he treat me well? And. What have you done for him?
That’s his choice. If you’re that concerned, contact his friends family or even police.
And then they say „not all men“, but enough men so every girl has a story. It‘s horrifying.
If she’s that miserable, then you two need to go your separate ways so she can live that life.
I prefer open relationships & non monogamy personally so this is not me judging it. But I can say for sure that if you are not in this and want this just as much as she does and force yourself to go through it, you will regret it.
Women often have decent luck with open relationships & you think you can make yourself be ok with it now, but how will you feel when she has dates through the week & you’re at home knowing she’s having dinner & sex with a new fresh exciting situation? It can be challenging for some that DO enjoy this dynamic so imagine how that’ll feel to you, who doesn’t even want it?
I’ve had great success with open relationships but that’s because I navigate it from a place of want with partners that enjoy it just as much.
It does not work when both people are not all in.
Hopefully op isn't in America cos police have killed people when they went to a welfare check call
OP, you must speak up. It may not seem to do any good in the moment, but C is losing friends and now she's going to start losing family. It's time.
Call her and ask her to meet you one on one for coffee in a public place, to discuss what you had talked about at that event. Tell her that you're worried she's being indoctrinated into hate. Tell her you won't be a part of it, and you won't support it even as much as seeing her partner. Tell her you'll always care about her, and if she ever wants to get out, she can come to you. But you won't go to any place where her partner lives, and you won't see him anymore, and you're going to tell your entire extended family this. Ask her to reconsider her relationship and don't waste your energy arguing iwth her. Just tell her this is how it's going to be and she can decide whether or not she wants to bring the children to visit you.
I'm sorry about this, but this is really the only thing you can do, besides telling the entire extended family what they told you.
Not necessarily. I know that I likely won’t stay single forever if I leave, I don’t want to hurt someone else, and if I’m that messed up in the head, do you know the saying about people who deserve each other so that they’re saving the rest of the dating pool? If I want him so bad i guess the only one getting hurt is me vs me hurting other people and him hurting other people.
Obviously it’s delusional but if you couldn’t tell my opinion of myself isn’t exactly at at all time high anymore.
Not necessarily. I know that I likely won’t stay single forever if I leave, I don’t want to hurt someone else, and if I’m that messed up in the head, do you know the saying about people who deserve each other so that they’re saving the rest of the dating pool? If I want him so bad i guess the only one getting hurt is me vs me hurting other people and him hurting other people.
Obviously it’s delusional but if you couldn’t tell my opinion of myself isn’t exactly at at all time high anymore.
? you have deduced he has a addiction from this huh. Lmfao ???
Absolutely not.
I'm going through a name change myself having recently being married, and it's such a pain as you well know. If I were in your position, there's no way on earth I'd subject myself to this 3 times willingly.
Like you said, if he wants to change it so bad, he can do it himself by marrying you properly.