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Stop having sex with him. Stop dating him.
He does not care about you or your body. He does not respect you.
If your sexual partner isn’t making sure you’re comfortable and having a good time, they aren’t a person you should have sex with, much less date.
I thought about this too. Boy wouldn't it be awkward if OP was in all the time, then did something dumb, and was out.
he’s manipulating you get out
My father wanted a son….. six daughters later my mother was incredibly ill(was told not to have more after the 3 child), had to have an emergency hysterectomy. While I am kind of glad (I am 5 of 6) and my mother loved all her girls, it is antiquated to need a son to carry on.
He does so many things that I told him multiple times that I don't like.
he doesn't want to spend time with me as much as I do and he doesn't show any effort in our relationship he isn't supportive at all, sometimes I feel like he enjoys me being hurt by other people he doesn't show any type of intimacy, and he always shuts every door I try to open in order to connect more with him he ghosts me a couple of days with no explanation he's not open enough with me and sometimes he's not honest he hates when I tell him my negative emotions or any negative experience I've had in my daily life (not only our relationship)
Every time I tell him about one of these things he starts playing the victim.. I started hating him for that. These are a couple of things I suffer with, it makes it impossible to connect with him on a deeper level, I have a deeper connection with my good friends than him, and it hurts me that I am the one who always makes the effort while having nothing in return.
This post pisses me off to no end.
I was able to convince my friends I didn’t cause it fully
I don't know the context of what happened, but the fact that you “convinced” them means you know you're in the wrong. You just don't want to be 100% wrong.
I didn’t want to hit him or yell at him so I played the silent game and he has been despondent. He tried to communicate his feelings but I still held my ground until he gave in and apologized.
Why the hell is he the one apologizing when YOU'RE the one being immature. OF COURSE HE'S DESPONDENT because YOU'RE not allowing for communication to happen!!! You're controlling the conversation by stonewalling (which is an abuse tactic!) and then you expect him to apologize for your actions???? You're doing this on purpose.
My mom demeaned him further for my personal issues and I stayed silent.
Why is your mom even involved in this. Why are you letting her blame your boyfriend for your issues, let alone demean him? Oh right! Because you can't communicate and handle a relationship healthily, and instead of communicating your personal issues together as a couple, you have “convinced” a 3rd party to further push your control on the relationship dynamic.
He came to me and said he wanted to talk about his feelings but I still held my ground and said I don’t want to talk about it.
Again, you're hurting him on purpose until he takes aaaall the blame.
I admit I did nothing and I enabled my mother to shit on him even though he did nothing and I ignored his needs. It hurted hearing that but my bf probably said that impulsively so I forgave him.
But did YOU APOLOGIZE to him?? You owe him an apology, NOT FORGIVENESS. This man is distressed because no matter what he does, he cannot make you happy.
How can I help fix my bf’s mental health.
By breaking up with him in a respectful two-way conversation!! In another post you say you're “keeping him”– he is not an object for you for your pleasure and sense of security.
You need to continue therapy treatment until you unlearn these behaviors. He needs to go to therapy after all the shit you've put him through and so he can learn healthy attachment management that don't involve toxic people such as yourself.
It is a partner's job to come for you come for me in the comments if you want I don't care that is their job now I'm not saying to constantly blow up their stuff and leech on to them cuz don't do that but support is required that's basic relationship stuff now if she's not getting it you need to really just text call whatever and let her have it like I need this support from you you are not giving it to me why are you not willing to because I have asked politely and nothing so wtf
“He’s still friends with his ex-girlfriend (f29) who he was engaged to.”
This is the root of your problem. WHY is she still around?? She needs to GO. Some relationships involve an ex being a friend and they go on to on-line merrily ever after. It is very apparent that this ain’t it.
It shouldn’t take you telling him that was wrong, for him to know that was a very disrespectful thing for him to say. He wouldn’t be apologizing if he didn’t think so.
I don’t know how else to fix this, because I’m sure in the back of your mind you will always think about how he said his ex was prettier.
