He’s abusing you. He’s not safe for you or your children to be around. Break up with him and make a decision about whether you want to raise the child without him or terminate. But those should be your only two options.
I (39m) got 50/50 custody of my daughter (17f) when I was 23 and she was 15 months old. When she was 3 her mother moved across the country to start her live! over. They have not seen each other since, they have communicated through Facebook and a few phone calls over the years. She views my wife (30f) as her mom she's been in her life since she was about 7. We have had a few very hot years her wanting to know her mom thinking it was my fault and what not. Now that she's getting older she gets it now. She doesn't really have much interest in her biological mom. Moving on with your life and protecting your daughter from the madness is the best thing you can do. Thing come together when the time is right.
Send a text or something saying when you last saw your daughter, you want her to drop your kid off at home (she can’t just take her daughter from the marital home forever over a non-violent divorce), and if she refuses you’ll be telling your lawyer. I’m not a legal expert but with written evidence I’m sure you can get a more favourable case with custody.
Super sus, optometry school is in no way stressful either compared to other healthcare professions. It looks like he even gets major holidays off, lmao so “stressful”.
He probably met someone at school and is too much of a baby back bitch to call it off with you. Even if not it’s super fucked up to not wait until after holidays to have this kind of conversation.
Exactly, and it feels like she uses that line just to hurt me, and maybe feels like I'm being critical of her parenting, which I'm not trying to be, I just care about the kids, which is ultimately all out of love for her. Idk..
I had friends who did it and honestly to be successful you need have sex. Sure their are outliers but 90% of sugar babies are having sex. My one friend said they would get competed against by other women willing to have sex which made it a lot harder to find someone who was looking for something non sexual.
The sugar baby forums on here also discuss this ad nauseam.
Are you actually married? Have you divorced her? If not, get a divorce. Take back control of your life and start living again, find someone who can help you and be honest and open with them.
She was 24 and married, but moved across country to be with your brother, who she then broke up with and started sleeping with you, who were 17 at the time?
From the rest of what you’ve written – she’s so toxic and manipulative that the best thing for you to do is RUN. Never have contact with her again and get yourself into therapy to help deal with what you’ve gone through for the past 4 years, and to help you change the toxic behaviors you’ve picked up and developed from dealing with her.
Then take the petty road, sometimes it’s necessary to get your point across and get answers in a situation. go find a male “pLaToNiC” friend and get all snuggly with him in front of your bf… watch him crack the shits with you and say the exact shit he said to you, “Like you said, it’s fine because it’s platonic, right?” ?
Honestly the age incongruity is the least red of all the flags. But you’re only asking about his age so I’ll stick with that. There’s already a significant age gap. I’ll assume you like older guys. If he was much older, then would you still want to date him? Do you have a problem with him being older or him being a liar?
I hope it's not to late before OP realizes her worth. It's not about if he will hurt you or potentially kill you but when. Get out now while you still have a chance. This is abusive behavior and will only escalate.
She gets to choose who she engages with, and how. You, however, get to choose who you are in a relationship with. You've apparently expressed your concern with the issue, and feel that you've been disregarded, so you now have 2 choices, suck it up, or move on. I don't suggest beating a dead horse, because that's just going to lead to arguments and resentment.
If you wanted to work things out, you should have talked to him about why he was acting cold towards you. Instead you cut off communications. Whatever the reason he was acting the way he was, he probably decided that you weren't interested in him anyway and let it go. It takes two to work out a problem, you just quit.
If she hasn’t already fucked him by now (doubtful, but possible), she’s done everything but. Getting to the point of asking you means she’s developed an attraction to and relationship with this specific guy of sufficient magnitude that she felt the need to act on it. Your relationship with her is already breached in every way that matters.
(i agree with the commenter who thinks her tears are a tell that she’s already gone through with it and is realizing how badly she’s fucked up here. Her house of cards is starting to topple, and she can see it.)
You are wasting your time. If add really wanted you. She would be dating you.
You should tell her that as much as you appreciate she’s not ready, you are looking for a relationship. Tell her that you are ending this situation but if she wants to actually date; to reach out. You are open but not staying infinity available.
1 in 10 women are diagnosed with endometriosis (a disorder that can give bad abdominal pain & the big O can actually cause pain), and there are more women with it who aren't diagnosed. I bring it up to say that there are a lot of outside factors, including health ones, that can interfere with what a woman may want to do in bed. It's not uncommon for women with endo to go weeks or months not being able to do what they want to & its terrifying when you meet someone you like & how do you bring it up to them. Whether it's this or something she's dealing with emotionally or psychologically, I think it's absolutely worth the effort to talk to her. Sit her down in a non confrontational way, say you've noticed her pull back with the intimacy & ask if everything is OK or if there is something she needs from you to help her be ready or if theres something she wants to talk about or share.
