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welcome to my room honey
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welcome to my room honey
You need some friends of your own ⚠️ ? ?
Hit me up ?
That is incredibly creepy. He sounds like a predator imo.
Yeah. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and only 2 years younger than OP, but I’m no where near ready for marriage, my partner even less so. BUT we’ve at least seriously discussed the future and have a general timetable of how we want things to go. Especially since I want to cohabitate for a good year, maybe two, before I get that ring.
Exactly. What’s the issue, sounds like a normal bonding session between two brothers.
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And that’s fine. However, my actual point is that once it’s been established that the bf and the cat don’t vibe, then they should never have to interact again. Don’t blame the bf for not liking her cat, you blame the gf for constantly making her bf have to deal with her cat, WHEN SHE KNOWS THAT HE DOESNT LIKE IT ALREADY
For background, cause I know it might be asked about and I’m sorry it’s so long.
I come from a divorced household, young parents. situation where the kids raise the parents type deal except they were both incredibly unhealthy and toxic in their own ways, pretty much polar opposites too. dad is Muslim, mom is atheist, black, white, you get it. Dad was toxic in bigoted ways, homophobic and misogynistic mainly. He was a serial cheater and I’ve never truly forgiven him for breaking my mothers heart. I’ve always seen him with a good heart just raised around years and years of toxic black masculinity which he passed to my brother. My mom was toxic mentally. Very emotionally abusive, bpd, yells a LOT and has this just absolute ability to tear down any self esteem one might have in themself. They separated when I was four and FINALLY divorced when I was 12. At 11 mom had gotten pregnant with twins by an old flame who divorced his wife for cheating. I never truly got along with her baby daddy and now husband. I was a bit of an asshole in my teenage years and I am so ashamed of how bad I got but even now I know it was just a sad girl looking for help. I’ve always maintained that I was going to be the person for my sisters that I so desperately needed when I was them.
I ended up getting my own apartment when I was 17 and graduated and moved out as soon as I could. My mother was emotionally abusive and my brother was allowed to be physically abusive towards me and I wanted to get the hell OUT. From the moment I moved out of her house for good I’ve been dedicated to rewriting the unhealthiness that my parents instilled in me. I force my self to be aware of my toxicity and do all that I can to work towards being the healthiest and most productive person I possibly can be. I’ve gone in and out of therapy, have gotten psych evals to see if I inherited her bpd (I did and am now on medication for it), if you ask anyone of my friends or partner now about me they’d tell you I’m always telling people that growth is not linear, to allow yourself to feel your emotions in order to let them go, and pushes for healthy and productive communication, communication, communication.
but they never let me move forward, they never let me escape the person I was, and even more the heightened person of who I was which they see me as. i used to HATE myself for who I was as a teenager but I had to forgive myself in order to grow and be better. it’s like they won’t forgive and forget. I’ve cried and apologized for who I was. our relationship now is so bipolar, it depends on the day and whether or not she wants to antagonize me for something I did today or six months ago. Four months ago I finally worked up the courage to go NC and blocked both mom, husband, and brother. within a week my mom was in the hospital suffering a blood clot in her lungs. I blamed myself and unblocked thus continuing relationship.
But I can’t do this anymore. I just want to live a happy and healthy life but they refuse to let me. They refuse to be healthy themselves. my father has gotten help, he has fixed his toxicity. He has made amends for his ignorance and bigotry and shows shame for being the person he was. My mother has never, and at this point I don’t think she will ever. She’s a classic narcissist and I think it’s near impossible for them to see the flaws in their ways – unless they want to. I thought almost dying would be a wake up call but NOPE. I feel I will never be the healthiest person i can be when she has this raw ability to make me feel so small over and over again and bring me back to the brink of that hurt and angry person I once was and am so scared of going back to. All my family is just psychologically fucked from years of bad parenting but I feel like the only one dedicated to stopping the tradition of using bad mental health as an excuse to be an asshole.
I typically call him by his first name when speaking with him. I guess this is mostly for introducing him to new people (e.g. “This is my mother's husband, [NAME]”).
Are you entitled of knowing what the scars are – No
Do you want to know – yes
Is he forthcoming with answers when asked? No
Then leave it alone, stop asking, stop bringing it up.
When and if he's comfortable with sharing he will.
Leave it alone…
Because honestly you are marking it more uncomfortable to share by you asking for an explanation or answer.
And he may take even longer to open up about it.
Even if your bf is a qualified psychologist, he should never diagnose you because of your beliefs and experiences simply because no psychologist is allowed to treat a partner or family member. This is obviously doubly true for someone who is not a psychologist, and attempts to diagnose someone. His attempts to tell you you have a mental illness because of spiritual experiences is plain wrong and dangerous. If he truly believes in science then he would know that attempting to tell someone that they have a mental illness without using scientific methods to establish that is not scientific.
Your bf is simply attempting to make you believe and act on what he believes. He is controlling and manipulating you. This is itself not healthy behavior on his part. And is a sign that you are not in a healthy relationship. He has no right to tell you you are crazy or insane or mentally unhealthy: only a professional can decide if you have mental health issues. Tell him this and ask him to stop controlling and manipulating you. Make this a strict boundary. You have mental health professionals you can go to, you do not need his armature opinion. If he continues trying to control you, you may want to reevaluate your relationship for your own mental health.
Please think about this seriously. Do you want to be with a person who makes you doubt yourself constantly? Who belittles you? And tells you you are “crazy” all the time?
Can't make a castle out of garbage. You should get rid of these two losers.
So we’re currently seeking therapy and a re- evaluation from a doctor for his anger issues + meds. He was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, OCD, and Bipolar when he was younger. Long story short, he got the diagnosis as a child but was never given and medication as a child due to neglect and/ or therapy. Now it’s like we have to figure his whole brain out. He knows when he gets mad at me or anything it’s wrong, and he needs help. But with the dog it’s a whole other level of anger and stamina. It’s like he doesn’t even believe in animal abuse, just that it’s the norm and what should be done. It baffles me because he knows right and wrong in other situations but when it comes to he dog he’s blindsided. I’ve told him we need to get rid of the dog ( ? I hate thinking of doing that, I love copper so much ) but it seems the best option for the poor pup.
Yea so she didnt TELL you, and had no intention. Shes playing you, this may not be the first time. Shes sorry bc u caught her not bc she cheated. You will not be able to trust her again, time for her to go.
Girl be honest. The man who came to my games and fixed my scrapes. Who loved me when he didn’t have to. If my dad the bio is not. He is more like a friend. That how I feel. Coming in when I don’t need you is not for me that was for him. Congratulations op. I know people won’t approve but be true to yourself
It's really up to you.
It probably is the right thing to do if your reason is to warn this other woman so she doesn't have to go through the same bullshit. If it's all about revenge than don't.
That said, I don’t need or want any further drama. I don’t want anything to do with these people. Cutting all contact and moving on would be healthier I guess.
But if all this is too much for you, it's ok to not do it! Gotta look out for number one.
Here is a life lesson, OP: you can’t change the person you’re dating