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Why did you immediately jump to cheating when she got home late rather than she continued hanging out with her friends somewhere other than the bar?
So you think it's weird that your wife got a dog to keep her company but it's totally ok to abandon an animal in the forest? Yes, you should get a divorce, you are a horrible person.
Lady, seriously if your guy is willing to throw your entire relationship in the trash over that, he's not the guy you want. It doesn't matter if it was a boundary of his. It's just a hug. It doesn't matter that he told you that before. It's stupid. We are allowed as people to call out stupid things when we see them, it helps us maintain our sanity. This situation and boundary of his was stupid. You're 30 years old you can hug someone if you're probably never going to see them again. A real man wouldn't bat an eye at that. He's probably mentally underdeveloped in some way, seriously.
coo
Honestly, even the tone of your post here seems harsh. I read this internally with an extremely sharp edge to it. There's not enough information to figure out what's really going on here, but either you're rude or your boyfriend is soft. There's not really any in-between here.
Sounds like a great project to put your energy into. Is there something you always wanted for yourself you could work on too? I would worry that even in his absence you are pouring a lot of heartfelt energy into him.
I feel like for you, this is an 8. Serious red flag territory. He tested the water for treating you like crap and you went with it. So next time you’re going to try to hold your head up higher, put up some resistance, and he will “love bomb” you and throw some money at you to get you back and then he will treat you like crap again.
If she's ignoring your boundaries you need to break up with her or at least have a serious discussion where you make it clear that shit like that won't be tolerated….
No
Yeah sure in response to a date is not chase.
I don’t find this cheating and personally wouldn’t get upset, but I think this is more a boundary thing. Some female friends get dressed or hard around each other etc. and some don’t, he might think that crosses a boundary to see your friend very hot. Is it probably not rational or from insecurities? Of course, but it seems he’s not cool with you seeing friends nude, so that’s gonna have to be a conversation on where those boundaries are. I personally don’t think it’s that big of a deal unless you felt her up or something during it or touched them lol.
It's her. There's no other logical explanation esp if you've noticed jealousy. I mean, of course she's nof going to admit it.
“What if I can't get over this?” Why should you? It's over.
No.
I'd say he can move out there but not promise to be in a relationship. I feel like FWB's can turn into relationships, but not if y'all both just got out of long term ones. Lol what's the rush, tell him to just come visit you every once in a while lmao.
Again, it is inherintly alright to say this. However, you chose to drop that info after the person has already been intimite with you. You knew exactly what you were doing and can not just act like “Oh my mistake so sorry.”
Its dishonest and immature.
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He's not opposed to me having an income, but doesn't understand that I have personal needs and I would appreciate some pocket money so can can get something if I need it and don't have to ask you know…
How can I bring up separation or divorce in a peaceful way?
You can't.
You don't want to be married to him anymore, he's going to react to that however he's going to react. You cannot control other people's actions/reactions and no amount of graceful wording is going to change that.
You can try to do it kindly, in a way that you think your husband would be most receptive to it, but that's largely dependent on him and strangers on reddit aren't going to know the best way to do that.
It's best just to come out with it, if you think he's a danger to you or himself then have a friend or family member present or nearby. Stay safe.
You will be mad. Right now you are in shock but you will have a wave of anger rush over you soon be ready for that.
you are not wrong for not disclosing that you are infertile. whoever told you that did so with malicious intent
Getting pregnant did it for me ngl ?
UpdateMe!
If you care about the unborn child, help raise it then!
Why does being prolifer equates with not helping to raise the said baby? You are mixing different things here, i am prolife (with exceptions) because i believe people shoud be responsable for their actions, both the man and the woman.
This happened before you were married or even engaged. Though it's hurtful absolutely, I'm not sure I'd consider a divorce over it. It's quite different if the cheating took place during marriage, after you've said your vows and made that commitment.
Couples counseling would be the place to start.
I've been married 18 years. In your shoes, I'd be pretty devastated too. But I'd have to ask myself what kind of husband he's been since we got married. It's a grey area when you dig up a person's past. Stuff we did back in the dating stages…I can't even recall if we'd made a commitment to each other yet. It's true people do dumb things when they're young. Sounds like your wife straightened out, realized she loved only you, moved forward with engagement and then marriage. She's honored her marriage vows.
The opinion of an internet stranger: forgive her. go to therapy to figure out how. Pray. See your pastor. Work through it. At least try…she deserves that much.
You have every right to feel your pain. It is a shock and a betrayal. Letting go of past sins ESPECIALLY when a person has proven they're changed over many years of loyalty…this is so important.
We all screw up. In this situation, forgiveness and reconciliation is totally possible.
It certainly doesn’t sound you’re that into him and that you’re more into the idea of getting married. So good luck!
He can be a grown man and spend $1.19 on as toothbrush to bring over when he knows he doesn't have one where he regularly sleeps.
This…I love how she’s saying “I don’t want to change who I am”. Like what? You think you’re some social worker or humanitarian because you play with kids once a year. Places like Tijuana need actual valuable people like engineers, electrician, medical doctors or if anything, donate a pallet of food, medical supplies, schools supplies etc.
I don't read it that way – I'm reading that her ANXIETY is telling her she won't be able to travel again.
And this is a NEW thing, and she's getting treatment. You'd think the person who promised to spend his life with her would AT LEAST be willing to give it some time.
You don't deserve this man, he's literally too good for you. You've had it so perfect for so long that you are bored with paradise and want the rollercoaster that is failed relationships again.
It sounds like your “authentic self” might be a self-sabotaging fool.
This is not authenticity – this is an emotional affair wrapped up in a midlife crisis. Stop romanticising things and go to therapy.
She needs to work on her self esteem that's the only problem. You don't need couples therapy, she needs therapy.
I think the “too many expectations” is unfair BUT you may want to treat each instance going forward as a separate instance rather than making blanket statements.
I like the Commenter who said his wife asks him after 5min is there anything else he wants to say before they wrap it up?
Here is the problem. Your husband is saying that you have 'too many expectations' with him BUT he expects you to stand there while he monolgues at you.
So he has some unreasonable expectations because – this isn't a conversation.
“I understand that you want to say this stuff outload but it isn't a conversation. You're monologuing at me. Why don't you put your finding into a journal and then tell me some of the interesting tidbits?”
Well I think it’s great that you’re adjusting to being in a parental role so easily, I don’t think you need to adopt his son for that to be true or to continue.
Ew ?
Leave him alone, take all the growth and lessons you have learned about yourself and use it to be a better person than you were when he was in your life. Remember what you did to him and make sure you never repeat those mistakes because you have done so much work on yourself, going backward can only be negative for him and you.
Small update.. I had a rough day do to family matters. I wanted to watch a movie and wedding singer was there. My favorite part is hers. I’m losing my mind even more now
Yes I understand this. I dont think we both can hang around platonicaly in Europe given our past history.
Well I genuinely wanted to have a romantic relationship with her. We were together for just a month or so and so I definitely cant say I'm in love with her. I wanted to explore the relationship with her.
Calm down. OP did not do anything wrong here. Calling someone amazing doesn't automatically equate to wanting to cheat lmao