Pretty much the same response as u/AllOutofFs it’s your partner where the trust is important. Aside from that it’s the same as any other person who has a crush on them
You know you don’t deserve this. Only you know what’s best in your situation, but I was in a similar one once and it slowly rotted our relationship. I always feared his next outburst. I broke up with him.
Start with family, then. If your parents are still available, ask them if you can use a spare room while you to to get the other things figured out.
Look into your future and envision what it looks like if you do nothing, in 5, 10, 20 years. If you don't like what you see, try to envision what you want your life to be. Then hold that image in your mind, keep it fresh, and start making it real. Having a vision for your future will help reveal the right choice to make now.
My fiancé and I recently got a new apt and everything was pretty pristine and clean when we moved in. He is home more than I am so he takes on the majority of the chores. He sweeps, vacuums, wipes the counters, general pick up, unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry. I do the bathroom and the litterbox.
However, I pick up after myself and make sure to put things away. It's always super disrespectful to me to put a lot of housework on one person AND THEN expect them to do basic cleanup after you. It works out well for us and we are gettibg a good routine.
I would suggest that if he is unwilling to do chores and doesn't know when to do them unless his mother, I mean fiancée, tells him, it's fucked.
I fucking hate this sub. Addicts need support, not a partner that will leave them.
This guy is obviously having a very very hot time. It doesn't mean he isn't a great partner or is incapable of recovering. secure the funds and get the guy some therapy. In time, trust can be regained.
No it's not
You’re dense as shit ???? stop coping and actually learn something and stop defending prince kitten kicker
People like you are the reason people don’t like their partners to have friends of the opposite sex. Leave this man alone.
To you maybe. To the situation and how OP feels? Probably not. To me whose comment you responded to? Not one bit relevant.
He’s abusing you. He’s not safe for you or your children to be around. Break up with him and make a decision about whether you want to raise the child without him or terminate. But those should be your only two options.
Damn, but can you just imagine getting rejected by a cactus? My self esteem would plummet like why doesn’t that cactus wanna see me no more?
I’m so sorry to what you’re going through. I know that hollow/lonely feeling and what I can say is that it gets easier.
I (39m) got 50/50 custody of my daughter (17f) when I was 23 and she was 15 months old. When she was 3 her mother moved across the country to start her live! over. They have not seen each other since, they have communicated through Facebook and a few phone calls over the years. She views my wife (30f) as her mom she's been in her life since she was about 7. We have had a few very hot years her wanting to know her mom thinking it was my fault and what not. Now that she's getting older she gets it now. She doesn't really have much interest in her biological mom. Moving on with your life and protecting your daughter from the madness is the best thing you can do. Thing come together when the time is right.
Send a text or something saying when you last saw your daughter, you want her to drop your kid off at home (she can’t just take her daughter from the marital home forever over a non-violent divorce), and if she refuses you’ll be telling your lawyer. I’m not a legal expert but with written evidence I’m sure you can get a more favourable case with custody.
I am so sorry OP. please stay far tf away from any man who hurts you. You deserve better. Focus on building yourself! You got this
Super sus, optometry school is in no way stressful either compared to other healthcare professions. It looks like he even gets major holidays off, lmao so “stressful”.
He probably met someone at school and is too much of a baby back bitch to call it off with you. Even if not it’s super fucked up to not wait until after holidays to have this kind of conversation.
Admittedly, I do buy myself gifts and hide them in a “honey, we'd have that FOREVER”, which makes my husby laugh.
He doesn't care if I buy myself stuff and thinks the whole sneaking thing is hilarious.
Exactly, and it feels like she uses that line just to hurt me, and maybe feels like I'm being critical of her parenting, which I'm not trying to be, I just care about the kids, which is ultimately all out of love for her. Idk..
I had friends who did it and honestly to be successful you need have sex. Sure their are outliers but 90% of sugar babies are having sex. My one friend said they would get competed against by other women willing to have sex which made it a lot harder to find someone who was looking for something non sexual.
The sugar baby forums on here also discuss this ad nauseam.
Did you ask him to stop following her on twitch too?
Are you actually married? Have you divorced her? If not, get a divorce. Take back control of your life and start living again, find someone who can help you and be honest and open with them.
WTF did I just read?
She was 24 and married, but moved across country to be with your brother, who she then broke up with and started sleeping with you, who were 17 at the time?
From the rest of what you’ve written – she’s so toxic and manipulative that the best thing for you to do is RUN. Never have contact with her again and get yourself into therapy to help deal with what you’ve gone through for the past 4 years, and to help you change the toxic behaviors you’ve picked up and developed from dealing with her.
Then take the petty road, sometimes it’s necessary to get your point across and get answers in a situation. go find a male “pLaToNiC” friend and get all snuggly with him in front of your bf… watch him crack the shits with you and say the exact shit he said to you, “Like you said, it’s fine because it’s platonic, right?” ?
