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There's a saying that might apply here. Step dad's get all the responsibility with none of the authority, and step mom's get all the authority without any of the responsibility.
It honestly doesn’t sound like he’s cheating. There are multiple plausible explanations for why the clothes were there and you didn’t find anything in his phone.
Nope….sorry….that sort of “if-you-really-loved-me”-leverage is pretty close to
“emotional blackmail”. Your SO is having issues with your family. Got it.
That does NOT automatically make it a “me-or-them” situation.
Don't make it one nor have it dictated to you.
I agree with a lot of what you say . I just get tired of wasting time on people that are fake.This day and age they are really good at playing games as morels and honestly seam to be no existence these days. I just don't want to keep building walls every time I played. My fault to wear my heart on my sleeve. But when I take my time and not move fast I'm the jerk or not trusting enough. Lol. Just seems like a thing that people really don't want . Or they just wait for the next best thing.
Thank you for suggesting. I want to work on myself, and want to read your story. I tried looking through your posts, but didn’t find it – can you please share it, maybe in PM? Thank you
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate how reasonable it is, I’ll take it on board, it’s really thoughtful and communicating my intention in this situation would’ve been very wise, thanks a lot.
info: are there political differences between the sides of your brother’s family? or religious? or class? these underlying issues could cause divides as a new person enters the family, even if that person isn’t driving divides themselves. a fresh set of eyes can open others for better or worse.
Harsh reality:
The “therapists won’t actually help you” narrative is not true except for exploitative therapists who can get sued for doing such (malpractice) and is for people living in fear/hiding from trauma (usually from childhood). The only people I’ve come across who use this excuse are avoidant of therapy because they actually have so much internal sh!t built up it feels to them if they go then they will never “get out”.
The “when we were younger and everything was newer” narrative for lack of emotional/sexual growth is for idiots/jerks. Every day there’s something new about your partner. You just stopped caring to notice.
I’d at least get a lawyer lined up, just in case. To me, seems like you’re most likely headed to divorce ‘cause you’re naive to the fact that an emotionally avoidant husband has likely been shoving down rather than working through issues all these years as he’s been letting you believe.
A boyfriend is not a project. You are throwing money at this man under the assumption that you’ll somehow magically make him a better person? How does wasting hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars on hotels increase his potential of not being an asshat? How does it improve his life or yours?
He is trying to get you to “lock him down” because he is such a naked commodity.
But he's not. He is a deeply insecure person who feels inadequate, and so makes up for it by bragging about how wanted he is. He is not wanted.
You tell John he's got 2 weeks to break up with her unless her dog dies or she got her final exams or some serious reason to delay. They might just have had a row and now he's changed his mind now.
Wait a month after him breaking up with her before you have sex becuse if he goes back you'll end up as mistress by default. Tell Bob you have feelings for an ex and want to take it slow.
GENITALS! That’s the non-gendered word I was looking for. Now to get the awkward conversation over with
Go to therapy op.. if u think its friendship, u know its not, u are just scared to be alone.
Stop being a doormat and get help
Doesn’t drink/smoke or do any drugs. As far as I know….?
Lack of financial literacy is a relationship killer. Maybe look into whether the two of you can take a financial literacy class together. If she doesn't know how to save or budget you've got no future with her. Differences in attitudes about money cause more divorces than any other reason.
Honestly, I think this a horrible idea. Recording someone comes off as weird unless it’s to catch them doing immoral or illegal things. Being an asshole can just be played off as “Oh, person X is just how they are!”
You have to actively accept people's choices now or they see you as an enemy. We have painted ourselves into this corner with the ridiculous amount of “acceptance” we demand.
Yeah the comment about his 6 year old had me side eying her. That's his literal child, and he should know what she said about his child.
I feel it was presumptuous of him to assume she would leave behind her animals, but I have to say that is a lot of pets. And depending on what kind of place they wanted to move into, I would be overwhelmed having that many animals living with me in a small/medium sized house.
It's completely alright to break up due to these incompatibilities.
Nah I get OP. She clearly feels like he's trying to naked which in her mind equals to forcing himself/depriving himself. He might really be happy to be like this or he might be doing it out of pure fear.
Wow, sorry for how long this ended up being! Feel free to skip it if you don't have the bandwidth.
You say it's completely fine if she's just too busy. But actually, it isn't fine. If it was, you would have forgotten about this after you asked about it the first time. You didn't accept her explanation, because it doesn't solve the issue that you need more contact from her. What you really mean is:
“You've been communicating with my very little lately, and that is not meeting my needs as a partner. If that's happening because something is wrong in your life, then I can make space for it and be supportive of you. If it's happening because of an issue in our relationship, then I want to work on that with you. But you're saying that's not what's happening. That leaves me indefinitely unfulfilled, and makes me feel unimportant to you. If there's really no causation here, then I really need you to find some more time to interact with me.”
I think it's tempting to talk about your own needs in a way that makes it sound like you're just thinking about the other person. I think that's what your message to her does, and I don't think framing it that way is productive. I think advocating for yourself here isn't just reasonable, but also brings you closer to a solution:
What if she honestly doesn't know the reason? She's telling you everything she knows, which is nothing, and all you're asking for is something she can't give you. So you're no closer to a solution.
Another possibility is that she DOES know why she's talking to you less, and it's because she's not invested in the relationship anymore. An honest person would just say that, and it shouldn't be on you to dig it out of them, but here we are. So if you frame it as selfless concern for her, you're not really giving her space to show you where her priorities are. If you turned that focus to yourself, you'd get to see very clearly whether she cares to make an effort and meet your needs.
With all that being said… I'm not in your shoes obviously. Even if I was right about everything, I can't say whether you can still go back and tell her these things, or whether it can help. If not, I'd say the onus is ultimately on her. If she can't meet you halfway, maybe she's not the one.
What makes us fundamentally incompatible if our only incompatibility is my nervousness at having children? I do want them I’m just nervous
No Idea, but having puremints in your mouth while you go down can have awesome or terrible repercussions.
You are absolutely right in that he should have discussed studying elsewhere with you beforehand. There are two people in this relationship. However, I think you are both in an LDR for a reason. Usually, people do LDR to have a low-key minimum effort kind of relationship. His actions confirm that and that he doesn't see you as a priority in his life. He's just not in that headspace, and moving further away means at some point you'll drift apart and he might only drop you when he finds someone else to have fun with.
I think you want different things and are at different stages in life. It's okay to let him go and pursue his dreams. There's no need for you to sit back as his back up plan. You're not engaged nor living together, so the stakes are low. Also, someone who is into you would have made time to see you much more often than 1-2 times per months regardless of the circumstance. He's holding you at arm's length and he's not that into you.
As a final note, if LDR makes you uncomfortable, why not respect your own needs and not date a man who lives 2 hours away? Just honour needs. Your needs count. YOU count.
girl he’s 35 acting like he’s 16 ?? too old to be acting like this i’m sorry
it would feel like she was a wife that would be “obedient” to her husband
You see her point?? I don’t even know where to start with this. There is NO POINT. Her premise is the foundation of a DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship! A relationship is team work while she made it adversarial.
Look, you think, like really believe, that being a people pleaser is ultimately a good thing. You have good intentions so what is wrong with that? No conflict is good. But you’re so wrong. People pleasing is to know the difference between right and wrong and still be convinced to do wrong. While you feel like you’re a good person trying to do right, your conflict avoidance makes you morally compromised.
You know what is right here. So stand up for that.