All those things sound like completely different issues than the one in your post. It seems like you might've latched onto this friend non-issue as a bit of a misdirect from the actual issues in your marriage.
You should stop communicating with him. It’s making you upset and there’s no benefit to it. It’s over.
This is the most levelheaded comment I’ve seen as it makes no one uncomfortable but still shows her relationship is important to her. Also gift giving can have many intents behind it – so I think it’s kind of up to the girlfriend to beside when it is being taken too far
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I (18f) found out a 3 months ago that my dad (54m) is having another kid with my stepmom Laura (33f).
This all happened when I was staying at my dad's since I only visit him twice a month. Laura and my dad sat me down and told me they were expecting, which I didn't think much of since I've never been close with Laura. I asked if they'd thought of any names and Laura said she would let me know when they found out the gender of the baby.
About two months later when I was on Skype with my dad, he told me that they were expecting a girl. I wasn't exited but I wasn't unhappy for them either, it's just one of those things I wasn't really sure how I felt. I asked if they'd picked a name and Laura interrupted and said they'd be naming her “Lilly”. (my name is “Lilianna” and I go by Lilly for short)
I guess my face must have said it all and my dad started saying “it's just a name, two people in one family can have the same name” and “Lilly and Lillianna are completely different names”.
After that I just ended the call and didn't visit my dad that weekend. I've talked to my mom about it and she agrees it's weird of my dad to be okay with this and understands why I'd be upset with this. I have since cut contact with my dad and haven't answered any of his texts or calls for a few weeks.
Laura has tried to get in touch with me through FB, saying that I'll always be my dad's first child and he'd never replace me. So why did they pick exactly the same name as mine?. My grandma (dad's mom) is blaming Laura for this drama and is suggesting I should contact my dad to sort this whole thing out. My dad wasn't there for me during my younger years so this feels like he's having a new baby to replace what he missed.
Is it my responsibility to sort this out when we have never been close and he's basically trying to replace me with a new baby?.
Tldr Dad is naming my half sister the same name as me and family are saying its not a big deal and it's just a name. I feel replaced and don't want to contact my dad. Grandma says I should.
For everyone asking, I have my mom's last name since my dad left when I was two months old and didn't get on contact with me until I was 13 yrs old, just before he married Laura. He never married my mom so I got her last name.
Get an abortion and never see this cheating AH again.
Also, a 25 year old dating a 19 year old? While your CURRENT age gap is fine, a 25 year old dating someone who hasn't finished college and is barely out of high school is creepy territory.
Wendy is going to stalk you. You may want to be extremely clear.
You will also want to tell your girlfriend because Wendy is going to tell her you have been cheating on her.
You have sorta a major issue here.
So they kissed twelve years ago and have both completely moved on? What’s the problem?
She will eventually. She’ll probably be wondering if she’s sent pics like this before etc. us women tend to overthink things.
i know he has a family history of prostate issues but i don’t know if he’s on medication or anything. that’s interesting though i didn’t know that was possible!
He wasn’t surprised to find out you were under 25. That was his goal…..
The two of you are partners. You shouldn’t be listened to just because you are the “father and breadwinner”. The two of you should talk to your baby’s pediatrician about safe sleep. The baby being in your bed can be super dangerous. Maybe try talking about putting the baby in a crib in your room. Frame it as a conversation around safety and health, not you and intimacy.
For 3 years? You are nasty not gonna lie, doing this to another person knowingly for 3 fkn years?
If you have any sense of moral left at least tell the poor woman, yes he will hate you, she will hate you, but you will save her from a horrible future. You on the other hand, I hope karma gets you.
I promise you, and anyone reading this, that your “soulmate” is not an alcoholic with mental health issues.
You’ve been through a lot. What you are experiencing is a response to the stresses and trauma of being married to an alcoholic with mental health issues. I strongly suggest therapy and looking into Codependency.
What you are describing about minding his mood and thinking about his needs is often referred to as “walking on eggshells”. There is a very helpful book called Walking On Eggshells. I recommend you read it, even if you don’t relate to the second part of the title.