Maybe she actually wants to be a mother to her daughter. There is nothing wrong with that.
Thanks to those AI chat bots, I don't trust anything posted here anymore.
Honestly the age incongruity is the least red of all the flags. But you’re only asking about his age so I’ll stick with that. There’s already a significant age gap. I’ll assume you like older guys. If he was much older, then would you still want to date him? Do you have a problem with him being older or him being a liar?
I hope it's not to late before OP realizes her worth. It's not about if he will hurt you or potentially kill you but when. Get out now while you still have a chance. This is abusive behavior and will only escalate.
10 months? I have been with my wife for 17 years. Because there is no person I trust more than her.
Well that’s definitely a good first step! I hope it goes in the direction you want it to
Sounds like there is a lot of history there between them
Good luck OP
She gets to choose who she engages with, and how. You, however, get to choose who you are in a relationship with. You've apparently expressed your concern with the issue, and feel that you've been disregarded, so you now have 2 choices, suck it up, or move on. I don't suggest beating a dead horse, because that's just going to lead to arguments and resentment.
tell them both to fuck off
If you wanted to work things out, you should have talked to him about why he was acting cold towards you. Instead you cut off communications. Whatever the reason he was acting the way he was, he probably decided that you weren't interested in him anyway and let it go. It takes two to work out a problem, you just quit.
If he dies in most states, you will get his assets unless his will says other. Probably was screwed over in the past.
If she hasn’t already fucked him by now (doubtful, but possible), she’s done everything but. Getting to the point of asking you means she’s developed an attraction to and relationship with this specific guy of sufficient magnitude that she felt the need to act on it. Your relationship with her is already breached in every way that matters.
(i agree with the commenter who thinks her tears are a tell that she’s already gone through with it and is realizing how badly she’s fucked up here. Her house of cards is starting to topple, and she can see it.)
You are wasting your time. If add really wanted you. She would be dating you.
You should tell her that as much as you appreciate she’s not ready, you are looking for a relationship. Tell her that you are ending this situation but if she wants to actually date; to reach out. You are open but not staying infinity available.
1 in 10 women are diagnosed with endometriosis (a disorder that can give bad abdominal pain & the big O can actually cause pain), and there are more women with it who aren't diagnosed. I bring it up to say that there are a lot of outside factors, including health ones, that can interfere with what a woman may want to do in bed. It's not uncommon for women with endo to go weeks or months not being able to do what they want to & its terrifying when you meet someone you like & how do you bring it up to them. Whether it's this or something she's dealing with emotionally or psychologically, I think it's absolutely worth the effort to talk to her. Sit her down in a non confrontational way, say you've noticed her pull back with the intimacy & ask if everything is OK or if there is something she needs from you to help her be ready or if theres something she wants to talk about or share.
You spelt ex gf wrong
They're absolutely green with envy. It has nothing to do with you being fetishized.
Pretty much the same response as u/AllOutofFs it’s your partner where the trust is important. Aside from that it’s the same as any other person who has a crush on them
You know you don’t deserve this. Only you know what’s best in your situation, but I was in a similar one once and it slowly rotted our relationship. I always feared his next outburst. I broke up with him.
Start with family, then. If your parents are still available, ask them if you can use a spare room while you to to get the other things figured out.
Look into your future and envision what it looks like if you do nothing, in 5, 10, 20 years. If you don't like what you see, try to envision what you want your life to be. Then hold that image in your mind, keep it fresh, and start making it real. Having a vision for your future will help reveal the right choice to make now.
Please don’t bring any innocent babies into this burning house.
I agree. Is their relationship pretty relaxed?? ?
Do they kid around a lot?
My fiancé and I recently got a new apt and everything was pretty pristine and clean when we moved in. He is home more than I am so he takes on the majority of the chores. He sweeps, vacuums, wipes the counters, general pick up, unloads the dishwasher and does the laundry. I do the bathroom and the litterbox.
However, I pick up after myself and make sure to put things away. It's always super disrespectful to me to put a lot of housework on one person AND THEN expect them to do basic cleanup after you. It works out well for us and we are gettibg a good routine.
I would suggest that if he is unwilling to do chores and doesn't know when to do them unless his mother, I mean fiancée, tells him, it's fucked.
If you believe this post is real and are comparing it to always sunny that's incredibly bizarre
Thanks for all the advice people. Have a wonderful day ?
He’s cheating
I fucking hate this sub. Addicts need support, not a partner that will leave them.
This guy is obviously having a very very hot time. It doesn't mean he isn't a great partner or is incapable of recovering. secure the funds and get the guy some therapy. In time, trust can be regained.
I got to the third bullet point and said, “Throw the whole man out!”
You can do so much better than this.