You need to start focusing on yourself. What you are describing is normal for someone married to a man like the one you describe. He’s unlikely to get better. Start working on building your own life. Ideally away away from him. This is no way to on-line.
Why would you date someone who is pro-life? Genuinely curious.
it sounds to me like that’s exactly what the original comment was saying, though?
Unless you want the rest of your life to be like this, just dump him. You communicated clearly. He chose to ignore you. Not even to ignore you but to actively do things to sabotage your special day. Have a boundary in future relationships – if you are not made to feel special and cherished by your boyfriend (assuming you’ve been exclusive for 3 plus months) on your birthday and at Christmas then automatic dump. You do not need someone that nasty and selfish in your life.
After the divorce they’ll suddenly need dad to pay for college. Watch.
He probably isn't going to do anything, and he's probably just trying to make you jealous as a power move. Not that it matters in the long run though, because it's disgusting behaviour and you deserve better. Take him in your arms, hold him tight, and dispense him roughly on the doorstep before locking that mfer out
She’s worried you’ll move straight in with her and expect her to look after you like your parents do. Just because you on-line at home, doesn’t mean thru have to pay everything and do it all for you! You’re a grown adult who should be independent, not have mummy and daddy paying all your bills. You looked at one place and it fell through, so you didn’t bother looking again? What housework do you do? Do you do your own cleaning? Your own laundry? Make your own food? If the answer is no to any of them, then you need to grow tf up!
The email has his mother's first and last name
Honey I'm so sorry, he doesn't respect you that why they don't respect you,
My family disrespected my partner and hated him and I didn't speak to them for 5 years they didn't meet my daughter till she was 3.
They still don't like him, but now they just accept it because he is my family he comes first.
You need to end it with him say.
This isn't going to work for me, I've put up with this for to long, and today was finally straw for me. Any self respecting partner would of told his family where to go after the way they have treated me, I've done nothing to them or you for that matter,
You didn't even consider me for your birthday which makes me feel like I'm essentially nothing to you but your on-line in sex doll.
I'm moving back in with my mom, I don't want to hear from you anymore… this is unfixable, I need someone better.
Walk out block him everywhere and find better.
Already wasted 3 years of your life on this POS
You could go to the police and report that she stole from you if you wanna go nuclear.
Just tell her she has to pay you back though.
That’s his intent, to manipulate. At this point you know this to be the case, falling for it is a choice
Girl…this response hit HARD. You're articulated everything I've been realizing now that he's gone. And an update, he broke up with me two times in the past two weeks. I just made a post about it if you're curious. I literally thanked him for breaking up with me because I feel so much happier now. Seriously, thank you for responding ❤️
so he has a cute nickname with a cute emoji for his female friend, but didn’t even spell his girlfriend’s (you) name right?? and he’s overprotective of you having guy friends, but he can’t even cut off his female friend (whose “friendship” with her is starting to be inappropriate)?? oh , and add that with him yelling at you at the store when you confronted him about all this.
honey they both ain’t shit, break up with him and cut them both off. sounds like he prioritizes her and is treating you like a placeholder. you’re worth more than that, you deserve better. he had no right to raise his voice at you, and he certainly had no right to have a cute nickname and an emoji for his female friend but not for his gf.
She isn't aware that her bf messaged me telling me he wants to propose to her. I've been working with him on the details and hes coming in the summer. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes around my birthday, and id be so happy for her.
But she shouldn't know that to be a good friend to me. ??♀️ I made an update, it only got worse, but now it's better without her
Why don’t you suggest a threesome with another man? See how he feels then.
She’s 31. If you don’t make it clear you want to get married soon (or engaged within 1.5 years of dating) she will be single until then 🙂 hope that helps
If you actually love her, you'd want her to be happy. You do not make her happy and you've fucked up too many times and she doesn't want to be with you.
Do you actually love her? Then accept that she doesn't want to be with you and move on.
Sounds like you really only love yourself. That's why you're willing to keep subjecting her to your poor behavior.
Married 31 years here, only knew each other 3 months.